Apologies for the lack of updates. I was on holiday in Jersey, and before that I was very busy working on another oneshot, which I have since uploaded if you wish to take a looksee. Though it's for none of my usual fandoms, I deliberately kept it very vague, that way any of my regular readers and friends wouldn't feel too confused reading it. You could even read it as a stand-alone/original concept if you really wanted to.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

My Immortal – A Very English Commentary

Chapter Twenty One – Bloody Bucketface

N: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong (Uh…yeah, it actually IS.) ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 (I feel like Tara's brain had a meltdown midway through the explanation of her strange little world and she just spewed forth whatever recycled insult she could think of.) woopz soz raven (There's this new thing called…BACKSPACE! You should've used it to delete the first chapter before you even posted it.) fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!

(Like with most Tumblr posts, I'm going to call bullshit on that.)

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Later we all went in the skull. (School. I don't care HOW 'goffic' you think you are, just call a spade a spade and get on with it.) Draco was crying in da common room.

"Draco are u okay?" (He's crying, so probably not.) I asked in a gothic voice. (What exactly qualifies as a gothic voice? Do bats with words painted on them in blood fly out of your mouth?)

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily.

(Aw, you could have had him say "I'm not okay"…geddit, like the song coz I'm goff-oh Primus…I AM BECOMING TARA!)

(SEND HELP!)

He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. (I'm trying to think of a good way to describe this, but…I honestly have no idea how it's possible to run in a 'suicidal' way.)

I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. (Naw, don't be silly! He's only running in a suicidal way because it's fun!)

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better."

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" I shouted angrily.

(That is NOT an image I wanted in my mind.)

Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.

"Draco please come!"(Oh dear. Curse this mind of mine!) he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. (Pail? Like a bucket? He is now renamed Bloody Bucketface.)

I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)

(I agree. Homophobes can fuck right off, though Tara's statement would probably have been a lot more effective if she'd actually been able to spell the word 'homophobe'.)

And then….. we herd sum footsteps!

(DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! NO, NOT THE FOOTSTEPS OF DOOM!)

Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. (I think I'm starting to see the inspiration for this story.) We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

(All I can see is Filch's body with a cat's head.)

(That is not a nice image.)

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. (Ew. That's nasty.) He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way.

(His breast? More proof that Bloody Buckethead is a Trans* character. Interesting, since this is one of the only fics to, hypothetically, include the 'T' in LGBT. I've seen only one other. Shame really, it'd be a great way of creating an engaging and interesting character.)

(Fuck it. If nobody else will, then I'm going to write a fic with a Trans* character. And a lesbian. There aren't enough of either on this site.)

(WE NEED MORE RAINBOWS, STAT!)

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. And then….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

(Nothing I can say will make those last two paragraphs any more ridiculous.)

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"

(I'M NOT OKAY!)

"I guess though." Draco weeped.

(Aw…really?! Tara, you had two perfect opportunities to remind us how 'goffik' you are, and you didn't take them. Your 'Goff Card' is now revoked.)

We went back to our coffins frenching each other. "Bonjour?"

Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) (No. It's some crappy B-film about mutant crocodiles or something. It's more funny than 'deprezzin'.) on the gothic red bed together. (I thought you were in coffins?)

As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. (Then I'm pretty sure it's not a vision. A vision is when you see something that's already happened or is going to happen. I can't remember the word for seeing the present and I'm far too lazy to go look it up.) There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1

(DAHN DAN DOOOOOOOM!)

Well that was a terrible chapter.

Boo, gimme some love, you preps. :3