My back hit against the wall with a loud thud and a dark arm held me across the chest so I couldn't move. My ribs have been healing and a lot of the pain has gone, but being slammed up against the wall a shot of pain ripped through then as they were jarred. I looked out and into a set of dark eyes; Ranger leaned heavily onto me keeping me locked into place. I am in no means a little man, but Ranger broke no sweat in keeping me against that wall.
"I don't want to hurt you man" he said pushing against me, Ram and Binkie came out of the stairwell probably seeing everything from the camera's.
"RANGER" I heard yelled beside me
"What are you doing?" he asked me never letting up and looking into my eyes
"Going after Mays, he hurt her" I ground out
"Cal you need to rein it in and get your head on straight. What are you going to do? Think about it, you are in a leg cast and an arm cast and can barely walk. Mays see you coming after him in this condition and it will be all over" he said and I stayed quiet. The monster inside of me retracted and the adrenaline that was pumping through my veins was starting to ebb.
"This is exactly why I can't allow you to be on the streets"
When Ranger said that I came to my senses, he was right I needed to get help before I could come back to my job. I believe and know I'll always hate anyone that hurts Steph, but I can't jump up and kill every one of them. I have to allow her to fight her own battles; this is her job as much as it is mine. I need to allow her to feel safe in coming to me when she does need my help and know I won't fly off the handle.
"Get it together and do what's right" Ranger said nodding his head to the side. I looked over to where he was motioning and saw Steph standing in the door with Bobby protectively behind her. I nodded and let out a breath letting him know I had got his message and that I was ok. Ranger let go and I shook off the pain that was in my ribs, I went back over to Steph and hugged her to me.
"I'm ok" she said her hand rubbing my back sending the monster that was my anger back into its cage.
"Can I fix you now?" Brown asked from beside us and Steph groaned.
"Yes" I said looking down into blue eyes "It has to be cleaned"
Bobby sat back on his stool and waited for Steph to slide back into place on the table. He pulled up on the end of her skirt and again got the cloth he had been using. Bobby poured some clear liquid from a large brown bottle on to the cloth and pressed it against Stephanie's leg. Steph squirmed and hissed, but I held her hand like she had mine so many times before and spoke comforting words in to her ear. When Bobby got out the last bit of gravel and dirt from the cuts, he slathered her with antibiotic cream and placed large band aides on the deeper of the cuts. When he finally announced that he was done, Steph laid back and looked up at me.
"You ok?" she asked
"Yea Bomber I'm good" I told her running my fingers through the top of her hair. I was not used to caring so much for someone that it physically hurt to see them in pain or sick. This was all so new to me.
"Can we go to my place and talk?" I asked. I needed to have her alone and needed to feel her in my arms to make sure she was really ok.
"Sure" she said getting up and easily slipping off the table
"Babe" Ranger said when we passed
"Clumsy Steph strikes again" she said with a grin
Ranger hugged her and let her go. This was another thing I was going to have to come to terms with. He like the rest of the guys loved her and is scared out of their minds when something happens to her. I have to get ok with them loving her and touching her when the treat is over. I have her and love her, but so do they and I have to allow them to be apart of her life because if I don't, Steph will resent me. Making it into my apartment, I closed the door, sat down on my couch, and pulled her to sit next to me. Steph wrapped her arm around me and nestled herself into my side.
"I'm fine" she repeated
"I know just give me this, I'm learning here" I said kissing her head. We sat together in silence just feeling each others presence and getting our tanks filled with each other.
"I'm going to see Hartly" I said after a while
"Ok" she said playing with a thread from the jagged edges of the sweats that had been cut off for my cast "I think that's a good idea"
"I realize I need help with my anger" I told her and I was just now going to keep my spot on Rangers team, I saw that I needed help.
"I support you in anything you think you need to do"
"I also think you would benefit as well"
"Cal I'm ok now. When I told you everything in the conference room, I have felt so much better" she said. I saw this was going to go no where so I stopped this line of questioning. I didn't want to upset her, maybe in time she will agree to come with me.
"So what happened today?" I asked changing topics
"I had a tip that Mays liked to eat his lunch everyday in the park, so I went there, spotted him, and he spotted me. He took off running and I chased after him. I was running around walkers on the path and as I dodged an old man with a cane, I collided with a kid on a skate board"
"Steph" I said. It's incredible how much stuff she can get into. I can't think of one time something hadn't blown up or she was roughed up somehow.
"The kid's fine" she said "he got up, looked down at me, and then rode off, guess they are used to falling"
"He didn't even stay to see if you were ok?" I asked not believing you wouldn't see a woman laying there and not be courteous to see if she was ok.
"No he just gave me a look and left"
"Punk" I growled
"You are gonna have to stop that" she said twirling the thread from my thigh between her fingers.
"What?" I asked
"You can't fly off the handle every time something happens or someone says something you don't like to me, it's the nature of our jobs"
"I feel so helpless. If I didn't have these things on I would have been out there helping you and you wouldn't have gotten hurt"
"No you wouldn't have because I wouldn't have asked you to come with me. Cal I don't need you to come and flight my battles, I'm a big girl, I worked before we got together and I'm going to continue to do so now that we are together. I also needed to get away from you, Ranger, and the whole situation in the office" she said and I think I stopped breathing when I heard her.
"You needed to get away from us? From me?" I asked not understanding why she would want to get away from me. It was me she has been running to and me she has been staying by the last month.
Steph let out a long breath, I could see she was trying hard not to go off the handle herself "Yes" she said "I walked in to that meeting blind and was then told that I needed to see a therapist by Ranger. He didn't know anything that had been going on, he was gone the whole time. The only people I told was you and Bobby" she said letting that hang out there.
"Ranger was told by one of you and when I asked if you thought I should see the therapist you agreed that I did" she said
"Steph only because I saw what this has been doing and has done to you" I told her
"I had to get out of there because I felt a little betrayed by you or Bobby and hurt because you all wont believe me when I say I'm ok now. I haven't had a nightmare and I feel a lot better now after unloading"
I felt horrible hearing her say she felt betrayed by either me or Bobby, God what will she say or do if she finds out it was both of us telling Ranger about her. I know she suspects me and that's why even though we are here cuddling on the couch I can feel a distance between us. Ranger told her he had met with me last night and never revealed that Brown was there also, so I know it's me that she suspects of spilling her secret. We wouldn't ever intentionally do so just to do it; Brown never told me anything even when I told him that I knew something was wrong with her. We felt we had to talk so that we could get our little girl the help she needed.
"Steph we just want to help you" I said and she looked up at me
"Then believe me" she said and after a moment I nodded my head
After a few minutes, Steph disentangled herself from me and stood up wincing a little from the sting in her leg "you ok?" I asked
"Yea, just gotta a little pins and needles feeling going on" she said slipping her sandals on
"You going somewhere?" I asked
"Yes, I'm going to go see Bobby to see if I can get some supplies for my leg because I don't think I have any at my place and then I'm going home" She said and I jumped up from the couch, well jumped as much as I could.
"Home?" I asked coming over to her
"Yep, how else and I going to prove to you and to Ranger that I am ok? I am going back to my apartment and I'm going to sleep there" she said moving to the door
"You're not going to stay here?"
"No"
"Steph you don't have to do this" I told her
"Yes I do, you will see and for me also"
"I said I believed you"
"I know, but I have to do this" she said
Steph opened the door to my apartment to leave. I came up to her and looked down into her eyes and saw sadness there when she looked up at me. I didn't want her to leave, I wanted to hold her, love her, and have the warm fuzzies that I have been having with her. I didn't like that she was hurt by my actions even though it was needed. Steph kissed me on the cheek instead of the mouth.
"I'll see you in the morning" she said starting down the hall
"Steph if you need me tonight" I called to her
"I know" she said stepping onto the elevator