Ha, once again this was meant to be cheerful but a load of **** happened and I am now in an appalling mood so I am letting some frustration out on Merlin…anger really does fuel writing. Thanks for the last review Nance x Sorry for not updating yesterday but it was my Mum's birthday. So yeah, sorry guys hope you don't hate me now :(

Chapter 20

Morgana returned into the room seeing Arthur exiting out the door and Merlin hugging himself awkwardly as if trying to physically hold in his emotions. She hurried over and handed him a shirt with the cafe's logo, it was almost identical to the one she was wearing but designed for men and with long sleeves instead of short. She had bought his uniform the day before in preparation and hurried over to her friend asking her to embroider the logo. She was certainly keen to make Merlin feel at home and comfortable and knew from what Arthur had told her that Merlin was self conscious about his scars and was pleased with herself for remembering and picking the long option. Merlin smiled at the uniform, Morgana had picked him long sleeves. He didn't know if this was deliberate or not and found himself wondering how much Arthur had told his sister but resisted the resentment. Arthur had done it for his own good, Morgana needed to know what she was dealing with and Merlin would have been incredibly uncomfortable wearing a short sleeved top in front of so many strangers. Merlin snapped out of his thoughts with a slight shake of his head, "thanks Morgana, do you mind if I go over there and put it on?" Merlin had beckoned over to the spare room where he had dumped his stuff and Morgana nodded, "Or you can go to the bathroom, it is just through there."

Merlin took the second option and locked the door behind him, stripping off his t-shirt and pulling on his new uniform without looking in the mirror at his body. He still found the scars, both new and old unsightly and tried to avoid looking at them despite Arthur's support. Arthur had assumed that they were all from the burns, only Merlin, Gaius and the nurse knew otherwise. The first time the surgeon and nurse had bandaged him up and tended to his wounds Gaius had questioned the boy about the marks running along his arms and torso, almost certain that he didn't want to hear the answers. However, Merlin had remained stubbornly silent despite the painkillers making him more apathetic and lethargic. Gaius was not blind and had seen the look of sorrow flash across the boy's eyes, the marks were clearly from self-harm but Merlin had no intention of talking about it, so Gaius did not press the matter when he was in such a vulnerable state. Merlin was now even more determined that no one should find out about his past suicide attempts, certainly not Arthur who would panic and be upset. Merlin realised that he had been in the bathroom for ages and quickly unlocked the door and headed out. Morgana looked up and smiled without saying anything, she had assumed that Merlin was trying to calm himself down and didn't want to make him feel awkward.

"So, are you up for some cake-making and decorating?" Merlin nodded in response and followed Morgana into the kitchen, absorbing all the information about her cooking utensils, where they are, what they do and when they are used. She then got him right to work, handing him a hand written recipe with numerous notes in the margins and crossings out. He had been entrusted with making a carrot cake whilst Morgana began to make a courgette cake using a new recipe which she was trying to perfect. He bent his head down and worked non-stop, he wanted to make a good first impression and was terrified that he would do something wrong and disappoint Morgana. Merlin was so absorbed in whisking the ingredients together that he let out a loud yelp of fright when he heard a thunderous crashing sound to his left. He immediately whipped around, uncertain about what he would find and beginning to find his chest tightening in his tell-tale panic attack warning. However the sensation almost instantaneously disappeared at the sight before his eyes. Morgana was lying on the floor surrounded by pots and pans with a mess of cake mix on her lap. She looked incredibly disgruntled and accepted Merlin's hand up, concerned by his pallor and mentally kicking herself for startling the boy. "Are you alright?" Merlin was the first to ask the question, his hands were still trembling slightly but he hid them in his pocket so that Morgana wouldn't notice, but of course she already had. "I am fine, the mix wasn't right anyway, too much oil. Um…are you alright, you look a bit pale, I didn't mean to startle you." Merlin realised that he had not hidden his surprise and fright as well as he had hoped and swallowed, god Morgana would think he was a wuss, "I'm fine, don't worry." Merlin turned back to his carrot cake, shielding his rapidly reddening face. That was when there was another thud; Morgana had slipped on some of the mixture on the floor and was lying in a heap grumbling and muttering profanities. This time Merlin could not resist laughing, for someone so beautiful and seemingly elegant Morgana was rather clumsy in the kitchen. He bent down and helped her up, wiping some of the mix from her cheek and tasting it. He let out a contended sigh, "that tastes really good!" Morgana grinned and spooned out a bit more mixture from the bowl, handing it to Merlin who licked the spoon clean, getting some of the mix on his nose. Now it was time for Morgana to laugh. Merlin grinned at her and grabbed the bowl, sticking his finger in it and running his hand along Morgana's clean cheek, leaving behind a trail of goo. This was definitely war and Morgana retaliated by throwing a wad of grated courgette at Merlin, which led to a full scale food fight and both parties falling to the floor covered in cake mix and laughing hysterically. Morgana finally managed to stop giggling and stood up, walking over to Merlin and pulling grated courgette out from his hair. She hurried upstairs to shower and get changed and Merlin scrubbed himself clean at the bathroom sink, still grinning to himself.

Merlin returned to the kitchen, minus the cake mix and continued with his carrot cake, spooning it into a lined cake-tin and had just finished making the butter-cream by the time Morgana came down in a clean shirt and a different pair of trousers. She went over to check Merlin's icing, and much to Merlin's relief exclaiming that it was wonderful. She instructed Merlin to put the cake in the oven and gave him the recipe for her famous brownies before turning back to her courgette cake. Merlin once again finished first, he was a natural and Morgana couldn't have asked for better. She placed the tray of brownies in the oven and handed Merlin the recipe to her famous Victoria sponge and managed to finally finish her courgette cake and moved on to a coffee and walnut cake. She and Merlin both finished this round of cakes at the same time and they placed them all in the oven. She then made a batch of icing and pulled out her piping kit, demonstrating to Merlin how to pipe flowers, filigree, leaves, roses, daisies and shells on some spare cupcakes. Merlin was a natural, other than when Merlin was trembling or shaking with fright, he had an unnaturally steady hand, and no doubt was why he was so good at painting and drawing. In fact, Morgana had to admit that Merlin had become better than her after just 10 minutes of practising. She really had found a gem, his flowers were exquisite! Once all the cakes were baked and cooled, aka after Merlin and Morgana had enjoyed a well-earned tea break and a game of cards; they headed back into the kitchen and began to decorate the cakes.

Merlin had asked Morgana what she wanted but she told him to go all out and decorate the cake however he wanted. He smiled at this freedom and selected a white batch of buttercream and began to spread the cake in front of him with it, creating a smooth surface with not one air bubble. Morgana was completely distracted by his ability and found herself staring at Merlin's skinny fingers as they clutched a piping bag of lilac icing. Merlin was begging to pipe the outline of an iris. Morgana watched in amazement as the image took shape, the petals perfectly arranged. He was using numerous technical strokes to give the flower a 3D quality and once he had accented the flower with some yellow and white specks Morgana let out a small gasp. The cake was beautiful, better than anything she had ever seen at a cake fete or competition. Merlin turned around to check that Morgana liked his design and saw her looking both amazed and slightly surprised. He gave a small chuckle and asked what she wanted him to do next. Morgana handed him another of their cakes and Merlin began to pipe a beautiful lavender field accented with brightly coloured butterflies, common blues, red admirals, swallowtails and orange tips. Morgana finally dragged her eyes away from Merlin's cake and forced herself to concentrate on what she was doing, piping flowers which looked practically childlike in comparison to Merlin's. It was now 12 O'clock and customers would begin to arrive. Merlin was just finishing off his last cake, a masterpiece of piped swirls and informed him that they needed to go the front of house. However, she took a photograph of the cakes that Merlin had made, she would upload them onto her new website and it seemed a shame to mess them up without some way of remembering them.

They carefully carried the cakes over to the display cabinet and Morgana showed Merlin her order sheets and how to fill them in, Merlin silent and absorbing the information. A short while later an elderly couple walked in. Morgana hurried forward and offered them a table by the window, pulling out chairs for them. Merlin hung back awkwardly, uncertain about what to do. Morgana motioned for him to come over and Merlin did, fiddling with a loose thread in his trousers, Morgana asked the couple what they wanted to eat and drink, showing Merlin the correct way in which to address customers and handed him the order sheet which she had now filled in, one cup of black tea, one cup of coffee with one milk and two sugars, a slice of carrot cake and a slice of Victoria sponge. Merlin followed Morgana over to the counter and made the tea whilst she addressed the coffee, then following her instructions about cutting the cake and the correct quantity to serve. She then told Merlin to carry the drinks over first, his hands had begun to tremble again as he was incredibly nervous, not wanting to mess up. He walked slowly over to the table so that he didn't spill anything and placed down the drinks, smiling at the customers when they thanked him. Morgana gave him a big thumbs-up and handed him the plates of cake which he carried over and placed in front of the elderly couple. As soon as this table was served the door banged open and a rather grumpy looking middle-aged man stormed in barking, "coffee" at the top of his voice. Merlin shied back from the loud noise and Morgana decided to take this customer on. "Milk and sugar" "Of course I want milk and sugar you stupid woman." Morgana flushed and Merlin curled his fists up by his side, how dare he talk to Morgana like that. "Coming right up." The man stomped to the table in the furthermost corner of the room and Morgana asked Merlin to make the coffee, which he did, fumbling slightly. "Why did you let him talk to you like that?" Merlin muttered to her but Morgana just smiled slightly, "It is all business."

Merlin nodded and Morgana asked whether he was up to giving the rude man his drink. Merlin gave a small determined nod and walked over to the table with his head held high, his hands trembling even more violently than before. He steadied his breathing and asked, "would you like a slice of cake with your drink, we have coffee, carrot, courgette, brownies…" Merlin was cut off when the man slammed his fist on the table, causing Merlin to jump back in fright and spill the entire cup of coffee over his hand and legs. The burning pain was instantaneous and far too similar; he was back in the old café and could suddenly hear screams and feel the smoke flooding through his lungs and the flames licking his hand and legs. He felt dizzy and his world began to tilt and spin sickeningly.

Morgana gasped as she saw what happened and hurried forward watching as Merlin fainted, falling to the floor as if in slow motion. She screamed at the customer to get out, ignoring the shocked look on his face. 'Stupid man, what an idiot, does he realise what he has done?' She knelt down next to Merlin who had gone an even whiter shade than normal and checked his pulse. It was steady and fairly strong and the boy's breathing was fine. She cautiously checked around Merlin's head for blood and was relieved that he had not hit his head hard enough to break the skin. The man had stormed out of the café and the elderly couple had hurried over to Merlin's other side. Morgana shifted Merlin into the recovery position with ease; he was still to light and hurried off to get a couple of cool bowls of water. She took Merlin's hand which was already beginning to blister and dipped it into the bowl. She didn't know what to do about the boy's leg, not wanting to let the burns get worse. She was about to ask the elderly couple to leave so she could take off his trousers when Merlin stirred, letting out a low groan and sitting up slowly with a puzzled expression on his face. He flinched in pain and saw Morgana's face come in to focus, everything hitting him with sudden clarity. He had fainted; once again he had been a failure. He hung his head and grimaced at the throbbing pain in his hand and legs.

"Merlin, come on we need to get you upstairs into the bathroom so we can run your legs under water." Merlin didn't respond verbally but allowed Morgana and the old man to pick him up. He was unsteady on his feet but managed to get up the stairs on his own, wincing with each step and wondering why everything in his life always went wrong. Morgana looked uncertain, "Can you manage?" Honestly Merlin did not think that he could manage but didn't want to humiliate himself further so dragged himself into the bathroom and spent a few desperate minutes trying to unbutton his trousers with his shaking and blistered hands. He couldn't do it and the burning pain was steadily getting worse. Merlin accepted his fate and called for Morgana, who had been waiting outside wondering why she could not hear running water. She quickly assessed Merlin's situation and without a word undid his button and unzipped his fly, gently helping him out of his trousers. She had to force herself not to let out exclamations of pity over the state of his legs. The lines of his bone and muscles were clearly visible and his skin was so pale that his veins looked like trickles of ink running down from his torso. That was without mentioning the horrific scarring which looked like something out of a horror movie, the pale skin was littered with red burn and cut marks and she felt her heart clench. Most of these scars were created by his humanity and compassion when he saved her and her children's lives. Merlin did not say a word and appeared to have shut down completely as some sort of defence mechanism. He allowed Morgana to help him sit in the bathtub, thankfully still wearing his boxers and didn't say a word she held the shower head over the new burn wound. He let out a few small gasps of pain and buried his head in his arms until Morgana gave him a gently tap and told him that he could get out. Merlin obliged and whispered, "I want to go home." Morgana nodded sympathetically and told Merlin she would drive him home, pulling out her spare key to Arthur's house. They drove back in silence, Morgana locking the door of the café behind her and looking sadly over at the beautifully decorated cake. She was not sure what to say and was relieved when they arrived. Merlin practically leapt out of the car and Morgana let him in with the key asking whether he wanted her to stay. Merlin shook his head, mumbles a quiet, "thank you," and knelt down to remove his shoes. Morgana gave him a gentle hug when he stood up and kissed him gently on the cheek before turning and leaving. It was obvious that he wanted to be left alone.

Merlin immediately went upstairs once Morgana had shut the front door and entered his art studio, pulling out his charcoals and beginning to sketching the first face that came to his mind. His mothers. He began to draw the smooth curves of her face, her silky brown hair and her cheekbones, so similar to his. However he couldn't get her eyes right, they were too small, too big, not bright enough. Merlin tried to rub them out but only succeeded in smudging his previous work. He let out a howl of frustration, ripped the page from his sketchbook and screwed it into a tight ball which he then lobbed across the room. He felt tears burn in his eyes and loathing filled his heart. He was so pathetic, he couldn't do anything right. Merlin ran out of the room and into the bathroom, turning on the shower and beginning to scrub at his arms with a flannel so ferociously that when he emerged he was tomato red. He then stormed into the bedroom, pulling on a pair of pyjamas and collapsing into bed and pulling Freya, who had previously been sleeping there, into his arms and hugged her tight. He buried his head in her fur, breathing in her familiar scent and soon fell asleep curled up in a tight ball.

Merlin was so exhausted that he didn't hear Arthur enter the room ten minutes later. Arthur was panting extremely out of breath, Morgana had called him almost in tears and explained what had happened so Arthur asked Percy to cover for him and headed straight home. Arthur was shocked when he saw Merlin, his skin red and slightly bloody in places and he sank into bed next to the boy, still fully clothed. Merlin stirred and realised it was Arthur, so he rolled over and buried his face in the other man's chest and allowed himself to be tightly embraced. "I screwed up again." Merlin sounded half-asleep and Arthur squeezed him tighter, "No you didn't, it wasn't your fault." "Morgana will not want me anymore." "Yes she does." Merlin had nothing left to say so remained silent, not responding and allowing himself to sink back into sleep. Arthur stroked his messy brown hair affectionately and nuzzled his nose into the crook of Merlin's neck and waiting motionless for the boy to wake up again. Things would look up tomorrow, they couldn't get worse.

Hope you liked it. Please review, I need something to cheer me up!