Kaoru exhaled slowly, watching Haruhi turn her head up to stare at the sky above. He contemplated for a moment that only lasted seconds before he blurted, "I'll tell you."

He didn't mean to say it, he really hadn't, but now she was staring at him with wide eyes. Haruhi gaped at him and asked, "Tell me what?"

Kaoru looked away, swallowed thickly, and ruffled his orange hair over his eyes. What should he tell her? What should he say? Panic seared up through his veins and he forced himself to think clearly. He couldn't tell her about his home life; there was too much at stake. But he wanted to, he had to, tell her something. He was tired of being alone.

With an overwhelmed sigh, Kaoru stood and made his way back to his swing and sat down warily. Haruhi followed but watched him with a guarded look on her face. "You won't tell anyone?" Kaoru asked, tilting his head to look at her.

She sat down on the swing next to him, biting her lip, before looking up at him. "How can I promise that? What if it's really bad?"

Kaoru moved his swing lightly back and forth as a distraction. "You have to promise, or I won't tell you."

Haruhi fidgeted, moving her fingers along the chains of the swing. She was frowning, clearly conflicted. "But—"

"You gotta promise."

She sighed but nodded. "Fine, I promise."

Kaoru dug his feet into the wood chips, stopping his swing completely and looked down into his lap. He gripped the chains hard, feeling slightly sick about what he was about to tell her. "I tried to kill myself today," he murmured. As soon as he said it, terror shot threw him. What would she think of him now? Would she think he was a coward, taking the easy way out? He looked up at her, terrified.

Haruhi shook her head, frowning. "What did you say?"

"Do I have to say it again?" Kaoru practically pleaded.

She blinked several times and looked away. "I don't know if I heard you right. Did you just say you almost killed yourself?"

There was pause where no one breathed. Kaoru looked up at her and her eyes snapped to his, and they were frozen. The reality of what could have happened that day slammed down upon them. Kaoru couldn't take it anymore, so he looked away first.

"What the hell, Kaoru?" she cried.

Kaoru flinched hard; he knew this would happen. Why did he have to tell her? Now she would only pity him and she would…

"Do you realize what could have happened?" she said. She was standing in front of him now.

Kaoru hung his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "I know how you guys would feel and I know that it would hurt Hikaru and I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to… to…" he trailed off, pressing his face into his hands.

The air was quiet around them, still warm with fresh spring air. There was crunch in the wood chips and Kaoru flinched when he felt a light touch to his knees. "Kaoru," she said softly.

He looked up through his bangs at his friend. She was kneeling in front of his swing with her arms draped lightly over his knees, peering up at him. "Kaoru, this is not about everyone else and their feelings. This is about you. You've got to think about yourself and your future and your happiness." Her face was fierce and full of determination. "Are you going to tell me why you…?"

Kaoru shook his head. "No," he whispered. "I can't."

She nodded and took his hand. "That's okay. It's okay."

"Don't pity me," Kaoru said, jerking his hand away. He stood shakily, knocking her arms off his lap, and he paced away a few feet. "Why did I even tell you?"

"Because I'm your friend, whether you like it or not," she said.

Kaoru heard a rustling from behind and he turned to look at her in curiosity. She had dug her phone out of her pocket and it glowed against her face as she typed into it. "What are you doing?" Kaoru asked. The fear tightened his chest.

"I'm going to call Hikaru." Her voice was shaky and desperate.

"No, you can't!" Kaoru cried. He snatched up the phone and held it out of her reach. "Come on, Haruhi, you promised five minutes ago that you wouldn't tell anyone!"

"You can't go through this alone and you can't just rely on me, so we have to tell someone." She tried to reach past him to snatch the phone from his arm far above. It was too far. She ended up dropping her arm and staring at him sadly.

Kaoru huffed. "I can't tell anyone. This is my problem, and I'll deal with this myself."

"But Hikaru will—"

"No," Kaoru growled. He took the pink phone and tucked it away in his pants pocket. "We can't bring him into this." He had to blink away the unshed tears. "He's finally happy, Haruhi. For the first time since our parents' death, Hikaru is happy and I want to keep it that way."

"But you need to be happy too!" Haruhi said, starting to grow angry.

"Hikaru—"

Haruhi grabbed his arm hard, staring right into his eyes. "Kaoru, how can I help you? What can I do?" she pleaded. "I don't want you going through this alone."

They were staring at each other again. Kaoru didn't want this; he wished he hadn't told her a thing. He didn't want her help or anyone's help but it was already too late for that. Kaoru sighed. "Kyoya," he said.

"What?" She frowned at him.

"We can tell Kyoya and that's it, okay?"

"Why Kyoya?" Her face quirked with confusion.

"I kinda… almost told him earlier today… after school," he explained. Technically, he'd almost told Kyoya about Ryota, but he could spin this the other way. He knew that if he could distract the two of them with his almost suicide, he could buy his self some time to sort out everything at home. Kaoru didn't want people to know that how weak and defenseless he really was.

She nodded, her face pulled taut with worry. "Okay, we will tell him tomorrow, right?"

Kaoru nodded. He was in much too deep and he had a feeling it was all going to come crashing down. "Yeah, we'll do that."

Well, the stress keeps piling up for our dear Kaoru, isn't it?