By late morning the next day, Kaiya was up and checked out of the hospital. She felt like she'd been asleep for a whole week, and she was well rested at last. Her wounds had been taken care of with medical ninjutsu, and while she wasn't back to full strength, she was well enough to move around freely.
"Damn, it sure felt good to sleep in a real bed, without having to worry about being attacked or eaten by a mutated wild beast. I took a bath and ate a proper meal that didn't have a single trace of squirrel," she said in relief, staring at her bandaged palms.
Her eyes lowered to the two graves in front of her, side-by-side: one had Hibachi's name inscribed, and the other Unagi's. She sighed, squatting in between the two. Running her fingers around each of their headstones, she showed them a weak smile as her eyes stung with salty tears. She blinked them away quickly.
"You guys were a pain in my ass, but I could really count on you when I needed to, and that's something I can't say about most people. I'm sorry that you couldn't rely on me the same way. I really let you down, didn't I?" she sniffled. "You'd probably call me a soft coward, or an idiot. You'd say I wasn't as strong as I pretended to be, and I should be ashamed of myself for trying to fake my way through everything. Well, that's a compliment, compared to how I feel."
A hand touched her shoulder lightly, making her stiffen and look up with a scowl. She tried her hardest to make her tears disappear without it being obvious. Her countenance quickly melted to a blank expression when she saw that it was only Riichi. The latter knelt next to her, patting the marble stones with a sympathetic smile.
"You guys were a pain in my ass, too," he agreed, chuckling lightly. His gaze averted to Kaiya briefly; she relaxed, her muscles unwinding, her shoulders dropping. "All three of you." She blinked, wiping away tears as she sniffled again. She watched her sensei curiously, since she'd never heard him pour out his heart to someone. Well, that was something they had in common. So maybe it was for that reason that Kaiya didn't care if he saw her pathetic state in that moment. After all, they were in the same boat.
"Hibachi, you were loud and obnoxious, and kind of an idiot. Unagi, you were an instigator; you loved to cause trouble but didn't want to face the consequences of being in the center of it. And Kaiya is a hothead who'd rather cut her gut open and let her insides fall out than work with either one of you. But damn, were you guys a good team, when you wanted to be. I was—am—proud of you. You guys would have made great ninjas." He turned to Kaiya again, squeezing her shoulder. "And don't worry about Kaiya…I'll make sure that she doesn't slack off. She'll become stronger in no time; you'll see. She'll make up for any trouble she caused you two before."
Her eyes widened, and more tears fell. She leaned into her sensei's shoulder and sobbed, covering her face with her hands. He let her mourn, wrapping his arms around her loosely. He wasn't the greatest comforter to others, but he would do his best. She was his student, after all. The only one he had left.
Besides, he couldn't imagine an instance in the past seven years where Kaiya had opened herself up to anyone else, especially someone like him. As prideful as she was, she was willing to cast that aside and shed tears for her fallen teammates. Riichi knew that she blamed herself, and there was nothing he could do to console her, except encourage her to be stronger, to ensure that she didn't lose anyone else the same way.
Kaiya laid out on her back in the field in front of the Academy building. She and Shikamaru would often lay around watching the clouds, so it felt strange that he wasn't with her now. She wondered if someone like him could survive the Forest of Death, and more than that, pass the exam. He might find it too troublesome in the end.
She was aware of his intelligence; however, she was also aware that he had the laziest ass she'd ever seen. Sometimes she wondered if he even wanted to be a shinobi. She sighed, closing her eyes and letting the warm breeze blow through her hair; the sunlight kissed her face, making her skin warm, even though her insides were colder than ice. She could smell the sickly sweet flowers littering the field, the pollen itching her nostrils; she scrunched her nose to keep from sneezing.
Sasuke, Shikamaru, and even Neji…make it out of there, ok? Live and move on to the next exam.
"It's not going to get any easier from here, you know." Kaiya opened one eye to peer at the familiar voice getting closer. A shadow loomed over her, and she glanced up at Shikaku, who was looking down at her with a stern expression, as he often did. It wasn't cold, just firm and serious. "Even if you remain a Genin forever, the path you're walking will only lead to more tragedy, more pain, more disappointment. That is the life of a shinobi—every shinobi."
The wrinkles and scars covering his face told Kaiya that he had both age and personal experience that attributed to his wisdom. Sometimes she thought of him as shrewder than the Third Hokage, although she was positive he would certainly deny that if she told him. She let out a deep sigh.
"My path, huh?" She pushed herself to a sitting position as Shikaku joined her, leaning back on his arms for support. She almost laughed at how casual he looked; it stunned her at times how much he and Shikamaru resembled each other. If his son didn't look exactly like him, she would have a hard time believing they were related. "What if…" She looked down, staring at the thick, green grass that shot past her ankles. "What if I don't know what path I want to take? Would that make me just as bad as my parents?"
Shikaku's eyes lowered, and he thought about her question and its implications. He released a drawn-out breath before staring up at the bright, blue sky above them. Poor Shikamaru probably couldn't even see the sky from the Forest of Death. Shikaku chuckled to himself, making Kaiya frown.
"Hehe. As I recall, weren't you the one that said you would take the path your father didn't? That's why you took that surname and tried to distance yourself from your family ties, right? Or, at least the family that you know of." Kaiya's eyes narrowed, and she touched her chest, where she could feel the absence of her pendant; her neck felt weightless with it gone. She'd said that, sure…but she was just a child back then. She had no idea what it meant. She had no idea how to get there. She had no idea what she'd have to give up along the way.
"Your father took one of many paths; taking one different than he did means that you have a lot of roads to travel before you find the right one. It's no surprise that you don't know where you want to go at this point—most children your age don't. But I don't believe it makes you anything like your parents and siblings. After all, you've been doing everything you can to separate yourself from them."
"How do I know how to find the right path in the end?" she asked sincerely, looking up at him. "If there are so many, how will I know which one is right?" Her eyes were glossy and bloodshot; he could tell she'd been crying a lot since she woke up from her surgery. No one blamed her for that. He sighed again, closing his eyes to ponder her next question.
"Hmm." A smile rose on his face as he replied, "To answer that, you'd have to truly understand your family—the past, the choices each of them made up until their deaths, they're reasons for it all. That's going to require a lot of digging in a lot of dark places, Kaiya. You're going to have to evaluate your own life choices, your own past, and your reason for being a shinobi here and now. You must weigh your motives against theirs, see what fits and what doesn't.
"You have to understand, Kaiya, that there's not necessarily a path that is absolute and right in every way; we're human, and we'll make mistakes. No path can lead to perfection or come without consequences. That's the first thing you must learn. So, whatever path you choose, as long as you are true to yourself and who you desire to be, who's to say if it's right or wrong?
"But before you can walk that path, you have to be prepared for what lies at the end of it. From here on out, you're going to have to stop thinking like a child. It's time for you to start making things happen yourself. That is, if you want to protect the things that are precious to you—both people and ambitions."
Kaiya's eyes widened, then lowered, as she groaned in defeat.
"I…was so afraid I couldn't even move," she admitted quietly, as if she were afraid someone might overhear her. Shikaku's eyebrows furrowed in question. "Hibachi and Unagi, even though they were scared, managed to get me to safety, only for me to let them down. I told them I would protect them, but…when it came down to it, it wasn't the enemy that held me in place. It was my own fear. I was almost relieved when I saw that it was them and not me, and that makes me feel even worse. I definitely…want to get stronger. I want to stop being afraid. I want to be so strong that I can defeat fear and uncertainty and pain."
She looked down at her palms guiltily, biting her lip to stop it from quivering. "I always thought of myself as one of the best in Iruka-sensei's class. I trained a lot, I was strong and fast, I had good enough grades…but I was only fooling myself. Thinking back on it, I was destined to fail from the start. Even my own parents thought that."
Shikaku's eyes lowered as she spoke. He sighed, sitting forward as he pulled an arm from behind him and placed a hand on top of her head, as he turned to look at her. When she looked up in surprise, she saw that he was smiling at her. "If your parents deemed you to fail from the start, doesn't that mean you'll take a path that leads to success? After all, it's the people who have been by your side all these years that truly believe in you, Kaiya." Her eyes widened.
"…"
"As long as this current world exists, shinobi will face suffering—that's just the way things are," Shikaku continued, resting his hand back at his side. He leaned back and turned his attention back to the sky. "We watch our comrades suffer, and we suffer too. But being a shinobi means to endure that suffering, to overcome it." He scratched his head, groaning as he closed his eyes again. "Getting stronger is the easy part; the difficulties will come when you have to decide where to direct that newfound strength. Sometimes, we wish to be strong not to protect others, but to protect our own hearts. And that can lead us down some dangerous roads."
Kaiya tilted her head, staring at the older man quizzically. Between him and the Third, most of their advice went right over her head. "Will you choose hatred towards those that betrayed you, like your parents did? Will you choose to run away in fear and hide from your problems? Or will you choose another path, one that causes you to face the pain of your past and the ambiguity of the future? Well, you're the only one who can decide that in the end, Kaiya. There are endless possibilities; some you may not find until you're right at the fork in the road."
"I…" She looked down as she contemplated the answer. Shikaku's grin returned.
"Heh. Well, you don't have to decide that now. And you certainly don't need to tell me your conclusion, or what path you decide to take. I'll be able to see that for my own eyes, anyway." Kaiya blinked, and finally a smile spread across her face.
"Thanks, Shikaku. I—" Shikaku and Kaiya both stiffened as a presence appeared suddenly behind them, their shadow draping over them like an umbrella. They turned around. "Hey, you're—"
"Oh, uh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt." Kaiya's eyebrows creased in question as Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck apologetically.
"Kakashi-sensei?" Kaiya said, confused. "What are you doing here?" He smiled, his lips curving underneath the cloth of his facemask.
"Oh. Well, I came to inform Shikaku that the Second Exam has concluded. And—" Kaiya scrambled to her feet, ignoring the pain that shot through her muscles and bones like a shockwave. She pulled at Kakashi's flak jacket, a look of desperation on her face.
"Oi, Kakashi-sensei, is that true?" she wondered. "How many passed? Is Sasuke alright? What about Shikamaru? Neji?" Sweat slipped down Kakashi's brow, and he let out a nervous laugh.
"Hehe, calm down, Kaiya. Why don't you come with me to find out?" Kaiya's eyes were uncharacteristically bright, but both Shikaku and Kakashi figured it was more from relief than excitement. She turned to her guardian expectantly, and he scratched his head, letting out a deep sigh.
"Kakashi, are you sure that's a good idea?" he asked, troubled. Kakashi shrugged, sticking his hands in his pockets, just like Sasuke always did. His smile returned.
"There were seven teams that passed, so we'll have to hold a preliminary round. Kaiya may have failed the exam, but I don't think it will hurt to let her watch. I'm sure the Hokage would give her permission if she were to ask. What do you think, Kaiya?" The latter nodded fervently.
"Of course! The Old Man will let me watch, I'm sure!" Shikaku pursed his lips, stroking his chin in thought. Kaiya pouted, turning to him with big, desperate eyes. Finally, he sighed and nodded.
"Alright, alright," he decided, holding up his hands in surrender. "I've got work to do, so I can't go. Kakashi, watch her, will you?" The silver-haired Jonin nodded.
"Of course, Shikaku. Let's go, Kaiya." She nodded and followed him as he led her to the others. Sasuke…
…
Kaiya couldn't explain the level of relief when she saw all the Leaf rookies (aside from her team, of course) lined up in the crowd of participants that had passed the Second Exam. Well, more specifically, she was ecstatic that Sasuke and Shikamaru were safe and one step closer to becoming Chunin. She scoffed, an annoyed grin on her face.
Tch. Shikamaru doesn't even want to be a Chunin, so why did he pass and not me?
She was glad they were no longer in that godawful Forest of Death. She doubted she would ever truly forget what she experienced there. She never wanted to go near that place again.
Before the administrators of the Exams and the sensei of the teams who passed arrived, and the meeting officially started, Kaiya separated herself from Kakashi, who'd already received the Third's permission to allow Kaiya to watch the prelims. She headed for Sasuke but was stopped first by his pink-haired teammate, before he caught sight of her. "K-Kaiya," Sakura called hesitantly. The said girl turned around to face her, irritated that she had to stop before she reached her destination. She blinked.
"Oh, Sakura…I'm glad you guys made it. I was just on my way to meet you." Sakura nodded and forced a grin, before averting her eyes away guiltily. Kaiya's eyebrows furrowed. She could tell that Sakura wanted to say something to her, otherwise she wouldn't approach her. But she was hesitant and awkward, because it had something to do with Sasuke.
But Kaiya was too impatient to wait for her to spit it out. Besides, the prelims were about to begin. Her eyes lowered in question. "Do you need something, Sakura?" she asked, suspicion dripping from her voice. "Did something else happen after I left?"
Sakura's gaze returned to the brunette, though reluctantly. She let out a small sigh, leaning in closer to her so that no one around them would hear what she was about to say. Kaiya glanced around, catching sight of Sasuke and Naruto in the crowd. From her angle, they were on the far right side, toward the front. She was behind them; Sakura had seen her first and made her way to her. That just put Kaiya more on edge. Unless she was trying to keep her from seeing Sasuke for some reason.
No, Kaiya thought, shaking her head. Maybe Sakura would've done that a few days ago, but after their time in the Forest of Death, they decided on a [temporary] truce. "To be honest, I really didn't want to say anything, but…" There was no mistaking Sakura's troubled expression. This was about— "Please…please talk Sasuke out of continuing on with these Exams. He listens to you, right? So, maybe…maybe you can keep him from overexerting himself." Kaiya frowned at Sakura's request. Sasuke listens to her? Since when?!
She didn't say anything in response, so Sakura continued on. "You saw that mark, didn't you? When he's agitated, he…" She gritted her teeth. "I just think that it's a bad idea for him to keep fighting." Sakura's hand slowly reached up and rested on Kaiya's arm, making her twitch. But that's how she knew just how distraught Sakura really was, coming to her for help. Her expression was one of total desperation.
Poor Sakura had abandoned all pride and came crawling to her for help, not sure what else to do. Kaiya figured she was a last resort, the only reason Sakura would all but fall to her knees and beg. Or maybe she knew right from the start that Sasuke was too stubborn to back out if she asked him to.
Kaiya sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. This really wasn't her problem. "Sakura, I know that you're worried about Sasuke, but I don't think it's a good idea to…" But Sakura wasn't budging. She frowned as her eyes sharpened. She crossed her arms and straightened her posture in a threatening manner. Kaiya would have taken that as a challenge any other day, but things were complicated right now.
"You care about him, don't you?" Kaiya blinked at Sakura's question.
"Look, Sasuke… You are important to me. And giving this to you is like giving you a piece of me, so that I'll always be with you. Even if I'm not right beside you, we don't have to be apart. So, when you're finishing this exam and I'm in the hospital, we'll still be able to feel close. I won't have to worry about you, and you won't have to worry about me. And even after all of this is said and done, any time you can't see me, I'm still there. That's why I'm giving it to you. I…care…about you."
Her expression softened.
"Y-yeah, I guess you can say that," Kaiya admitted, her cheeks turning a bright pink. She looked away for a moment and scratched the back of her head in frustration, groaning.
There was no use in contemplating it. Sakura wasn't giving her any room to argue. She hesitated for a few more seconds before sucking in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Alright, alright." She held up her hands in surrender, realizing that she wasn't going to get to weasel her way out of it. "Let's talk." Though I'm not sure it'll do any good.
They left the crowd and walked over to a corner of the large arena-like room everyone had been assembled in, so that Sakura could tell Kaiya everything that had happened in the Forest of Death, both before and after she'd appeared and then left. She explained that the ninja from Kusa was Orochimaru in disguise, and he had bitten Sasuke's neck, causing the strange mark to appear. That mark was the source of the dark chakra he emitted later, when she'd come across them.
Sweat dotted Kaiya's forehead as she stifled a gasp. She had to bite her tongue in order not to say anything, clenching her fists so tightly the circulation was cut off. Her eyes couldn't have gotten any wider, any more bloodshot; they almost rolled out of their sockets. She shook from head to toe as her heartbeat drummed against her ribcage so forcefully she thought it was going to burst through. Her breathing staggered.
That ninja was Orochimaru?! I…don't believe it.
She was speechless. This Orochimaru definitely had something to do with her family's betrayal, whether he was the one who prompted them to do it or not. On top of that, he was targeting her, and Sasuke as well. He'd given Sasuke some kind of mark that gave him dark power and seemed to be interested in using him rather than killing him, according to what he'd told Sakura. But more importantly than all of that, he was the one who had her teammates killed.
That just left the question of who his cronies were. Were they really ANBU Black Ops, or were they disguised too? Were they still in the village, waiting for another chance to kidnap her?
"…"
Once Sakura was finished, she stared at the floor. She was no longer glaring at Kaiya sternly; now the only emotion she was showing was worry. Her mouth opened slowly, like whatever was about to come out of it might be dangerous. If she said the wrong thing, Kaiya might blow up or even break down—neither of which was a good option, especially in their current location. Things were nerve-racking enough as it was. But she had to know.
"Kaiya, that Sound ninja said that you were being targeted by Orochimaru, too. So, do you know anything about what he wants with Sasuke? Who is he? And why is he—" Kaiya stiffened, her eyes widening slightly. She clenched her fists, looking away.
"If I were you, I'd lose the girl. She's a danger to everyone, even her own comrades, and a target of Orochimaru as well. For you to be with them both…"
"Sakura." Kaiya managed to hide her wavering voice behind a stern tone, removing all emotions from her eyes, trying to do it just like Sasuke taught her. She relaxed her facial muscles and took a deep breath to calm down, before going any further with the conversation.
The pink-haired teen blinked, closing her mouth reluctantly. Kaiya sighed, rubbing her temples thoroughly. If she knew Sakura was going to give her such a headache, she might not have come after all. "I know nothing about Orochimaru," she replied honestly, her expression softening a little.
Sakura's face fell in disappointment. "I have no idea where he's from or what he wants with either me or Sasuke. The first time I heard his name was in the Forest of Death. In fact, if you hadn't told me that he was that Kusa ninja in disguise, I would have never known that I was also…"
A dark look crossed over Kaiya's face—one that Sakura had never seen before. She gulped, afraid of what she might do. Kaiya usually took out her rage on whoever was around her, regardless of whether they were involved or not. Her eyebrows furrowed dangerously, and Sakura took a step back, just in case she decided she wanted to rip everything apart. It appeared that she was barely containing her rage.
The fear that Kaiya might blow up didn't stop Sakura's heart from wrenching, though. Tears rimmed the bottom of her eyes, but none fell—not yet, at least. Kaiya took deep, heavy breaths to regain her composure, watching as Sakura bowed her head.
"I'm begging you, Kaiya—don't let Sasuke get hurt again," she pleaded desperately, grabbing on to the hem of her black tank. Kaiya shifted uncomfortably, her anger disappearing as uneasiness settled in. "I don't ever want to see him in that much pain again. And he was so scary…"
Kaiya's gaze narrowed as she grabbed Sakura's wrists and gently pried them loose from her shirt. She was so astounded (and annoyed) by Sakura's plea that she forgot her anger—for the moment, at least. Maybe it was because she wanted nothing more than to protect Sasuke from any kind of suffering—something they had in common. Maybe it was because she was so afraid of seeing Sasuke in the state he'd been in after that mark spread across his body, the fear of seeing the pleased look on his face, the eyes that weren't his at all—something else they had in common.
No, Kaiya never wanted to go through that again, not ever—and she didn't want Sasuke to, either. She would protect him as much as she could, but she knew she couldn't protect him from everything. They'd already made the decision a long time ago: they both have their own paths to walk, so she wasn't going to interfere with the path he took, even if she didn't like it. Because that's the kind of friendship they had.
Kaiya sighed in defeat, releasing Sakura's wrists, once she'd released the fabric of her shirt. She rubbed the cricks out of her neck, annoyed by this girl's pestering. She turned again to Sasuke and his blonde teammate, surprised when she caught Sasuke giving her a fleeting glance. She had a feeling he knew what she and Sakura were conversing about, or at least he knew that he was the subject. She pushed her wild hair out of her face, frustrated.
"I'll do my best," Kaiya decided, shaking her head. "But it's not my place to stop him from continuing. In the end, he'll do what he wants. I can't tell him otherwise."
Kaiya knew that even if they were close, Sasuke wasn't going to quit the Exams just because she asked him to. Besides, that's not what she wanted. He made her a promise that he would become Chunin, and she wanted him to keep his word. Of course, that didn't mean she wasn't worried about him or how things could possibly turn out. But she'd have to get used to it, seeing as they were shinobi and things were only going to get harder from here.
Sakura stared at her in slight disappointment, since she was expecting a different answer. But she seemed relieved that her request wasn't outright denied. She gave Kaiya a small smile.
"Thank you, Kaiya. I'll try my best, too." Kaiya nodded and turned to go stand off to the side before the meeting began, since it looked like almost everyone had gathered at that point. But before she could, Sasuke approached her.
Kaiya's mind forced her to go back to the Forest of Death, where Sasuke emerged to fight the Sound ninjas with his new, dark power. Her body started trembling, so she clenched her fists to get it under control; as a reflex, she quickly turned away from him. He paused, halting his steps, taken aback by her reaction to him.
Kaiya saw the brief look of shock on his face, which he quickly covered with his usual stoic expression. She looked down, ashamed. She tried to think of Sasuke's assurance after that—the real Sasuke Uchiha.
"I'm sorry, Kaiya. I'll never make you cry again, I promise. So, please…forgive me."
"You know what, Sasuke? I think we are friends."
"Heh. Just don't go around telling people that."
She finally relaxed, unclenching her fists slowly as she found the courage to look up at him. He almost seemed relieved when she did so. He started advancing toward her again, slower than before; her expression was unreadable, but she didn't turn away from him this time.
"I do care about you, Kaiya. Don't ever question that."
Sasuke clenched his fists, starting to say something to her, but thinking better of it. He glanced at Sakura briefly, before turning his gaze back to Kaiya. "…" Still, he couldn't find the words to say to her. Kaiya took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. If he wasn't going to say anything, then she would.
"Are you guys ok?" she asked, scratching her cheek, refusing to meet his eyes. She knew he was waiting for Sakura to leave them alone so he could ask what they were talking about. But she wasn't going to tell him—at least not anytime soon. It would probably frustrate him, and she didn't want to agitate the mark on his neck. Plus, she didn't want him resenting her for any reason. Sasuke's eyebrows furrowed slightly.
"Yeah, we're fine. Worn out, but fine," he answered, shrugging. He was trying to make it seem like it was no big deal, but he couldn't fool her as well as he thought he could. They must've had a hard time getting to the tower that last day—she could see the exhaustion on their faces and the toil they endured from their worn-out clothes.
Well, it didn't matter, so long as he made it out alright. Kaiya let out a slow breath, closing her eyes for a moment.
"Good." She paused, twisting a strand of her hair absentmindedly. Sasuke tilted his head as a small, subtle smirk appeared on his lips for a moment. She didn't notice, but Sakura did. Her eyes narrowed in question.
Is he…smiling at her? she wondered, a tinge of jealous boiling in her gut. She shook her head. No, don't be silly, Sakura. Even if Sasuke did show interest in someone, it wouldn't be Kaiya. I must be imagining things. "You made it out of the Forest of Death, but don't forget the other half of your promise," she reminded him, grinning. The sight of it gave Sasuke consolation, and the feeling surprised him.
"And you look better," he noted. "But you still have some distance to go too, don't you? So, we're even." She nodded, chuckling lightly.
"Yeah, guess so."