First Posted 10/21/2014
Okay well I intended to make this one chapter, but I wrote so much that I had to split it. That's fine with me! This means I'm already done with tomorrow's chapter! *wipes sweat off brow* Only 10 more chapters left to post after this! ...unless I decide to continue after October (though not daily). Anyone interested in that?
"Hey" His voice didn't exactly wake her up, but it drew her from the slow, underwater-like sensation of drifting into sleep. She hadn't realized how tired she was when she crawled onto the couch, tucked herself next to him, and laid her head down on his chest. She had been listening to the heartbeat that had become something of a lullaby to her. Ever since she had nearly lost him, it was a sound of comfort and salvation.
"Hi," she murmured without lifting her head from the sound. Only then did she realize that he'd draped his arm over her shoulder.
They laid there like that, somber but comfortable, until the sun began to dip in the sky and the quaint night life of Konoha stirred awake outside.
Then she lifted herself so that she was above him, her face filling his vision, gazing down at his features. The strange, loud brat of Konoha had grown into a man of immeasurable compassion and good will. He was nothing short of the most kind person she'd ever had the grace of knowing. He deserved everything. All the things he wanted and so much more.
She was so lucky to have him as both her husband and her best friend.
And that, she realized, was her greatest personal tragedy in all this. She didn't miss him as a husband so much. He was still so very affectionate, and while she had missed him on his missions, she was still getting used to this wife thing anyway. She missed him so much more as her best friend. Where was the Naruto who was so easy to talk to? Who always made her feel comfortable? Who always was comfortable?
He'd been so hypersensitive and challenging to talk to now that the two were struggling through this together. She wasn't upset about that, of course. She wanted to work through it with him. It was just heartbreaking to have to walk eggshells around her best friend.
He gazed up at her calmly, no questioning in his eyes despite how much she was scrutinizing him now. Her lips curved into a small, quiet smile.
"I want to get through this with you," she told him. It looked and sounded confident despite being a desperate plea.
"Okay," was his subdued response as she lowered to kiss him on the lips, but she was halted uncomfortably about halfway there by the buffer zone that was her pregnant stomach. They both glanced at it in a comical silence, then laughed.
It felt so good to see him laughing again, and he sat up and swept her into his lap with one fluid motion and hugged her tightly against him as a bundle.
Why couldn't it just stay like this?
"So... I was thinking." She started, feeling her heart beat against her eardrums. It was downright frightening to bring up something that clearly bothered Naruto so much in the past. She had avoided it dutifully since the first time he got upset, but maybe walking on eggshells wasn't the right thing to do right now. "I really do think your childhood has everything to do with this." She couldn't see his face, but she could feel his body slowly tense up until it felt a little like she were being held in the arms of a statue. Then he eased her up so that, if she wanted, she could have lowered her feet to the floor and stood. She didn't move. She was afraid that if she did that now he might take the chance to withdraw. When he finally responded, his voice was cold and hard.
"Did Ino tell you to say that?" He asked. It stabbed through her like a knife. She whipped her head to face him, but his angry, poutlike gaze was focused adamantly on the floor.
"Were you spying on me?" Her voice asked, surprising her. She hadn't wanted to say it. She hadn't wanted to get angry. She wasn't bothered that he knew where she'd been. That wasn't it. She was bothered that he was bringing up the topic of their first fight as a couple. Their only fight as a couple so far. Hell, it was one of maybe two real fights she could think of at all.
It had been over a year ago now. His obscenely precise sensory skill had been used, unbeknownst to her, to keep a tab on her whereabouts. He hadn't really meant to invade her privacy. It had been out of concern at first. But then his curiosity—and a little bit of jealousy—had driven him to question her on why she'd been at a certain place with a certain person at a certain time.
They had fought over it for nearly an hour.
How dare he not trust her. How dare she think he didn't trust her. He never had permission to track her every movement. She had to be kept safe just like the rest of Konoha.
Then the fact that she'd been planning a surprise for him came out, both ruining the surprise and abruptly ending the fight. They had agreed that, to an extent, they'd both been right. And wrong. They valued one another too much to let any semblance of distrust grow, so neither had lingered on it nor brought it up since.
Until now.
She stood from his lap in the silence that followed her hurt question and tried to calm herself down. She wasn't supposed to be angry. That's not how this was supposed to go. Before she could speak again, he finally responded.
"I'm sorry" he said softly, still gazing down and away from her. His eyes reflected more frustration than anger now. They began to shine with tears. "I'm sorry. I just... wanted to know why you weren't here." Sakura closed her eyes and resisted the temptation to punch herself. Hard.
"Naruto I wasn't—I didn't tell Ino anything about you. It wasn't like that." Tears managed to seep out of her eyes despite the fact that she had clenched them tightly shut. "Can we start this conversation over?" She asked pleadingly.
"Yeah. Please." He agreed with the same level of desperation to his voice. Then she sat back down on the couch next to him, and the two remained silent for some time, letting their hearts settle and their tears dry.
She spent all of that time wondering whether she should try again. Ino had said it would be painful. This was just part of that. It had to be. In the end, her devotion to healing him won out, and she hesitantly brought the topic up once more.
"I really, really think you should talk about it." She said, trying for the most gentle tone she could muster.
"I don't want to." He said quite simply, but somehow it was laden with the question why.
"It might fix everything." Or nothing, they both thought with aching hearts.
"How?" He asked. There was a lot of skepticism in his tone, but she could hear the beg in it as well.
"Well what if all of this has to do with how people made you feel back then? When you talk it out, maybe you can start to realize how much it can't hurt you. You know, like... like when you're a kid and you hear something tapping on the window. The best thing to do is go open it up and see what it is. Otherwise you end up imagining a monster." He had been staring forward as she spoke, but when she offered the monster-outside-the-window analogy, he turned to give her an odd gaze. She scratched her arm self-consciously. "That's how Ino put it," she said, realizing even as it came out of her mouth that she was bringing that up again.
He didn't miss it either, his hands clenching. "But we weren't talking about you, I promise. I really do." She said, raising her hands placatingly. Then she lowered her head with an amused smile. "It was really weird actually. She got really clingy with me. Then she started giving me advice because she thought I was depressed. It was really good advice, even if she was acting a little crazy. Ino really knows what she's talking about." She looked back up to him to persuade him of that further, but his expression stopped her in her tracks.
He didn't look persuaded in the least. He looked a little angry, honestly.
"Depressed?" he repeated. He stood. "Are you depressed, Sakura-chan?"
"No," she said, brows furrowed. "Honestly, I think you are right now."
"Well of course I am, but why are you? Is this my fault?" He paced away as he spoke. It seemed as though he were talking to himself more than her. She stood then too, and began to follow after him.
"Naruto, what are you getting at? I'm not depressed, and if I were it wouldn't be your fault." He paced away from her again. "Please stop trying to change the subject. I said I wanted to get through this with you, and—"
"Does that mean you are depressed?" He demanded, interrupting her.
"No! Will you stop? This is absurd!" She crossed her arms in a huff. "Can we just talk about your childhood and try to help you? Why won't you just let me help you?" Her voice sounded angry, but her expression was desperately imploring. Naruto looked lost, scratching a hand through his hair.
"I don't want you to get hurt." He said without looking at her. He shook his head as though to dispel a terrible mental image from it.
"Naruto, you are hurting right now. Please just... talk to me. I don't know what to do anymore. It's like you're not even here. I need you." He finally managed to drag his eyes to hers where she stood alone, stark against the dark wood paneling of their living room floor. She was crying, hugging her arms over her pregnant stomach.
"I can't let you get hurt." He said, feeling miles away from her despite being just across the room. His eyes began to water as well.
"You're already hurting me!" She shouted, silencing them both. He stared at her, mouth slightly agape and cheeks wet with tears.
Sakura tried to calm herself down. She couldn't do this to him. She couldn't do this to either of them. She lowered her voice a little, resisting the temptation to make this about herself any further.
"If you don't want me to get hurt, then please, please just talk to me. Ino thinks it helps to talk about our childhood. I am willing to try anything at this point. I want to help you. Will you just try?"
"So no matter what I do," he started in a quiet, pained voice. "I'm going to hurt you right now?" He leveled her with a gaze so serious and sobering that she actually felt scared. Naruto had never frightened her before. "Fine." He continued, his voice raising. "Everyone hated me. What else do you want me to say? What is that supposed to help? Do you think I haven't thought about it? It happened! It's over!" He stomped on the floor as he shouted the last words at her. In his anger, it was far harder than he had intended. The floor caved in around his foot crater-like, and his chakra shot out through the flooring, cracking it up in a spiderwebbed pattern.
Sakura took a step back in her surprise, and the board she placed her weight on splintered, sending her falling backward. It was just a tiny thud onto her bottom, but Naruto's expression reflected the most intense, helpless look of horror she had ever seen.
"Thb-thTHE BABY!" He shouted, throwing himself down before her and holding a shaking hand just above her stomach fearfully, horrified regret etched onto his face. "Is he... Will he be okay?"
Sakura couldn't help it.
She laughed.
New tears ran fresh, but this time not of sadness. She blinked through them to see Naruto's look of complete shock. His cheeks were still wet, but he was no longer crying. He just looked dumbfounded.
"Your face," she sputtered in the midst of her laughter. "Naruto," she began as her laughter died down. "I'm not made of glass and neither is he. I can fall onto my ass without him getting hurt." She wiped her tears away, sniffling and smiling. "I'm sorry. We should start over again, shouldn't we?"
Naruto released a pent up breath that looked like it relieved ten years of tension, then placed a hand over his eyes as a small, weak smile blossomed on his face.
"I guess so," he said, rubbing his eyebrows. "I'm sorry."
"Please don't be. We are going to be fine. All three of us. I just want us to cry together if we're going to cry. I think I earned at least that." She leaned forward as she sat on the floor, peeking up under the hand that he had covering his eyes.
"Yeah," he agreed, unable to control his smile when she was being so adorable. "You did." He said it softly, resignedly. "Let's talk."
I think that makes three fights now, don't you?
One thing I love about these two is how easily they recover (or make up) from awkward or unhappy situations. After the confession and Sakura-trying-to-kill-Sasuke's-ass scenes, they immediately get along normally again. I just love it.
Chronological Arc/Chapter List:
Confession: Chapters 33-37 (NaruSaku ages 18-19)
Let's Wait: Chapters 5-6 (NaruSaku ages 20-21)
Stealing First: Chapter 1 (NaruSaku ages 21-22)
The Uzusagis: Chapters 3-4 (Narusaku ages 21-40)
It'll Be Okay: Chapters 18-24 (NaruSaku ages 21-22) * You Are Here
The Godfathers: Chapters 13-14 (NaruSaku ages 22-23)
Momma's Boy: Chapter 27 (NaruSaku ages 24-25)
The Day Kakashi Tried: Chapter 2 (NaruSaku ages 25-26)
Kakashi Tries Again: Chapter 16 (NaruSaku ages 29-42)
A Tiny Crush: Chapter 25 (NaruSaku ages 33-35)
That Jutsu, Part 1: Chapter 8 (NaruSaku ages 37-38)
Bedtime Routine: Chapter 7 (NaruSaku ages 37-38)
That Jutsu, Part 2: Chapter 9 (NaruSaku ages 37-38)
Every Family Has One: Chapters 10-12 & 17 (NaruSaku ages 38-39)
A Terrible Dream: Chapter 32 (NaruSaku ages 38-39)
A Not-So-Tiny Crush: Chapters 26, 28, 30-31 (NaruSaku ages 42-44)
Teenage Girls: Chapter 15 (NaruSaku ages 44-45)