"It isn't what she wanted."
"You don't have any idea what she wanted. You never listened to what she was saying."
"She wanted to place him for adoption."
"That is what you wanted her to do."
"We talked about it all the time. We agreed that it was the right thing to do."
"It wasn't what she wanted."
"How do you know? Did she tell you?"
Kate enters the kitchen, and pulls open a drawer. She pulls out an envelope. She hands the envelope to him. He finds Kate's name written in Alexis' scrawl.
"I found it in her jacket pocket the next day. You weren't there. The people from the morgue came and asked what I wanted done with her stuff. I told them just to send it to the funeral home. One of the technicians came up to the NICU and explained that he had inventoried the items. He found this letter in her jacket pocket."
"What does it say?"
"Read it," she suggests.
He removes the letter from the envelope. He unfolds it and begins to read.
Kate,
Through this whole thing you are the only who I feel is really listening to what I'm saying. I know that dad doesn't understand why I am having such a hard time choosing parents to place the baby with. He doesn't get why I am having a hard time with this at all. In a perfect world I would meet this little boy, and instantly fall in love with him. Even if that happens I know that I can't keep him. It would be selfish. It wouldn't be in his best interest.
The reason that I am writing this is because honestly, I don't know how else to explain it to you. None of the profiles that I have read seem to live up to my standards. I guess that my standards are exceedingly high. I find myself comparing every single couple to you, and dad. I wish that this situation was simple. I wish I could just give this little boy to you, and dad. I know that he has no interest in raising this child. I guess that selfishly I want the two of you to raise him because then I could see him. I wouldn't always have to wonder how he is.
He would be lucky to have the two of you as parents. I only wish I could convince the two of you that. You are the only pair of people who seem to fit what I want for him. I know that it is impossible, because dad won't hear of it. I don't know if he thinks that he would be sending me the wrong message, or what. I already know what kind of parent you will be. You have been my rock through all of this, and you didn't have to be. You have absolutely no obligation to me, and yet you have found a way to reassure me that you support any decision that I make. You don't know how much I appreciate everything that you have done for me.
Alexis
He looks up at Beckett. She stands in front of him, cradling a tiny little boy in her arms. His eyes are open wide as he sucks down the last portion of his bottle.
"Why didn't she tell me?" He questions as a lump forms in his throat.
"She tried. She tried a million times to tell you, and you wouldn't listen."
"I failed her as a parent," the color drains from his face.
"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that you're wrong?"
"There is nothing that you can say. You didn't make her feel as if you weren't listening to her. I did that."
"It's too late to go back now," she reminds him.
"I never wanted her to have to struggle. I gave her all of the opportunities in life to succeed," he tries to justify his actions.
"I don't know that she ever got over the fact that she disappointed you. She knew that you saw her pregnancy as a failure, it tore her apart inside."
"I miss her every single day."
"I know."
"I miss her so much," he admits as his eyes brim with tears.
"I know."
"And I miss you, too."
"I am not going to walk away from him. I don't expect you to change your mind just because I have. I don't expect you to suddenly want to raise a child that whose existence you could never agree with. That is why we aren't going to work. I am fully invested in this tiny human being. Nothing is going to get in the way of that. I want him to know that someone wanted him. I want him to know that someone loves him."
"You're going to choose to be a single parent?"
"Yes."
"Kids need two parents."
"I don't disagree, but I certainly don't see anyone lining up for the job."
"Pi," he exhales.
She furrows her brow, "What?"
"I never told him. We didn't publish an obituary, and I never told him. He doesn't know."
"He knows," Kate reveals.
"What makes you think that he knows?"
"He came to the hospital to see the baby. The social worker informed him of what happened. He signed away his paternal rights."
"Just like that?"
Kate shakes her head, "He didn't do so lightly. I promised that I would send pictures, and updates."
"He was okay with that?"
"Castle he was grief stricken. He's a kid, who had just found out that his baby was born six weeks early, and that the mother of his child died."
"How can you be so calm?"
"Out of necessity. Someone has to take care of him," she moves the baby onto her shoulder to burp him. When she's finished she finds Castle staring at her in silence. He studies the baby in her arms.
"Do you want to hold him?"
He shakes he head, "I can't."
"Why not?"
"He reminds me of her. It just hurts too much."
"That's your choice."
"What's his name?"
"Levi."