I'm sitting here looking at a huge pile of vegetables. This was totally predictable. Last night she made hamburgers, so I know she's not mad at me. But instead of potatoes she served them with salad and green beans. She wasn't available to join me for lunch today but she had Margaret bring me a salad and vegetable soup. I ate it all then had Margaret email Donna and report back that I was a member of the clean plate club. Tonight it's chicken stir-fry, so I'm looking at broccoli, carrots, snap-peas, cauliflower and peppers. It's a good thing I make breakfast or I'd probably be drinking Kale Smoothies this week!

I'm pretty sure Donna is trying to prove a point with all these veggies. She thinks she's forcing me to do something I don't want to do and that the experience might persuade me not to force her to do things she doesn't want to do. But it isn't really going to work for several reasons.

First of all, if she stopped to think about it she'd realize I've been eating a lot healthier ever since we got married. I'm already older than her and I've had reconstructive heart surgery. I want to do whatever I can to prolong my life. I have a really good reason to live. And I'm hoping for a few more good reasons in the future. So she's not really forcing me to do something I don't want to do.

Second, she's actually proving my point, if I was making a bad choice by not eating healthy it wouldn't be fair to either of us. Her stepping and making me do the right thing, something that actually benefits us both, is exactly what I was talking about the other day. Sometimes it's really helpful to have someone you love and trust tell you what the right thing to do is. Of course, I'm assuming that she's making me eat these vegetables because she loves me and wants me to live longer- not because she's trying to punish me for something.

Third, she's forgetting that I kind of like it when she runs my life. I always have.

And finally, she doesn't seem to understand that I don't really have any desire to make her do something she doesn't want to do.

I've given our conversation in her office yesterday a lot of thought over the last 24 hours or so and I've come to the conclusion that she doesn't really understand what I wanted. It's not a question of power, it's a question of trust. I think she might be afraid that I'm going to turn into some domineering husband that wants her to be barefoot and pregnant and making him dinner. I'm not sure why she thinks that. I don't think I've ever given any indication that I would want that kind of relationship. In fact just the opposite. I'm so proud of what she's already accomplished and I think she's destined for even greater things. If we need a stay at home parent, I might just be the man for the job.

I also don't know if she understands that the conversation was about a concept. It wasn't really just about tomorrow's photo-op. But still the fact that she said yes, she'd skip it if I told her to makes me really happy. Not because it gives me power, but because it shows she trusts me. Frankly, I'm amazed that she'd said yes, even though she seems afraid of the concept of letting someone else make decisions.

And I'm not sure that she knows that I do understand that decisions have ramifications. Specifically, that if I prohibited her from going on trips with the First Lady it would basically be like stopping her from doing her job. I do know that and it's not what I want at all. And I don't know if she knows that I get that if I take away her chance to work in the White House that she's not going to want to stay in this town anymore. I know that she'd want me to quit my job too. Not in retaliation, but because if its too dangerous for one of us, it's probably too dangerous for both of us. It just wouldn't be right for me to demand that she stop taking the risk, when there are risks in my job too. If I ever decided that it was too dangerous for her to do this job, I'd quit mine without being told, and I'd move us some place safe. I get what's at stake here.

I just want us to talk about it. I want to talk about the risks and the safety precautions being taken. I want to make sure she knows that it would kill me if something happened to her. And I do want to know that she'd put me before the job. That if I just couldn't stand the thought of her going on a trip that she wouldn't go.

And she's right- this time isn't that time. There have been no specific threats. We have no evidence that the stalker is following her or will know where she'll be. And she'll be with the First Lady and a maximum security detail the whole time. This is as safe as it gets.

Of course, a little part of me still does want to wrap her in bubble wrap. But I know that's not possible.

Now, I just have to tell her all of this. I clear my throat a little and start.

When I've finished, Donna reaches across the table and takes my hand.

"It's kind of scary. Loving you as much as I do. I know you'd never hurt me intentionally. I don't think you want me home barefoot and pregnant. I'm glad you understand that if we let fear hold us back from doing our jobs, then we need to rethink whether we should be doing these jobs at all. I promise I'll be extremely careful tomorrow. I'll follow all the protocols and I won't take any unnecessary risks."

"I love you so much."

She smiles at me and stands up. "I'll take care of the dishes while you go read some memos."

It's really nice of her to offer but I don't want to shove all the domestic stuff onto her just because my job is a little more demanding. I'm managing the load of reading by bringing stuff home and reading some of it at night and reading some of it in the morning before work while she's still sleeping. But I'm not going to let it consume every minute of our home life.

"No, thanks. How about I rinse and you load? Or I can do both and you can decide what to wear tomorrow."

"Let's do them together, then I can pick out my clothes while you read."

"Okay." I stand up and grab my plate and glass and take it to the sink. Donna follows me with her stuff. It only takes a few minutes doing it together and there is just something about that feels so right. I never expected this . . . contentment from household chores. Maybe the difference is because now it feels like a home.

Once we are done I grab the memos from my backpack and take them into the bedroom. Donna is looking through the closet trying to decide what to wear. I know whatever she picks will look fabulous, but my stomach turns at the thought of her picture in the paper.

"Can I make one request?"

"Sure."

"Don't wear anything red."

"It goes without saying, babe."

Later, we're laying in bed together, reading. I'm almost through the stack of briefing memos that I brought home and she's reading a biography of Jacqueline Kennedy and telling me trivia.

"Hey, did you know that Jackie O started horseback riding at age one?"

"No, I didn't know that. Sounds kind of crazy. You know a one year old didn't ask for lessons. That's the parents trying to turn their kid into some sort of superstar."

"Yeah. . . . Hey, did you know that they had a kindergarten in the White House for Caroline?"

"Homeschool?"

"Not really. 12 other children attended with her."

"Interesting."

She's quiet for a few minutes then she says. "This is what Helen was talking about. This is the kind of First Lady she wants to be." And then Donna reads from the book-

"While she had a deep sense of obligation to her Country, her first priorities were to be a good wife to her husband and mother to her children. She told a reporter that 'if you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much.'"

I stop and put the memo down. Then I turn so that I'm facing Donna. "That's what I mean. But not just for the First Lady. For each of us. If I do a good job at this Chief of Staff position but I bungle my marriage and future children, what's the point?"

I run my hand down her arm and then intertwine our fingers and bring our hands up to my mouth so I can kiss her knuckles.

She smiles at me. "You are doing amazing. And I do feel the same way."

Then she looks down at our hands.

"Hey, you're wearing your japamala." She looks from the beads on my wrist back up to my eyes. "You haven't worn them in a while. Are you really that nervous about me going with Helen tomorrow?"

"Yes, and no. I wear them when I need something tangible to help me stay calm. I don't need them nearly as often when you are around. Since you'll be out of the building tomorrow, I thought it might be a good idea to wear them."

"Do you need to call Stanley?"

"No. He's the one who gave me the beads all those years ago. I know what he'd say. He'd want me to acknowledge my fear and give it the appropriate amount of respect. No more. No less. That's what I'm doing."

She looks carefully at me. "You know, if does get to be too much, even if it's irrational- I'd quit if you needed me to for your mental health. And when I say I'd want you to quit too. I don't mean that I'd make you quit your job as a punishment for making me quit mine. I mean if it gets to that point then I think it would be best for us to leave this place and start over somewhere else."

"I know."

"I don't think I explained it very well yesterday. Honestly I wasn't really sure I understood what you meant either, because it seemed like you were talking about smaller decisions but now I think I know. I think you meant even on a small decision, if it meant that much to the other person, we'd give them that right. But really it's not about that, is it? Really it's about the idea that if something means that much to you- enough to want to make the final decision on it, that I trust you to do the right thing. When it comes to these jobs, either one of us has the right to call it quits for both of us. To say I can't do this anymore. And to know that the other person is going to go along with it. Right?"

"Right." I say softly. God. I love her so much. I'd never do anything to hurt her. I only want what's best for her.

"The last time a man wanted to make decisions for me, he wanted me to give up everything for him. And, he didn't want it just in concept. He really wanted me to do it. And he wasn't willing to do the same for me. I know you're not that man. And I know that's not what you are asking. But even though I know that, it's still kind of hard. I'm sorry if it seems like I don't trust you as much as you trust me."

"Oh god, Donna, you have nothing to apologize for! I love you so much. I'm not going to let you down. I promise."

And if I ever met Dr. Freeride face to face, God help him.