It's the holiday season, and life is sort of crazy right now. Unfortunately, I just lost a few friends. Everyone tells me to get over it, but it could take a little. The good news is, my grandmothers are doing a lot better now and my dad is covering the Rose Bowl on New Year's Day. My birthday comes in a week from now. I've posted a bunch of new pictures on Deviant Art (look for gaz7gir) But there are people who are in more stressful situations than I am, so let's have a moment of solitude.
Okay, moment's over!
After much debating with myself, I finally decided to do a parody that really doesn't have to do with Christmas, but when you're bored out your mind, watching Disney Channel, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory comes on, and you notice that there's snow, you get ideas. Craaaaaaaazzzyyy ideas.
Please read my Kirby story, The Randomest Ever Story About a Waddle Dee. (Actually, the story's about a Waddle Dee, not Kirby.) I lost sleep while thinking about it, so you BETTER read it or else I will send demon monkeys to do horrible things to your cheese sandwich. Waddle Dees are giving me insomnia, I swear. And a loss of sleep gives me more time to think of your punishment, so READ IT!
Also, about that money-is-better-than-love-thing. After thinking for a whole three minutes, sure, money can buy me GIR stuff, but it can't buy my freakish fan-obsession over him, so my theory just may have been disproved.
I gots me bottom braces now. It sucks. But the pain is going away. I did get a cute short haircut, though. I like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, Charlie and the Chocolate factory, Free Credit , Kirby, Waddle Dees, Johnny Depp
Random fact: I had a strange dream that was not about, but did involve, chocolate.
Another Random Fact: It appears that in Indian music videos, there are a lot of close-ups of people's butts. I found this while eating at an Indian Restaurant. I love Indian food.
Chapter 21: Zim and the Chocolate Factory
It was a snowy morning…or was it afternoon? Evening? I dunno. I can't tell. Zim was busy…you guessed it, working on an experiment. Ugh. Why can't he dance instead.
Okay, okay. Zim was dancing. Why? Because I'm writing the story, I'm in charge. No questions asked.
So Zim was dancing and GIR was watching The Scary Monkey show.
No, that's not exciting enough.
Zim was dancing while wearing a sombrero and GIR watched the Scary Monkey show…with a pig tied to his head singing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
Just then the news came on.
"This just in: Willy Wonka is holding a sweepstakes. Four lucky people who find the four Platinum-coated tickets will win a tour of the Wonka Chocolate Factory! And one special person will win something so spectacular, so magnificent, so David Hasselhoff-errific that I can't say what it is!"
"Surprise?! ZIM MUST DISCOVER THIS SURPRISE!"
Okay, yada yada. I don't feel like describing anything so I'll just make this as quick as possible. Stores are crowded and hot, just like the mall on Christmas Eve, full of last minute shoppers tearing the place to shreds, possibly murdering people, just to get their presents…err…chocolate bars. Zim despised chocolate, so he just snatched up whatever he could and ran like the people at the mall I told you about. Seriously, the mall is crazy right now. I just went there today, but anyways,
At the base…
Zim unwrapped the chocolates, bar by bar. It was a very tedious task, but it had to be done. Just like washing dishes. GIR sat nearby, gobbling the chocolate bar by bar, which was fun. After a while, I get sick of too much chocolate, but GIR could've ate that chocolate for all of eternity.
"Empty…empty…EMPTY! This is useless! We'll never find it! GRRRR!!"
GIR was now a giant obese little blob, although I don't see how robots can gain weight. Oh well. Who cares about logic?
"Yes, master?"
"I didn't call you! Just keep eating!"
GIR's eyes turned red. "Yes Sir!"
And so, we move ahead days, because there's not much to describe, and I want to post this as soon as possible, hopefully before Christmas. Zim kept getting frustrated as GIR kept getting fatter and happier. Lalalalalalaaaa…
Days later…
"All right, GIR! The 30,587,596,478th time HAS to be it!"
Zim sweated as he unwrapped the last bar. "Come on…" he muttered through clenched teeth. "Come on…"
Something gleamed from inside the package. Could it be?
A platinum-coated ticket read: "Congratulations! If you have found this ticket, you are one of the four lucky winners of a grand tour of the Wonka Chocolate factory! Be at the front gate at 3 A.M. sharp on December 23, and you will be on an unforgettable tour!"
"I…I won…" Zim stuttered in disbelief. "I WON!!!!" Zim did that Irken victory dance I told you about in that one chapter. I think it was the Potato Tree.
GIR coughed up another platinum ticket, along with an expiration date dated earlier than the last one.
"GIR, why does this ticket have the same date as the first one?"
GIR jiggly shrugged his jiggly shoulders, which jiggly jiggled…jiggly.
Zim growled. I really want to work on my Waddle Dee story right now, but I'm determined to get this done, so you better finish this story. EGGNOG!
The day of the tour…
Zim and GIR stood outside the door at 2:45. Zim tapped his foot impatiently. GIR had mysteriously lost the weight he gained. I wish I could lose weight that fast. Everybody does. Zim looked around. He saw a sight he dreaded. Dib and Gaz stood outside, waiting for something. Gaz played her Gameslave *cough*I want Guitar Hero!*cough*
Zim turned to himself. "Dib. I should've know this was a trap!"
"What are you doing here?" asked Dib.
"YOU HAVEN'T FOOLED ME!!!"
"What?"
"I'm not falling for your pathetic little trap, Dib"
"What trap? Gaz and I found a platinum ticket too."
"Nice try!"
"Would you shut up?" Gaz said and continued on level 87 of Vampire Piggy Hunter 3: Revenge of the Swines.
Just then they heard a creeeeeeek coming from the factory door. A crazy man with a strange haircut and purple suit came appeared. "Welcome!"
"It's Johnny Depp!!" Shouted GIR.
"No, I'm Willy Wonka!"
"No, you's Johnny Depp!"
"Wonka."
"Johnny Depp!"
"Look, kid, you better shut up or I'll through you out on your sorry butt."
"I like monkeys!"
"Well then, shall we get started?"
They walked through a candy-land.
"Here, eat the grass! It's made of chocolate!" Said Mr. Depp…I mean, Wonka.
"Why is it green?" Dib asked.
"Umm-"
"It's magic!" GIR answered.
"Yes, yes. That's it!"
While Wonka was blathering on about Oompa Loompas which were actually Waddle Dees, GIR ran over to the chocolate river. He started to take a drink, but leaned forward a little too far.
"Aaah!" he screamed. He didn't know how to swim.
"GIR! Get out of there!" Zim shouted.
"I can't!" he whined.
So everyone ran over to him but they couldn't get him out. The only way out was for him to drink the chocolate, and that fountain was infinite.
So we'll let GIR finish his chocolate while we move on.
Crud…I can't remember what kid comes next, so here's a fake ad, I guess. By the way, I posted a picture of this ad on Deviant Art.
We are at some restaurant where the guy would be in his pirate suit, but he's just wearing a jacket over his underwear because he got fired. He's holding a guitar and singing. GIR is playing the twangy noise thing in the background. And because I feel like it, Waddle Dees are in pirate costumes dancing in the background. Some are playing instruments. (For those who don't know, Waddle Dees look sort of like Kirby, only they're reddish-orange and a different shape. All are awesome dancers and adorable! )
"They say a man should always dress for the job he wants
So why's that dog dressed like a pirate in this restaurant?
It's all because some hacker stole my identity
Now I've lost my job and drinking gallons of iced tea
Should've gone to FreeeeeeeCredit Report Dot Com
I could've seen this comin' at me like an atom bomb
They monitor your credit and send you e-mail alerts
So you don't end up selling fish to tourists in T-shirts"
Everyone applauses. The FCR guy bows, but they throw roses at GIR and the Waddle Dees. The man spontaneously combusts and walks away. Poor guy. Still, GIR ranks at 1, Waddle Dees 2, Flowers 3, and in 4th place, FCR guy. Maybe one day, I'll write a fanfic about him.
End ad.
Okay, I think I've figured it out now.
While on the tour, Dib wore a lot of metal, what with his alien discovering thingies and whatnot. With metal, there's necessary, and then there's dangerous.
"Now we have reached the part of the factory where I make gum," said John-WILLY Wonka.
WADDLE DEES ARE AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! ^_^!
I LUV GIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry. Felt like saying that. MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE RUUUULEZ!!!!!
So then he showed them something so impressive, so astounding, so David Hasselhoff-mazing that I cannot tell you what happened because it's so secret. I bet you're wondering what happened. Well, too bad.
Dib leaned a little too forward to one of the magnetic gum stretchers and…
"Ow! Ooh! Ow! OW! OW! OWWWW! AAAAAHHHH!!!"
I really don't need to explain it here. I'm too lazy, and you can figure it out yourself.
" 's bout time," said Gaz.
So they walk to the next place, the Video Game Research area. Now's the time to hum a little tune here.
Hmm hmm hmmmmmmm…No. In fact, I will sing the Waddle Dees are Awesome Song.
Waddle Dees are awesome
Waddle Dees are awesome
Waddle Dees are awesome
But not as awesome as GIR
Because nothing beats GIIIIIIIIRRRRRR….
"We now arrive at the Video Game Research Department, where we find a way to combine video games with chocolate."
"I'm in heaven," said Gaz.
Gaz immediately took a controller and started playing. She couldn't look away.
"Don't play that!" said Wonka. But alas, he was too late. Gaz had been hypnotized by the game.
Now at this point, the Oompa Loompas would sing a song, but since Waddle Dees usually don't talk, they just did a cute little dance.
Willy Depp…I mean, Wonka looked at Zim. "Well, I guess you're the winner."
"YESSSSS!!!! Now I get the factory, right?"
"Actually, no. Here's a sandwich."
"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come on GIR, let's go home."
GIR was covered in chocolate.
"How did you get out of there? That chocolate was infinite!"
"I LUUUUV chocolate!"
Zim shrugged. "Ehh, he does that a lot."
And they both walked home in the snow while the Christmas shoppers' war raged on.
DA END!
Wow. That was fast. Well, at least I got it done in time. Happy Holidays!
Fun Activity: I've got two! 1: Count each individual light on your overenthusiastic neighbor's Christmas Decorations
2: Read my new fanfic, The Randomest Ever Story About a Waddle Dee.
It's your choice.
Happy Holidays!