With glowing orange magma below, the man with silver hair crossed conveyor belts and metal pipe networks, none of which had handrails. Did monsters unionise under these working conditions? The path ended in a grid of rocky islands that had blinking arrows built into their floors. Intrigued, he set foot on one and a massive jet of steam lifted his boot into the air. He fell onto his rump.
"To heck with those!" he said, then leaped from one island to the next, eschewing the steamy arrows altogether. The path reformed north of the islands, but this corridor of pipes was guarded by robotic eyes that shot orange and blue lasers.
The man touched a hand to his ear. The metal discs on either side of his head were classified as "aural receptor units" but everyone called them 'ears' for convenience. "Dr. Alphys? It's Dynamo."
"How did you get my number?!" the voice in his ear said.
"I scanned your phone. I scan everything. It's how I learn. Look, there are little round robots here shooting lasers. Are they alive? Are they monsters?"
"N-no, they don't have souls."
A broad smile appeared on the man's face. "Perfect. Thank you, goodbye."
The hand touching his ear transformed into his buster cannon. He took aim and shot down each and every eye-laser in the area as he progressed through it. The pipe network ended at a massive metal door, with paths leading off to either side of it.
The man touched his ear again. "Alphys, I'm going to blow up this door. Tell whoever's behind it to step back."
"No! You can solve the p-puzzles to open it!"
"Hmm, you have a point. I am trying to conserve energy."
The man nodded to the two monsters wearing sunglasses who were dangling their legs off the cliff outside the right-hand puzzle room.
"Hey, I saw you on Mettaton's quiz show!" the green horned monster said.
"I'm sorry for not providing you much entertainment," the man said with a bow.
"Are you kidding?" the black wisp monster holding a cup of coffee said. "It was the funniest thing ever!"
"Mettaton is the strictest boss in the Underground. He personally wrote a song for each of his employees, dedicated to how bad they are at their job!"
"That's... demeaning. Good day, gentlemen."
Inside the puzzle room was a disembodied fox head that also wore sunglasses. It complained about the puzzle trapping everyone so that they couldn't go to work. The man contemplated the monitor displaying a simple shooting game: he had to move blocks to clear a path to shoot the enemy ship. He made one move, then fired two shots that removed one block and hit the enemy ship.
The left-hand puzzle room was blocked by another robot eye shooting a blue laser beam. The man destroyed it with a plasma bolt.
His ear-phone rang. "H-hey! I was just about to tell you, I can turn that laser off for you!"
The man touched his ear. "Alphys, my eyes can see radio waves. Your computer controls all the traps and puzzles in Hotland."
"Oh? Oh..."
"However, I like your style. You're sneaky, underhanded, and ruthless. I bet you even set your pet robot on me. Tell you what, I'll play along."
"I don't understand w-why you would."
The man smiled. "I may know your secrets but I'm not telling you mine."
He hung up, then nodded to the two monsters wearing schoolgirl uniforms. They had been trapped behind the laser beam.
"Ladies," he said with a flash of teeth and a wink.
The schoolgirls clasped their hands and sighed as he entered the puzzle room.
"He's cute," the green fire elemental schoolgirl said, smoothing the pleats of her skirt.
"He's a hunk," the purple tentacle schoolgirl said, rolling her skateboard up and down with one foot.
"He's even prettier up close. Do you think he has a girlfriend?" the green fire elemental schoolgirl said, twirling her flaming ponytail around one burning finger.
"Gosh, he might have boyfriends, too! Dozens of them!" the purple tentacle schoolgirl said, adjusting her red cap.
They both sighed and said together, "We don't stand a chance!"
Inside the left-hand puzzle room, the man shifted all the blocks to the left to destroy one block then the enemy ship. He stepped back out of the room, nodding to the schoolgirls again.
"Ladies," he said with a flick of his silver locks.
"Oh! Mister! Would you take a selfie with us?" the green fire elemental schoolgirl asked, holding up her cellphone.
"I always have time for my fans," the man said, walking over to gaze down at them with his deep blue eyes.
"So... tall..." the purple tentacle schoolgirl said, craning her neck, dribbling out the corner of her mouth.
The man knelt between them so that he could fit into the shot. Both girls held up their phones and snapped a few dozen shots of their group with various poses and facial expressions. Even the man played along, making silly faces and poses.
"That was fun! See you later Mister!" the purple tentacle schoolgirl said, waving.
"My name is Dynamo," the man said with a wink.
"Dynamo," the schoolgirls said together. They then uploaded all their photos, and updated their statuses. Everyone in their school became extremely jealous, including some teachers.
888
The man with silver hair passed through the thick metal doors, hopped over a few rocky islands, then entered a dark kitchen. He could see what awaited him.
He facepalmed. "Oh no."
"OH YES!"
The lights came on, then the rectangular robot emerged from behind the kitchen counter! It was wearing a tall white chef's hat, held a microphone and was waving at a television camera.
The man shook his head. "Hello, Mettaton."
"WELCOME, BEAUTIES, TO THE UNDERGROUND'S PREMIER COOKING SHOW!"
The words, "Cooking with killer robots" appeared in bright pink text for the benefit of the audience. The man snickered.
"GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR MY LOVELY ASSISTANT, DYNAMO!"
The rectangular robot clapped its hands as colourful confetti rained down on the man. Everywhere in the Underground, sitting in front of television sets, monsters clapped their hands, fins, claws, or other appendages. Two Mettaton shows in one day! So exciting!
The man shook his head to free confetti from his hair. "What are we making today, Mettaton?"
"SO GLAD YOU ASKED, BEAUTIFUL! WE'RE MAKING A CAKE!"
The man gathered sugar, milk, and eggs from the kitchen then brought them to the rectangular robot.
"PERFECT! GREAT JOB, BEAUTIFUL! OH, BUT WAIT ONE MAGNIFICENT MOMENT! I ALMOST FORGOT THE SECRET INGREDIENT!"
The rectangular robot lifted a chainsaw from below the counter.
"ONE ROBOT POWER CORE!"
The chainsaw revved. The rectangular robot lifted the roaring saw above its head then slashed the man across his chest, showering sparks everywhere. There was a SKREEEEE followed by a THWACK as the saw-chain burst free of the guide-bar, whipping the milk, sugar, and eggs into the air. While yolk, milk and sugar splattered across the man and the rectangular robot, the flying sparks set the wooden counter on fire.
The Underground viewers at home cheered.
"OH MY! I USED THE WRONG TOOL FOR THE JOB! FEAR NOT, BEAUTIES! WE WILL RETURN SHORTLY WITH ANOTHER EPISODE!"
The rectangular robot tucked its arms, leg, and chef's hat into its body, then rocketed up and out of sight. The man rubbed a large hand over his chest, but the chainsaw hadn't done any damage to his armour. He was more worried about how to get all the white and yellow crud off his body. He walked out of the burning kitchen, trying in vain to clean his hair.