Chapter 21 –Secret for the Grave
First of all: I have a surprise for all of you! There is now a video preview to this story. HTwilightPheonix has created a video and put it up on YouTube for all of you to enjoy. Go check it out, the link can be found on my profile page here on fanfiction. It's a pretty epic preview. I'm hoping you all will go look at it and let me know what you think! Does it get some more interest going for you guys? Spread the word around, show it to your friends if you like it! Hopefully this will get some more readers into this story.
Second of all: thank you all for the lovely comments on the last chapter. That chapter was fun to write. I'm extremely excited with this chapter. This chapter was so much fun to sit down and do, but at the same time it's also a bit of a sad turning point in the story. I'll just let you read to find out what exactly I mean.
It had been just a day over two weeks since she'd seen Dumbledore, and still she had done nothing about it. Zatora built herself a way of living without ever touching the subject. Class, homework, eat, then a sleep; a daily routine for living comfortably without accepting the fact that she now knew who her Farther was. Whenever Blaise, Pansy, or Padma tried to talk to her about what happened she would avoid saying anything. Zatora figured if she told them then she would have to admit it was true, which she wasn't about to believe.
To avoid confrontation she spent more of her time at Hagrid's. A part of her knew that Hagrid was starting to get worried about her, but luckily for her he didn't ask any questions on why she spent every moment there. Every second she got was give to the creatures. In all honesty, she had fully expected Hagrid to interrogate her. What she didn't expect was Aragog to pick up on the matter.
"Well, you're all fed for the morning." Zatora said as she grabbed her bag from the ground. "I have some homework I need to do before class so I'll see you later this evening."
"You're a very bad liar, Zatora." Aragog said hardly moving.
She froze, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that I know you don't have homework, nor do you have classes today." He answered in a weak voice.
"How do you know I don't have classes or homework to do?" Zatora demanded putting her hands on her hips.
"My dear girl, it happens to be Saturday. Not only that, but Hagrid told me you've devoted yourself to homework and creatures all week. I want to talk to you."
Zatora sighed but sat down on the grass in front of him. "What do you want to talk about?"
Aragog clicked his pincers in an annoyed way, "Exactly that, you're attitude this last week."
"What attitude are you referring to?"
"I may be blind," Aragog said with fierceness, "but I'm not stupid. You've said a few words to me all week, yet you've been here every day. What's going on, Zatora? Did Blaise break up with you?"
Zatora laughed, "No, he didn't break up with me. I think he should though…"
"Why would you say that? I know just how much you love him." Aragog said perplexed.
"I've been keeping a secret from him," Zatora said with regret in her voice.
"What kind of secret?" Aragog asked.
She sighed, "I can't tell you."
"Zatora, you know you can tell me anything and I won't repeat it to anyone."
"Not even Hagrid?"
"Not even Hagrid." Aragog said firmly.
Zatora looked around, nervous that someone might over hear. Satisfied that they were alone she said, "This secret goes with you to your grave. Promise not to tell anyone?"
Aragog clicked, "I promise not to tell a single soul. This will follow me to my grave in silence."
"I know who my Father is," Zatora said quietly. "He used to go by the name Tom Marvolo Riddle, but he's now better known as Voldemort."
"The boy who blinded me and got Hagrid expelled is your Father?" Aragog almost hissed. "I don't believe it."
"Apparently I look a lot like him, that's what Mr. Ollivander told me when I got my wand. So many things make sense now, at the same time so many things don't make sense anymore. I'm so lost and confused about who I am," Zatora told him fighting back tears that she'd wanted to cry all week.
Aragog sighed, "Listen to me very carefully, Zatora. You're nothing like your Father. To me, you are still the most beautiful, strong, kind hearted woman, I have ever met and nothing will ever change that."
Zatora inhaled with a shudder, tasting the salty tears running down her cheeks. "Thank you," she said, "but I'm still not sure I believe it. I've waited my entire life to know who my Father is and now I wish I didn't know. A part of me hoped that my Dad might come for me when I was younger, that he would somehow find me and whisk me away to better life. Now I don't want anything to do with him. I'm scared, Aragog. What if I end up being just like him?"
"Zatora, your parents don't define who you are. You create your own definition of you. I want you to describe yourself to me." Aragog said sternly.
"Well, I'm nice, loyal, strong, beautiful, lovable, and pretty smart. Kind, I suppose, and I love creatures. I have black, wavy hair, blue eyes, and have been told I have a wonderful laugh and smile." Zatora said thoughtfully.
"That doesn't sound like an evil person to me," Aragog clicked appreciatively. "See, you're not like your Father at all."
"I guess you're right…"
Aragog sighed, "Don't you remember telling me you would never resort to the Dark Arts because it caused pain, and you didn't want that for anyone? All because you knew pain; Zatora, that proves you are nothing like your Father. He causes pain, on purpose."
"Yeah, I don't like emotional pain at all." Zatora said softly, "You're right, Aragog, but if this gets out no one will ever believe that."
Aragog's voice turned serious, "No matter what happens, or what people may say to or about you, remember that I know who you truly are. Nothing, even death, could change the way I feel for you. I love and care about you as my best friend, and you're the first real friend I've had, after I met Hagrid that is human."
"So it doesn't matter what people would say about this?" Zatora questioned.
"The only thing that matters is how you believe in yourself."
There was a prolonged silence between the two as Zatora wiped away her tears. Finally, once she felt her voice was back, she said, "Blaise doesn't know though and, to top it off, I've been distancing myself from him."
"You always say how much you love him," Aragog said thoughtfully, "but you never say anything about how he truly makes you feel."
"How is he supposed to make me feel?" Zatora asked confused by the statement. "I mean, I've been wondering, since I started distancing myself, how to know if he's the one for me. How did you know, with your wife? Animals are different from humans, they mate for life. You couldn't see her yet she was the one for you. How did you know?"
Aragog's voice sounded weak when he spoke, "She really… Completed me I suppose. It's a magical connection that can't be broken. I don't think I'll see her again."
"How can you say that?" Zatora asked horrified. "We've been over this before. You're going to get better."
"I really don't think I'm getting better," Aragog said in a quiet voice. "My body just feels so weak and I'm so tired. Zatora, I really think this is my last day… I've known for a while this was coming, I just didn't want to scare you or Hagrid."
"What?" Zatora breathed her heart racing at his words. "You aren't dying now are you?" When he didn't answer Zatora got to her feet looking around for Hagrid. She rushed to Aragog's side, watching his slow breathing. "I should go get Hagrid he would want to be here with you."
"No, please don't leave me," Aragog said in a quiet voice. "Keep talking to me Zatora, just until I fall asleep."
"You can't die now, you just can't!" Zatora cried.
Aragog didn't answer and the silence killed her. "I really should get Hagrid," she murmured to herself.
"You made me a promise; you said you would talk to me while I die." Aragog reminded her, his breathing slow and labored.
"I know and I plan to uphold that promise," She said sitting down next to his head. "What do you want me to talk about?"
"Tell me about our surroundings…" He answered her. "Tell me about you…"
"We're really close to the forest, so there are trees all around us," Zatora said putting her cheek against his head. "There is a light breeze, which I presume you can feel. It's not bright outside, thanks to all the white clouds everywhere in the sky. I guess it's really beautiful and I wish you could see it."
Aragog took a big breath and let it out in a rush. Zatora sighed, "Just relax, you're only falling asleep. Don't think of it as dying think of it as a new adventure. I bet you'll be able to see again. Wouldn't that be nice, to finally see after all these years?"
"I'm happy you're with me," Aragog managed to say weakly. "You're voice is so calming and lovely.
Zatora wiped at her tear filled eyes. "I'm happy to be with you too. It's just a nap, right?"
"Just – a nap," Aragog muttered.
"You're one of my best friends and I'm glad I got the chance to know you. I'll never forget you," Zatora said softly. She looked over at him and a quiet sob escaped her lips as his body stopped moving. Aragog's body stiffened then relaxed as Zatora buried her face into his.
Hagrid gave her the rest of the day off. She had volunteered to come down for the burial but he had told her that he could handle it. With Aragog's death Zatora had finally made up her mind about everything. For starters she was being extremely selfish to her family and she was going to change that. She had known the truth of what Dumbledore had told her, but she had been too scared and hurt to admit it. That was until now; besides, it meant her real family was in danger and she didn't want to see them get hurt for her doubt and fear. They needed her to step up to the plate for them to be safe and that was what she was going to do. For all the times they had stepped up to the plate to keep her safe it was time to repay that debt.
Zatora paused outside the teachers lounge, hoping that Professor Snape would be there. Professor Slughorn was still teaching Potions for the rest of the year. Snape was back as Head of House but he wasn't teaching. Hence the reason she hoped that he was in the lounge. She wasn't sure where his new office was. Taking a deep breath she knocked on the door and waited.
The door opened and Zatora came face to face with Professor Slughorn. He stared at her, "What are you doing here Miss Varner?"
"Uh, I'm looking for Professor Snape." Zatora said hesitantly. "Is he, by chance, in there?"
"Actually he is in here. I'll go get him for you." Professor Slughorn said before leaving her at the door.
Zatora waited patiently, feeling close to tears. She swallowed hard at the lump in her throat, wishing, with all her heat, no to cry. Snape appeared in the door way and said, "You wanted to see me?"
"Yes, I need to talk to you and Professor Dumbledore," Zatora said looking directly at Professor Snape. "I – I need help…"
Snape stepped out into the hall, closing the door softly behind him. He led the way to Dumbledore's office, Zatora following in his wake. Through the passage behind the stone gargoyle and up the revolving stairs they went. They stopped at the door and Snape knocked his knuckles against the wood. He gave her a reassuring smile before they entered the office.
Professor Dumbledore looked up from his desk, "Ah, Professor Snape… And Miss Varner, I wasn't expecting you. Please, sit down."
Zatora took a seat, feeling suddenly nervous again. Dumbledore leaned forward, giving her a penetrating stare. He smiled and his eyes regained their usual twinkle. "Zatora, I feel like I should apologize for our last meeting. I didn't mean to over whelm or frighten you. Obviously I succeeded in doing both and I'm sorry for doing so. My intent was to offer you assistance for protection of yourself and the family you life with." Dumbledore said comfortingly.
"No, I was being stupid." Zatora said towards the floor. She felt so ashamed and disgusted with herself for her selfish attitude. Swallowing at the lump in her throat again she continued, "Honestly, I just didn't want to believe what you said was true. I've been thinking about it and I can't believe how selfish I am. This isn't just about the danger for me, but my family is in huge danger as well. I wouldn't be able to bear it if they got hurt because of me… They've done nothing but show me love and kindness. They really don't deserve the mess I'm in."
"You didn't ask for this either, Zatora." Dumbledore pointed out. "It most certainly is not something to be ashamed of. You're the most innocent in this situation."
Zatora sighed, "Why did they have me? I feel like I meant nothing, to the both of them. What was the point? I'm just causing people and myself pain."
"Zatora, you meant the world to your mother," Dumbledore said kindly. "She loved you –"
"I'm sorry, but you don't know that for sure," Zatora interrupted sadly. "It doesn't matter, though. Right now, all that really matters is keeping the family that I have now safe. To do that I need your help, please help me."
Dumbledore nodded, "Of course I'll help you and your family. I'll have to write to your adoptive parents and let them know what's going on. We'll then contact the Order of the Phoenix, a secret Order designed to fight Voldemort, and put up protection at your house."
"Thank you," Zatora said gratefulness in her voice. She got up and walked over to the door.
"Zatora," Dumbledore said and she turned to look back at him. "Should you need any other help or just need to talk you know where to find Professor Snape and me."
She nodded, "I'll keep that in mind." With a small smile she turned and left the office. Her mind was racing as she walked down to dinner alone. Zatora had to admit that it was time for her to make her own decisions. The first, of which, was if she supported her Father at all. No; she may be his flesh and blood but that didn't change who she was. That wasn't about to change, she would never support him. Know that she had made a decision about that it left her decision with Blaise.
Zatora didn't see him as she came into the Great Hall. She felt almost relieved by this. It meant that she would have time to think about their relationship on her own. Never, not since she hooked up with him, had she thought she would be contemplating breaking up with him.
Confuse by her emotions she took a seat away from everyone and began to eat. She loved Blaise that was a fact she couldn't deny. In fact, she would be willing to take a bullet for him. The only problem was that she hadn't been open with him about this problem about her real Dad. She knew why, Blaise's family were in with the Death Eaters. If he let that information slip she would be in danger, along with her parents and brothers. That had been part of why she hadn't told him, the other was that she hadn't been accepting the news completely herself until today.
And then there was her brief conversation with Aragog. "She really… Completed me I suppose. It's a magical connection that can't be broken." If what he had told her was true then Blaise wasn't the one for her. She wanted him to be the one though, wanted it more then anything else in the world. Her mother had, one time, told her how she knew Dad was the one for her. The first time they had kissed had been her perfect kiss. Just like fireworks lighting up the sky, or so she had put it.
Blaise had never kissed her like that, not how she imagined a perfect kiss would be like. The guy would have cornered her, making sure there was no escape. He would slowly advance towards her, completely lost in his eyes. They would be close together, breathing the same air around them with out actually touching each other. The tension would be building as he kept her waiting, whispering something romantic to her. His lips would come to hers ever so slow and when they kissed something would just "click" into place. For a moment they would stand there, foreheads together, lost in the moment before they would kiss again…
Ugh, get a grip, Zatora thought to herself, shoving her plate of food away from her. Like that's ever going to happen. Love is complicated but a kiss like that would never happen. It's over complicated and is extremely stupid. She looked around for Blaise, becoming forlorn when she didn't see him. Right now, all she wanted was to be with Blaise and put the last two weeks behind her. Completely uninterested in eating, Zatora decided she would go see if Blaise was in the Common Room.
When she got down to the Common Room she was disappointed, yet again, to find no sign of Blaise anywhere. She gazed unhappily around the room, wishing that he would magically appear. With no such luck, Zatora meandered to the girls dormitories. Perhaps one of the other girls had seen him. If not, she would just have to wait for tomorrow.
Zatora walked into the room to find Nina and Daphne talking in hushed voices. They looked up as she walked over to her bed. Nina gave Daphne a pointed look before saying, "Hey Zatora, what have you been up to all day?"
"Nothing much," Zatora replied with a shrug. "Have either of you two seen Blaise? I really want to talk to him."
Daphne shook her head, "No, I don't think we've seen him."
"She has a right to know Daphne!" Nina snapped with an angry glare. "It's better that she knows now, especially since she's been avoiding him for almost two weeks."
Zatora stared at them, "What don't I know?"
"It's not that big of a deal… I mean to say, I've had the letter for months. It's probably meaningless." Daphne said ignoring Zatora completely.
"You should have told her when you first got the letter," Nin argued.
"I don't want to be the reason they break up. Blaise obviously didn't tell her for a reason."
"That doesn't make it right for her not to know about this, and you know it!"
"Stop fighting you two!" Zatora said before Daphne could respond.
Nina sighed, "Daphne, if you don't tell her then I will."
Daphne looked from Nina to Zatora with defeat written across her face. She reached over to her bed side cabinet and pulled open the bottom drawer. Zatora watched as Daphne removed a neatly folded piece of parchment. For a second she hesitated then said, "Remember how Blaise was in that huge argument with his Dad? Way back when you two first got together."
Zatora nodded, "Of course I remember that. He got so upset about it for a few weeks. Blaise said he solved the problem though…"
"Blaise got this letter from his Dad the day he told you that." Daphne explained, "I found it after you two left the Common Room that day. It must've fallen out of his bag… I didn't know what to do with it after I read it, so I just kept it."
Nina nodded, "After a while she told me about the letter and I started trying to get her to tell you about it."
"Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like whatever is in that letter," Zatora said eyes on the paper in Daphne's hand.
Daphne forced a smile and handed her the letter. Zatora held the folded parchment in her hands, staring at the name she so deeply loved: Blaise. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath while opening the letter. Her eyes opened slowly to read the words written on the page.
Dearest Son,
Your mother sends her regards and, as always, was happy to hear from you. She misses you and is counting down the days until summer vacation. We've already book a trip to Africa to visit your older sister Sandra. It'll be a nice family reunion and we'll be able to meet your youngest nephew at long last.
As to our long debate on your girlfriend, I must say I was satisfied to read your last response. The way you talk about, she sounds like too good of an influence on you. I was most displeased to hear she was against the Dark Arts. Blaise, two years from now you'll be a Death Eater and following in my foot steps. Therefore, dating someone who will support you is a key to your future success. At any rate, I'm happy I finally made you see reason and that you agreed to break up with her. I know you care for her but this is the best for the both of you. You will probably benefit the most when you break up with her.
Sending my regards, your father
Zatora read and then reread the last paragraph. The–oh–so familiar lump was rising in her throat that she hadn't expected to return. She looked up to find Nina and Daphne watching her. With trembling fingers she folded the letter back up. It felt like her heart was ripping in two. The last two weeks she'd been feeling guilty about not telling Blaise about being You–Know–Who's daughter, yet he had been keeping this letter from her for months.
"Zatora, it probably means nothing," Nina said in a whisper.
Daphne nodded, "He said that so long ago that it was probably just empty words. Blaise may have just said that to stop fighting with his Dad."
She nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Line from the letter kept jumping out at her. You'll be a Death Eater. Dating someone who will support you is a key to your future success. This is the best for the both of you. You will probably benefit the most when you break up with her. Curling up onto her bed, Zatora clutched her pillow to her tear stained face. She cried softly about the hurtful words in the letter and the secret she was keeping from everyone, including Blaise. Why did the last two months have to be so painful?
Not as long as the last chapter was, but I can promise a really long chapter after this one! Chapter 22 is really long, or at least the rough draft is. Please leave a comment about what you thought about this chapter and what you thought of the trailer! I hope you liked this chapter!
Hermione-Hermyown