A/N this chapter is brought to you by Kim Rathbone without her the reposting of this story would not happen.

Chapter 21

Bella's POV

When I woke, for a second, I forgot where I was. I heard the shower running and remembered the night before. I took a moment to think over what I remembered, which made me smile. I had slept in his bed with his arms wrapped around me. I rolled over and looked at the clock on the table.

Jasper must be getting ready for work. As I sat up to reach for my walker, so I could stand, the water was turned off, then as I positioned the walker, so I could stand the door opened and in walked Jasper with just a towel wrapped around his waist.

I sat and stared. I had never seen him without a shirt. I know that he is a vampire and because of that he is rock hard, but looking at his chest, abs, and any other muscles that were in my view told me that this man was fit way before he was changed.

His muscles rippled as he walked. I did not know if he knew if I was awake or not as he walked to the closet to grab his clothes. Now with his back to me, I could see how his muscles on his back were just as defined as those on the front. When he dropped his towel to slide on his dress slacks for work, I gasped.

He quickly finished pulling them up and turned around.

"Darlin' did you see anything that you like?" He asked with a smirk on his face. He knew I was watching him.

"Yes," I answered backed at him blushing from my embarrassment.

"Darlin' you have nothing to be embarrassed about." He said as he sat down beside me.

"I… I have never seen the male body before," I stammered out.

"Darlin' I know I have much to teach you, all in good time. I need to get to work. Rose will be here soon to get you for your first PT. It will be an evaluation to see just where you are and where is it that you need to start so don't let it get you down if they push you during the test."

He said before kissing me and getting up to leave.

I got up showered and was getting dressed when I heard Rose enter the house. Rose came up just as I was trying to pull my sweat pants, on so she helped me finish up, then carried me downstairs where she sat me in a chair in the kitchen and asked me what I wanted her to fix for breakfast. I asked what my choices were and just chose to have a toasted Bagel and juice.

After I ate Rose got me my walker, so I could walk out to the car. The drive up to Bothell was not all that long, about thirty minutes. I hated how slow I walked, and I knew it had to be irritating to Rose being what she is and how fast she can walk.

We checked in and sat down for what seemed the longest time in my life. I don't remember ever waiting this long for an appointment. When my name was finally called to come to the back all, I could think about was what Jasper had told me that today would be an evaluation, which caused me to cringe internally.

Dr. Haines had been a sport's medicine doctor before going into physical therapy full time. He pushed and had me stretching to take measurements of my movements. It took all of forty-five minutes to get this done. Then he sat down and explained that he would go over everything, and form a plan that he would present to us the following day. I hated leaving not knowing what I was going to be doing, but he did say to bring a suit as I would be in the water for part of it.

We stopped at a mall to pick up a suit for me. Rose had to help me try one on as I just could not do it alone. She gasped when she saw the scars on the inside of my legs. I know Jasper has not seen them, and I am not sure; what was all written in my chart at the hospital. I calmly explained to Rose that I had tried to cut my veins just right so I would die. She looked at me funny; her eyes were on the scars on my wrist.

"Rose I tried more than once. The smell of the blood would make me pass out, but I always woke up. It was after my fifth try that Dad took me to the hospital and had me committed," I explained to her, so she would understand.

"Does Jasper know all of this?" She asked.

"I know he knows that I tried multiple times, but I am not sure if he knows how many and where and what I tried." I told her looking down at the floor feeling ashamed of what I had tried.

"Bella, I think it's best for you to open up to him and tell him everything. Don't hold back. I know you still have some anger inside of you; I can see the pain in your eyes," she told me this trying to sound sincere.

"Rose, I am scared to let it all come out," I told her, which was the truth.

"Bella, only you can decide when the time is right, just remember the longer you hold it in the harder it will be to let it out. I know that you don't hold me as responsible as the others, since we were not friends back then," she told me, and I nodded as I knew what she was trying to say.

After picking out a couple of suits, Rose took me to get some food. I ate in the car on the way home. It was the best burger and fries I had ever eaten, well not really, just the best in a very long time. Rose complained about the smell the whole way home saying she could not understand how I could eat that stuff, and I told her I don't know how she could drink blood. We ended up laughing as we pulled into the driveway.

"One day you will be drinking blood also so get used to the idea," she said as she opened her door.

I sat there for a few moments thinking about what she had just said. Do I still want to become like them? Do I want to be with Jasper for all eternity? He told me last night, he wanted to hold me for all eternity, but is that truly what I want now? I guess I had sat there longer than I thought as Rose came back out of the house.

"Bella, are you alright?"

"Yes, just thinking sorry," I said as I started to get out of the car.

I went and sat in the living room still thinking about what I wanted out of life. When Rose brought in a plate of food for dinner, it set me off. I threw the plate at her causing it to break.

"I can cook for myself. I am not that incapable," I yelled picking up something off the table and throwing it at her also.

From there I went on a little rant throwing and yelling. I was so frustrated and tired of people trying to run my life. When I ran out of stuff to throw, I sank down to the floor and just cried. I was still on the floor crying when Jasper came home. I think he spoke to Rose asking what happened, but I can't be sure.

He tried to hold me, but I pushed him away. He started to calm me but after a few moments, I could no longer feel his calm.

"Bella, how are you shutting me out?" He asked sounding curious.

I just looked at him then picked up the book that was beside me on the floor and threw it at him. I am not sure, how long I cried on the floor or when I was taken up stairs, but I woke in the bed sometime during the night wrapped in his arms, and I felt safe and loved. I needed to use the bathroom, so I moved out of his arms. He looked at me as to ask where I was going. I looked at him and said bathroom. My walker was not next to the bed so Jasper had to help me into the bathroom.

I would not let him stay. I was not ready for him to see all the scars, not knowing which ones he knows about. When I was ready to be taken back to bed I called for him, and he carried me to bed.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" He asked softly.

"No," was my only answer as I curled up against him, so I could go back to sleep.

Jasper's POV

I felt her when she woke up, and at first she was confused to where she was but once she remembered she calmed down. I had not thought she would wake up before I left for work, so I had not brought in any clean clothes to put on. I grabbed the towel, dried off and threw it around my waist. This was going to be interesting to see what emotions I would be feeling off of her.

I walked out and went straight for the clothes. It's very rare that I wear any sort of underwear and when I do its boxers or boxer briefs, but I was not in the mood to go that route today. I could only feel her eyes on me as I moved around the room. I could feel her emotions, or should I say emotion, but it was not until I dropped the towel to pull on my pants that if felt the second one of shock.

Why was she shocked, had she never seen the male body naked before? I had been enjoying the feel of her lust and was thrown by this new emotion. Knowing that she had been feeling lust I just had to know if she liked what she saw.

When I asked her, she answered yes and blushed, and I could feel her embarrassment. I told her that she did not need to feel embarrassed. That was when she stammered that she had never seen a male nude before.

I told her that I have so much to teach her and show her, but now was not the time as I needed to get to work and Rose should be here anytime to get her to her Bothell for her new Physical Therapy Evaluation. I wanted to make sure that she understood that it was an evaluation and not a session. I kissed her gently before leaving for work.

It was weird not having her there. I found that I was more focused on my current patients not worryin' about her. A few times throughout the day I had thought about calling and checking on her, but I did not want her thinking that I was going to control her like he did.

I knew that without a doubt, I wanted to spend all eternity with her, and will have to talk to her very soon about this. It was all up to her if she wanted that or not. I know that the family had hurt her so much that she may not want to be part of the family.

I went for my hunt before heading towards the house. The closer I got home the stronger her emotions were hitting me. It was just like before at the hospital. She was full of rage. What in the world did Rose do to set her off? I pulled up to the house, jumped out of my car and ran into the house first asking Rose what happened in a tone that I knew Bella could not hear.

She told me that everything was fine until she gave Bella a plate with her dinner on it. When I first tried to calm her, I could feel it working for a minute or two, and then it was like it was hitting a solid wall. I was shocked and confused for a moment then I got curious at how she was doing it.

"Bella, how are you shutting me out?" I asked.

When the answer came it was not what I wanted to hear or expected. It was her hitting me with the book she had just picked up off the floor and threw it at me. I sat down in front of her wanting and needing to be close. I wished there was something I could do for her. She is my mate, and I have this need to show her how much I love and care, and that we can get through all this, but she has not let me help. I was getting frustrated with her when she started crying, wrapping her arms around her legs and rocking back and forth.

I was not sure what to do, but Rose told me just to let her cry herself to sleep. I lost all track of time waiting for her to cry herself to sleep, but as soon as I knew for sure that she was out, I picked her up and carried her up to our bed. I held her close to me, caressing her hair telling her repeatedly that I loved her and was here for her.

She woke up sometime later needing to use the restroom. I had not brought up her walker so I had to carry her. I could feel her frustration at this. I waited outside the bathroom not wanting to upset her any more. When she was ready, I carried her back to bed.

I needed to know if she wanted to talk about it, so I asked her, and she gave me that one word 'No'. As I held her, I felt her emotions jumping around. One second she would be hateful the next she was full of lust and desire.