Author's note: I am really really sorry for not updating in awhile but my computer was broken. But it did give me time to think and I am going to pretend like the last three chapters never happened. So Gracie doesn't know she is transgendered and had just ran home from the movies after being kissed. Im sorry and please stay with me.

Summer before 7th grade

Gracie's POV

I grabbed the hidden key from under the mat. Mom and Dad were still at work and Drew was at his friend's house so I was home alone. I ran upstairs and closed my door behind me. I sat on my bed and reached underneath and grabbed my secret comic book collection. The reason they were secret was because Mom didn't like me reading comic books. She said they were "for boys". She didn't like me doing a lot of stuff that was "for boys". When I wanted to play football, she said I should be a cheerleader. When I wanted to be superman for Halloween, she said I should be superwoman instead. And when I wanted to play guitar, she said I could play violin. I had taken me forever to persuade her to let me get a short haircut. I was so happy when she finally gave in. I had never liked my long hair.

I grabbed my favorite issue of Spiderman and was really into it when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and saw it was Izzy. I hesitated for a second before answering it.

"Hello?" I said.

"Gracie, what happened at the movies? Why did you leave early?" she asked.

"Alex…he…well" I say.

"He what?" she says impatiently.

"He kissed me," I blurt out.

"He did? Awesome, good job Gracie" she says in an excited voice. "So why did you leave early?"

"Because I didn't want him to kiss me" I try to explain.

"Grace, Alex is the hottest guy in our school and you didn't want to kiss him?" she says like I'm crazy.

"Not really" I say in a small voice.

"Then something's wrong with you. Hey I have to go eat dinner but I'll see you tomorrow ok? I want to hear all about that kiss." And with that she hangs up.

I did what I always did when I needed to think. I went into the hallway and pulled on the string the let down the stairs to the attic. Nobody ever went in there in years except for me because they thought it was still all messy and gross. They didn't know that one-day when I was home alone for a day I had went up and explored.

I had been looking for something to do and moved a box and there was a small pathway that I had to crawl through to fit. Maybe to other people what I had found wouldn't be as cool as it was to me. There was a small area that was just big enough for me to stretch my legs out. I used to lean against one wall and read comic books there. But the really amazing part was the view. There was a window that overlooked most of our small town. I could see the lake, mall, and izzy's house and more. The window was at the tip of our house so when I looked out nobody could see me. I had come here when I needed to think or relax.

Was Izzy right? I thought. Is there something wrong with me? I should be happy that Alex was my first kiss right? Only I knew I was lying. I had tried but never succeeded in forgetting when Ivy kissed me in fifth grade. She and I said our goodbyes that year when she moved to the opposite end of town and we went to different middle schools. I'll never forget outdoor science school. When she came out. When she kissed me. How good her lips felt on mine.

No stop it Gracie. You didn't enjoy it, I keep telling myself. But I know that I'm lying to myself again. I know I have been for years. I know that me never liking any guys is not just not seeing any that are cute. I know that how I felt when Izzy saved me and gave me CPR was not normal. And I know how I feel about Izzy isn't just friendship. But I can't tell anyone.

There is this boy at my school, Jason. He is openly gay and is picked on everyday. I don't want that to happen to me. I have to hide this.

Author's notes: hope this isn't too confusing. I really wanted to approach this slower and I feel like this way is better. Happy Halloween, since you can't give me candy why don't you just click on that review button and tell me what you think. Thank you. That button should be right vvvvvv.