Chapter Twenty One:
"I can't explain it…that day when she had almost let that bastard kill her so she could leave that money to her granddaughter…it really wasn't the money. She did that to hide the depression...she just wanted to die…she couldn't get over the loss of Zoe. I understood loss…I'd lost my daughter to drugs and prostitution years ago. I went there to…I don't know why I went there…maybe to check on her…thought she was the type that would try until she completed the task. I uhm started going by there…she was always discreet…made sure no one saw us…protected me professionally. I'm not sure how I would have gotten through Warrick's death without her. I said some pretty mean things to him…accused you of getting him off."
Brass hung his head. "I loved her…but I didn't like her business…we fought about it. I told her I couldn't love someone…be with someone who did what she did…I'd hope she would have gotten out of the business."
"She did. She took classes…got her degree...began counseling….but wait…David was conceived…"
"She never told me. Thinking back I believed she wanted me…to want her faults and all…I did…but my pride got in the way. I said some nasty things one night…she told me to never come back unless I was willing to change. The next thing I know you're moving in with her and then…" he sighed.
"I'll have a DNA sample done to prove David is mine," said Brass. "I know he is. I've been so pissed at you for…moving in with Heather...hurting Sara…I didn't know she was ill. I would have been there…I should have been there."
"I think she wanted you there in the end. She was too weak…she wanted so much to see David. Heather said he was going to be like his father...a good man."
They were both quiet.
"She loved…"
"Don't. It hurts like hell right now," sniffled Brass.
"I need to find Sara. This has been really hard on her."
"I'll get the tests started right away," said Brass.
Grissom shook his hand but then hugged him.
He stepped out of the chapel and headed back to the nursery where he thought she might return.
She had.
She sat there on the bench.
"Mind if I sit down with you?" he asked.
He took a seat without waiting for a response.
"Sara…"
"Have they found anything?" she interrupted.
"Jim…thinks he's the father," whispered Grissom.
Sara's head shot around.
"He'd been seeing Heather in secret…they'd broken up before I moved in," said Grissom.
"Did you…ever sleep with her?" asked Sara.
"Like I said in the chapel, I never broke my vows, Sara…but I did sleep with her. I was afraid…for her…and the baby…we shared a bed later...but there wasn't anything sexual...more of comfort...for both of us."
Sara nodded as if she understood.
"I wanted to tell you the truth…about David…but I couldn't…I just…"
"You were keeping a promise…to protect him…now you know you were protecting him from Jim…do you think you really needed to do that?"
"Heather was upset that Jim did not accept her…profession. Sara, who knows what, was going through her mind during the pregnancy. The pain was…unbearable at times…even for her. She trusted me. I accepted her the way she was just like she accepted me. She also knew I would protect David at all costs to ensure he never knew about her past. She was never ashamed of it but she knew that it drove a wedge between she and Zoe and she wanted more for David. She just wanted him to have a happy life."
"Is Jim..." she couldn't finish.
The nausea hit with a vengeance.
"If Jim is the father, he'll do the bone marrow transplant."
She nodded as she leaned against the glass partition, closing her eyes as she prayed it would pass.
"He's got a good chance," whispered Grissom.
She nodded.
"Sara, you've not eaten. Come with me to the cafeteria and we'll get something."
She knew she needed to eat but the thought of all of those aromas hitting her at once would surely cause another episode of vomiting.
"I'd like to stay here…you go…bring something back," she said.
"You sure?"
"Maybe some soup…chicken broth perhaps…with crackers," she requested.
His hand covered her forehead but she was cool to the touch.
He frowned. "I could order out…get one of the guys…"
She shook her head.
"Be back in a few minutes," he said.
Molly waited until Grissom was gone. "If you'd added ginger ale I think he would have figured it out."
"Not likely," groaned Sara.
"Morning sickness still bad?" she asked.
"I can't keep anything down…I'm exhausted…my head hurts…no spotting…it stopped," she added.
"Come with me," said Molly.
Sara followed her down the hall.
She opened one of the rooms and ushered Sara inside.
Sara had been in this room before to shower.
It had been occupied recently and so she had moved back to the nurse's break room for quick showers each day.
The cot had been much better than the padded bench but the bed was enticing.
"This room is going to be empty tonight," she said. "It's for the older children…but our patient was discharged. It's yours for the night. I think you need it."
Sara sat down on the bed. "I so need a shower. Thanks Molly."
"I'll send your husband when he returns," she said with a smile.
Sara kicked off her shoes. She noticed Molly had already set her overnight bag in the room. She rummaged inside for a clean pair of sweats and slipped into the shower.
The hot water felt great on her body as she lathered with the soap and then stood there letting it ease the tension in her muscles.
It was quick but it felt refreshing.
She dressed and then slipped on her shoes once more. She checked on David and then went back to the room curling down into the covers.
She knew if she closed her eyes she could easily fall asleep.
Her stomach growled, surprising herself.
Grissom stepped into the room and smiled. "Molly told me about your other sleeping arrangements for the night."
"I'm not complaining about the cot. It was better than the bench…but this is good."
He pulled out the soup and crackers.
He sat there and watched as she emptied the bowl.
"Glad to see your appetite is good," he said with a slight smile.
"David is still sleeping," she said.
"I know. I checked myself," he said as he leaned over and checked her forehead once again.
"I'm uhm not sick," she said.
"You don't look well," he said. "I'm worried about you."
"I just need sleep…feel much better tomorrow," she murmured.
"No time like the present. I'll just sit here until you fall asleep. I've taken off the next few days. I want to be here for the bone marrow transplant," he explained.
"Have you heard…"
"Jim is David's biological father," he said.
"How did he…take it?" she asked.
"He regrets the decisions he made…He's willing to do anything to help David."
"How uhm do you feel about it?" asked Sara.
"I don't want to lose my son," he whispered.
"Jim wouldn't…"
"We haven't discussed it," admitted Grissom. "I know I couldn't ignore my own child."
She nodded.
"Try to sleep," he said leaning down once more to kiss her.
"Wake me if…"
"I will," he promised.
He sat there and was astonished at how quickly she fell asleep.
She's exhausted…
She's not well…I know it…
His hand rested briefly on her forehead. He slid quietly out of the room and walked over to the nursery window. Brass soon joined him.
"How is he?" asked Brass.
Grissom glanced at him. "He should be waking soon."
"I wanted to come by and see him before they put me in a room," sighed Brass.
Brass explained the apheresis collection process followed by the medication to stave off side effects.
"How is Sara?" asked Brass.
"She's exhausted. They gave her a room for the night…just down the hall. I know she wants to hold him but I think it would be best if she slept," said Grissom.
Brass agreed.
David stirred and the nurse waved to Grissom.
He waited by the rocker and smiled when they handed the baby to him.
"Hey David," whispered Grissom.
He sat down and began to rock.
Brass stood outside the partition and watched.
Grissom glanced at the baby and then motioned for Brass to enter.
He hesitated for a moment but then stepped inside.
"Would you like to rock him?" asked Grissom.
Brass took the baby into his arms and held him for a moment. "I always thought he looked like Heather…dark eyes…hair."
He sniffled as he kissed the baby.
David whined and he handed him back to Grissom.
"He wants his father," whispered Brass. "Besides, I should go back downstairs."
Grissom watched as he disappeared down the hall.
"Someday, I'll tell you about my friend," he whispered.
Grissom sat there for an hour as he rocked David.
He held his breath as they prepared the baby for the procedure.
David's weak cries prompted him to wake Sara but the nurse discouraged it.
"She's can't do anything for him…besides, your wife needs rest. The procedure is going to be very trying for everyone," advised the nurse.
Grissom nodded sadly.
He'd no sooner agreed than he looked up and saw Sara standing there.
"I heard his cries," she whispered. "Oh, God, Gil what are they doing to him?"
"It's to prepare his body for the bone marrow transplant. Jim was admitted. They're going to begin the process tomorrow. It will take two days and then…"
He stopped when she ran past him.
She wrapped David in his favorite blanket and held him despite the latest IV insert that now protruded from his chest.
David hushed as he stared at her.
She softly hummed to him as she watched the medication drip into his small veins.
He drifted to sleep as she wept.
"Sara, come back to the room," he whispered.
She clung to the crib but his hand gently pried them loose.
He molded his body to hers as he held her.
"He's going to make it," whispered Grissom.
She closed her eyes and prayed he was right.
Chaos ensued for the next forty eight hours.
Sara and Grissom kept vigil by David's side as his frail body was pumped with more chemotherapy in order to kill his bone marrow.
With each treatment, Sara's stress increased as she watched its toll on David.
The nurses assured her he was strong and was doing better than most babies but it did not matter.
She could not bear to see him in such a state.
Grissom's attempts to comfort her only led her to flee to the nearest restroom.
Nick hovered by Grissom's side.
"Sara is just dealing with this in her own way," Nick whispered.
"I'm worried about her Nicky. I'm afraid…for her…for us…if anything happens to David."
"You heard the doctors…the nurses…he's doing better than most," reasoned Nick.
"It's going to be several weeks before we know if it was a success. Sara can't continue like this. I should go and check on her," said Grissom as he stepped away from the nursery.
Sara splashed the cool water over her face as she tried to stave off the nausea.
Her body ached from the exhaustion.
The transplant was completed but David was very weak.
His cry tore at her as she could not find a way to comfort him from the pain.
Brass had made his way to the nursery a few times.
He'd become sick following the procedure and had been kept an extra day.
His depression did not help matters.
Nick and Greg took turns sitting with them.
Catherine soon appeared.
She tried to comfort Sara but Sara would have no part of it.
The others made attempts but she kept her distance as she sat there waiting for any news.
On the third day, Grissom woke alone.
He searched the halls but could not locate Sara.
He wondered if she had gone to sit with Brass but after a brief check, he found Brass asleep with no sign of his wife.
"Molly, have you seen Sara?" asked Grissom.
Molly glanced at Wendy. "She took the elevator some time ago…not sure where she went."
Grissom flipped open his phone and dialed hers.
He became worried when it went to voice mail.
She reappeared an hour later.
She stepped out of the elevator and slumped down on the bench.
Grissom tried to control the barrage of questions floating around in his brain but he held back.
She glanced once or twice at him.
"A…walk…I needed some air," she breathed.
He glanced down at her hand and saw that it was trembling.
"You don't owe me any explanation," he whispered as he sat down and took her hand. "I know this is hard for you."
She leaned back and closed her eyes.
"Why don't you lie down."
"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but we're going to be evicted today…new patient," she said.
"Sara, you've been here for weeks. David is going to be here for another four or five weeks…"
She turned a light shade of green.
"How long do you intend to hide this from me?" he asked.
Her eyes shot to his.
Note from author:
Getting near the end....
Take care!