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Chapter 21
Little Boy Lost
"Father! father! where are you going?
O do not walk so fast.
Speak, father, speak to your little boy,
Or else I shall be lost."
The night was dark, no father was there;
The child was wet with dew;
The mire was deep, & the child did weep,
And away the vapour flew.
The Little Boy Lost
William Blake
Gaius stood stock still in front of them, his face devoid of any emotions that Garrus could see. His eyes flickered between the two turians in front of him. Gaius unclenched his jaw.
"How long have you known?"
"I really don't know what you are talking about..." muttered Garrus. "My dad was just..."
Avitus turned to his son. "You are a poor liar. Even he sees that."
Gaius's voice boomed out across the space between them.
"I do. You know who I am. Now, how long have you known?"
Garrus swallowed and then muttered, "Since Kurinth..."
Gaius started pacing back and forth over a small space in front of them with his hands jutting on his hips.
"Gaius...let me explain..." Garrus reached out.
"You need to say nothing right now." Gaius snapped back with sharp click, mandibles flaring out wildly.
"All right..." He drew back and watched the hybrid carefully as Gaius continued his pacing. He was obviously churning things over in his mind.
Avitus's gaze was focused on the turian hybrid pacing in front of him. Ignoring what would be normal propriety for most people, he strode forward and grabbed the hybrid's right mandible. Gaius was too shocked by it to be able to respond as Avitus tugged it wide to force Gaius's head to tilt the way he wanted it to.
Garrus realised what his father was looking at.
"This is an old break...from the residual damage here and here, I'd say you were struck from the side with a heavy object. Young enough too as the plates have actually grown around the deformity."
Gaius grimaced as Avitus tugged the mandible down and forced his head the same way.
"Whoever tried to repair this did a terrible job. Why didn't you get it fixed? I'd imagine you have some breathing difficulties with the damage done."
Avitus finally let go of Gaius's mandible and the hybrid brought his head back up, rubbing the sore spot.
"What is your name?"
The hybrid stared at Avitus with a mix of amusement and anger.
"Gaius Sidonis."
"Were you born with that name?"
"...No."
"So your name then please, as it was written on your birth record."
"Gaius Mordin Vakarian."
Avitus nodded seemingly satisfied as his eyes peering intently at the plates of Gaius's face.
"I notice no markings. There is no evidence you ever wore them at all. Have you been barefaced your entire life?"
"Yes."
"Were you not accepted into our family?"
"I was cast off when I was eight years old. So no. No, I wasn't accepted into your precious family." Gaius snarled back.
Avitus snorted. "Don't snarl like that. It is unbecoming of a Vakarian. And don't slouch."
Gaius burst out laughing before he spoke. "Wow. You are exactly the same. However, don't talk to me like that again unless you want to be seriously hurt. I am no Vakarian and you would do well to remember that."
Avitus stared at the hybrid intently and without fear. "Show me your own hands. I wish to see them."
Gaius looked confused and stalled. Avitus grabbed the hand the hybrid had used to rub the sore mandible and began to check it.
"Interesting..." he hummed as he flexed and moved its five digits.
Gaius snapped his hand free of Avitus's grasp.
"As much fucking fun as it is to be prodded like some sort of lab rat, I have more than a few questions to ask."
The older turian backed off.
Gaius turned his attention to Garrus. "How did you find out? How much do you actually know?"
"I know you are my son. I know that I...I had another child with Perdita Marius, that I married her and shared custody of you with your mother."
Avitius stared at his son with this revelation. Gaius's face still showed no emotion.
"How much more do you know?" he hissed.
Garrus swallowed nervously. "I know that when you were eight years old your mother died and you were sent back to Palaven to me...and I..."
Garrus struggled to say the next words, his father watching him intently.
"...I signed the Dissolutio Paternitas. You got sent to Mondala."
Garrus glanced over at his father who was in shock. Avitus was barely taking it in.
"You...you..No. No son of mine would...why would you...I raised you better than that!" Avitus spat out.
Garrus turned to his father. "Dad, I don't know why I did that in that future but it wasn't me! It wasn't the me that is here!"
"Oh, this is quite amusing. I always had the idea that your dad was the one that pushed you to do it. Maybe it wasn't." Gaius's voice cut across them.
Avitius shook his head and turned to Gaius. "Boy, I would never forsake any of my grandchildren. Even now, as you lie as a babe asleep in your human mother, you are my grandson. You are going nowhere. We are your family and you belong with us."
Gaius snorted. "Very touching but since I have lived the opposite I find your little speech hard to believe."
Avitus's eyes traced Gaius's face, hoping to see any sign that might indicate that a colony marking might have once had a home on the hybrid's face. "I hope that at least I was good to you..." he mused.
Gaius seemed to struggle with that.
"You were...odd. You ran hot and cold. When you would visit my mother and me on the Citadel you would be affectionate, always taking me places and showing me things. On Palaven it was like you became a different person, cold and distant. My mother...my mother told me to not read too much into the changes, that you were my grandfather and you loved me dearly. She said things were going on that I couldn't understand yet but I would when I was older."
He turned with a glare to Garrus.
"You, however, never changed. You were always an asshole. As a kid, I would always find excuses for you and your actions."
He snarled as he got close to Garrus.
"But now as a man, I abhor you."
The words dropped so casually from his mouth, dripping with real hatred and venom, that Garrus could almost be forgiven for thinking that Gaius had been switched with someone else. But the look in the eyes of the man in front of him spoke only of the depth of feeling behind it.
"Dad, go inside and keep Shepard company. Don't...don't tell her about any of this. She doesn't know about Gaius..."
"I want to stay and hear this out."
"Dad please." Garrus turned to his father. "Please..."
Avitus relented and placed a comforting hand on his son's shoulder before he left.
"Tell me everything once you come on board."
Gaius snorted with derision and turned his back to him.
Garrus grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. Gaius openly snarled, spread his mandibles wide and shoved violently to get Garrus's arm off him.
"If I were you I would not do that ever again."
"I want to know! I need to know what happened between us. Please...tell me."
"Tough. You won't be getting answers from me."
"I think I deserve them!"
"Oh and what gives you that right?!"
"I am your father!"
At that, the dam that Gaius had built up was torn down by the flood of old and unyielding emotions that he had carefully nurtured over the long years of his life.
"YOU DESERVE NOTHING FROM ME! You were no father! You were barely a decent person!"
Gaius was practically fuming at the mouth with rage.
"You signed me away as if I was nothing! My mother died! She died in front of me. I watched our ship, my home explode with her on it. I was eight years old and alone. You turn up for less than five fucking minutes, mutter something to me about coming back for me then suddenly I am on a damn transport to Mondala!"
Gaius was roaring at this stage, forcing Garrus backwards with his rage.
"Mondala was a nightmare. Hundreds of us cooped up like animals. Forced to fight each other, beaten to the point of unconsciousness when we refused. Starved to try to make us into animals, into killers. They made me kill people! Spirits they made me murder someone to save my life. Do you know what does to an eight year old?! Do you know what that did to me?!"
He screamed at Garrus, "You sent me there! You did, no one else. Then Sidonis saved me. My dad saved me from that hell. I should have hated you. I should have known that you were scum but no."
Gaius gave a small laugh.
"That is the worst part of it. I fucking tried. I wanted to believe that you even had a speck of emotion in you for me."
He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling high above.
"I was eighteen, about to start full-time training and I was so fucking scared. For the first time since Mondala, I was going to be living in a barracks and not in a home with my family. It freaked me. You had tormented my dreams since I was eight years old so I decided to go to Palaven to confront you, to settle things. My dad didn't want me to go. He told me to write a mail or something, test the waters before turning up but I was angry. Just a messed up kid who needed answers."
Garrus leaned his back against the ship, his attention focused on Gaius.
"So I got a place on a transport, some falsified identity cards and got to Palaven. You were a senator at the time, working with Primarch Marius. Cipritine hadn't changed at all since I had been there."
Gaius's gaze left the ceiling and he stared at his own hands before giving a mirthless chuckle.
"I almost got caught. Forgot to put my gloves on. Five fingers instead of three. Heh, I never forgot that again. I found my way to the Capitol buildings and managed to find your office. You weren't there but your nice secretary directed me to the main senatorial recess. I found you with your senator buddies. You saw me. You knew it was me, I could tell by the horror on your face."
Garrus saw the pain wave over his son and hated himself for making Gaius relieve this, hated his other self for causing this.
"I went up and asked you to talk to me in private. It's not like I wanted to face you in front of all those senators. I still had some respect for the Hierarchy and the positions within it. You went into a panic, asked me to leave. I was just a kid! A stupid fucking kid that wanted answers so I got a bit...loud..."
Gaius had to stop, tears burning behind his eyes and he had to take deep lungfuls of air to stop himself from crying.
"I hate this." he muttered.
"Twenty four years after the fact and you still do this to me. I fucking hate it!" Gaius slammed his fist into a nearby wall. The impact created a large dent and cracks spreading out. Gaius shook the hand out and cracked his knuckle plates back into place.
"You told me I was a mistake, that I should never have been born. Spirits! If Mother had been there...what you said about her..."
He gritted his teeth.
"I couldn't say anything back. There was nothing I could say to that. You wouldn't even look me in the eyes! You just turned away. I was so ashamed. Ashamed at myself for believing that maybe there was another reason for it all. Ashamed to be standing in this room with all those turian senators staring at me like I was dirt and I couldn't find my voice to say anything. I remembered Mother and her little human sayings; one struck me right then in particular. Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me. I ran. I ran so fast and so far. I didn't stop until I was back at the port. I was in pieces, sobbing like I had lost my mother all over again. In a way I had."
Gaius wiped away the stray tears that had escaped his eyes.
"My dad...my dad came for me straight away. I rang him. There was no judgement or I told you so's. He just booked me a room in a small hotel near the port and told me to stay there until he came. You have no idea how glad I was to see him; how grateful I was that he was my dad. He took me home, back to my mom and brothers, back to safety. After that I decided on one thing for certain, I was done with Garrus Vakarian."
Gaius turned to face the deeply saddened Garrus.
"I was done with you. But you weren't done with me. Shortly after the end of the war, just after I got married, I got a mail from you. You wanted to talk, said that you had a lot to explain, to apologise for and make up to me. I never answered. I had kept some contact with Hadrian, my half-brother, enough for us to be on relatively friendly terms. Suddenly he was messaging me, begging me to contact you. I told him in no uncertain terms that I had nothing more to do with Palaven, the Hierarchy and you. Still it kept up, constant messages even at one stage to my heavily pregnant wife asking her to speak to me on their behalf. She tried her best. She was always so soft-hearted. But that was it for my patience. Messages to me I could deal with but the minute Amata was involved I had had enough. I got on a ship and I went to Palaven for the last time."
Gaius took in a deep breath.
"This time I was going to meet you on my terms. I sent a message, arranged to meet at a small park I remembered going to with Hadrian as a youngster. He came with you, so damn happy to see me but I couldn't feel anything for him. I couldn't feel anything but anger and hate. You wanted to talk, to tell me the reasons why you had to do the things you did but I didn't care. I still don't care. This time...this time I blew up. This time I had the words to say and a voice confident enough to say them out loud. I was older now, not some damaged eighteen year old begging for some scrap of love from his biological father. I was a man who was going to be a father himself with a woman I adored. The thought of ever doing anything like that to my own son, to think of hearing my voice say those things you said about my mother about Amata...it chilled me to the bone. I told you to leave me and my family alone."
Gaius had a slight smile curl the side of his mouth.
"You begged, you pleaded with me to listen but it was too late. It was far too late for you to be asking for my forgiveness. I told you to think of me as dead. You never had a problem ignoring me before, to not let what was surely your momentary guilt to set you back. Hadrian said nothing. He understood that it was too far gone then, that too much had happened for me to ever forgive. You still didn't accept it. Spirits, I never thought I would see the day that the great Garrus Vakarian would be begging me, the son he threw away, to stay. For the first time in my life, I couldn't get rid of you. All the way back to the port, ringing and sending messages. You eventually had me stopped by Sec officers at the port and put into a holding cell."
Gaius rubbed his palm over his cheek plates, removing the last evidence of his tears.
"That was just like a trip down memory lane for me. You just couldn't take no for an answer. You couldn't see why I didn't go running joyfully into your arms shouting "Daddy". My father was the man who raised me, who loved me, who taught me what it really meant to be a parent, to be a man. That father I love was on Omega. Lantar Sidonis is a better man than you ever were. I told you that and more. I screamed at you about how you were just genetic donor. You were a mistake that my mother made and that I was not paying for it anymore. My mother deserved better than you. She deserves better than you. Spirits, it felt good. You screamed your lies back at me; about how you loved my mother more than anything; about how "Sidonis betrayed my team", blah blah blah. You betrayed me! You betrayed my mother! Who's crime was worse?!"
Gaius snorted.
"I had to break out of the cell. It seemed like you had no intention of letting me leave until I finally let you tell the story I didn't want to hear. It was so easy to reach a transport. After everything I went through during the war, kicking the crap out of some hapless Sec officers was a piece of cake. I got to a ship and left. And still the messages came, right up until the day we left for here. You even roped Tiberius into trying to convince me to talk, giving him some spirits damned vid for me to watch. I would rather burn it then give you the satisfaction of viewing it to hear your lies."
Gaius glared at Garrus.
"Fuck that man and fuck you! You might seem better but that's only because we have changed things. You would have turned out the exact same way. Hell, you still could. I mean Perdita is right on this ship! Easy access for you. I wouldn't be surprised if you were banging her already."
Garrus snarled.
"I love your mother. I am not going to do anything with anyone!"
"Oh how fine and noble of you. But I don't believe a word that passes your mouthplates." Gaius spat out with venom.
He suddenly grabbed Garrus by the cowl and shoved him back up against the ship.
"Does she know?" he practically screamed.
"Who?"
"My mother...Does she know who I am?"
"No. You can put me down now."
Gaius looked down and realised he had lifted Garrus off the ground. He dropped him and backed up.
"You are going to keep that mouth of yours shut then. She isn't to know, ever!"
He menacingly walked back up to Garrus, staring with such anger into his eyes.
"One more thing...If you are going to fuck off with Perdita then do it now and be honest with Shepard. Because if you mess around behind my mother's back, I will tear you apart. That baby can live without you as a father. I already have."
He snorted into Garrus's face.
"This conversation is done. I am going to be gone for quite a while but don't think for one moment that I am not watching. I am. You hurt her and I will kill you. I am not going to let you ruin my life for a second time, not while I have a chance to do something about it."
"Gaius...listen to me please!"
Garrus reached out and tentatively touched his shoulder. Gaius shrugged his hand off as Garrus spoke.
"I love Shepard. I love my baby. Before every damn spirit in this whole galaxy, I swear that I am never going to risk what I have with Shepard...with you...for anything."
Suddenly a spark, a faint memory fired in his mind.
"Every sin has its rightful place..." he murmured.
Gaius looked at him confused. He stood back further. Something inside seemed to soften a little, a crack in the wall of ice. He set his jaw and stared out across the docking bay.
"Gaius...Vakarian..."
Sidonis walked into the docking bay. He folded his hands behind his back.
"I was reliably informed that there is an argument going on here."
Gaius sputtered. "He knows who I am."
"Oh."
He turned to his father.
"Oh? Oh?! That's all you have to say?!"
"Yes. I have known of his knowledge of your identity for some time."
Gaius turned in shock to his father.
"What..." he said with his face showing his disbelief and hurt.
Sidonis didn't flinch.
"I said I have known for some time. You told him yourself who you were."
Gaius lost the ability to speak. Sidonis continued.
"When you hurt your hands. The pain medication caused you to be quite talkative. You told him. I cleared up for him as much as I knew."
"Why didn't you tell me? You are supposed to be my father, the person I could trust the most..." The pain in Gaius's voice caused it to crack and flange wildly, tugging hard on Garrus's heartstrings as it did.
"I am still those things, Gaius. But as your father, I have the right to recommend on what is best to stay unsaid. Garrus could have ignored my advice if he wanted to but he didn't. We didn't keep you in the dark to make fun of you. We keep it secret because what good would it have done to have it known except to cause anguish."
Sidonis placed his hand on Gaius's fringe as the hybrid held his head down facing the floor.
"He is a good man, Gaius. He is not the same man who hurt you. Look at all he has done. This Garrus Vakarian has tried so hard to know you. When did the other try half as much? He gave you this..."
Sidonis lifted up Gaius's arm that held his omnitool.
"He gave you back Amata and little Gaius. He gave them back to you when you thought you had lost them all."
Gaius sniffled and wiped a tear from his cheek. Sidonis hugged him close and slowly, the hybrid returned the affection. He dug his face into the shoulder of his father's tunic to soak up his tears while Sidonis rubbed his back and kept their heads close to each other.
"I know, my son. I know. Let it out. No matter what happens, you are always my boy. That isn't going to change. It's all right, Gaius. It's all right to like this other him. You are not betraying your mother or your history and feelings by doing so..."
Gaius hiccuped and stayed locked in his father's arms. Garrus could only watch with deep sadness. He itched to go and comfort him but that was not his place. Sidonis held on tightly to his son, feeling his shaky intakes of breath as Gaius tried to bring his emotions under control. He glanced over Gaius's shaky body to Garrus who was struggling to contain his urge to comfort the hybrid. He shook his head at Garrus's first step towards them. Slowly Gaius dragged himself away from his father. He wiped his face with his hand before he took a deep breath and turned to face Garrus.
"Perhaps I shouldn't...I shouldn't have taken out my anger on you. It's not your fault what happened. That blame belongs to another you."
Gaius glanced away and sniffled.
"I meant what I said however. If you hurt my mother or mess her around with Perdita I will kill you."
Sidonis gave a meaningful cough. Gaius glanced over at him before he sighed.
"Maybe not kill then, but hurt badly. Don't think for one moment that I am not watching, especially with that poisonous Marius family on-board."
Garrus said nothing, there was nothing he could say to convince Gaius of his trustworthiness.
Gaius picked up the tool he had come for off the floor and stormed out. Sidonis watched him leave before he nodded to Garrus and followed after his son.
Garrus slid down the side of the Normandy and eventually landed on the floor with a bang. He leaned back against the fields that held the ship up before he closed his eyes. The little boy with the swollen eye and broken nose stared back at him. He grimaced and murmured softly, "I am so sorry..."
"For what its worth, Gaius doesn't really think you will cheat on Shepard." Tiberius approached cautiously, wary of emotionally hurt turians. Garrus opened his eyes and remained silent, his gaze fixed on a space on the floor.
Tiberius grimaced at the silence before taking a seat across from him.
He said nothing for a few minutes, instead took it all in and fixed his gaze intently on Garrus's face as hoping to read something there.
"So...I heard it was quite a blow out. Typical of Gaius."
Still silence was the response.
"You know its only because he loves so strongly that things like this happen. He never let anyone in except Amata and his family. Even me, I am like his brother but he keeps me at arm's length."
Garrus's gaze flickered to Tiberius's face.
"It will be all right you know. He needs time. You have confused the hell out of him."
"I betrayed him. I was a terrible father..."
Tiberius's face contorted a little.
"I wouldn't say that. You had reasons, damn good reasons. It's just he doesn't want to hear them."
"He said that the other me left a video for him with you."
"You did. I have it in my quarters."
"Can I see it?"
Tiberius fidgeted.
"I am not so sure. I mean its only for Gaius really. Its tells a lot of things."
Tib stood up and made to leave. He suddenly stopped and turned back to Garrus.
"Tell you what, you convince Gaius to watch the vid and I will make a copy for you."
Garrus laughed.
"You think I can convince him to watch that?"
"You have more power over him then you think. Do you really believe that if he didn't care about you that he would have reacted the way he did? Inside, you still have a hold on him and that is what he hates more than anything. Think about it."
Tiberius wandered out, leaving Garrus seated on the floor.
Gaius sat in his barren room, his small amount of personal items already piled into a bag and ready for shipping out. He was leaving some of his modified weaponry to Tib and Sidonis while he only took his favourite rifle and handgun.
His heart was heavy. He hated when his emotions were in turmoil. He smiled as he activated his omnitool, needing to see his much-loved family once more.
He couldn't seem to stop the memories as they flowed into his mind...
Gaius fiddled endlessly with the collar of his military dress shirt. "What do you think, Tib? Better open slightly or closed fully? I think the slightly open looks better."
Tib didn't look up from his bunk where he sat skimming a datapad.
"Isn't it supposed to be fully closed up as per military attire regs?"
"Well, fuck that. I want to look good for this."
He adjusted a few more pieces then spun around on his heel to face Tib.
"So...how do I look?"
Tib glanced up uninterested then went back to his datapad.
"You look the same as you have always done."
"Spirits damn it Tib! You know what I meant! Do I look good?"
Tib smirked.
"What are you getting so freaked out over? You have gone through company introductions tons of times so fuck it. Turn up in sweaty workout gear."
Gaius's face fell a little.
"Yeah but this time...Amata..."
Tib looked up at his friend.
"Amata knows what you look like."
Gaius turned back to inspect himself in the mirror.
"I know but I need her to really see me."
"You mean you want her to be lusting after you like an asari maiden on her first sexual journey."
Gaius shrugged.
"Maybe. Maybe I want her to be so bowled over and jealous from all the other females staring at me that she works up all that fire I know she has in there."
Tib snorted.
"Sorry to bust that bubble but that is not going to happen. That is not who she is."
His friend visibly deflated a little.
Tib finally dragged himself out of his bunk and went to stand beside Gaius.
"Listen buddy. Amata has been around us for a very long time, remember? She knows you and pretty much every facet of both of our personal lives. What she felt for you had been in her for almost her entire life and do you think that you shagging everything around you didn't hurt her? Do you think that passing her over in favour of others didn't affect how she viewed herself? For spirits sake, Gaius, you sabotaged how many chances she had at being with someone else? Too many and it all fed into her messed up belief that she is not worthy of being with anyone. You should finally leave her be."
Gaius angrily shoved Tib back.
"Fuck you."
"I am being honest here! Do you remember that time when she said yes to a trip to a movie with Jonas Marik when we were still in school? Because I sure as hell do! You caught him on the day, warned him off then suddenly turned around to your own date and said you should go to the movies, roping me and my partner along too. I still remember seeing her standing there waiting for him. I knew you had done something when you spent nearly thirty minutes attempting to get her to join us. You wound up your own date so much over how much attention you gave Amata that she ended up making that nasty comment about Amata being too ugly and poor to be seen in public with and that's why she was stood up. You may have forgotten but I remember the look on Amata's face and how she tried not to cry as she told you that she needed to go back home to her grandmother. I remember how she turned up the next day covered in baggy clothes like she was trying to disappear! I remember how she fucking hated herself!"
Tib shoved Gaius back hard, slamming him into the wall.
"I remember my friend hurting because it didn't matter how much we told her she was pretty, it was still there. You have done enough. Leave her alone. If you fuck with her I will have no problem kicking your ass."
Gaius said nothing and Tib snarled at him before he went back to his datapad.
The sixth company of the 44th battalion filed in to the main canteen. Amata and her fellow medics sat in a small table to themselves.
"They say the commander we got is very handsome." whispered Tiala.
Amata merely smiled politely while she reviewed some patient files. Asara and Nebia chattered with Tiala about the rumours of who the new commander was.
"I heard that he asked for the transfer specifically!"
"You know, Milas in the 4th company heard that he is looking for a mate!"
"Oh wow! I shall have to make sure to impress!"
"Lets not get ahead of ourselves! We have to see him first."
"I found out his name." Asara murmured with a grin across her face.
"You kept that secret till now? Who is it?"
"Gaius Sidonis."
"Holy crap! I thought he would never leave the 11th battalion!"
Amata froze and her eyes widened but she didn't look up from her datapad. Gaius had transferred to her battalion. Of all the luck although she suspected luck had nothing to do with it. She quietly tapped in to her list of things to do on her omnitool one other entry; file for battalion transfer. The scuffle of feet and the noise of chairs pushing back on the floors signalled the arrival of the Colonel and his officers. They all stood to attention. Gaius ambled in second last looking very much the part in his uniform.
She could hear the others practically purring next to her. Tiala whispered in her ear, "He is so handsome." She mutely nodded. Once the Colonel told them to be at ease, she ducked her head down and hoped that she could remain hidden from view.
The Colonel droned on for what seemed like forever with Amata staring down fixedly at the table. Tiala nudged her. "The new commander...he is staring right at you! You better look like you are paying attention."
She reluctantly lifted her gaze and was met by Gaius's intense stare, his blue eyes almost burning through her. He gave a small smile and a wave while Colonel Smith continued his talk. She gave the tiniest of smiles back before she let her gaze drift back to the table. "Holy crap! He smiled at you! Do you know each other?" Tiala blurted out excitedly in her ear.
Amata waved away the excited turian's chirping. The rest of the meeting she could almost feel his gaze on her. She refused to lift her eyes from the table or datapads. Eventually the meeting ended to her relief. Tiala turned to her, "He stared at you for almost the entire meeting! You must know him! How?"
"I..knew him from my school. That is all. We were friends."
"Were friends?"
"Yeah. We have drifted apart a little over the years. I didn't know he was transferring to this battalion."
Tiala looked at sceptically. "I can tell you one thing; he didn't look at you like a friend. From where I am from on Omega, you could get arrested for public indecency for looking at someone like that."
Amata laughed it off, gathered her things then made her way to leave as quickly as possible.
"Amata! Wait!"
She turned as Gaius pushed his way through the crowd. They stood for a moment as the departing people flowed around them like a river.
"Hello Gaius."
"Hey."
His eyes bored into hers. She noticed how they grazed over her body in the medic uniform that was more fitted then her regular clothes. She became increasingly self-conscious of that fact as his eyes lingered on her waist and hips. Instinctively she grasped her datapads to herself, using them as a shield against his prying eyes which she realised made no sense really since he had already seen her naked.
His eyes flicked back up to met her own.
"How have you been? You haven't answered any of my messages." he said, his voice rumbling like distant thunder over the noise of the people around them.
"Sorry but I have just been so busy. I almost had to redo basic training again." she said with a small smile. "They are instead making me do one-on-one firearms and CQC training with Lt. Grixx."
He tilted his head curiously. "I thought you passed those courses during basic..."
"I did but I had low scores. Just enough to pass. They want to make sure that I am prepared for any eventuality."
Gaius's face brightened and broke into a slight grin. "I could train you in those! I mean I used to do all that in the 11th. It makes sense for me to do it so we can free Grixx up to help people who could use the additional training time. I really don't ever see you going into serious combat situations anyway. I can get Grixx assigned to..."
Amata stopped him before he could go any further.
"Thank you but I'd rather stick with the old commander's plan. Grixx will be fine. He is...blunt but a good man. I am sure that I will learn what I need to from him."
Gaius nodded while he failed at hiding his disappointment. Amata could feel her heart twisting in her breast at the sight and had to crush that feeling hard.
"If you change your mind then you know where I am."
Amata smiled then made to leave. Gaius grabbed her shoulder and turned her back to him.
"Actually, how about some dinner? I am not due to be fully transferred over till two weeks time and Smith has suggested that I stay with the 6th company when I do. I would like to get to know the place. This is an impressive ship and..."
Amata took a step backwards.
"I am sorry but I can't. I have a ton of work to do and I usually only grab a tiny bite to eat, often very late in the night. I think some of other medics are going to have dinner soon. You should pick one of them."
Gaius flinched at her choice of words. He knew what was running in her mind, pick one of the other women like he always had previously. He cast his gaze over to the small group of three female medics, all of whom were glancing at him with looks of varying levels of interest and desire. He turned back to Amata who was gazing at the floor.
"No. It is fine. I can grab something with Tib. Maybe when I finally get transferred over we can do something."
"Maybe.." she said half-heartedly.
He reached out awkwardly, desperate to just touch her when she stepped away from him.
"I have to go. It's really good to see that you are well, Gaius. Take care." She sped away, her hips swaying gently from side to side. Her fellow medics all gave slightly flirtatious waves and smiles before they followed after. Gaius stood feeling more than a little defeated and empty.
Gaius snapped out of his reverie at the sound of knocking at his door.
"Who is it?"
"Lysander, sir."
"Yeah? What do you need?"
"Its time, sir. The crews are waiting for the go."
Gaius stood up and grabbed his bag. He stepped out into the hall and nodded at Lysander.
"Lets get this show on the road then."