THE VEIL

Chapter 21

5th January 1994 - Confessions

Padfoot bolted through the castle. Peter wasn't in the bed, he should have been in the bed. The orange cat, had pointed him in the direction of the boys dormitory. That in itself was surreal as it brought back and threatened to overthrow his drive to hunt for the rat. Then the scream from the boy, ruined any further attempts to find him. He reached the statue of the Hunchback and transformed quickly back to human form. He had stolen a wand from a drunk at a pub and whipped it out whispering the charm to open it. He dived in and the hump closed behind him.

In the corridor above a whispering wind swept the hall and rattled the armour. A tapestry fluttered and Hermione found herself back in Hogwarts. She heard steps running past the tapestry and took a small breath and peeked out. She was looking at the back of Remus Lupins head. He was inspecting a particular statue of a hunch back. She let out an involuntary gasp, at the sight. Remus turned wand out, she had hers out and stepped back further into the passage the tapestry hid, as her mind whirled remembering the events in which Sirius had come to the castle. The first time was when he ripped the portrait of the fat lady the other, Ron being attacked.

The Tapestry shifted and Remus flicked his wand at her, Hermione blocked it and used the same spell at him that sent him flying. This time he blocked the hex. Hermione quickly whispered "Lumos," as Remus aimed another spell her way. His shock at seeing her in the corridor sent his hex flying just past her head.

"Hermione? Why are you out of bed?" He lowered his wand and stalked towards her.
"Remus, why didn't you look after yourself all this time?" Remus stopped in his tracks. His eyes widened, and paled slightly.
"You- your-" she watched his mind whirl then he raised his wand again. "You let him in?" Hermione shook her head, her wand raised she took a cautious step back.
"I – I just came back through. I don't know where he is Remus. The l- last time I saw him was, was-" Hermione's voice cracked. The last time she saw him was right after everything that happened. "I came out in Azkaban, when- when I left you. Remus I-"

Remus moved forwards faster than she thought possible and wrapped her in a hug. "I feared you would." He whispered to her, Hermione let herself be hugged. Now was not a good time she had also seen him just as he escaped. His trust in her right now was tenuous, she thought. Remus pulled away, looking into her eyes, as if trying to find something. His eyes glanced to her neck, the glint of gold from the chain of the pendant showing through.

"Hermione, are you sure you didn't see him tonight." He asked her softly, the sternness of a teacher inflected in his voice.

"Remus, I don't even know what the day or year I am in. You are the first person I have seen. And I really don't want to be seen by anyone else." She looked pleadingly at Remus. She knew she was in the castle at the time that security was at its highest, and she particularly did not want to run into Dumbledore. Remus nodded slowly.

"No, especially if you accidentally run into yourself. Come with me." He took her hand and led her through the passage and down corridors to his quarters. Hermione stumbled slightly as Remus pulled her through the door, letting go of her as he shut the door. Hermione's cheeks were slightly tinged pink. She had never been in a teacher's private quarters before. And despite knowing Remus from his own youth, it still did not stop the fact that he had also been her teacher, was presently her teacher. Tenses were becoming harder and harder the closer she moved back to her own time.

"Remus?" She asked uncertain that this would be a good idea. Yet right now she didn't have much of a plan of anything. Remus looked at her, his expression guarded.
"You haven't changed at all have you?" he asked her quietly. Hermione simply shook her head. There were no words to say. What could she say? She watched as Remus was clearly processing and coming to terms with Hermione, and she suspected also that he had been interacting with a younger version of herself. A knock on the door startled them both. Remus pointed her to another door to hide; she moved silently entering small living quarters, shutting the door almost all the way. Remus opened the door,

"Ah. Lupin, interesting that you are searching your rooms, not the part of the castle you were assigned to search." Hermione's heart began racing as she heard Professor Snape's voice through the door. She moved slowly back from the door.
"I have completed my search; however I needed to collect something before reporting to the headmaster." Remus lied smoothly. Hermione could almost feel the sneer directed at Remus, "Then perhaps we can both report to him together."

"By all means Severus, after you," Remus said stepping out and shutting the door behind him. Hermione came out of the room slowly. She was stuck in the castle. She concluded that this must have been the incident when Ron was attacked. With nothing else to do she looked around the living quarters. She knew that these quarters were assigned to the Defence Against the Dark arts teachers. They seemed comfortable, yet she suspected that it was mostly to do with the styling Remus put to it as it reminded her very strongly of the little cottage that they both stayed in after she was finally allowed to leave the hospital.

She was unsure how long Remus would be, if she recalled correctly all teachers were required to patrol the castle until the early hours of the morning. With that in mind she browsed the small pile of books on his desk when she noticed familiar writing. Her writing. She unrolled the scroll. It was her werewolf essay. She recalled that she had come personally to his door the following day he told the class that it would not be marked or part of the end of year result, asking if he would still be able to mark her work for extra credit, Defence being the only thing that she was not the best at in her year and she had worked so hard on that particular essay.

Hermione had cringed a little at the memory as she reread her essay. She had clearly answered Snape's essay question and then had continued to challenge the question about why they should even be killed and not assisted supported more strongly by the wizarding community. The door closed behind her and she whipped around quickly, breathing a sigh of relief that it was Remus. He looked at the essay in her hands and smirked.
"I was quite surprised when I first read your essay. You refused to leave until you made me promise to mark it as extra credit." He scratched the back of his head absently, and walked towards her leafing through the papers pulling out an aged piece of parchment. It was the letter that she had left for him twelve years ago. She didn't need to open it to read its contents.
"I had hoped that you would return. A selfish thought after hearing he escaped the place." Hermione looked down at the essay and letter in her hands and dropped them back onto his table.

"I saw him in there. I came out when he was in there." Her eyes looked faraway at the memory. It only felt like yesterday, in a way it really was. She could feel the chill of the Dementors still. Remus watched as her face paled at the memory. He guided her to the couch and sat them both down, and flicked his wand, two glasses and a bottle of fire whiskey flew from the draw of his desk. He poured them both a large glass and handed one to her.

"Your younger self would be highly appalled by your drinking you know," He smirked as she choked on her drink.
When she recovered she raised an eyebrow at him, "You'd be surprised, I recall my younger self also had a crush on a certain professor in third year." She laughed as he in turned choked on his drink, both a shade of pink.
"You owe me the rest of the story you know." Remus said as they sipped their drinks in silence, changing the subject.
"I also owe you a box to the ears, too." She recounted tartly. She turned and looked him in the eye, "Why didn't you find someone? Why didn't you allow yourself some happiness again Remus?"

Remus looked away, unable to look her in the eye. "I- there was someone. She left unexpectedly." He took a large drink, his face now burning he didn't feel the heat of the whiskey as it went down. He reached for the bottle and refilled the glass.
"And she is still in love with someone else." He said quietly before knocking another back. Hermione stared at him in open shock. She knew that they grew close as friends in the time she spent with Remus. She put her glass on the table and moved to the window, her mind processing this revelation, replaying conversations, interactions. They were both grieving, recovering from the loss. He had spent the last twelve years hoping and waiting. The irony of that nearly made her laugh, out of respect to their friendship she refused to let the laughter bubble to the surface. Especially as she knew that Sirius had done the same really. She looked through the dark window seeing nothing but the film reel of memories running through her mind of both past tenses.

"I knew you would eventually come to teach here." Hermione began, her voice barely audible though she knew his sharp hearing heard every word.
"And from all the Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers you're one of the best we had. I know that you also had an incredibly miserable life, and you rejected opportunities to happiness when you should have given it a go. Remus, for all your intelligence you are an idiot and an ass." She rounded on him, she knew she shouldn't be angry but he had wasted much of his life on a hope.

Remus just raised an eyebrow at her and smirked, "Hermione, I think you underestimate the affect you actually have on the people around you. I am but a man. And I am not the first to fall fool to be waiting on a witch as intelligent, brave and beautiful as you."
Hermione opened her mouth and found herself unable to speak. A blush rising to her cheeks at the compliment he had paid her.
Remus chuckled, "I think that is possibly the very first time that I have seen you utterly speechless Hermione."

Hermione realised that her mouth was still open and shut it with a snap. Her nerves were on edge, again. She felt trapped. She wanted to leave but she knew there was no way she could, especially after Sirius had put the castle on full alert. Sirius. From everything that had happened and what would happen with him. She was constantly drawn to him. She was constantly drawn back into his timeline. Her heart was already his, but the revelation that Remus just put to her made her chest ache worse. She felt like she had betrayed Sirius. Yet nothing had happened between her and Remus. His confession of falling for her now conflicted with everything else that she was feeling. She couldn't breathe. She bolted to the private bathroom in his living quarters and locked herself in, and began to hyperventilate. Too much. Everything was too much.

She didn't know how long she'd been in there before she heard a light knock on the door. "Hermione?" Remus called through the door. Hermione flicked her wand magically locking it and adding wards. She wasn't ready to deal with anything just yet. She could barely control her breathing.
"Hermione? Please, unlock the door." Remus called again more urgent. She heard him try the door and swear as the wards prevented him to get through.

Remus had to hand it to her. She could lock a door. He spent the next forty minutes breaking through the charms she put on to get through the door. When he finally managed to open the portal, he found her with her knees tight against her rocking backwards and forwards. She was having a panic attack. Her face was sheet white, yet a sheen of sweat coated her brow. Her hands were locked painfully around her legs, her wand still clutched in her hands. He cursed himself. This time travel was ruining her mentally with the load of information she carried and not able to tell a soul.

"Hermione." He called to her quietly, her eyes wild, shot up towards him. Sparks shot from the wand. He had his own ready, but hoped he wouldn't need to use it. He shut the door to the bathroom and crouched down, his movements slow and deliberate. "Hermione, I'm not here to hurt you." He spoke calmly, and edge closer slightly. Hermione's eyes shifted to him again. No sparks. She took a shuddering breath.

Her mind was moving too fast. Her memories now scrambled together. She couldn't tell which way was up. The ache in her chest was back and she felt like it was killing her. Breathing hurt. Everything hurt. She just wanted to be back in her time but she couldn't She was stuck in her third year of Hogwarts with her Professor, who was also her friend, who also had tried to kill her – twice as a werewolf, who shared chocolate to a frightened girl, who confessed that he was attracted to her. It hurt so much. Because she did love him. But not like Sirius. Sirius, who she saved and saved and saved. Sirius who she saw at five years of age and never had a lullaby sung to him till she came falling through his curtains. Who she saw the bruises on him and his little brother and never had a story told to them until she came through the curtains. Sirius, who drew sketches of her each and every time he saw her come through the veil. Sirius who she saved again from his mother. The blood on her hands from healing him. So much blood. The stains of it still in the rug years later. The hurt every time she was torn from him. The hurt in Sirius's eyes being the last thing she would often see. Seeing the hurt and sadness in Remus's eyes when she was torn from him. The change of seeing Sirius grow up and become a man. Seeing the Marauders in their youth knowing their fates. All their fates. Seeing the horror of seeing Sirius in his madness. Hearing him beg for her to sing him a lullaby just like when he was five years old, just as scared, just as alone. Seeing the fear and heartbreak in his eyes, when he finally recognised her. For falling in love with her best friends godfather.

She didn't realise that she was speaking of everything that ran through her head. Remus sat on the floor and watched the witch fall apart before his eyes, unable to do anything but listen to her. He listened to her fears of telling Harry, everything about her encounters with his parents. Getting to know them so well. Being bridesmaid for Lily. Holding baby Harry. Knowing a different side of Peter. Knowing a different side of Remus and Sirius. Getting hit by a truck and missing when his parents were killed. Wishing that she could have done something to try and prevent it. Wishing she could have saved Marlene. Wishing she never saw Sirius in prison. Wishing she could see her parents again. She was drowning. She nearly did drown. He saved her.

"It's too much everything is too much." She cried. Remus moved towards her and gathered her in his arms, as the panic attack faded into a torrent of tears. He kissed her hair and held her as she cried. Remus held her. She was never going to be his. He knew that but, whatever had happened to cause this to happen he really wanted it to be over for her soon. Having met the fourteen year old version of her, he knew that the day was not that far off. This was the year she was using a time turner. He actually had argued against it with Professor's McGonagall and Dumbledore. A student should not be subject to the use of time like that.

But as they saw her as their best student he was trumped. So instead he made sure that she was able to use the time turner safely and organised several empty classrooms for her to use for her to study. Remus had been shocked when he first met her. When he woke up on the train and seeing her and also Harry stunned him. He felt like he had stepped back in time and was with Hermione and James, as they were the night she rescued Sirius. He quickly realised she was not the Hermione of his past. No, the Hermione of his past was on the floor of his bathroom, struggling to keep her mind together. Only this time the tipping point was his being open with his feelings for her.

"R-Remus?" Hermione raised her tearstained face to look at him. "Remus, I am sorry." Remus looked down at her tear-stained face. Tears still clung to her lashes.
"You have nothing to be sorry for Hermione. I should be the one to apologise. I forgot how much you have been through. It was selfish of me. You have been nothing but kind and caring. You have always been that way." He kissed her forehead, and finally pulled away.

He stood and helped her up. "You are going to go to bed and rest." Hermione pulled away a little. She was still so cautious.
"I have the unpleasant business of patrolling until sunrise, and then I have a third year class to teach." He explained. Hermione sagged a little, exhaustion replacing the high levels of anxiety. She didn't fight him as he put her to bed and she was asleep before he reached the door. Remus looked at her sadly. She was always Sirius's. He had a brief hope that it could be different but it was a delusion he realised, of his own making. He shut the door and walked away. She was an enigma.

Remus made his way back to his quarters after lunch. He had a brief staff meeting that made him late to his class, and was then was assigned to monitor the great hall for lunch. The whole time his mind was upstairs in his private quarters. He entered slowly and looked around. She wasn't in the front room, nor was she in the bedroom or the bathroom. He came out and then spotted a letter on his desk. She had tidied and organised the desk.

To Remus,

If you are reading this letter, I have moved on from this time already. I do not know if we will meet again as I draw to my own present time, but if we do I will tell you all, or as much as I can as I promised.

I am sorry for last night. Being so close and yet still so far from my time had gotten the best of me. Thank you for saving me, again.

Please don't judge too harshly on what is to come, Remus. Try and keep an open mind on everything you see and hear. Your world will be turned on its head again. You need to be strong, and kind; as you always have been. And, please, please be forgiving. There is so much more I want to say but it still is not the right time to do so, ironic as that is.

Lastly, please stop waiting. Take the plunge and date the girl. You will know her when you meet her. Trust me when I say I know she likes you a lot. And I WILL box your ears if you don't.

Until we next meet.

Love Hermione