I have fallen behind again on responding to reviews. I am working ALOT of overtime this week, so my apologize in advance in not being able to personally respond to your reviews. Thank you in advance and know that I am grateful and honored.
The season premier was a little disappointing, the team was too much in the background, but it made sense since we were finding out about DiNozzo's mission. I won't give away any more. Just glad to be able to move on and hope they have decided to give McGee something interesting to do this season. ~fingers crossed~

Disclaimer: Just borrowing, I own nothing of NCIS.

Gibbs let the dog run around his backyard, watching him without really seeing him. He let his thoughts go back to years ago, to that fateful day. Yes, he had lost team members before, but Kate had really thrown him for an emotional loop.

Watching Kate grow into her role as an NCIS agent made Gibbs feel like he had stolen a prize right out from under the Secret Service. He would grin to himself as she quickly became DiNozzo's equal.

What had really done it, had really been the crux of it all was Kate's final words to him. "I thought I'd have to die before …" She never got to finish, Ari stopped her.

It was the fact that she didn't know how proud he was of her that really threw the unflappable Jethro Gibbs. It wasn't that she took a bullet for him right before, it was how she kept her head about it. He knew that was her job when she was part of the Secret Service, protect the President at all costs, but to get maneuvered, block the sniper's target, and still yell out about a shooter, well that took one hell of an agent.

And Kate was that. When the kill shot came, the moment was too full of irony for Gibbs to react at all. Both he and Tony just stood there, frozen in a terrible moment in time.

It was actually McGee who brought time back into motion, a concerned call over the earwigs started time moving again and realization of what had just happened.

Maybe that is why both he and Tony had treated McGee so terribly afterwards, he started time moving again. If they had been allowed to stay in that moment, then neither of them would have had to accept the terrible truth of losing someone so valued.

Or was it because Tim had been spared having to see Kate die? They all grieved, but for some reason, it seemed like McGee didn't have the right too. He had been spared the horrific sight of actually watching her go from living to dead, what right did he have to feel such a personal loss?

Gibbs shook his head at himself. He didn't feel that way about Abby, why McGee? The answer made him really look at himself as a team leader. It was because Tim had become the outlet. Unknowingly, unwillingly and to whatever end, Timothy McGee had become the team's outlet.

Even when Director Sheppard died, both he and Tony had yelled, been angry and demanded results out of McGee. With no thought to what they were doing, Tim became the solid ground they needed in order to keep level headed.

Have they ever thanked him? Have I? After losing Kate, did I ever do anything to let my agents know just how proud I am of them? We are the lead team at NCIS, each one of us giving so much of ourselves to finish a case. How many cold cases do we have? Not many. That's because of their dedication. Have I ever said anything to any of them of how proud that makes me?

A soft grip on his shoulder brought Gibbs out of his thoughts. "Don't dwell to much on it Jethro. Let Ziva be angry for now. It will make her more focused."

Gibbs looked up at Ducky as he sat down beside him. "What other guilt, Duck?"

"Jethro …"

"I need to know."

Ducky gave a long sigh. "Very well, just try not to harp on the boy about it." He gave his friend a sideways glare. "It was hard enough to have him confide in me, let alone if he thinks I am telling his tales."

Gibbs gave a mute nod.

"It started before he even joined the team. Do you remember Agent Christopher Pacci?"

"Of course."

"He needed some files from Timothy. By the time he had received them, you had moved onto another case and Christopher had to delay coming to you about his suspicions."

"Okay …" Gibbs had no idea where this was going.

"Our Timothy felt, maybe still feels, that if he would have gotten the files to Chris sooner, he would still be alive."

Gibbs blinked in shock. He was actually afraid to ask, but he did anyway. "What else?"

"I believe some of them are obvious. Erin Kendall, Benedict, Abby …"

"Abby's still alive, Duck."

"Yes well, there are all of the times he has put her in danger."

Gibbs eyebrows knit in confusion. "What times?"

"Mawer, and then that computerized car, his book, Mexico."

"Mexico?"

"My lord Jethro, do you really have no idea what is happening with your team?"

Gibbs looked away from his friend. "Apparently not."

"I am sorry, that came out much harsher than I intended."

"Go on."

Ducky looked at his friend again. "Are you sure?"

Gibbs gave a crisp nod.

"Very well. There are of course, the two gentlemen who died because of his book. Then there is Petty Officer Fargo, …"

"Wait why him? McGee didn't have any connection to him besides trying to hack into his computer."

"Because Director Vance divided the team in order to find the mole, which if Timothy would have been faster, maybe it wouldn't have taken all summer, maybe Ziva wouldn't have been nearly killed in a bomb blast, maybe Petty Officer Roberts and Agents Lee and Langer would still be alive, maybe …"

"Enough." Gibbs wiped his face. "How can he function with all that guilt?"

Ducky shrugged. "It is as Mr. Palmer has said. He has a great sense of purpose. Something that keeps him moving forward."

Gibbs and Ducky sat in silence for awhile. McGee's dog, came and sat at the bottom of the steps, waiting to be let back inside to his master.

"How did you get him to confide in you?"

"Purely by accident. I found him in autopsy after the Benedict shooting. Everyone else had left for the day. He was talking not only to the detective, but to Caitlin. Saying how much better she would have done, how much she would have liked Ziva, and that he was sorry that he had lived."

Gibbs snapped his head up at that comment.

"I know. That comment worried me as well. I marched into that dark room and forced that young man to ah, spill his guts, so to speak. When he was done I very bluntly asked him if he was having thoughts of hurting himself."

Ducky shook his head. "That shocked him more than anything. He said that he could never dishonor any of the lives he lost by taking the easy way out."

"Is that the only thing keeping him going?"

"I do not believe so, but what ever it is, I am thankful."

"That makes two of us."

They sat in quiet, watching the night stretch on, until the dog didn't want to wait any more to be by McGee's side. He went to the door and started pawing at it.

"I see that he is just as demanding as you." Ducky gave a smile as he stood up. "Dear me, I am getting too old to be sitting in one position for any length of time." He placed a comforting hand on Gibbs' shoulder, and then let himself and the dog back into the house.

XXXX

As Ducky came in, Jethro took off, running straight upstairs to the bedroom. He, again, pawed at the door. Ziva's voice came in a harsh whisper. "Quiet! He is already asleep. No, Jethro …" The door was softly closed.

Abby's gaze had followed the dog as he went to be by his master. She brought her gaze down from the stairs to look at Ducky. "I feel like we are being shut out."

"Give it time Abigail. Once Timothy is more sure of himself, he will reach out to all of you."

"If we deserve it." DiNozzo said softly behind Abby.

Doctor Mallard took a good look at the two young people hurting in front of him. "Timothy has not lost his faith in either of you."

"Last night, you said …"

"Anthony, last night I said that you all needed to understand what Timothy means to you. Both personally and professionally. Knowing you have come to that understanding, all you need to do is show him." Ducky looked upstairs and gave a slight nod.

"Remember, it is his belief in himself that is at a low point."

Abby came up and gave Ducky a hug. "How's the Bossman?"

"I have given him much to think about. He is more of a doer than a thinker." Ducky gave them a playful smile. He gave a quick squeeze back to Abby and called for his assistant. "Mr. Palmer, I do believe it is time for us to go."

"Sure thing Doctor Mallard." Jimmy came out of the kitchen, dusting his hands.

"Palmer, what have you been up to?" DiNozzo asked with a wary smirk.

Jimmy gave a short shrug. "Since he seemed to do okay with the protein drink, I thought I would stalk up on them. I had one of the Air Force guys take me to a nearby store." He put his hands on his waist and gave a proud nod.

"Aw, that's good thinking. Way to go Jimmy." Abby stepped over to Palmer and they exchanged a high-five.

Ducky was getting his coat on and started a story while waiting for Palmer to catch up. "Yes, good thinking, indeed. Have I ever told you about the time that I had to make my two days worth of MRE's stretch for two weeks. The best way to go about that is …

Palmer was shaking his head as he closed the door behind him. Tony and Abby still felt lost. Abby gave a quick nod to her self and then turned to Tony and gave him a sharp punch to the arm.

'Ow, hey! What was that for?"

"For not listening to Ducky! Suck it up Tony! Timmy needs us! If we are wallowing, then how can we help him?"

Tony gave a huff. "I know, I know." He rubbed at his arm while letting his thoughts churn. He finally looked at Abby and gave an impish grin. "You know, you're crazy for feeling bad for the Tuscan Raiders, they are bad news."

"Hun, what?" It took Abby a moment to catch up. "Oh, so what, not all of them were bad." She returned the smile with a little one of her own.

'Of course they are, that was the point. Somethings are just black and white."

"No way! That's like saying all German's are Nazis, or all Japanese are ninjas, or all dogs bark, or …"

"Abs, they kinda do."

"No way! I've heard a dog quack and squeal and talk and …"

They debated everything from the movie, to dogs, to food, to where-ever the conversation took them. Anything to keep themselves from thinking about what they've put their friend through all these years.

XXXX

Gibbs sat outside for another hour before he started making his rounds. He checked with the airmen first, then went inside. He started a new pot of coffee as he heard Tony and Abby debating whether it was better to find fingerprints or DNA.

He shook his head at those two and continued his path.

Two hours later, all was quiet. Tony and Abby had fallen asleep right in the middle of debating what is the best vending machine treat.

Gibbs was on his fourth time through the house and just as many cups of coffee. He decided to go check on his other two agents. He had stayed away at first, trying to make sure to let them sleep. He wanted to peak in on them just to make sure all was well, just like he had done when Kelly had troubled nights.

He was right outside the door when he heard distressed moaning. Ziva's soft voice came immediately after. He couldn't hear what was being said, but could tell from the tone, she was trying to comfort McGee. She sound so much like Shannon that it actually made his heart ache.

Gibbs stepped away from the door, knowing that Ziva had this under control, until he heard McGee shout-out. "No! Stop!"

Without another thought, he ran to the door and threw it open. McGee was on his hands and knees on the bed. Ziva was facing him, one arm around his back, another under his arm, in an awkward hug. "Ssshhh. Easy McGee."

"Please! I have to … Stop! My fault … can't let … anyone else! My fault!."

"No McGee, sshh, easy, go back to sleep for me. All is well, you are safe."

"No! My fault!"

Ziva was not just struggling to get Tim back to sleep, but to also hold onto him. This was a full blown night terror and would not be easily assuaged.

Gibbs heard running coming from behind, three sets of feet. He turned around to face the first person up the stairs, which ended up being his senior agent. "It's just a nightmare, Tony. Keep everyone back. Tim's going to be embarrassed enough about this, he doesn't need an audience."

Tony just gave a mute nod, turned and went halfway down the steps to stop the airmen.

Gibbs turned back into the bedroom. Ziva had managed to calm McGee down a little. He was laying back down, but he was restless.

Ziva was crouching on the bed, softly whispering to McGee. Gibbs walked up behind her and place a gentle hand on her shoulder. "How long."

She jumped at the touch and the voice. "All night. This was the first time that it was this bad, though." She was gently stroking the top of Tim's head, trying to keep him calm.

Gibbs knew this second night without much sleep was really going to catch up with both of them. He made a fatherly and team lead decision. "Ziva, go get some shut-eye. I'll stay with him."

Ziva shot Gibbs a look that was unreadable. "I can handle this, Gibbs."

Gibbs shook his head. "You are running on very little sleep. Both of you are. If either of you are going to be any good for this investigation, then you need sleep."

"But, McGee …"

"Don't worry, Ziva, I won't hurt him."

She looked at Gibbs, seeing his worry. She started to say something, but McGee became vocal again. "No … stop … don't hurt … my fault … my … fault."

Before she could do anything, Gibbs sat down on the bed beside her, grabbed McGee's hand, and spoke in a voice that she never knew Gibbs possessed, soft and gentle.

"Hey, it's okay son. It's just a nightmare. Nothing is your fault. Go back to sleep." Gibbs had to repeat himself three times before McGee started to relax again.

He looked over to Ziva. "Go, just be back before he wakes up. Finding you in his bed is one thing. Finding me …"

Ziva smirked at that. She gave a short nod and left the room.

McGee lay flat on his back, his dog had came over and laid his head on McGee's chest, another silent protector.

McGee stayed quiet for about ten minutes before the nightmare came back. "Please … stop … don't hurt … I'll … take punishment … don't hurt … my fault …"

Gibbs frowned at this new development. He squeezed McGee's hand and reassured him in the same soft and gentle voice from before.

It was a little easier to calm him down this time and the gap grew from ten minutes to thirty before the next night terror came. McGee clamped down on Gibb's hand, "My punishment … don't … hurt …"

Gibbs squeezed back, again speaking quietly and comfortingly until he eased Tim back to sleep. Gibbs caught on to the tell-tell signs of when a night terror was coming and figured out how to put McGee at ease before it could get into full swing.

Outside the bedroom door, Tony watched the two. He very much wanted to help, but knowing he was the reason Tim was having such a tough night, he held back. He decided the best way to help was by letting Ziva sleep and Gibbs keep watch over Tim. He was going to do the night patrol himself.

He went downstairs, sighed to himself and started another pot of coffee.