Fear and the unnatural
As was to be expected, Aro was devastated by Marguerithe's death. It had been a tragedy, just when everything seemed to be perfect for the first time. I spent a couple of months in terror, thinking he might go over what had happened that day and find some detail that could make him realize what had truly occurred. I went over and over every single second, trying to see how it could have ended differently, how it could have been so that I hadn't been forced to do what I did. Nothing I thought of suggested a different path. Aro had ruined everything with that look, that spark in his eyes. After that, nothing could have changed my mind, even if I hadn't seen his eyes then, I would have seen them in any other moment, and there would have still been no way back; sooner or later it would have happened, sooner or later I would have killed her.
I thought and thought about it, feeling horribly guilty while at the same time I couldn't find anything wrong with my deed, it just was something that had to be. At least, that's what I told myself. The words felt comforting, and I lived on them for centuries. To this day, I still believe the whole thing was written and there was absolutely nothing that could have been done to prevent it.
Needless to say, neither Caius nor Alec knew the truth. As far as they had heard, Marguerithe had tripped on her way downstairs, had tripped over her own feet and hadn't been able to grab me for support because in her eagerness to see Aro she had run and left me behind. She had fallen all the way down and since the stairs were made of hard stone her neck had broken in the process. All this was true, as was the fact that even as he realized that Marguerithe was dead he tried to save the child. There and then he tore her open to take the baby out, but the poor thing was so small, only five months, that it couldn't make it and actually died in its father's hands. It was also true that both were buried in the garden, that Aro wouldn't speak to anyone for weeks, and that finally he spent six months mourning them. There wasn't a single lie in this story; the only fact missing was that I was the cause of it all.
According to Marcus, it would take a few years for Aro to be ready to try again, so meanwhile we carried on with routine. Around a year later, when Aro was finally looking like he had come to terms with his loss, I was introduced to someone, one of the most peculiar being I have ever come across.
"Janette, Janette, come on, we are being summoned in the Hall," said my brother one evening.
"What is it? A trial?"
"No. I believe Aro has just met someone he finds very interesting. They have all been chatting for hours and now he has sent for us, I suppose he wants us to meet his new friend. Let's go, there's no time to waste."
He seemed excited and with reason: this was the first happy event after Marguerithe. Her whole intervention in our lives had been deeply stressful, and by the sound of it this new friend of Aro's could be the perfect chance to let go.
As soon as we arrived to the Hall we were greeted by an unusual smile from Aro.
"There you are," he said softly as he beamed. "Come, meet our new friend. He has just arrived from England. Jane, Alec, this is Carlisle. Carlisle, these are Jane and Alec, twins and the most valuable jewels of our home."
The newcomer smiled at us, a gesture we couldn't help but correspond. He was good-looking, blond hair, manly features, impeccable clothing, and an air of distinction and class that showed he had already been someone before immortality. He shook hands with Alec and then, like a gentleman, he kissed mine. But as he looked up I noticed something quite curious and, at the time, scary: his eyes were not the velvety shade of roses that we had always seen. Instead, they were golden, liquid gold that was like honey poured into his irises, as if there was topaz instead of rubies in his look.
"Ah, you have noticed," said Aro, pleased. "You can see that dear Carlisle does not look like us and at first glance, he might even be mistaken for some other kind of creature. But rest assured, my darling Jane, that Carlisle is one of us. The peculiar shade you see in his eyes is due to his diet."
"How so?" Alec and I asked at the same time, intrigued. No matter what Aro had said, Carlisle looked like anything but a vampire.
"Well, the point is, Carlisle does not feed on humans. He has never tasted their blood."
Aro might as well have said Carlisle came from outer space. Though we knew it was rather impolite, Alec and I couldn't help but stare at this strangest of man, who looked a bit uncomfortable but not in the slightest ashamed.
"How… how can that be possible?" my brother managed to say. "How can you survive, then?"
"I only drink the blood of animals," said the man. He had a pleasant voice, calm and quiet, but I already knew I would never fully trust him anymore. "It's like when I was human, only that now instead of the meat I take the blood."
"But why do you do that? Why can't you drink human blood?"
"It's not that he cannot, Jane dearest, but rather that he chose not to. You see, our friend Carlisle here is what you could call a good person. His heart won't allow him to kill a person, for he still regards them as his equals, his fellow race."
"I believe that since we were humans before, we owe them respect. It would be such a cruelty to hunt those that were once our brothers. But as humans we already animals, so there is no actual difference between eating the meat or drinking the blood." Well, I couldn't tell you, I thought to myself, it's not as if we had a lot of meat on our table when we were humans. Or any food at all. Rich boy. "Abstaining from murder is the one thing I can do to feel less monstrous."
The more I heard, the more I mistrusted Carlisle and the less I understood, and I could tell that Alec felt exactly the same. Aro continued, oblivious to our discomfort, and told us that Carlisle, who had made his mission in life to fight the 'monstrous nature' that had been forced upon him, had decided to study medicine in order to save lives instead of taking them. Carlisle's eyes, though still moderate and humble, glowed with pride at the mention of his projects.
"The vampires I found back in England were rather… primitive, so to say," he explained. "I am so glad I found you, and I should expect I can learn from you. Aro has offered to let me stay for some time, while I carry out my studies and learn from this lifestyle. I am still rather new to immortality, I'm afraid, but I'm also glad that I will now have all the time in the world to learn everything I have ever wanted."
"Carlisle is determined to be the vampire with the most culture in history. Already his knowledge is impressive, and with his passion for learning I have no doubt he will be quite successful. My only aim, on the other hand, is to make him see that immortality is the most precious of gifts, and not a curse, as he seems to regard it, and hopefully I will make him accept his natural diet."
Aro smiled at the brilliance of his plan, but our own reactions, including Carlisle's, were rather forced. You didn't need to be a genius to realize he would never change his mind about human blood, and that alienated him from us forever. And he didn't like immortality –a curse, in his opinion. After hearing that I was sure I really would never, ever trust him, and even liking him would take a while; to me the eternal life was the one true blessing on Earth, a treat so wonderful and indescribable as it was delicate, and in my eyes Carlisle had defiled it. That I would never forgive.
I have to admit, though, that during the time he stayed with us he proved quite useful. Never a nuisance, and one would barely notice him when he didn't want to be noticed. He finished his studies of Medicine without so much as the smallest incident, and if temptation ever became too strong or painful he never showed it. He was extremely polite, always respectful with the men and a total gentleman with us girls. If you walked by when he was with the Trio you could hear the most fascinating debates on arts, politics, science, literature. Since I was by far Aro's favourite he often invited me into the room, where I sat at his feet, was given a cup of fresh, warm blood –temptation in Carlisle's path, of course-, and Aro would stroke my head, which rested on his lap. I have to admit I learned quite a lot during those sessions, and the opportunity of the education I was denied as a human is something that I have always cherished.
I began to kind of like him, but our faintly good relationship died when he witnessed his first trial. Back then my powers were used as routine and not special questioning only; I loved practicing what Caius had told me, now with a subject that wouldn't die after only a few minutes, but with something more resistant. Vampires could go on and on, which allowed me to perfect my techniques and become absolutely lethal. There were stories about me, of course, I had become the greatest fear of the Volturi household, and in our society vampires told each other to be sure never to break the law in order to avoid coming here and face not the Volturi's laws, but my talents. I caused a mixture of terror and admiration that made Aro, Caius and Alec glow with pride when they looked at me. Not Carlisle, though. I will never forget the moment when I looked up during that first trial to rest a little bit before continuing, and met Carlisle's eyes, that had until then been fixed on me. The look of disgust in his eyes was mixed with something that resembled pity. When I started again, angrier, he discretely left the Hall without a word. After that day we never spoke to each other unless it was absolutely necessary, and we both made sure it never was.
Aro was sad about it, I knew he had really hoped Carlisle and I could get on because he sincerely liked Carlisle and wished that he could somehow convince him of staying with us and adopting our customs. But nobody ever felt comfortable in his presence, the weird gold in his eyes was disturbing, his calm manners and distant attitude were difficult and all in all he was impossible to understand. We could tell he didn't enjoy being with us, too: he avoided us as much as possible and it was obvious he was here only for the learning possibilities; he spent hours and hours locked in Marcus's study, surrounded by thousands of books, making notes and observations on everything there was to know. He learned to play many instruments, and finished his studies of medicine successfully, without any incident regarding human blood. Perhaps some of us were impressed with this last achievement, but nonetheless we were never able to make real contact with the mysterious Carlisle Cullen.
Meanwhile, we were preparing ourselves for Aro's next experiment. Caius and Marcus had told me that he always took at least three years to recover and they were right; Carlisle had arrived quite a few months after Marguerithe's death, and he had already been a year with us. Aro tried, he really did, but his taste was so demanding that he was always able to find flaws in every girl. It exasperated him terribly, for he really meant to fulfill his wish as soon as possible, but there was always a little something that didn't allow him to get any further. He never shared this with Carlisle, and no one else did; actually, it was a very small group of people that knew the truth, that Marguerithe had not been a separate incident but the umpteenth try of a delicate project that had lasted centuries. Aro was very private about that, and he never told his compassionate friend because his intuition seemed to tell him that not only would Carlisle disapprove if he found out, but he could actually stand on his way, his mercy and love for the human race wouldn't have let him witness the continual use and sacrifice of endless women and girls in the pursuit of a whim.
We kept Carlisle's attention diverted from Aro's scheming by presenting every form of art and science we had in those times. At night he visited galleries, libraries, and during the day he focused in the tools he had in the castle: more books, music, plants. Somehow, he convinced animals that he wasn't a predator, and instead of running from him as they did form us, birds and other small species approached him fearlessly. If he hadn't been so strange and if I hadn't known that he hated me, I would have actually admired him, admired his efforts, talent, self-discipline and control. It was impressive. Such a pity we never got along.
We all lived separate lives. Everyone carried on killing humans for survival and fun, new people arrived and some left, I continued with my training with Caius, Aro kept looking for the new right woman, and Carlisle stayed obsessed with finding that stupid humanity he missed so much.
Then came 1666, and September. The Great Fire of London. Oh, don't we all remember that day.