21. Façades, Part II

You want to cry but you don't want people to see it. You want to shout all your frustrations, but you are afraid that the world will hear.

"It was also like this when my mother was hit by a car, when she... When she left us without bidding us goodbye. It was as if the heaven was sympathizing with us. The strong rain, the thunder, resounding with my sister's cry... It was too horrible."

Disquietude locked in a dungeon; Toushirou has felt the desire to know how Karin had contended such state before. Is she always this helpless every time there is a storm? Why then? Why had he never discerned any trace from her?

"I watched helplessly as my brother had consistently blamed himself for my mother's death, as my sister had taken over the responsibilities, and as our father had tried to cheer us up every day by acting too enthusiastic, too high-spirited to be true."

Since when has she been bottling up everything? For how long has she been pretending fine?

"I can't do anything to at least help them. I am not as good as Yuzu when it comes to household chores. However we've tried to tell him that it was nobody's fault, Ichi-nii has still believed that he was the reason why it happened. And dad... It must be really hard for him."

Is this the real Karin behind the devil-may-care exterior? Fragile and helpless? If so, then he likes her better when she's insulting him.

"And then I... All I can do is to act strong, and never cry. But it wasn't enough... I still am a burden to them. That's why... I'd decided to stay away."

Possibly, some people are just exceptionally good at offering pretense, wearing mask—like his sister, like him. And maybe Karin is nowise different.

Toushirou holds Karin's face in between his hands, lifting it gently to make her look him in the eyes. Smiling faintly, he tells her, "I'm sure your family has never considered you as a burden. They love you, as much as you do to them. Kurosaki, you've had it enough. If it's already too heavy for you to bear, then let go. Cry if necessary."

It is easier to unfold a secret before the eyes that can see, to a heart that understands.

"If it's already too heavy for you to bear, then let go. Cry if necessary."

As if on cue, the tears, she has long-rendered non-existent, escapes from Karin's eyes. "I c-can't..." she tries to reason out, her hand shaking as she holds unto Toushirou's collar, "I can't cry..."

But it's already too late as all the pains, the sorrows are freed from their confines. Karin crashes her forehead against Toushirou's chest, her hold tightening as if afraid that he'll leave if she let go for a second. All doubts thrown, she cries in his arms, realizing soon that the surroundings has already calmed down, the storm has stopped.

She has never felt so light since she left home. Odd how she feels so secured with a person as apathetic as Toushirou. "I now understand why they call you Mister Perfect..."

Karin hears Toushirou sigh, and feels him slowly pulling away. "Mister Perfect," he whispers as though the words are foreign to his tongue. "That's a bullshit," he adds, the acid on his voice unchecked.

Karin is going to say something, but immediately stops, watching as Toushirou takes off of his wristband. Her eyes widen, seeing his scars.

"I have a lot of ugly marks, contrary to what people believe."

Grabbing his hand, Karin opens her mouth to say something, but all that has escaped is only his name. Eyes still unblinking, she looks up at him. "B-but... Why? I thought..."

Why? What was your excuse for doing that? I thought you're living a perfect life. She wants to voice that out, but what does she really know about him? Nothing, save from what she hears from people. Then again, how well do they know him?

Maybe after all, Karin's not the only one who hides behind the false front.

"It's a permanent reminder of my most tragic failure," Toushirou says, staring down at his wrist which Karin is still holding, "People just always judge a thing based on what's given before their eyes. They never tried to look within, to search deeper to discover what's hidden."

Karin silently agrees for even she sees it, even she's experiencing it.

"If I really am perfect, I shouldn't have let my sister suffer. I-I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have let her fall into depression... I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have let her die. I had the chance, but I didn't do anything."

"So... You tried ending your own life as a way of escape?" Karin asks tentatively, careful with each word.

As a response, Toushirou smiles a sad smile. "But I couldn't do that, not because I'm afraid to die, but because I don't have the guts to face her yet."

Because sometimes, it is easier to pretend that you're alright than to find the words that will explain your pains.

A/N: Heyay! So the next part will be the last part of Façades.. ;)