Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters. This is for entertainment only.

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Ch. 21

All That Remains

Miriam shivered and pulled the blankets tighter around her body. Her eyes drifted to the clock on her nightstand. It was early. She sighed and stretched lazily. Her leg slid over the cold sheets on the other half of the bed and Miriam squeezed her eyes shut before the tears flowed.

It had been almost a week since Severus' decision, and Miriam had yet to adjust to her new reality. It was as though every aspect of Miriam's life had turned cold – her days were solitary, as were her nights. She missed sharing a bed with Severus as much as she missed his conversation. But since that night, Miriam hadn't spoken a word to the dark wizard. She avoided him like dragon pox, and she would be damned if she'd shed a single tear over him. He wasn't worth the salt.

Miriam felt an odd sensation as her stomach did a somersault. She clenched her jaw and exhaled slowly through her nose. Abruptly, she flung the covers back and bolted for the loo. She dropped to her knees and wretched last night's dinner into the commode. Trembling and dizzy, Miriam flushed and rested her head languidly on her arm. "Millie," Miriam rasped out.

The elf appeared a few seconds later. Her large eyes widened to small saucers when she took in the state of her mistress. She grabbed a hand towel and wiped the sweat from Miriam's brow. "Mistress sent for Millie?"

"Fetch Madam Pomfrey and bring her to me," Miriam said weakly.

Millie nodded and was gone not a second later.

Severus placed a cork on the small vial of blue liquid and placed it inside the square compartment of the wooden crate. He glanced over the twelve vials, secured the lid to the crate, and began his ascent to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey informed him at lunch that she was out of stomach calmer and needed some urgently. Normally, Severus would balk at such a short-notice request, but it wasn't as though he had anything better to do with his time.

Severus frowned and quickened his pace. He disliked how his mind would always turn back to his less than stellar behavior the night Miriam left. Once again, Severus had managed to bugger up the one good thing in his life. He hadn't meant to drink so much, or speak so harshly. But he really hadn't banked on Miriam's reaction, either. She had thrown up a wall and covered it with snow and ice, effectively shutting him out.

He didn't realize how bad he messed up until Millie arrived at his door two days after the incident, a box and small scroll in her hands. The box contained a few items Severus left in Miriam's chambers; the scroll was a list of Miriam's things Millie was to collect from Severus.

Until that point, Severus had his hopes set on reconciliation after Miriam calmed down. But as he helped Millie gather things and pack the box, Severus could tell from the sad look on the elf's face and the way her eyes filled with tears that Miriam wasn't entertaining the idea of making up.

Severus pushed open the doors to the hospital wing and walked to Madam Pomfrey's office. Severus found the matron sitting behind her small desk, writing furiously on a piece of parchment. "Ah, Severus! Thank you so much for brewing these. I know I didn't give you much time," Poppy said as she stood and took the box from Severus.

"It was no trouble," Severus said quietly as he watched the witch quickly place the vials in her storage cupboard. She pocketed one in her apron as Severus continued, "Am I to assume a stomach bug is making its way through the castle?"

"I'm hoping it's just an isolated incident," Poppy replied as she and Severus walked into the hospital wing. "Miriam fell ill this morning. The poor little lamb has vomited all day, so I'm on my way to give this to her," Poppy said as she patted her apron pocket.

Severus couldn't stop the concern that clouded his reason when he heard Miriam was ill. "Are you sure it's only a bug? Does she need anything else?"

"Of course I'm sure!" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed brusquely. "Honestly, Severus, it's not as though she's pregnant or something," she added with a chuckle as she walked through the doors.

Severus heard the door slam shut, but it sounded as though it was miles away from him. All he could hear was Poppy's last sentence reverberate through his head.

Numb, Severus walked slowly through the doors to the dungeon stairs. He somehow managed to navigate his way downwards, the words 'Miriam' and 'pregnant' blaring in his head.

As he stumbled down the dungeon corridor Severus could feel his breath getting short and a light sweat dampen his brow. He careened around a corner and nearly collided with one of his fourth years. She looked up, fearful at first, but then her eyes widened in surprise. The girl blurted out, "Professor Snape, are you all right?"

Severus didn't even have it in him to snarl or chastise the girl. He haphazardly waved her off and made his way to his chambers. Once inside his rooms, Severus ran his hands over his clammy face and began to pace in front of the fireplace.

Of course Poppy would assume Miriam was ill with a stomach bug. She, like the rest of the staff, knew nothing of their relationship. He sure as hell hoped Madam Pomfrey's assumption was right, because if Miriam turned up pregnant now, it would be a disaster. Severus berated himself for not taking precautions to prevent something like this from happening. He and Miriam had never discussed it, but they should have. Even with her medical issues, there was still a small chance Miriam could fall pregnant. How stupid could he be?

You're over-reacting, Severus thought as his pacing quickened. Severus' entire body was trembling, so he flung himself into his chair before he passed out. He needed to calm down, but panic held him firm in its grip. In the wizarding world, unwed mothers were unheard of. Women that were often spent their lives tainted by the stigma. He would, of course, be expected to marry Miriam. Severus went from pale to practically translucent. How the hell would he manage that when Miriam couldn't stand to even look at him now?

Another thought pushed to the front of his mind and Severus groaned. Severus had absolutely no idea how to raise a child. His father was a horrible man; his own childhood lonely and unhappy. How could he be expected to give a child what they need when he never had it? Severus knew that if Miriam was pregnant, he did her the greatest disservice; she and the child would be stuck with him forever.

Severus took a deep, long breath and stared into the hearth. Several minutes passed before Severus leaned forward and steepled his hands in front of him. Madam Pomfrey was, naturally, one of the best in her field. Severus would have to rely on her expertise in this matter, for the time being.

However, Severus needed to find a way to get Miriam to talk to him. He wanted to get close enough to know for himself that everything was fine. If it wasn't, well, they would need to be on speaking terms to figure everything out. That sounded so logical and simple in his head, but Severus knew it would be almost impossible to carry out. He remembered well Miriam's temper while at school. The only thing quicker than her sharp tongue was her wand. With his mind more calm, Severus focused his faculties on coming up with strategies that would enable him to meet his goal.

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Miriam took a small bite of toast and stared into her fire. She frowned and pushed the plate away. Nothing seemed to taste good anymore. Between getting sick and being without Severus, she'd lost almost ten pounds. As she took a sip of the weak tea in her cup she gazed about her sitting room and smiled wanly, at peace in her sanctuary.

Miriam used her recovery as an excuse to stay in her room as much as she could. It was just easier. Every time she ventured out, Severus was there. He acted as though he wanted to say something, but Miriam never gave him the opportunity. Instead, she either feigned interest in something around her or ducked out of sight. She simply could not trust herself around him yet. Her moods still swung between wanting to curse him out and hex him, to wrapping her arms around him and crying on his shoulder. Miriam simply couldn't say or do the wrong thing - as strange as it sounded, she didn't want to hurt Severus. Her silence was the best option.

Miriam glanced at the clock and sighed. Time was getting on, and there were things to do. She rose, slipped on her cloak and made her way through the castle. She had several stops to make in Diagon Alley and one in Knockturn Alley. Tonight, the Headmaster had a get-together planned for the teachers.

Tomorrow was Valentine's Day, and they would all be busy keeping an eye on the students. According to Albus, it was nothing fancy - just drinks and conversation. Miriam didn't care how informal it was, she simply wasn't in the mood to celebrate love. Once outside, she slipped on her gloves and walked to the Apparition point. Once there, she flipped up the hood of her cloak and disappeared with a small pop.

As Severus walked down the corridor towards Albus' Valentine's Day festivities his frown deepened. This party was his first time being in the same room with Mia despite Severus' efforts to talk to her before now. His attempts to engage her failed miserably, and Severus was left utterly frustrated. He just wanted this encounter to pass, then he'd slip away to his rooms. Severus paused before the doors to the music room to gather his wits about him, then walked through the door. He hesitated in the shadows and locked eyes with Miriam across the room.

She stood next to her desk, a vinyl record in her hands. She was thinner than he remembered, but Severus couldn't deny how good Miriam looked. She'd straightened her usual curly hair to an impossibly long length, and she had outlined her light eyes with black eyeliner. She wore a white, feminine-cut dress shirt paired with a curve-hugging, pinstripe pencil skirt. A Tiffany blue scarf around her neck matched the soles of her black heels to finish her polished look.

There was a time, not very long ago, when Miriam would have left this get-together with him. He would run his hands through her soft hair, caress every inch of her curves with his large hands. She would fall asleep in his bed after they were intimate, wrapped up in his arms. But now, those moments were simply memories. His nights were solitary, and his bed as cold as the look she cast his way.

Severus stood in the shadows as the silence stretched out between them. Finally, Severus glanced out across the stage and noticed a circle of chairs. He moved quickly towards them and deftly took a seat. The chair he chose was overly soft, and upholstered in a bright blue velour. He studied the other chairs in the circle. Not a single one matched. Each was overstuffed, brightly colored, and littered with throw pillows. This had Albus stamped all over it, Severus thought as he shifted uncomfortably.

Miriam kept busy as the other professors arrived. Some took a seat right away, while others visited the side bar first. Selene Vallas, the astronomy professor, slipped in and took a seat several spots away from Severus. She and Miriam exchanged looks, and Selene motioned her over with a wave of her hand.

Miriam nodded and picked up the small crate of records she was working on. She sat next to Vallas as the other professors moved about her classroom. Well, she actually shared it with Flitwick, he teaching the instrumental music while she taught the vocal. It was a good fit, especially since Filius encouraged her to rearrange the room and decorate it. Miriam brought in several of her personal effects, and she felt comfortable here.

The smell of cigarettes wafted through the air to land right in front of Miriam's nose. She frowned and glanced at the witch next to her. "Were you out smoking?"

"Guilty," replied Selene with a small smile.

Miriam closed her eyes and sighed. "I can't sit by you, then."

Professor Biggins walked by and gave Miriam a quizzical look. "I didn't know you smoke."

"I don't," Miriam replied as she moved two seats away from Severus and sat down. "I did once, but have since quit. Right now, though, I would maim someone for a fag, so it's best to stay away from temptation."

Biggins smirked and gave her an appraising look. He wandered over to a large shadow box Miriam hung on the wall. It contained pictures, show tickets and playbills. As he perused the display, Rolanda took the seat to Severus' left while Minerva took the empty chair to his right. Severus had to fight the urge to move - he couldn't see how this night could be any worse.

"Who is this bloke with you in the picture?" Biggins asked as he gestured to the shadow box. Miriam frowned and looked up from her crate of records.

"That is my friend Remus. We caught a showing of Les Misérables in London with my brother and sister-in-law."

Biggins chuckled and sat across from Miriam in a lavender settee. "So this Remus has been hopelessly cast in the role as friend, eh?"

"I'm not following," Miriam said slowly.

"Men and women aren't meant for friendship. Universal truth, that is," Biggins said confidently as he sipped at his glass.

"I know I'll regret this, but why can't men and women be friends?" Miriam asked.

"Because sex gets in the way, of course. A man can't be friends with a woman because ultimately he'll want to bed her. And any woman who thinks otherwise is deluding herself."

Miriam raised a brow, then shook her head slowly. "Well, I'm delusional then. Remus and I – well, let's just say our relationship isn't like that."

Biggins opened his mouth to reply, only to have Hooch interrupt him. "Miriam doesn't need to sleep with Remus anyway. She has plenty of other prospects, don't you dear?"

Severus watched as Miriam flushed crimson. "Well, I –"

Albus stepped into the circle and cleared his throat, as the professors turned to look at him. "Before this party gets started, let me just say how glad I am that you are all here. I'm grateful you all found time in your Sunday evening to relax before tomorrow's festivities. Now, for all the gentlemen here, you will find a nice bottle of wine waiting in your chambers as a gift from me. For you women, I have selected flowers personally for each of you that I will hand out shortly. Happy Valentine's Day!"

A murmur of assent carried through the small group of professors, and Severus rose to get a drink as small conversations broke out. When he returned, Minerva wasted no time and pulled him in with small talk. It took all his effort to stay polite and appear engaged, but his attention was on Miriam and Rolanda as they looked at records and talked lowly over their drinks.

Time passed quickly as the drink and conversation flowed. Finally, Minerva got up to refresh her glass and Severus could focus fully on Miriam. Biggins had managed to finagle his way into the conversation, and Severus frowned as he made a pass at Miriam. Severus' hand tightened around his tumbler to stop himself from punching Biggins in the jaw.

Miriam shook her head sadly. "Professor, that is the second-worst line I have heard, ever."

"What's the first?" Minerva asked as she sat down.

Miriam took a sip of tea and smiled. "Once, in a Muggle bar, this man asked me if I was a witch. When I asked him why he thought that, he replied that I had put a spell on him."

Hooch laughed loudly and Biggins asked, "So then what happened?"

Miriam shrugged. "I told him that I was sorry to let him down, but I couldn't possibly be a witch since I'd left my broom at home."

"You didn't!" Minerva exclaimed with a dry chuckle.

"Well, I had left it at home." Miriam said indignantly. "I Apparated that night."

This time Minerva laughed with everyone else in the group, but Severus couldn't bring himself to join in. It hurt to think that Miriam was free to go out and about again, free to have other men vying for her affection. She never belonged to Severus to begin with, but Severus felt as though he had lost something.

Rolanda got up to get another drink just as Albus walked over. He held a small, squat, deep purple vase made from cut glass. Its top overflowed with fragrant white peonies. He sat down next to Miriam, and passed the vase to her empty hands. "These are for you, dear."

Miriam stared at the flowers, a small lump in her throat. She swallowed hard and looked into Albus' blue eyes. "I love peonies. Thank you, Albus."

"You're welcome," Albus replied gently. "I remembered how fond you are of them. They were your grandfather's favorite as well, if memory serves."

Miriam closed her eyes and nodded. "He grew them, in his garden, with all his other flowers. They were across from the lilacs. He died pruning those lilac bushes," Miriam said softly. She looked at Albus and said firmly. "I never cared for lilacs much."

Albus placed a worn hand on Miriam's shoulder and squeezed gently as they shared a sad smile. "I promise, there are no nymphs hiding in the petals," Albus joked as he attempted to lighten the mood. "Would you care for another drink? Something stronger than tea?" Dumbledore asked as he rose to give Madam Hooch back her seat.

"Oh, no thank you," Miriam replied. "I should probably get going." She summoned Millie and handed the elf her flowers as she took her black cloak from Millie's hands.

"Where are you off to?" Albus asked.

"Miriam has a date!" Rolanda announced to the crowd.

Anger flashed in Severus' eyes as he clenched his jaw. His reaction wasn't unnoticed – Miriam saw everything. She stared at Severus for a moment, then smirked slightly and turned away.

"I'm meeting someone at the Three Broomsticks, yes," Miriam said lightly to Albus.

Dumbledore frowned. "I don't like the idea of you walking to Hogsmeade alone this late in the evening."

"Why? I was alone today in Knockturn Alley and didn't need a chaperone."

Albus looked at Miriam shrewdly, then over to Minerva as she stood.

"Miriam will be fine, Albus. But since I need to get on, she can walk me home."

Albus watched as the two witches bid the group good night and walked out of the room. The Headmaster sat down in Minerva's empty chair, lost in thought.

Professor Biggins was still focused on the door when he sighed heavily. "It's a shame, really, that she has a date. I don't know where you found her, Albus, but that Miriam is one fit bird."

"Bertrand," Dumbledore said in a serious tone. "I have known Miriam since she was a girl – she is like a daughter to me. Therefore, be mindful of how you speak of her in my presence."

Bertrand's eyes widened slightly, and he turned his attention back to his drink. Severus decided he'd had enough celebrating and rose from his chair. He offered a feeble excuse to Albus, thanked him for the wine, and excused himself.

As he walked back to his chambers, Severus tried to sort through his thoughts and get control over his emotions. Who the hell did Biggins think he was, coming on to Miriam like that? And who was this arse she had a date with tonight? It certainly didn't take her long to move on, Severus thought bitterly.

When did Hooch become the resident scholar on all things Miriam? Severus knew Mia took tea with Minerva, Rolanda, and Pomona weekly, but Madam Hooch seemed privy to a great deal of personal information. Severus opened his door and immediately saw the bottle of wine from Albus on the coffee table. He picked it up and walked to his liquor cabinet, internally seething over his unanswered questions.

Severus should know those things about Miriam. He should know about her love of peonies, but Severus didn't because he never bothered to ask. It was him that should take Miriam to Knockturn Alley so that she wouldn't be alone. Severus should have put Biggins in his place after making untoward comments about Miriam. Lastly, Miriam's place was here, with him, and not on some date at the damn Three Broomsticks.

Frustrated, Severus turned from the liquor cabinet and kicked his leather chair. It slid several inches across the floor and Severus cursed from the throbbing pain in his foot. He limped over and flung himself on the couch. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw an odd bit of color. Curious, Severus sat up. On the stone floor lay Miriam's scarf.

Severus leaned over and grasped the scarf in his hands. The silky, cranberry material ran through his fingers like water. Tentatively, he brought the scarf to his nose and inhaled. Miriam's perfume filled his nostrils, and with it a flood of images filled his head.

Severus fingered the scarf, deep in thought. Miriam couldn't find it the day they went to Diagon Alley. He should return the scarf - after all, it wasn't his to keep. After several moments, Severus shook his head and stood. He walked to his bed chamber and placed the scarf in his top dresser drawer. Severus ran his finger over the material one last time before he pushed the drawer closed. Miriam's scarf would stay with him. Aside from his memories, it was all he had left.

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A/N: Thanks for being so patient with me! I went on vacation this month, and actually took the littles to do touristy things, so it left me with little writing time. I hope everyone hung in until the end of the chapter - this one has a lot of little details. They might seem incidental, but they're important. Thanks to all who have favorited/followed this story-it makes my heart happy :) Until next time!