Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope.
Story: Penelope Parker had a habit of picking up strays and attracting the wrong kind of men.
Set after various episodes.
Spoilers: Probably.
Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…
Pairings: Features Fem!Peter/Various Others, (main) Fem!Peter/Flint Marko (Sandman), Fem!Peter/Norman Osborn, Fem!Peter/Dr. Connors, Fem!Peter/Kraven

Love in Hopeless Places
Chapter Twenty: Keep You on My Arm

"Penny's got an art class?" Flint asked curiously.

Curt looked at him unsurely. "I don't know, does she?"

"According to Norman, she does," Flint mentioned, looking at his phone, a new acquisition from them.

Curt's eyebrows raised. "Norman let you know that?"

"Mmhm," Flint nodded slowly, getting a little distracted as he typed back a response. "Says she goes to some sort of creative school for art classes. He says she volunteers on Saturday mornings sometimes."

Curt blinked. "Huh. I'm…surprised he let you know that. Why though?"

"I'm surprised too," he muttered. "But the why's easy enough. Wants me to pick her up since he was somehow let known she was there and it's around the time class is over. He and his kid used to pick her up and they'd go out for fondue."

"Fondue?" Curt asked in amusement.

"Fondue," Flint confirmed with a grin.

"Ah, Norman, why can't you just go out to eat lunch like normal people," Curt shook his head as he muttered. "Stark probably told him she'd gone there," he figured, talking louder. "Probably trying to prompt him to go pick her up, like 'usual.' Obviously, Norman deflected to you."

"I don't mind," Flint grinned again. "I got a license finally. Can I borrow a car?"

Curt quietly snorted. "There's plenty in the SHIELD hanger. Go help yourself."

Flint's grin widened and he practically shot off towards the doors. Curt shook his head.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said that."

Okay, so maybe he was a little too exhilarated and eager to have to pick out a car and to pick up Penny…but for once, he legally had a car he could drive (sue him if he picked out the AM-RB 001 Hypercar –he'd liked the look and he'd always been a fan of speed; before he became Sandman and before he'd gone to prison even, he used to visit the horse races and the race tracks, and bet a ton) and he was always happy to see and be around Penny.

Parked in front of the school she was volunteering at, he waited in the car. Although then he got sick of that and got out of the car, leaning against its side and waited there, hoping to spot Penny immediately. He nervously fiddled with the dark green dress shirt he'd put on, wondering if Penny would like the new look.

"Can I change my clothes?" he asked Curt out of nowhere.

The SHIELD scientist looked caught off guard from the question.

"Um, I don't see why not?" Curt answered hesitantly. "Is there a problem to that?"

Flint picked at his green-striped shirt. "I've always worn these ever since the accident, and whenever I form up to my bio form, the clothes automatically form to my body."

Curt looked thoughtful. "I think it's more to the fact that you wore them when the accident happened, so they've become more or less a part of you. And because you have a set of clothes all ready to wear, you don't really have need to 'change' clothes and haven't thought to do so. Maybe if you focused, you can 'meld' them into you and appear without your clothes, and then you can pick out different clothes to put on over your biological body."

Flint hummed quietly, thinking about that. Deciding to give it a try, he focused and willed his 'clothes' to shift into sand and disappear into him before becoming biological again. At his success, he cheered as he clapped his hands together and then pumped a fist into the air.

"Fascinating," Curt muttered, and then Flint remembered the other was still there and looked over to see him scribbling something onto a datapad.

"H-hey! What do you think you're doing?" Flint quickly willed his clothes back on, face turning bright red.

"Taking notes."

Flint's eye twitched a little. Sometimes, he really wished Curt didn't get all 'clinical scientist' on him. It was funny when he did it to others though (specifically Norman….).

"To be fair, I'm still your doctor, so I need to know this stuff and take note and all…But you also did decided to try it right here in front of me." Flint bet Curt would've been snickering by now.

"I wasn't thinking," he muttered.

"Think of it this way –at least you can get rid of your clothes instantly if Penny wanted to see you naked and ready –Gah!"

Flint was only slightly shaking Curt with his sand. Just slightly.

And so now that he had that figured out, Flint had dressed himself in a dark green dress shirt, black pants, and nice, polished shoes. He figured he should take a page out of Norman's book with dressing up, rather than anyone else, especially considering Penny's reaction seeing the other that one time for their dinner. Besides, if Norman could dress up, so could Flint.

By then, though, he'd realized and noticed that he'd drawn a lot of attention and a lot of students milling about or exiting the school were staring or at least glancing at him. He figured, aside from the car, they knew he wasn't a usual around there and that none of them had ever seen him there before. He tried to not notice or make a big deal out of it, but he was still getting used to being in society again and being around people.

"Nice car, man," he heard someone say from his side, and he turned slightly to see a younger male grinning at him before admiring the car. A group of the kid's friends were around him and were also admiring it.

"Thanks," Flint smiled a little, letting himself feel calm.

"Are you waiting for someone?" he heard someone else ask, and he turned to their direction to see a blonde female looking at him curiously.

"I am," Flint said. "I'm actually here for Penny. Penny Parker?" he elaborated, thinking that they might not know who he was talking about if he didn't add in Penny's surname. Still, they probably wouldn't know her anyway…

"Ah, Miss Parker?" the blonde asked, surprising Flint. "I think she'll be out in a minute."

"Oh, okay," Flint answered, his tone a little unsure.

He went back to waiting, but there was now a bit of whispering around him, which started to freak him out and he was shifting anxiously on his feet.

"Hey, I can go get her and tell her you're here, if you want," the blonde offered. "She's probably talking with Mrs. Ryker."

"Um, if you could," Flint hesitantly agreed. "She probably doesn't know I'm here."

"Oh, it's a surprise?" the blonde practically beamed at him.

"Er…yeah…"

"No problem! I'll be back!"

That was…strange. Flint inwardly shrugged, deciding to take it as it was, and just patiently wait by his car. SHIELD'S car. Right.

He wondered if he could claim this car, the way Penny owned the Spider-cycle? The Sand-speeder?

Right then, Flint caught sight of Penny walking out of the front entrance in confusion, her face visibly questioning as she looked around. She spotted him then and he gave her a big grin and a wave. Though her eyebrows moved up slightly, she grinned back at him and headed his way.

"Hey!" he greeted her.

"Flint! What're you doing here?" she asked, smiling happily. "And wow –you look really…nice." She turned a bright red.

Pleased at the compliment, Flint winked at her and made her smile even more. Her good cheer was great to see, compared to how she was before, and his eyes moved to catch sight of the locket laying against her chest. He made a noncommittal noise, but focused back in on her.

"Picking you up," he told her. "Somebody told me you go here and usually get picked up after."

Her smile faltered for a moment, but came back strong. "Yeah, that's right."

"So…you wanna go fondue-ing?"

Penny blinked at him before she burst out into laughter. She led him back to the car and Flint had to keep ignoring the fact the stares seem to triple, along with the whispering.

"This is definitely a nice car," Penny commented appreciatively, caressing the dash.

"I don't think I technically stole it, since Curt told me to 'help myself,'" Flint said with a mischievous look on his face.

Penny giggled. "I don't think they would appreciate that you picked probably what was the most expensive car in the hangar, and is now racing around with it like a lunatic." Not that she was complaining about his driving –she was a speed freak herself.

"I'm Italian," he explained, like that meant anything.

She raised an eyebrow in amusement. "What does that have anything to do with anything?"

"Italians are natural racers and dominate the race circuit."

Penny shook her head, unable to stop grinning. "I'm not quite sure that's true, Flint."

"Sure it is," Flint said flippantly. "Look at F1 and the likes of Guiseppe Farina."

"I'm more familiar with NASCAR, and not even that much," she told him with a shrug.

He scrunched up his nose in disgust. "F1 is so much better than NASCAR," his tone was dismissive.

She started giggling again. "Sure, whatever you say, Flint."

"What was up, back there? I swear they just kept staring and whispering."

Penny strangely blushed. "Um, by now, according to Debbie, they all think you're my boyfriend."

Flint didn't let anything show on his face, but he thought that over favorably. He gave her a sly smile, with a teasing look to his eye.

"That's not such a bad title," he drawled playfully, surprising her.

She looked at him considerably. As she'd thought when she was with Reed, she really did have to look over her relationships carefully and reevaluate them, especially now that there were things she was understanding from the others that she hadn't noticed or understood before. And especially now that she had to examine her own feelings closely…

"Want a turn at driving this thing?"

Though excited, she bit her lip to hold it back.

"I don't know…"

"If we crash it, I won't tell if you won't."

Ah, well, if responsibility was going to be thrown at the window –

"There's a close-down airfield around here we can go to," Penny suggested excitedly.

Flint chuckled and redirected the car. Soon enough, after following Penny's directions, they reached the abandoned airfield, and he parked the car and got out of it. After switching seats with Penny and giving her the first turn, she started the car and drove like hell around there.

Flint just enjoyed the ride, watching the brilliant smile on her face that he missed, along with the happy look in her eyes that had been subdued for a while.

"Boyfriend, huh?" Curt iterated while shuffling some papers. "This is getting hilarious. The SHIELD base is convinced we're dating, and now that art school believes you two are."

Flint snickered, faintly swiveling on the rolling chair. "Hey, we could get Norman's building to think he's dating her."

Curt cracked a smirk. "I'm going to buy a domino set and start inviting you two to play."

He bit his lip to keep from laughing at that. "We'd first have to drag Norman out of his penthouse and out of his funk."

"True," Curt nodded. "I thought you two were going to go for fondue?"

Flint snorted. "We went after messing with the car. The place she and the Osborns usually go to was closed for the week. Vacation or something."

"…Why do I get the feeling that was Norman's hand in things?" Curt asked sarcastically.

Flint finally burst out into laughter and shook his head. "I guess he doesn't want anyone else getting fondue with her!"

With a similar topic going on, there were three others talking about fondue in the Avengers Tower, with Tony Stark laughing it up and curling into a painful ball on the floor.

"Stop laughing," Penny's face was red. "It's not that funny."

"Which part? The part where Flint's mistaken as your boyfriend, or the part where you two tried to get fondue and failed?" Tony gasped out.

"It really isn't that funny," Penny told Steve, shaking her head in bemusement. "What's his problem?"

Steve strangely had a light blush on his cheeks. "It might have something to do with me and his father…and Peggy."

"T-this guy," Tony shakily pointed a finger at Steve. "Didn't know what fondue was. So when my dad flirted with Aunt Peggy, Steve's old flame, and asked her out to fondue, he was thinking about some very naughty things!"

"I was not!" Steve protested. "I didn't know what I was thinking it meant. I just knew he was asking her out for something," he grumbled.

"Oh my God!" Tony was still shaking with laughter, but slowly got up to return to his seat. "It's like Norman Osborn became Howard Stark, and Flint morphed into Steve! It's priceless!"

Penny just turned a brighter red and buried her face into her hands, refusing to listen to Justin Bieber singing in the background, courtesy of Tony and Friday.

Started 7/9/16 – Completed 7/10/16

A/n: I thought the mood needed to lighten up XD Also, Flint's having a grand ol' time reintegrating himself back into society, isn't he? Haha, I hope you guys had a good time with this chapter and please remember to review! If you haven't yet, check out my other USM story "Come Inside My Parlor"!

(This also would've been out faster had I not been so consumed with Neko Atsume and Pokémon Go XD)

Anon Reviews:

1. Guest: Definitely bittersweet, especially for Reed. That's a good idea though –do you mean as a separate story, with different one-shots of Penny and a different husband and some kids AU?