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Jasper
I had no idea what they planned, but the Cullen men weren't nearly as tense as they should to be. Edward, whom I knew was listening to my every thought, was hesitant and hopeful. Emmett was excited. Carlisle felt as Edward did, but with more confidence in whatever we were about to do.
I was unsure, and I hated being unsure. I needed to know without a doubt what would happen. I needed to know how this would end, and Alice wasn't here to tell me.
We came to a clearing that had been partially destroyed by either playful vampires or raging elephants. I went to the far side and waited for whatever it was that they had in store for me.
"Will you relax? This isn't some kind of punishment," Edward said. I wondered if the smug look was one of his permanent features. He glared at me.
"Thank you for coming, Jasper," Carlisle said. He turned and hung his shirt up on the branch of a nearby sapling. I hadn't noticed before, but he had a few bite marks along his shoulder. I couldn't imagine Carlisle in a battle. Of course, the old man was full of surprises.
Emmett already had his off and was happily flailing his arms and legs around in a strange hopping motion. I watched him as I slowly unbuttoned my own shirt. This would be the first time the boys would see me, and I wasn't sure how they would react.
Emmett continued the odd, rhythmic motion.
"Are you dancing?" I finally asked him when curiosity got the best of me. Edward laughed.
"Nope. Calisthenics to warm up," Emmett explained.
"Those are called Jumping Jacks," Carlisle informed me with a glint in his eye.
"Flailing your arms like that won't warm them," I reminded the eager vampire. Surely he knew that. Edward laughed again.
"It's not to get physically warm," Emmett said, as if I was a child. "It's to stretch the ol' muscles out, get 'em ready for the day." He then began touching his toes in a motion so fast he looked like a jackhammer.
"Emmett likes to prepare for wrestling," Carlisle chuckled.
I shot him a warning look. Wrestling wasn't a good idea. I had just tried to kill Emmett over a game.
"That's why we're here," said Edward. I still wasn't used to that.
"You need to replace the old feelings of fear and danger with new feelings and memories. We thought a fun day of play might give you a good base to start from," said Carlisle calmly.
I wasn't ready. I couldn't trust them.
"You can trust us, and you will never be ready until you try," said Edward, not looking at me, as was his custom.
"We won't let you harm us, and none of us will harm you," Carlisle continued. "This is just for fun. I have a little experience with these things, and I will make sure you don't harm us. Edward will know when your past interferes, and we can stop. I won't force you, Jasper, but I would like to challenge you to try. You have to trust us sometime."
I nodded at him and worked to calm myself. This was a bad idea. I tugged at the last button on my shirt and turned to hang it on a thin branch. All movement and sound ceased in the meadow. I turned and looked at the others. Emmett was staring at me, frozen in place, and Edward looked away, just as everyone did. The reaction of Edward and Emmett to my scars proved that this was indeed a very bad idea.
Edward's eyes locked on mine. "I'm sorry," he mumbled and then his features softened a bit.
Emmett took a breath and clapped his hands. "You ready for this?"
"Most likely," I shrugged and crouched into a defensive mode.
Grinning like a naughty boy, he hunched down, waited for Carlisle's signal, and launched himself at me. I immediately twisted out of the way and used my motion to push him into a tree as he passed. The tree trunk splintered, and the top of it came down on him. I waited for him to leap from the tree, but nothing happened at first. Then the leaves began to quake and the tree started giggling.
"You look so funny when you fight, all serious and focused. Lighten up, this is supposed to be fun," the tree laughed at me. He would never last long in a real battle.
His second attempt was much more precise, and before I could completely move from his path, he had my left arm. With a fluid motion, he slammed me to the ground and tried to get a better grip on me. I kicked my leg against the ground, and found myself on top of him. He held my arm tightly, but I was able to move about using my feet. However, I could not break his grip.
He began to chuckle again. "Gotcha," he crowed. He radiated smug satisfaction.
Trying not to hurt him, I brought a knee up and knocked his arm off mine at the elbow. Tricky move because I didn't want to snap the arm there. He let go, and I writhed from his grasp. I jumped from him and landed a few yards away, crouching and ready to counter his attack.
To my surprise, he didn't leap up, and for a moment I thought I'd hurt him. Then, he leisurely stood and turned to Edward.
Does he even know how to do this?
"Knees! That was brilliant. Take notes, Edward. We need to use more knees," he said cheerfully.
"Look out," Edward warned as I landed on Emmett's back.
I brought my mouth to his neck, and waited for his acquiescence of the fight. He just stood there, very still, staring at Edward. "Tell me he's not kissing me," he begged.
The clearing burst into roars of laughter. Emmett snorted and then began laughing. I felt myself chuckling along with them, carried away by the mirth around me, and dropped from his back. Edward was nearly doubled over, and Carlisle had his head thrown back and was laughing so hard he was shaking.
They really had no idea of how to fight.
Emmett turned to face me, laughter breaking through his words as he tried to speak. "That was the... strangest thing... anyone has ever done to me."
"It's how a training fight ends. Once one opponent makes a mortal move on the other, the practice is over. How do you end them?"
Emmett shrugged. "We just play around until it gets late and then come home before anyone gets mad at us."
"He means before Rosalie gets mad at him," cut in Edward.
I could see the need for that.
"What kind of coven uses a kiss as a mortal move?" Emmett demanded. He was looking at me oddly. Edward stifled another laugh.
I could not believe he was thinking that. "For the last time, it wasn't a kiss. I would have bitten your head off. Don't look at me like that!"
Emmett began his jovial laughter again, wagging his finger at me. "I did not kiss you. Had we been it battle, it would have been a killing cut to your neck," I explained in desperation. I couldn't believe he thought that of me.
"He's just having fun at your expense," Edward said, his eyes dancing.
"How do you know who won?" I asked in frustration. This was not how fight training went.
"Usually, it's scored like human wrestling," Carlisle explained. "When one pins the other on the ground, they win."
"So they fight on the ground?" That explained how they ended up without clothing.
"Oh, no. That's not how it happened," Edward said with a shudder.
I decided I might not want to know what happened.
"I've taught them several deadly moves," Carlisle interrupted, "but for play they fight like they did as humans."
This coven just got stranger and stranger.
"We really don't want to hurt each other," injected Edward. "We just want to have fun and keep our skills up."
"And Esme gets upset if she thinks we're playing too rough. Not that kissing is a real fighting skill." Emmett added with a raised eyebrow.
I glared at him.
"It felt like a kiss. Now, pin me this time." He launched himself at me.
I was able to fight off Emmett, though his skills were rapidly increasing. Not once during our mock fights did I have any issues with my past. Perhaps it was because fighting Emmett wasn't anything like a real battle, or perhaps it was simply the enjoyable mood around me, but I began to relax and finally let myself enjoy this day. Nothing had happened. No one was angry. In fact, I was beginning to have fun with the large one. So far, this was simply an experiment in useless tactics. What good could it possibly do to pin someone?
Edward, however, was another issue. If I thought too far ahead, he was able to see my moves. If I went on instinct, he was able to block and shift with incredible speed. I couldn't catch him, and I really wanted to catch him because of his smug self-assurance. There was something very unnerving about it.
For the fifth time, we took our positions across from each other. A small smile played on Edward's lips, and in my mind, his eye flickered from golden to red. I saw Edward shift. But he didn't say anything. I felt a twinge of unnecessary fear ripple through me.
"Ready?" Edward asked. He had seen it. My old feelings of distrust returned.
I went for him straight on, but just before I reached him, I dropped below his arms. I felt his hand slip on my hair as I went under him, twisted and grabbed at his legs from behind. He jumped as my fingers gripped his trouser legs. He flipped backwards, arcing over me. I turned again, and grasped for his arms. He was ready for that, and brought up his foot to kick in the chest. It knocked me backwards onto the hay.
I pulled at the hay beneath me, and watched it turn to green grass in my hands.
"Hold!" called Edward.
"What are you seeing?" Carlisle asked me.
"I don't know." I could feel fear build within me, but I had no idea why. Nothing had changed in this meadow.
"He saw another vampire's face," said Edward quietly. "There was hay, like in a barn."
"Take my hand, Jasper," Carlisle urged me. He extended his hand to me. The dirt there reminded me of something that remained just beyond me. I slowly reached for his outstretched arm, and he gripped my hand and pulled me up. "Nothing here will hurt you. Is this a memory you recognize?"
I shook my head. "It was a fight, but I have no idea which one or why it would happen now."
"Then let's keep going. Perhaps by pushing you further in a safe situation, we can find the source of this." He looked at Edward, who nodded an answer to the unspoken question.
There was something in him, his dangerous ability; his smug calm that made me hate him in that moment. The anger and fear in me rushed forward, and I went after Edward with everything I had. I rushed forward, screaming my rage and hit him straight on. His hands caught mine, and we began to truly fight. His face remained calm, and it infuriated me. The calm, almost smug, look dissolved into the face of the first vampire I murdered. Grass became hay and tree trunks melded into the walls of a barn.
Joshua, Maria's oldest newborn, smiled at me as I tried to overpower him. He had taunted me, calmly reminding me of my weakness at every turn. He was going to kill me. I could feel it in him.
Our bodies clashed, and in a twisting motion, I was at his vile neck. I opened my mouth to kill him as he had taught me, and I was jerked back and pinned by the arms of another. I roared in my fury, but the arms wouldn't yield.
Suddenly, Joshua's face was replaced by another's, and I recognized the other vampire I hated. Edward was here, and I would need to kill him. He was dangerous, more dangerous than Joshua would ever be. I wrenched my arms and legs, but the one holding me wouldn't let go. He was shaking me.
Emmett was shaking me.
I was back in the bright wooded area.
"C'mon, Jasper, snap out of it. It's just annoying, old Edward. You really shouldn't try to kill Eddie. That would be a bad thing to do," he admonished me like a small child throwing a tantrum.
"I'm fine. Let me go!" I rasped. His arms allowed for very little breath. He stopped shaking me, but didn't put me down.
"It'll be fine, Emmett," Edward said.
He released me, and I dropped to the ground. I backed away from them, hands up.
"What did you see?" asked Carlisle.
"It was my first day as a vampire. Joshua, Maria's oldest and most lethal newborns, challenged me to battle right after I was brought to her stronghold. He was gifted in some way, and had been Maria's favorite. Within hours of my eyes opening, I was forced to fight him in Maria's makeshift arena. I didn't understand my gift yet, but I could feel that he wanted to kill me," I explained, not looking at the vampire I had just tried to kill.
"They were in a barn, with others around them cheering them on. It was like some kind of sport," Edward explained with a pained look on his face.
"Joshua challenged me to the fight, knowing I had no idea how to kill another vampire," I explained, as the memory came on strong. "It was my first introduction into what would become my life. He was always calm, cold almost, and when he came after me because of my gift, it was the first time I had to fight. The feelings around me in that barn were almost as dangerous to me as he was. I killed him by taking pieces of him one at a time. In the end, he tried begging for his life. Maria just set him on fire and smiled as he screamed. I was less than six hours old."
"Edward became Joshua?" asked Carlisle. I nodded. "What about now? Who is he now?"
I looked at him strangely. "I know who he is."
"Do you know who I am?"
"Of course I know who you are," I said with bitterness in my voice. "You are Carlisle, and you lead the Cullen Coven."
"No, I'm not," he said. "Who am I?"
Then I understood. "You are the head of this… family," I admitted. And that was it. That was the difference. Edward wasn't Joshua, we weren't in a battle to the death, and this wasn't a coven. Carlisle was not Maria, and I had no reason to fear.
"Better," said Edward with a nod at his father.
I hated him. It was wrong, and I knew it, but I hated him, nonetheless. I hated him for knowing me. I loathed him for knowing Alice.
"I can't help it," he growled. "I can't help it any more than you can, and you know it." I did know it, and I swallowed back the bitter hate, trying not to feel it. Yet, the very fact that he knew Alice so well, knew her as intimately as me, kept me from curbing the rage that focused on him.
"You're jealous," he gasped. "You're not mad that I know her thoughts, you're mad that you don't."
"Someone, clue me in here," cut in Emmett, who stood beside me, clearly confused.
"One of the issues here is that he feels threatened by me," Edward explained. "And that's plain stupid."
"Do you have any idea what it is like to suffer through hell, only to find heaven given to you in the form of a person? Do you have any idea of what it's like to have the center of the universe be something so good you cannot ever truly grasp it? She's like the sun, giving off light and life, and I am only able to revolve around her. I can't ever come near enough to touch her. But you do." I spat out the last words with all the loathing I felt. It wasn't fair, the loathing wasn't directed solely at him, but I took it out on him anyway. "You are like her, able to abstain from killing, and you know her. You see what I can't. You know her most intimate secrets."
Edward stood across from me, his hands clenched and white. Fury rolled off of him, hot and heavy. "You're a fool!" he finally hissed at me. Emmett moved to stand between us.
"Edward," Carlisle said gently.
"No! Not this time," he growled, jabbing a finger at his leader.
"Not my leader, my father. Get that through your head," he seethed at me. "And understand this - I wish I knew what it was like to love like that. I can see it in all of you. Every time you look at your mates, I know exactly what I don't have. Do you have any idea how much I want that? How much I want someone to make this horrid eternity worthwhile?"
"Don't you know how insanely unfair it is that you found a love like that? You are so unworthy of her it's almost a joke."
He stood across from me, taking fast, angry breaths. His words sliced into me, and the fury I felt rushed out of the wound.
"I know exactly how unworthy I am."
Across from me, Edward also seemed to deflate. "Do you want to know what she thinks? She thinks about you. Constantly. She feels you, desires you, and wants to comfort you. She may have other thoughts flitting through her mind, but behind each and every one, is a thought of you.
"I've never seen a love like yours. Not ever. It's like you two are two sides of one entity. Your link with her is almost magical. You two are so entwined that you are utterly inseparable. You have no idea how much I want a love like that."
For the first time, I understood the honest truth about Edward. We did understand each other. He hated his life as much as I hated mine, but we were trapped here, unable to change. We both bore gifts that we could not escape. Yet, I had found my small piece of bliss in this life, and he remained alone. I understood alone.
"Yes, you do," nodded Edward as he moved away. I had to admit, his refusal to use his gift to harm us spoke of a strong, good man who had tight control of the monster within. I respected that. His eyes met mine, and we nodded to each other. I might not like it much, but I could live with a man I respected.
"My turn," said a very relaxed Carlisle as he took his position across from me.
"Carlisle..." Edward's voice was strained in the warning.
"Jasper seems fine," Carlisle said firmly, and he put up his hand and spoke to Edward in the privacy of his mind.
"I'm not fine," I hissed, hating the words as I said them. They were the truth; I was anything but fine.
"Who am I?" Carlisle asked again.
"The leader of this co- family," I admitted. I could not refuse a coven leader.
"I'm not Maria, Jasper. I won't harm the members of my family. Not ever."
"But I could hurt you," I argued. Why was he pushing this? I couldn't control my mind, and I had no idea of what might happen.
"You need to do this, Jasper. Edward and Emmett can stop you from hurting me," he said smoothly.
"I don't want to do this. I don't want to take the chance of damaging you or your coven," I pleaded.
"You won't," Carlisle said. "I trust you."
My gut twisted in a way that I didn't know it could. I was the last person on earth he should trust. Yet he stood there smiling and ready to wrestle with me. In that moment, I knew that I would have to take control of myself. He trusted me. He had trusted me all along, and, by God, I would be worthy of it.
I tightly bound the emotions and memories of my past and shoved them aside. My new found conviction gave me enough strength to master them, at least for a while.
Both Edward and Emmett watched us intently. They had no reason to fear, I would be gentle with the old man. Edward snorted, and at the same moment Carlisle launched himself at me. It was a straightforward frontal attack, so I raised my arms and moved to deflect him, when he twisted mid-stride, dropped to the ground, and kicked my feet out from under me. Before I hit the ground, he was on my chest, holding my arms to my side and effectively driving me onto my back.
Both Edward and Emmett let out howls of victory and Carlisle looked down on me with a very smug smile. "Got ya."
I had underestimated the old man again. That was a very bad habit. I grinned at him despite myself.
Carlisle immediately got off my chest and returned to his fighting stance. Once again, at Edward's signal, he attacked, this time I was ready. He came at me straight on, but I watched his body this time, looking for the first sign of a curve. Just as he reached me, I ducked under him, moving to flip him, but he somersaulted over me and grabbed my arms as he did. The velocity of his attack drove us both to the ground, me on my back, and him on his stomach.
"That's two," he snickered, his eyes dancing mischievously. "Ready for three? You attack this time."
Was I ready to attack him? I searched myself and my surroundings; nothing was out of place. I swallowed a goodly portion of bitter pride and looked to Edward. It hurt. Edward cocked an eyebrow and then nodded.
"Attack me," Carlisle whispered, and I did. I ran at him, and twisted to my left just as I reached him. I hooked my right arm in his, and used him as a counterbalance to whip myself behind him. My left arm went under his, and I had him.
I picked him up off the ground and held him there. Carlisle just laughed and called out "uncle." I let him go.
"Nice move," nodded Emmett.
"We only have about two more hours before I need to prepare for work. Perhaps we can stop the play for a while and Jasper could teach us some of his moves," suggested Carlisle.
"Only if you teach me to attack from the ground like that," I said, a smile lifting my lips. I had done it. I could feel the tension leave as the memory faded from me. My past and all its horrors were still there, but for now, they had no power over me.
For two hours, I was a member of the Cullen Coven, playing with my brothers and my leader. For two hours, I was a free man. When it was over, I couldn't wait to return to Alice.
She was doing it again. For the last two days, every time Alice saw her reflection, she would pause and stare for just a little too long. She was having a vision about herself, a good one, but she refused to tell me what it was. She would just smile coyly at me when I asked.
"You know how much I hate that, don't you?"
"Hate what?" she asked innocently. She came over and pressed herself against me and kissed me.
"It won't work. I still want to know."
She just smiled again and walked out of our bedroom.
We met the others as we always did in the large living area. Emmett had set up a game of poker for the men to play. The pouring rain had stopped the plans for playing outdoors today. That, and the fact that the ladies were heading into town. They were all very excited about a shopping trip. None of us wanted to be anywhere near them.
"I say we wager something good this time," whispered Emmett as he shot a look at Esme.
"Like what?" I hoped he wouldn't say clothing.
"You got money, right? How about a penny-ante poker game?"
"I don't have many pennies. Alice likes paper money."
"Don't worry, I'll get the pennies, you get the paper money," he winked at me again, and I tried to hold back a shudder. That was just plain weird.
Alice danced over to me and kissed me. She was dressed for an outing, and looked lovely. I didn't want her to go, but I sure as hell didn't want to go with her, either. Neither shopping nor humans would go well with me today. Poker would be a good diversion while she was gone. We all waved to our mates as they drove away, and then the others dove into action. I ran upstairs to grab some cash, and when I returned, a cider barrel full of pennies sat on the floor by the table. It was dirty and smelled a little musty.
"We hide it in the basement," said Edward from the piano.
"You have a basement?" I was astonished that I had missed that.
"We keep it well hidden," said Carlisle as he put a few dollars on the table and began rapidly counting out the pennies. "I've found a well hidden hiding spot to be very helpful when the need arises. It's where we keep our true valuables as well as legal papers."
There was a soft sound behind me, like a bottle cap being pulled off of a pop bottle. I turned to see Emmett holding up one of the kitchen cabinets. Beneath it was a perfectly square hole, just large enough to fit his body.
"The drop is only about fifteen feet straight down," he said as he effortlessly held up the cabinet. "But the room at the bottom is big enough and is concrete. We built the house on a rise so that the water wouldn't be an issue." He set the counter down gingerly and joined us at the table.
Carlisle began to shuffle one of ten decks we had. Vampire shuffling tended to ruin them within a few hands. Emmett and I stacked our pennies and watched him.
"Wait," said Emmett before Carlisle could begin dealing. He turned to me. "Don't get me wrong, but I just need to know something. Do you have any bad memories associated with poker? Any at all? I'm not going to get killed here, am I?"
In any other place in my life, I would have been offended. Instead, I felt myself grin. "Nope. I'm very good at poker, and my memories of this game are all quite pleasant. Yours, however, are about to become nightmarish, and you may very well indeed get killed." I smiled at Carlisle and Emmett, and settled into a game I knew.
As we played, I could hear the piano in the other room. Edward was occupying himself while we enjoyed our game. His isolation from the others struck me as the chords of a classical piece flowed through the home. As hard as my gift was to live with, his would be intolerable. He could not escape us, and yet he couldn't be with us. Just as now, his gift made him unwelcome in many situations. He knew the secrets that none of us wanted to admit to. No matter what he did, we were all aware of that fact, and it made him both integral to this odd group and forever a pariah within it.
The piano's music changed into a soft and more lighthearted song. I could feel gratitude emanate from him. I hadn't felt that from him before. Fair enough.
You're welcome.
"So, what exactly are the girls buying this time?" Emmett asked nonchalantly as he threw in nine pennies. I couldn't tell from him if his hand was good yet or not. Damn, he really was more complex than I thought.
"Plants for the garden," Carlisle said as he threw in nine pennies. Someone was bluffing, because my hand was pretty good.
"We live in a forest. How many more plants do we need?" Emmett asked.
I threw in my nine pennies.
"Alice wants to plant a new garden plot and try her hand at roses," Carlisle answered.
"And Rosalie went along with them while they looked at greenery? My girl doesn't usually go shopping for that."
"Rosalie is hoping Alice will shop with her for another dress or two," Edward called from the parlor. "Alice is hoping to get a lot more than a dress or two," he finished sarcastically.
"Wish I had known that," grumbled Emmett. "I can't find two pairs of my bib overalls. I have no idea where they went, but I need more."
I refused to speak, but from the feelings in the room, everyone but Emmett knew exactly what had happened to those overalls. It took about five seconds for Carlisle to break and chuckle. Edward began to laugh softly, and I finally caved in as well.
"Oh, she didn't," Emmett growled.
Edward burst into laughter. "Oh yes, she did."
"You traitor! I love those bibs. Why didn't you warn me?"
"Because they look ridiculous on you, that's why," Edward retorted as he wandered into the room. "Besides, it was Rosalie's idea, and I don't feel like crossing her over your hideous clothing."
Emmett wagged his finger at me. "That woman of yours is crafty. She comes across as so cute and tiny, but she has a wicked mind. When those two get together, trust me, it's going to be bad. At least Rosalie should be happy now; she always has hated those," said Emmett in defeat. "Well, if it makes my baby happy, I suppose I can put up with a waistband and a belt."
I thought of my boots, now safely on my feet, and was very grateful for the compromise I had made with Alice. Then I remembered Alice's visions in the mirror. They had become constant, and she had taken to looking at her image in just about every reflective surface she could find. Whatever she was seeing elated her, and that now had me worried.
Edward coughed from the doorway, but not fast enough to hide his chuckle. I fixed my eyes on him.
"What." It wasn't a question, but rather a demand.
"You probably don't want to know what she sees," he warned me.
"Clue, please?" asked Emmett with a hint of irritation. He hated not being a part of any and every conversation.
Edward cocked his eyebrow at me and continued to smile like the Cheshire cat. I was going to have to ask him. I turned to Emmett.
"Alice is seeing visions when she looks in a mirror. Whatever she is seeing makes her very happy - happier than I've seen her be. Normally, when she does that, she is seeing a gift or surprise I have planned for her, but I don't have anything planned."
"Wait, so she is seeing something you don't have planned yet? How do you know what you are supposed to surprise her with, if you can't see it?"
I sighed. I really hated this. "That's why I'm asking him." I jabbed my thumb at Edward.
"But if she sees it, it won't be a surprise," mused Emmett. "That's confusing."
"It's Alice," I shrugged.
"It's women," added Carlisle.
"Actually, Alice hates surprises, but she likes trying to figure them out," said Edward. "It's kind of a catch-22 for you, isn't it?" he asked, looking at me.
"You have no idea," I mumbled.
"Oh, yeah, I do," Emmett said.
"Fine. She sees herself in a bridal gown on the day of your wedding," said Edward abruptly.
"What!" I was suddenly breathless.
"Apparently, you two are having a wedding. Congratulations," he said, and broke out into a laugh.
Emmett began to guffaw and pushed himself away from the table, breaking the legs of the chair. "I thought I had it bad," he roared in delight. "But you have to figure out a way to surprise a psychic with her own wedding!"
"I just don't understand why, though," I said leaning over the counter and looking at the others. If we had been human, we would have been drinking whiskey. We all leaned on the kitchen counter trying to figure our women out.
"She seems to need reassuring," said Carlisle. "She almost comes across as a child. Perhaps a wedding will make her more secure."
I looked at Carlisle. He was right. She needed this. Just like she needed to get an education, wear fine clothing and leave her mark on places. She had even told me why long ago; she needed to know that she was real, that she belonged.
"But why a wedding?" I mused out loud. Of all the worthless things for a vampire, being wed by a human had to rank way up there.
"Perhaps it is the solemn vows. There is something wondrous, even for our kind, in speaking those sacred vows before witnesses," said Carlisle.
"It's not the vows for Rosalie," snorted Edward. "She needs the dress and the flowers and the fluff. Alice loves all those things, too."
"Esme did fret over the dress quite a bit," agreed Carlisle.
"Rosalie loves being the center of attention," said Emmett, "but for her, it's still about the vows." He looked over at me. "We've been married three times now. The first time was just as soon as my eyes were finally yellow. That was a very long year." He grinned evilly at me. "We knew we would be mates on the day my burning stopped, but we had to wait a whole year. Rosie wanted to do everything right and, well, there were other issues involved, but she needed those vows. She needed me to say the words to her, before God and everyone. I guess the wedding wasn't necessary for the mating part, but I wanted to say those words and make an eternal promise to her. That's what made them so special; we did it even though we didn't need to. We chose to do it for each other. It sounds stupid, but it made our love seem more real somehow."
"That doesn't sound stupid, son, that sounds just about right. It was that way for Esme and me. We were mates, but to honor her, to honor the gift of her love, I made my vows to her to make her my wife before making her my full mate. I know it is a ridiculous, human tradition, but I used to be a very ridiculous human myself." He chuckled at himself and Edward groaned. "For a moment at our wedding, I felt entirely human. It was as if this one human moment had the power to bring the man I was to life for a brief span of time. Esme felt the same."
"You honored her with your vows," I said, more to myself than them. I thought back to the night I had given Alice the twisted silver rings that my grandfather had made. I had done it then without knowing. I had honored her love with my unbreakable promise. I could do that again for her. If it made our love more real to my mate, I would stand before a stadium of people to say those words. She deserved this. "I could honor Alice like that. I would like to."
"It isn't just about honoring her," said Carlisle with a faraway look. "Having Esme say the same vow back to me, to see her face glow with love, was... incredible. I needed to hear her say those things and see her love."
"So how do you plan to surprise her with it?" asked Emmett.
"With a wedding?"
"No. That would be a bad thing; I guarantee it," he laughed. "How do you plan to surprise her with proposing? She sees everything."
"I have no idea," I said, defeated. "It's impossible."
"Jasper, I may have an idea or two. Let me think about it a while," Carlisle suggested. He looked like he was concentrating on something.
"A Tale of Two Cities?" asked Edward, looking at Carlisle with a half-smile.
"I get tired of reciting the Iliad, and I think it best if I keep my plans to myself. I could have Jasper teach me his dirty sailor song, if you prefer."
"Oh, yeah!" shouted Emmett. "Teach me, too!"
I looked at Carlisle's grinning face and swallowed a lump of guilt. I had been damned for over eighty years. I had murdered thousands, but the very idea of teaching a filthy song to Carlisle seemed morally wrong. I couldn't bring myself to do it.
"No," snapped Edward quickly with a look of disgust on his face. He felt the same way I did.
We all heard the distant crunch of gravel under the tires of our mates' car as they turned onto the dirt road.
"I suggest that this conversation be forgotten," said Carlisle quickly. We all nodded in agreement. These odd vampires, males that two weeks ago I was willing to destroy at the slightest provocation, were now my co-conspirators in the most convoluted campaign I had ever waged. Together, we were set to defeat Alice's gift in order to achieve the goal of a wedding.
A wedding.
It was hard for even my mind to comprehend that. I removed the thoughts quickly and focused on readying myself for my mate's return. I began to feel her, and her presence brought me the peace I needed. I braced myself for the scent of humans that would be on them.
Emmett ran off, a look of panic on his face. He returned seconds later carrying a pile of blue material. "Hide these for me, Edward," he pleaded and shoved them across the counter at his brother. Edward stood there and cocked an eyebrow at him. They began a silent and rather hilarious series of mental bargains I could only imagine what Emmett was willing to give in return for his favorite clothing, I had worn the most detestable thing I owned for the safety of my boots.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that Alice would have seen that move.
For the next few days, I could think of nothing but giving Alice what she wanted. It wasn't just the fact that she wanted it - it was the fact that she did, indeed, need it. Perhaps I did too. The idea was preposterous. It came from a life I no longer claimed. It was a needless and useless thing, redundant vows that could not bind us anymore than mortality could. Yet, as I thought of them, as I thought of saying them to my Alice in a ceremony witnessed by all, the lure of such vows began to tug at me.
I could honor her. I would honor all her goodness, all her patience, all her impossible love. I would finally do something worthy of her.
Yet, I had no idea how to accomplish it. I knew it would happen; I knew that every time I saw Alice catch her reflection. Like so much in my life, it would happen because she saw it, but her visions didn't come with instructions.
The only thing keeping me sane was Carlisle's confident smile and look of concentration. He was working on something; I just wished he would share it with me, though I know he couldn't.
My desire and my frustration made my constant need for blood even worse. Ever since the Council Rocks, my need for the release that only human blood could bring increased day by day. Alice and Edward both knew it, but did not speak of it, thankfully. Their shared looks provided their own agony. I did not want to fail Alice, but every night when Carlisle returned, I could smell the humans on his clothing, and the monster thrashed against the hollow ache that only blood would fill.
To exacerbate the issue, Carlisle and Esme left us Thursday night. They were only going to Portland for a weekend medical conference, but they would not return until Tuesday, which left the children to fend for themselves. There was something about their leaving, some solid comfort their presence gave me which was now missing, that made me even more unstable.
It made us all unstable. Within an hour of their departure Thursday night, Rosalie and Edward were arguing over some past issue. I could feel the tension rising in the room as Emmett joined the fray, and something about the animosity flowing between Rosalie and Edward set me on edge. Alice felt it.
"We could hunt, if you want," she suggested.
I almost laughed at her. The last thing I needed was tasteless, joyless killing. "It won't help."
"What about a run with me?" She smiled at me. Even that might not lessen the need for blood, but it would probably let me ignore it for a while. She ran her finger across my lips, and they heated up under her electric touch.
Yes, this could indeed help me ignore my other burning need.
Without telling the yelling vampires where we were headed, we ran out into the June night. The moon was barely a sliver as it rose in the sky, and Alice ran ahead of me, laughing at the joy of the run.
We ran away from the Cullens and headed Northeast, into the wilderness near the mountains. The solitude was once again refreshing. I followed my mate to one of the endless hidden spots that could be found amid the trunks of the ancient trees here. It was not a true reprieve from the need that now haunted my every thought, but I would take any relief I could get. Alice pulled me down into the soft floor of the forest, and talked to me of future plans that I could not focus on.
"What about Las Vegas?" she finally asked. That got my attention. "We could go before school starts. It would be a lot of fun to have Edward there."
"Have they been before?" I asked to keep her speaking.
"No. Can you believe it? Edward reads minds for Pete's sake. It would be so easy to go and have fun in Vegas and they never even considered it. They assumed it was too sunny to even try. Isn't that silly? Nothing important happens in Vegas while the sun is up."
"I would have thought that Emmett would be a regular," I said. Las Vegas was made for men like Emmett.
"Can't you just see him there? Of course, he does have the potential to get into trouble like no other vampire I know, but it would be fun to try."
"Fun. Yep, it would definitely be that."
"What is that supposed to mean?" she said with her hands on her hips. I smiled at her. She looked so cute that way.
"It means that I would love to watch Emmett's reaction to Las Vegas, so long as I don't have to deal with the aftermath." I wondered if I could get him to try drinking with me. Whiskey and venom made for some wonderful fun when spit out and lit on fire. We would need to get away from our mates somehow, but the idea had potential.
"What are you thinking about?" Alice asked me with a smile. She must have felt my amusement.
"Emmett, Las Vegas and fireworks," I said truthfully.
She twisted seductively onto my lap. Her chest pressed against mine and her legs wrapped tightly around me. I smelled leather.
She ran her finger over my lips and I ran my hand down her shirt. Leather strings were indeed tied underneath.
"Speaking of fireworks…" she said as she kissed me.
I would have stayed in the forest until Tuesday, but Alice saw a group of loggers heading our way and there was no way that I could safely be around beating human hearts. Even as we dressed, I could hear the distant rumble and rattle of logging trucks as they lurched their way down rough trails, and even that nearness made me turn my head and instinctively taste the air for the scent of them.
A sudden swoosh and a devious giggle were the only warning I got as Alice ran off with my boots. I yelled in fearful protest, and crashed through the woods after my evil mate, the trucks and their humans forgotten for the moment.
She ran in a twisting path that edged us ever closer to the Cullen home. Her squeals of delight mocked me as I tried to catch her. I ran focused solely on her, and the endangered footwear she held. Yet, I wasn't nearly focused enough.
A light movement off to my left caught my eye as we neared Eugene. It was nothing, really, and any other day I would have ignored it. This day, I could not.
Winding their way slowly down a recently harvested hill were three migrant workers in an ancient truck. No one else was around in the waning light of a Sunday evening. Without conscious thought, I was racing towards them, too fast for any of my prey to see me. I heard a sound that should have stopped me in my tracks, but the monster was now in control, and my mate's voice didn't make any difference. All I knew was the red heat of the hunt and the aching void that was about to be filled.
The driver fed me first while the other two screamed in terror. The truck careened down the hill, tossing the body of the first around as I drained the second. The third leapt from the cab, but I was on him before he hit the ground. I heard Alice pleading. I heard the crash of metal hitting wood. I felt the terror of my victims rip me apart while the void was filled and the beast satiated.
And then I realized what I had done, without even a single coherent thought. I looked up into Alice's sad eyes, crimson into gold, and screamed.
She did not follow me this time as I ran.
I was surprised it was Rosalie. Of all the Cullens, she was the last one I suspected would want to find me here, unless of course it was to confront me. She came at me slowly, which was wise, circling first before stepping through the trees. She did not enter timidly, but rather looked straight into my crimson eyes.
"I wasn't who you were expecting, was I?" she said with a smile.
"Nope. I knew Alice would send someone, but I never thought it would be you. Mighty big risk you're takin'."
"Not really," she smiled again. "I have reinforcements. If Alice sees anything, Edward and Emmett will be here."
"Why you?"
"I don't know. Alice saw that you wouldn't run if it was me. I believe it's because I have a lot in common with you. It is rather annoying that Alice's visions never tell her why something will happen."
I shook my head at her. "What do I have in common with you? Do you often lose control and kill without thinking?"
"No, I've always thought my kills through very carefully," she said with a smile as cold as ice. "Does that surprise you?"
I raised an eyebrow. She didn't look like the murderous type, though she did feel like it.
"I have another surprise for you. I've never tasted blood. Not once," she laughed. It was a cracking sound more like shattering glass than a voice. I was stabbed with a ripping pain that cut through me so quickly I gasped.
She cocked her head to the side and I stared at her, wondering how she kept that hidden.
"Oh, that's right," she nodded to herself. "I'll try to keep it inside."
I looked at her, still reeling from the hurt and sheer rage emanating from her. I tried to give her peace and happiness, though I did not feel them myself. Her emotions were too much like mine, festering sores that caused constant pain. I could not let her suffer when I could stop it. I had once been a better man than that.
Her eyes grew wide and then she looked away. "Thank you," she said.
I nodded, though I knew she didn't see.
"As I was saying, we are alike, I think."
"How so?" I knew, though. I had felt those very things within me.
"We both hate ourselves because we know exactly how evil we truly are. We both were changed because of what we could give to our makers, and not because our makers cared for us," she said, bitterness clipping her words.
"If you've never tasted blood, you aren't anything like me."
"No? I think I am." She moved over to a space under the starlight and looked up at it. "I killed the men who killed me by torturing them to death. I was very careful and never broke their skin. It was like a game for me. I broke their bones and laughed as they screamed. I enjoyed it, and I would do it a thousand times over."
"What men killed you?" I asked, not understanding her words, but knowing all too well each emotion she felt.
"I was engaged to be married a man named Royce." She hissed out his name like a curse word. "I barely knew him, but he had what I wanted: money and the ability to give me a house filled with children. One night I ran into him and his friends. They had been drinking. It was dark and cold, and no one was around to hear me scream."
I looked at her face. She was more beautiful than any other of our kind, and as she looked at the stars, she was lovely. Lovely and hollow. The pain raged through her again, and I stilled it as best I could.
"Thank you," she smiled a bit, but didn't turn to me. "Carlisle came and took me from the street. He tried to save me, but when he realized he couldn't, he changed me thinking it was for the best. It was for his best, not mine." She turned her hard eyes to me. "Do you know why I wanted to be wealthy? It's because I was pretty. I was prettier than anyone else, and my parents instilled in me that I should have wealth because of my beauty. I had to be perfect every day, and I loved the attention that they gave me. I wasn't just their daughter; I was their key to the good life and high social standing. I was a thing to be used. No one ever asked what I wanted, because my desires didn't matter. The sad thing is that I was fine with it, proud of it even. I thought I deserved it all.
"I was violated because I was pretty. That's why Royce liked me, and that's why he let those men touch me. I was pretty, and I was a thing to them, too: a toy to be played with and then destroyed.
"Carlisle found me and brought me home because I was pretty. He wanted a mate for Edward, someone to make Edward happy like him and Esme and keep him from leaving them again. He condemned me to this hell because of my beauty." Her voice became nothing more than a whisper on the night wind.
"You were changed because you had something someone wanted, too. You were changed because you benefited another. Do you hate your gift, Jasper?"
"Sometimes, but I would rather have it than not. I hate what my gift made me do. I hate that it led me to this life, but I don't hate what it is," I said, trying to make sense of it.
"My face and body were my blessing, and yet they were also my curse. No one ever asked me what I wanted to be. Never. Not even Carlisle. They all just used me. In the end, none of it mattered. I can never have a home full of children, and Edward and I can barely stand each other.
"Do you know why I dislike Edward? It's because he was the first one not to want me for my face. He knew my every thought and desire, and as I lay burning, he rejected me. He refused to love me."
"I'm sorry for your pain," I said, and I was. "I didn't realize where all that anger and hate came from."
"You're still trying to make it better, aren't you?"
"Yes'm. Do you want me to stop?" I asked.
She shook her head and looked at the stars again and relaxed. I began to feel other things from her. Familiar things.
"You remind me of my grandmother," I said. She looked at me curiously, but said nothing. "My grandmother had been hurt all her life because of her physical appearance. She was very tall, and large, and not comely whatsoever. She grew strong under the constant strain of whispers and stares. You have that strength too."
A small smile played on her lips. "Thank you... that may be the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me."
"It takes a special woman to endure what you did and still find a way to live and be happy." She beamed at me, and for a moment, I could see the young woman who wanted a simple life and a happy family. Just as quickly as the smile came, it dropped from her face.
"Do you want to know why I feel so much hate?" she asked sadly.
"Isn't it because of what those men did to you?"
"No, it's because of what I did to me," her eyes looked at the horizon, but saw only her past. "I was ready to achieve all my dreams, to have everything I wanted, but because of my beauty, it was all taken away. Royce attacked me and left me for dead. Carlisle bit me and then apologized while I lay screaming. Over and over, he said he was sorry and that I should try to remember my past. They told me to focus on the faces of my family, but all I could see were the faces of the men who violated me. I replayed that horrid memory and took refuge in my justified rage. I stoked the hatred I felt until it was as hot as the fire in my veins. I hated those men. I hated Carlisle and Esme and Edward. I hated the beauty that had cursed my life, and when I awoke, all that anger was frozen into me. The truly sad thing is that I knew what I was doing when I did it. I wanted to feel anger. I had a right to it."
"If you hate the Cullens so much, how do you live with them?"
"At first, I was an outsider. I tried to hurt them, to punish them for what they did to me. Esme and Carlisle are hard to hate, though, and their love finally broke through to me. I have learned to love them in my own way. Edward and I are getting along as well as we can."
She took a deep breath and looked at me. "Do you want to know the worst part? Every time I see my reflection, I feel happy. It's sad, if I think about it. The thing I should hate the most still makes me happy. My parents did a good job of teaching me to be vain, didn't they?"
"You have to live like that forever?" I asked, but it came out sounding more like a statement.
"It was horrid at first, but once I found Emmett, it got better. I don't think about it anymore. Not really. I just look at my reflection and my mate and stay happy with what I see." She smiled contentedly. "The only thing that gave me joy before Emmett came was killing my attackers. Nothing has ever felt so wonderful to me, and I wish every day that I still had a few more to kill. It wasn't the need for blood, though, that gave me so much joy; it was deeper than that. Hearing them scream gave me the most exquisite feeling I have ever known. It was total euphoria, and for a moment, I was in heaven. Every day, I wish I could get that feeling back. You know what it's like to need that feeling, don't you?"
I nodded, astounded that this beautiful creature was indeed like me. I had been eternally damaged by what I had done, and she by what had been done to her.
"I don't want to kill 'em. I truly don't, but I need the blood so much it hurts more than the burn of venom ever could. I thought nothin' could be as bad as our physical thirst, but it turns out I was wrong. I don't even know if I should try to feed from animals. I feel like I am going against my very nature, and I'm not sure it's worth it."
She looked at me strangely. "It's worth it. It has to be."
I shook my head. "I want to believe that, but I don't know that it's true."
"The worst part of killing those men was when Royce was finally dead. There wasn't anyone else. I knew right there that I would never feel that kind of euphoria again. The only time I've tried to cry in this life was when I realized I had no one left tokill. I still want it, that feeling." She turned her beautiful, cold eyes to me. "I guess it's a good thing my parents taught me not to care about more than my looks. If I thought too much about what I am, I think I would be much more dangerous."
I didn't answer her, because I was sure she wasn't talking with me any longer. Finally, she stirred and said, "You are very lucky, Jasper. You aren't frozen like me. You think you are, but you can overcome these feelings. I know you can, because you've already overcome so much in the two weeks we've known you. All of us know what it feels like to need blood; it's what we all are. No one blames you.
"You need to know, it's worth it. I've only met a few other vampires, but I know that being free from the need to kill is worth it all," she said fervently.
We stood looking at each other for a moment. "I don't want you to leave us Jasper. Carlisle says we need each other, and I think he's right. As much as I don't want to admit it, you make me feel better. When you are with us, you make us happier."
Most people would have given up in her place. They would have killed for the pleasure of it and taken their revenge on everyone. Yet she lived in this family and built a life for herself despite all that pain. If she could do it, perhaps I could as well.
"Rosalie, you may be the strongest woman I have ever met, and I'm glad I make you happier."
She beamed at me. "You know, I don't think I would mind you being my brother. You do look like me. We could be siblings, but you have to be a Hale. I refuse to use another name."
Something about the way she said that made me proud, like I was somehow good enough for her.
She smiled at me, and walked silently back to the others. The forest was vacant except for Alice. She was there, loving me as always. The one thing I wouldn't ever deserve was the one thing that I never had to doubt.
"It worked," I called into the night. "You did good."
She appeared at the end of the dark woods, glowing beautifully in the starlight. She was unsure of herself.
"I will be all right," I said, and for the first time in a long time, I believed the words.
She smiled and slowly approached me. Even after committing murder, she adored me. Rosalie said it was worth it. Living free of the binding power of blood was worth it.
I knew, right then and there, why marrying my mate was so important. Carlisle was right. It wasn't just for her, but it was for me as well. I had turned my back on anything that would bind me. I had lived as the selfish monster until I met Alice. Those vows only meant something if I accepted them as binding. Accepting those fragile words as my life's promise and purpose weren't just a gift to Alice; they were also a promise to me. A promise that I would finally accept her love for me.
"It was only a mistake, Jasper," she said as she stepped into my embrace. "They aren't angry, and neither am I."
"I know," I whispered into her hair. "I am sorry. I will try harder."
"Don't try for me, anymore. Please don't do this for me. Do only what you want to do, and be only what you want to be."
I looked down at her, and knew then that I would indeed do now what I wanted to do. I wanted to bind myself to her, so that I could finally fully believe it.
"Don't worry, Beloved. I am right where I want to be, and I'm doin' what I want to do."
Emmett grinned happily as the lightning flashed over the field.
Carlisle and Esme would be back any time, but the thunderstorm today meant that we could play baseball close to the house, and that was something that none of the Cullens wanted to miss. Alice assured us that they would read the note we left and join us here.
I took my position and kept my head down. No one had even mentioned my red eyes since my return yesterday, but I didn't want to face them, nevertheless. I was grateful it was baseball this time because in my current mood, I could not imagine being touched, much less tackled. We began our play with the traditional warm ups, useless but calming.
We would play two on two, with Rosalie pitching, until Carlisle and Esme returned. I was grateful for his absence. They had been told of my mishap and had already forgiven me, but I loathed the idea of seeing them again with red eyes.
If Edward knew of my mindset, he hid it well.
Alice and I took the field. Rosalie's first pitch was a strike, but he hit the second. Alice was in the trees before the bat shattered against the ball. He didn't stand a chance. She got him before he rounded second base.
"Damn it!" he yelled as Alice hit him with the ball hard enough to knock him down. "There has to be a rule against seeing where the ball will go," he roared in frustration.
Alice's merry laugh lilted across the field. "I won't go after it until you actually hit the ball from now on. Better?"
"Not really," he said as he sulked back up to home.
Next up was Edward. I watched as he strode up to bat, much more sure of himself than Emmett because he had the advantage of speed.
Rosalie threw a curve ball, but Edward still made a strong hit. True to her word, Alice waited until the crack of the bat before moving. She shot from the field and easily intercepted the ball just inside the tree line. Edward, however, was coming up on third fast. I ran towards him and she threw me the ball, but I was just a hair too late. He dove for home as I leapt at him. We hit with the sound of canon fire, and he laughed as he rolled on the ground.
"One!" laughed Emmett as he pulled us up from the ground. I tossed aside the ball I had crushed, string billowing in the wind as it sailed overhead.
Emmett smirked as he took the new bat. Rosalie's curve ball was, but he bunted on her speed ball and headed for first.
Alice knew ahead of time, but couldn't move until the bat made contact, then we both raced up for the slowly rolling ball as Emmett sped past the bases. The ball was far too close to snatch before his foot landed on the granite stone we used as home. In desperation, Alice pitched the ball at him again. This time, Emmett easily deflected it with a kick, and the ball split with the force.
Edward hit the ball too high, and I caught it for our second out. We tagged Emmett again for the third out and then it was our turn to bat. I enjoyed the game, and began to forget my red eyes as I joined in the siblings' endless banter.
Alice and I scored twice before my hit went too high and was caught by Edward. I swear he used Alice's vision to get to it.
He smirked at me, confirming my suspicion. Before I could comment, two figures emerged from the trees. Carlisle and Esme came in smiling at us all. Neither their faces nor their emotions bore any resentment towards me.
Carlisle carried a bag of new balls.
"'Bout time," Emmett greeted him with a slap on the back and proceeded to open the bag and dump them in the bag with the others. "Now that you two are here, we can finally stop the cheating duo here." He pointed at Alice and Edward. "Alice, you're pitcher!"
"Always the pitcher, never at bat," she mumbled as she took the mound from Rosalie. As this was our first game with them, her sour mood must have come from a vision.
"I don't care when you're at bat," said Emmett. "I care when you're in the field." He really hated the fact that Alice knew where a ball would go before the hit. I didn't say anything - Emmett had a point about that.
"You may be the pitcher, but I am forever stuck as umpire," Esme said as she took up position as catcher.
"That's because you're the only one we won't argue with," chuckled Edward.
Carlisle took Alice's place without a word and our game resumed.
Carlisle was a good player. He was the most powerful hitter after Emmett. After two more innings, Edward's team was winning by one run, and our ball supply was getting low. Emmett went to dig out yet another ball, but he paused as he brought it out.
He looked at the thing curiously and then called out, "Hey, Jasper, it's yours."
I looked at him in confusion as he hurled the ball at me, but even as it streaked across the field, I could see the words, "For Jasper," written in a strong hand across its surface. It was Carlisle's writing. I caught the thing and turned to look at him.
"I thought you should equate the game with good memories," he said with a smile and a feeling of pride.
I looked at the small ball and realized that the thing had been re-stitched. Something was inside it. I heard Esme take in a breath and felt her joy grow in unbounded leaps.
"It was the only way I could think of to surprise Alice," Carlisle whispered with a small chuckle.
And then I knew.
Their trip to Portland and decision to bring extra balls had been part of a plan. They had done this for her. For me. They had done this for us. I was going to make Alice's secret desire come true.
"You'd better hurry," said Edward with a nod at Alice whose face had just gone blank.
Alice
I watched curiously as several emotions crossed Jasper's face and tried to figure out why a baseball would cause them. It looked like a normal baseball: white and round. A vision flashed through, showing me that Jasper would rip the thing in half, and again I wondered at the significance of an old baseball. I began to walk towards him, watching as understanding dawned on his face. He looked up at me with wide eyes and a growing smile. My mind filled with him kneeling before me for some reason, and suddenly he was shaking me.
"No, Alice, not this time," he said, his words thick with his drawl. A smile, wide and boyish, had transformed his face.
"Don't look," he pleaded.
"I'll try not to."
He held out the ball and looked at it tenderly before ripping the thing in half. String and filling flung into the wind. I watched the tangled mess stream away and then plummet to the ground in the rain. The rain suddenly came down in torrents, and lightening laced across the sky, putting everything around us in bright contrast.
I looked around into the faces of my family as they moved closer. Emmett and Rosalie were curious. Edward was beaming, as was Carlisle, who held Esme. Esme covered her smiling face with her hands and looked as if she wanted to cry.
I turned back to my mate and tried to hold off the visions that were tugging at my mind. Jasper was joyous, holding up the two halves of the ball like they held a treasure. Jasper's hair plastered itself to his face, and he looked just as he did the first day we met. Lightning flashed again, and something in the wet, matted mess inside the ball shimmered.
Jasper's hand took the shiny thing from the ball in an instant, and there in his hands was a beautiful silver ring arrayed with diamonds. The ones on the sides were smaller than the large circular stone in the middle.
The ring dropped below me, and Jasper was kneeling.
He was proposing.
He was proposing.
To me.
Jasper stayed on the ground before me, for once not caring where the others were. His eyes were focused only on me, and I was lost in him. No one else in the world mattered right now. I no longer felt rain or heard thunder, I only knew the beauty of my mate and the ring he held between us.
"My beautiful Alice. Alice, who has no other name. Alice, who has no past," he began, his voice quivering. "Alice, who does things the wrong way so that they come out right. Alice, who loves me though I will never deserve that love. Alice, who is... who is my mate." His voice failed him, but he held up the ring with one hand as he pulled my left hand from my side. The ball I had been holding fell unheeded to the ground. He looked from the ring to me, his face filled with wonder.
"Alice, you are the center of my very life and my sole salvation. You have become my only source of hope and joy. Will you now consent to become my bride and marry me for all eternity?"
I was lost in him. His joy was so utterly complete that I was unable to think for a moment. I only looked at him, caked in mud and drenching wet, and knew that he had knelt for me. He had done this because he loved me.
I was supposed to say something; something wise and wonderful. I commanded my lips to move and tell him what his love and joy had done for me. What it had done to me. But my mouth wouldn't move. My lips parted, and a single, small word came out. "Yes."
It sounded weak and strangled as it tried to escape my clenched throat.
The ring was instantly on my finger, and I was swept up into his arms.
I heard Emmett let out a whoop. I heard the glad shouts of the others. I felt their arms around us. I heard the words they uttered but didn't understand them.
Right now, all I understood was our love, radiating between us and the serene joy of being chosen by him again.
I need your help. In December, Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Companion will be released. That is when we will all finally know exactly what happened to Alice and when the date of her marriage is. Until then, I want you to help me decide when they get married. The only information she gave about them is that they joined the Cullens in 1950 and were married shortly after that.
So… When do you guys want the wedding to take place? Right away in the fall? Winter? Shall we wait for Spring?
Please let me know your choice in either a review, pm or by contacting me at Kayla_Openhome charter . net (remove the spaces). I look forward to hearing from you.
I will be in Montana on vacation for the next week. If you don't hear from me, that is why.