Chapter 21 - Love

Half an hour later, Rae and Carrie were gathering their things to head out for the night. Dally put his hat and shirt in his room upstairs and came back down the stairs shrugging into his leather jacket.

"I'm gonna walk ya'll home," he announced as they were going out the door. He let the girls go out first and then closed to door behind him. As they were walking, he pulled Rae back to have as private a conversation as possible. "Look- ya know I ain't tryin' to be hard on ya or anythin' right?"

"Yeah you are," she answered and watched as he lit up a cigarette. "But I get why you're doin' it."

"I just don't want ya to-to be mad at me alright? I'm just doin' what's best, ya know?"

"I ain't mad at ya, Dal," Rae started. She gripped the straps of her backpack tightly. "I thought- I thought, maybe at first I would hate ya for lettin' this happen. I thought maybe I would blame ya for not bein' there. I was so...mad." He watched her for a few seconds, blowing smoke out of his nose. "But I think that- No, I know that it ain't your fault. It's not my fault, either."

"You're finally startin' to make some sense, again, kid." One side of his mouth lifted upward as he took another drag.

"Dally," she began again. His small smile disappeared at the seriousness in her voice. "I know that you've protected me for all these years. I know and that ya can't do it all my life, so I better start usin' my brain. I, uh, I just- Thank you. I know it ain't been easy." He flicked his finished cigarette away and gave her a slight shrug.

"What else are big brothers good for?" She looked up at him to find a rare, gentle smile overtaking his face. "And what the hell ya talkin' about? I don't care if I'm eighty. You need me to rough someone up for ya, I'll be there in five minutes."

"I guess you'd better be livin' next door to me, then," Rae laughed. He chuckled and put his hand on the small of her back. She thought it was meant as an endearing motion until he pushed her forward a few steps, closer to Carrie.

"Go on, keep your friend company."

"What was that all about?" Carrie asked, quietly, as Rae caught up to her.

"Nothin'," Rae responded, with a shrug. "Just a little heart-to-heart, I guess."

"Oh, Rae?" Dally's voice called from somewhere behind them. She turned, but continued walking backwards.

"Yeah?"

"Would it kill ya to wear the same clothes tomorow? I can grab ya some from Darry's later, but-" He caught up with the girls and she turned back around.

"Nah, don't worry. I packed a change, figurin' I wouldn't be back there tonight. I'll call up Ponyboy and have him bring the rest to school."

"Good job," he praised and tousled her hair. She jerked her head away from his hand and moved so Carrie was between then.

"Wish ya'd stop doin' that," she complained, running her fingers through her long hair. "Ruinin' my hair."

"Your hair?" he spat with a laugh. "Ya ain't turnin' into a girl on me, are ya?" She heard Carrie giggle, quietly.

"Fuck no."

"God, ya sure got a dirty mouth."

"Only learned from the best, didn't I?" He lifted his eyebrows and gave her a feline smile.

Once they'd arrived at Carrie's house, they went around to the side door. Carrie pulled out a key and unlocked it, then headed inside, leaving Dally and Rae to say their goodbyes.

"Alright, Buck's tomorrow after school," her brother commanded before leaving. "Bring your knife." Rae nodded her agreement. "And stay inside- no goin' out. Make sure to bolt the-"

"Dally," she interrupted him. "I will." He blew out a breath and nodded.

"Fine. See ya tomorrow." He turned to leave, but before he made it off the first step he paused.

"What's-" Before she knew what was happening, he'd turned back and wrapped his arms around her. Her eyes went wide and she froze. He hadn't hugged her like this since...since… "D-Dally-?"

"Just shut up, already," he said, his voice muffled by her hair. She felt him inhale, deeply. "I just want you to know that you ain't alone, okay?" After the shock, she smiled and hugged him back, breathing in the scent of his cigarettes. "I-I know that it's been hard but, I promise I'll make it better." He gripped his sister tightly for a while, but finally released her. When she looked up at him, Rae noticed his eyes were rimmed with red.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, 'course I am," he said and cleared his throat. "I need to get goin'. Do your homework and, uh, ya know, don't go to bed too late." He turned to leave again.

"I love you, Dally," she whispered as he made his way down the steps. She wasn't sure if he heard until he stopped and turned his head off to the side, looking towards the Merrill's flower garden.

"You too, kid." He took off again and Rae watched until he was out of sight.

She went inside and found her friend waiting for her at the small table sitting in the kitchen.

"He ain't as tough as he pretends to be," Carrie noted, as she took a book out of her backpack and set it down on top of the bright tablecloth. Rae didn't argue as she started unpacking her books as well. She didn't disagree. Lately it felt like everything in her life had just been flipped upside down completely. After tossing everything she'd needed for her homework onto the table, she dropped into a chair. Her friend went to the fridge. "D'ya want a drink?"

"Sure, got anythin' good?" Carrie swung the door open and Rae felt a gust of cold air wash over her.

"Hmm," she hummed looking over the shelves. "Milk, 7-Up, I guess you could even have a beer if you wanted? Oh- looks like we got a couple bottles of cream soda, too."

"Cream soda," Rae responded as she flipped open a notebook. "Haven't had one of those in a long time." Carrie grabbed the bottle and a can of 7-Up for herself. She closed the fridge, set the drinks on the table and sat down to start her homework.

Once their homework was done, the two girls sat, shoulder-to-shoulder, on the floor at the foot of Carrie's bed, watching The Twilight Zone in the dark. Rae had her hair in a low ponytail, pulled over her shoulder and she was chewing on a lollipop stick. Carrie was popping a stick of gum between her teeth.

"I love it when mom and dad ain't here," she laughed. "They hate it when I watch this. Think it's 'too scary for a young girl's mind.'"

"It ain't even that scary," Rae remarked, taking the stick out of her mouth and tossing it into the small trash can by the desk. "Just a little weird sometimes." She laid her head back on the quilt behind her and stared up at the white ceiling. "Carrie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm…" She sighed and closed her eyes. "I dunno." He friend stopped chewing her gum and turned to her.

"What's wrong?"

"I think-I think I'm scared."

"Rae, he ain't gonna get in here," Carrie tried to reassure her, pulling her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Don't you worry, my dad installed real good bolts-"

"No-I aint-I mean, I am but-" Rae lifted her head again and criss-crossed her legs. Her stomach was twisting in knots. "I don't know what's gonna happen and I...I got a bad feeling about it. Nothin' ever goes right for Greasers. Why should it start now?" She picked at the carpet between her legs. Carrie gripped her arm, gently, her face softening.

"Ya can't think like that," she instructed. "It'll just stress ya out, and ya don't need more stress than ya already got."

"I-I know, but it's so hard to think of anything else when it's quiet and-and when I'm alone." Carrie's hand dropped away from her arm but she grabbed at Rae's hands and squeezed, tightly.

"Well, ya ain't alone. You can always talk to me. Even if it's three in the mornin' and my dad yells at me for gettin' a phone call in the middle of the night." She smiled wide, white teeth almost glowing in the light of the TV. "I won't mind." Rae smiled as well, her eyes starting to burn. She grasped her friends hands as well, and then turned back to focus on the show again.