Padme knocked on the door to Vader's quarters, counting her own heartbeats, while waiting for him to appear. When nothing happened, she lifted her hand to knock again. Just as she did, the door slid open in front of her, revealing an empty doorway.
Cautiously she peeked inside. The very last thing she wanted, was to be caught snooping again. She didn't think her heart could take another one of his outbursts. His last one had left her shaking, in fact some parts of her were still shaking. Yet, he was the one that had opened the door, wasn't he? He must have.
Making her mind up, she stepped over the threshold. This time, the black half dome of his meditation chamber was already raised, but the seat was vacant. He wasn't there.
She paused, before starting to take a step backwards. But the sound of her name, stopped her foot mid-air. It was spoken quietly in his dark voice, yet still softly, like a caress. A caress she should not want. Even so, her treacherous legs turned by their own accord, following the dark summons willingly. Walking past the dome, the voice led her to a smaller chamber adjacent to the main room. That's where she found him. A solitary figure by the window, standing hands clasped behind his back.
"Padme," he repeated.
Still, facing away from her, it was the only acknowledgement he gave her. The only hint that he even knew she was there.
He was still large, still unfathomable. Yet somehow, she knew he was tired. That he was weary. Her legs moved again, this time towards the window, where they finally stopped, just beside him. Leaving them side by side, in the soft light of the late afternoon sun, staring across the busy cityscape together.
It was always busy on Coruscant. Yet, despite its multitude of people, in some ways it was a dead place. It had no forests, no trees, no wildlife. Nothing to remind her, that it was indeed a real planet. Not just a giant space ship, floating aimlessly through space. Except when she looked up to the sky. That's when Coruscant truly shone, its sunsets vivid and alive. It was one of the very few things, she had loved about the city planet.
Often, she had found Anakin on her balcony, gazing up at this very sky. Or more often than that, at the stars. Haunted even then by his nightmares, long before the vision that finally broke him. In some ways, the power he had, had never left him alone. It had never let him be truly free. She shifted her eyes away from the view, up to his mask. In the gentle light, she could almost convince herself, that the harsh edges of the mask were softer, less cruel. "Do you ever sleep?" she asked.
When he said nothing, she thought he would choose not to answer. But to her surprise, after a lengthy pause he spoke.
"When I need to."
Then he straightened, as if to shake the weariness off, before he finally turned to face her. Any trace of vulnerability gone. She briefly wondered if she had imagined it.
"What is it Padme? Do you require anything?"
She stared up into his dark eye sockets. They didn't reflect the light, instead they seemed to devour it. Like he would devour her, if she wasn't careful. Although he seemed calm for the moment, she knew all too well how he volatile he was. How he could hug her in one moment, the turn on her in the next.
"There is something I wanted to ask you," she started, still eyeing him warily.
He cocked his head, "Go ahead."
Briefly she hesitated. Although he had been amicable these last few day, she had no idea how far she could take it. Or how far she even should. But there was only one way to find out, so she pressed on. "It's about the little girl. I would like you to bring her here."
Gloved hands moved to his hip. "Why? If you are worried for her safety, I assure you she is fine," he said dryly, as if her words had been an accusation.
She shook her head. "It's not that. She is a child, she needs more than just a droid to care for her."
"It's sufficient."
"No, it isn't," she interjected, talking a step closer. "She just a little girl. She needs a human connection. She needs her–" she stopped herself before finishing the sentence, knowing the word father was likely to aggravate him. "We all need more than that Anakin," she finished instead. Her plea didn't seem to have its desired effect, because when he spoke, his voice was cold, firm.
"Thanks to your own efforts Padme, Captain Alden now knows who you are. The child will keep him from talking. She stays where she is. Is that, or he dies."
She didn't let it deter her, it was just what she had expected he would say, "At least let her see him? Just for a little while."
When he moved closer, his cape brushed up against her arm, making her skin prickle.
"Now, that would be nice would it not. For a father to be allowed to see his own child."
This close, she had to crane her neck to be able to look at him. "I have said what I will say on that subject. I am not the one keeping Luke from you, you are. If you want to see him, show me I can trust you."
He said nothing at that, not that she had expected him to. Bit by bit, she was starting to understand just how wounded he was, broken in so much more then flesh. He had no trust, not in anyone. Unbidden Leia's name came to her lips, just as it had so many times lately. She wanted so badly to share her joy with him, to be able to trust him. To tell him he had been right, that it was a girl. To tell him that they both had been. And maybe, just maybe, by giving him her trust, she would gain his. But it was too risky, she couldn't bring herself to speak the words. Instead she bit them back, swallowing them down, to a safe place in her heart. Where she would keep them, hidden. At least for now.
She almost shook her head. Perhaps she was losing her mind. Or love truly was a form of insanity. At least theirs was. Because the more he tried to convince her, he was beyond hope. The more she was starting to believe he wasn't. It was irrational, it was foolish. But unknowingly and indeed very unwillingly, he had rekindled that defiant spark of hope inside her. The one that much to her own surprise, simply refused to die. "Anakin," she said carefully, grabbing his arm. Knowing full well she had to thread carefully, even now. "What do you intend to do? Why am I here, in this place?"
The mask moved closer, so close he could rest it atop her head if he wished. But it hovered just above, his breath drowning out the sound of her ever increasing heartbeat.
"What do I intended to do with you?" he said huskily.
The dark baritone of his voice tickled down her neck. Reminding her of how much she missed his real voice, she desperately wanted to hear it again. More than anything she wanted to hear him laugh. Warm and carefree, like he had used to.
But somehow in this very moment, this dark timbre was enough. Her hand tightened reflexively around his arm, as if to hold on against an oncoming storm. One that could blow her over at any moment. Scatter what was left of her to the wind. The pieces so far apart, she would never be able to reassemble herself. But then again, he had always been a hurricane. Yes, love was indeed insanity. What else could it be.
The gloved hand of his free arm, smoothed down her loose braid, before he gently tucked an escaped curl behind her ear. She had to stop herself from leaning into his touch. That was a dangerous place to go. Too dangerous.
"That's a strange question. I am pretty sure you are my wife after all," he murmured, giving the braid one last tug. "You cut your hair."
Briefly she swayed against him, before she managed to shake off her daze. With one hand, she snatched her hair back. She would not allow him to distract or derail her. He might be a hurricane, but she was no trembling leaf. "Stop toying with me. Please just answer the question."
He straightened. "Very well then. It's Empire Day soon. We must remain here until then. After that I will take you some place safe."
Her face fell. Empire Day. She remembered the very first one, she would always remember it. It was imprinted on her soul, like a large black stain. Two days before the birth of the twins. Two days before her world had crashed and burned, and her husband with it. Vader saw her sadness, he must have, because the voice softened.
"I know you hate this place Padme."
Her old bitterness resurfaced. "So, do you!" she retorted, unable to hold back her glare. She had been alone. Alone through all of it. Alone when she had needed him the most. Alone through the pain, through the heartbreak. And now she was alone once more, separated from her heart. Two tiny vibrant pieces of her heart, with arms and legs of their own. Out there somewhere in the galaxy without her. Tears pricked against her eyes, both from sadness, and fury. Fury at him for their separation. It was his fault.
"Don't," he said darkly.
She knew her tears made him tetchy, which made her annoyed. "Don't tell me not to cry Anakin. You don't have the monopoly on my tears!" she bit out. Still, she pressed them back. But not for his sake. She would see her babies again, that she swore. But tears would not help her get there.
Several silent heartbeats passed, before he spoke again. "Perhaps I can be persuaded to help ease your guilty conscience about the Captain," he said, wisely or cowardly, changing the subject.
Before she had a chance to protest, that it was in fact he that had a reason to feel guilty, she had not been the one to assault Alden. He put a finger to her lip, silencing her.
"But only if you agree to something in return."
Annoyed she pushed his hand away, she should have known. "Must every interaction between us be a bargain? Can't it simply be a kindness?"
He put his hands on his belt. "Isn't every relationship a bargain in the end?"
Bitterness faded to sadness. How had this happened? How had her lovely Anakin become this cynical cruel man? He with such a capacity for love reduced to this. She placed a hand on his mask, just as she would have his cheek. "Was that what we were to you? A bargain? An agreement for services rendered?"
They stood there looking at each other, the silence stretched thin between them. He drew in a breath, then another.
"No, "he admitted, "But still, those are my terms."
She sighed, dropping her hand, "So be it then, enough with the suspense. Tell me, what do you want in return? And don't say Luke, because that's not happening. Not like this."
"You have made that very clear. But no, it's not that." Reaching out he cupped her face, lifting it as if to study her. "I only wish to know something," he murmured, as much to himself as to her.
"What do you want to know?"
His hands dropped away from her face. "There is no time now. I will send for you later."
She hesitated, having no idea what he wanted. But what did it matter, he didn't need to ask her permission. He could take anything he wished, except her will. That was her own. But he had asked, hadn't he? She gave him a reluctant nod. "All right. I'll come."
"Good. I will bring you the girl. For a visit, only."
Even though she was still uneasy, she smiled up at him, that was more than she had hoped for. Somewhere in that dark heart of his, he had heard her. Now she only had to make him listen.
"Thank you," she said, touching his chest. If she had to, she would make herself into a battering ram. Hammering gently and steadily until she won, or died from the effort. In the end, not even his armour would stop her. Nor would her own fear, she would not allow it. There was too much at stake.
He inclined his head, and she took it as a dismissal. The time to leave before it ended badly.
But when she turned to leave, his hand shoot out and captured her wrist, pulling her back towards him. For a moment, she startled, her heart jumping into her throat. Eyeing his hand on her arm with horror.
It was only when she was breathing again, she realized his tug was gentle, more like a question than a demand. And for that reason alone, she followed as he pulled her close. So, close that she vanished within the depth of his cape, the panel on his belt digging into her chest. Yet somehow, she didn't mind. And when she rested her head against his chest, it was her own choice. An insane one, but hers nonetheless.
Closing her eyes, she would permit herself to stay her, just for a little while. She heard him let out a tired sigh, reverberating all through him, and heard herself sigh in response. She missed him, she missed him so much.
"Padme, don't be frightened," he said, somewhere far above her head, sounding genuinely gentle this time. This was honesty, not derailment, not deflection. He kept a hold of her hand, pressing it towards his chest.
"How can I not? "she whispered, into his armour. At that instant, she hated it more than she ever had. Hated it, for keeping him from her. Though she knew, the armour was not the true barrier between them. It was just the most visible one. "You frighten me. In so many ways."
His free hand came to lay lightly on her back, as if he was afraid she would break if he pushed too hard. It was to gentle to be called a hug. Not like how Anakin had hugged. He had engulfed her with his arms, and she him. To her, his arms had been the safest place in the galaxy. To her, it had been home. Until it wasn't. Not anymore.
"I don't mean to, I never meant to."
Her fingers played with the fabric of his tunic. "But that's not what really matters is it?" she said bitterly, feeling the ghostly memory of his choke around her throat. The fact that he had done it, hurt so much more than the act ever could. Yet, it was selfish to be so concerned with what he had done to her, when he had hurt so many, so much worse. And them, he had not let go. For them he had no mercy. Reluctantly she pulled back, she had to, or she might end up staying there forever. And she couldn't, she shouldn't. "In the end, it's what we do that defines us, not what we mean to do."
The respirator hitched." I know." He bent his head, then he let her go.
Taking the opportunity, she escaped. But not from fear of him, but for fear of herself. Of her around him. He had always been magnetic to her, and it shocked her to find out he still was. Yet when she reached the doorway she hesitated, turning back to look at him.
The colours in the window had grown sharper, contrasting him in a dark silhouette against the backdrop. A lonely figure, a lonely man.
"I miss you. I miss you so much," she said, only realising she had spoken out loud when he answered, taking a step towards her.
"I am right here Padme."
She looked at the mask, at the armour. She looked until her eyes hurt from the strain, trying to peel the armour off with her eyes, wishing for the power too wrench her husband out from his shell. As if her thoughts were enough to free him. "I know you are Anakin. You are the one, that doesn't believe it."
He turned back to the window, this time it was clear, she was being dismissed. She left, knowing better than to corner him now. That would do more harm than good. Yet when she walked, she couldn't help the small smile on her lips. It hadn't been much, but it had been more than she had ever dared hope for.
Notes:
I am super busy at the moment, and have no time to write. There was suppose to be a bit more plot in the next chapter, but that takes longer to write than just emotions. But I am working on it when I can. But here is something a little more sweet while you wait:) Its a lot sweeter then what I normally write, but this is a romance after all:) And in the end I believe Vader always loved Padme. That doesn't mean he is out of it yet though.
I am thrilled so many loved the last chapter, it was hard work. So thank you all all again:)
Scare Quee Thank you, its a long story I have in mind, so its not ending quiet yet.
AvalonTheLadyKiller Thank you so much:) The Emperor is a sly one, I am writing him as we speak. More plot coming up, as thing will change. I am tired of Padme playing princess in the tower, hehe.
emmakate261995 Thank you, glad I kept you in suspense.
naberries "Heal each other," I like that you said that, its definitely what I am going for. Anakin broke a lot more than himself when he fell.
Cupcakes and Tea Thank you so much, that's high praise:)
Aggiefan15 Me too. I don't think I would have been half as patient as she is. And I think you might have liked some of the thing I have written but not kept then. Where Padme was a lot more direct. But then I realized I am not writing Leia or Anakin. Padme is a politician after all, she knows when to hold back. (she wont always though, believe me.)
BetterinTexas Thanks, intense was what I was going for.
padme-sky Well they are defiantly killing me, hehe. But it so much fun,
221Shelb It is tiring, but also a great deal of fun:) Did you doubt Padme? :)Vader has abducted a child, believe me she wont have any of it. You will see the girl again.
IntelEwok Thanks:) Padme is a character I am bit torn about myself, I don't think revenge of the sith did her justice. Which is why I created this story in my mind. So I am glad you like what I have done with her. Vader is all over the place, poor man. if I was writing him Rouge one era, I would have made him more cold and calculating I think. Not so emotional. It might have been easier:)
ladysithari4370 Oh this comment made me grin. I am just imagining some poor husband out there, *laughs evilly* I am always happy when my writing creates an emotional response, so thank you for that imagery. as for the rest, what you said was spot on. Vader knows it deep down, that he has to make a choice. But I am still writing him as a bit selfish, he still thinks he can have it all. Denying what he knows is the truth. And also the fact that giving in means admitting how wrong he is. I loved the morality in Rouge One as well, I think it was hinted that, most of the crew had done morally questionable things, but in the name of good. Which is something I will write more about in this story. I have always seen Vader as cold and calculating, but in the end advocating order. I am not saying he wasn't evil, but he was never a sadist, he just did what he thought he had to to achieve what he wanted. I am glad you like Padme, I keep having to remind myself she is a politician, or else I make her to harsh. She is playing the long game here. So thank again for the lovely words. Made my day.
Nnyir Thank you so much. Hopefully I wont take so long for the next update. About Vaders injuries: I think about that as well, for this story as well as otherwise. Its stated that he was rebuilt in one night. They put a heavily burnt man in a suit after one night! He should be healing if you ask me. So, who knows if that did him more harm than good in the end?
In the old canon I think, though I am not sure. Palapatine did deliberately make Vader weaker, (but that's not canon anymore) Which is something I can picture the emperor being evil enough to do. He has no desire for his apprentice to ever overtake him, so it makes sense to weaken him. But then again, he is pretty confident on his hold over Vader, so who knows.
I think maybe Vader needed the full mask to begin with, perhaps to prevent infection. And after a while he just grew accustomed to it, and the fear it gave others. I am sure he could have used a simple face mask, not a whole helmet, if he wished too. As for further healing, your guess is as good as mine. Compared to general Grievous his suit seems a bit clunky. The star wars universe has all this advance science, you would think there would have been better options for Vader.