Chapter 21

Amu was having an internal battle with herself as she waited on the front steps of Seiyo High School with a stack of books balanced in each hand. Fiddling with the spine on her math textbook, she nibbled the inside of her lower lip while her eyes slowly started glazing over as she sunk deeper into her abysmal pool of thoughts.

She had to tell him. He was her boyfriend after all, so of course she had to tell him. Wasn't that the reason she had asked him to come over to her house today? Yes. But she was already regretting the invitation. Her hands had been trembling since the beginning of last period, and they showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. Not to mention she was also having difficulty breathing and could swear there were sweat beads slowly emerging from her forehead.

Squeezing her eyes shut until she saw stars, the pinkette took slow, deep breaths while listening to her heart hammer against her ribcage.

"Now, this won't work."

Amu quickly opened her eyes and tried to focus her hazy vision on the boy standing beside her.

Ikuto was frowning as he removed the books from Amu's right hand. "You should always have at least one hand available for me." He spoke calmly while interlocking their fingers, then nodded in front of them. "Shall we go?"

Seeming to have lost her voice in the past ten minutes, the pinkette could only nod in response before Ikuto lead the way down the sidewalk.

Amu was tempted to walk in the opposite direction to delay as much as possible. If she did do that, he wouldn't get too suspicious, right? She almost laughed at herself - almost, but not quite. She didn't have any sense of humour at the moment.

"Are you okay?" Ikuto asked before he slowed to a stop.

The pinkette looked up at him and managed to smile. "I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

He didn't seem convinced as he arched an eyebrow and continued walking. "Well…no reason, really. Just that you've been staring at the garden over there for the past five minutes." He pointed out before gesturing towards the extraordinary garden a few feet in front of them.

Amu had always loved passing by that house, just so she could enjoy the sight of the brightly coloured flowers that sprung up from the fluffy grass.

"I love daffodils." She replied lamely. Stuttering out some words, she attempted to make sense of her previous sentence and tried to tie it in with why she was zoning out. "I-I mean, every time I see them, my day gets a little brighter and it's pretty hard not to smile."

"So you'd rather look at flowers instead of talk to me?" Ikuto clarified before feigning a look of hurt as they crossed the street, leaving the garden of daffodils behind them. "How cold."

In an attempt to apologize, Amu lifted their intertwined fingers and kissed his hand. "I'm sorry. What was it that you were saying?"

"I want a giraffe."

Amu must have given him the weirdest look Ikuto had ever seen, since he backed slightly away from her. "What? They're cute! Can you blame me?"

"But that's so…random."

"Says the person who daydreams about dandelions."

"Daffodils." Amu corrected as she unlocked the front door to her house. "There is a difference, you know."

Ikuto muttered incoherent words under his breath as he hung up his jacket on a nearby coat rack while Amu locked the door behind them. Midori was due to be done work late that evening and Ami was staying at a friend's place. But even with Ikuto in the house with her, Amu was still paranoid that a stranger could walk through the front door at any minute and go on a killing spree.

In a moment, they shut themselves up in Amu's room. Ikuto dropped Amu's books onto her desk and exhaled softly, collapsing onto the bed.

The pinkette remained standing by her closed door with her back pressed against the wall, eyes focused on the floor.

She had to tell him. He deserved to know. That way, if he was…disgusted by the truth…he could- Amu swallowed thickly- leave her. She didn't blame him if he did want to leave. She was a mess, and the secret she was hiding was revolting.

"Oh, you know that pregnancy test of yours that I had?"

Amu's eyes widened as they flashed his direction. "Wh- uh…yeah." What was he just thinking about that made him bring that up? Her past boyfriends, perhaps? Oh gosh, he thought she was a slut.

"I didn't keep it for blackmail, I threw it away." Ikuto replied. "I'm sorry for being so immature and foolish." He chuckled lightly while shaking his head. "Desperate times call for desperate measures, even if it means blackmail."

"O-oh." Said the pinkette meekly. She knew that now was the time to tell him. He had the wrong impression of her. Heck, he probably thought she slept around with anyone she could.

Cringing, Amu slid down the wall and hugged her knees to her chest. "I-I have to tell you s-something."

Oh God, end my life now. Make a rocket ship blast through my bedroom wall and kill me, but spare Ikuto. Smite me. Anything.

"What's wrong?"

Just the tiny bit of care in his voice made Amu want to cry. She felt like she had been betraying him this entire time.

"U-um…about the pregnancy test..-"

"Don't worry about it." Ikuto reassured with a slight chuckle. "Everyone has past relationships they're not proud of."

"No it's n-not that!" Amu exclaimed, her voice breaking.

She sat in silence, bumping her chin against her bony knees while trying to calm her breathing, already feeling the tears pricking at her eyes as the lump in her throat continued to grow. Ikuto sat across from her on the bed, also remaining silent. She didn't dare meet his gaze in fear of backing out of the confession.

"I-I…" She began hesitantly. "I was…w-was…raped. Five months ago."

Amu squeezed her eyes shut and leaned the back of her head against the wall. "I-I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to leave. It's gross. I'm gross. I'm used property that's no good anymore. I just- …compared to all the other girls you could have, I don't see why you would want to stick with someone as filthy as me. All the virgin girls at school are amazing at baking, or painting, they're cute and innocent. Then there's me- a used tissue no one wants anymore. The 'goods' are gone." She inhaled slowly, trying to calm her erratic heart. Ikuto still hadn't uttered a word. "You should have someone perfect. You don't deserve a girl with scars on their wrists and a rape story." Amu whispered the last words, her voice swallowed up by the lump in her throat.

That was his cue to leave. They both knew that. And in just three steps, he could be out the door and gone from her life.

No matter how hard she tried, she could have never been properly prepared for this. She didn't blame him if he did want to leave. This was a lot to handle, especially since they hadn't even been dating all that long. Why'd he want to stay in a relationship where the girl was mentally unstable and paranoid of every dark corner?

It felt like hours before the bed squeaked as the weight of Ikuto's body was lifted off of it. Amu kept her eyes closed, hearing his footsteps stop just in front of her.

He knelt down slowly and reached out to grasp her hands in his. Amu squirmed as she felt the fabric of her sleeve get pushed further up her arm. She still refused to open her eyes. She didn't want to see the emotion in his eyes. Disgust, most likely. Well, Amu was already disgusted with herself enough for the both of them.

What he did next forced her eyes open in alarm, the tears building up at an even faster rate.

He was kissing the scars. Every individual slice that inked her skin was being kissed better to make the pain go away. It was done slowly and carefully - not rushed as if he wanted to hurry up and show a little sympathy before running away. It was almost as if he wanted to heal them and make the cuts disappear.

His soft lips lingered on the last scar near the bend in her arm before he sat up a little straighter to look into her eyes as he spoke. "I don't want someone perfect, with a hobby for baking, or anything like that.." Ikuto replied, gingerly touching Amu's scars. His deep indigo eyes searched hers as her heart pounded harder in her chest. "I just want you."

Those words were enough to send Amu jumping forward, flinging her arms tightly around Ikuto's neck as she let the tears escape their prison. She cried into his shoulder, feeling her entire body shake from the sobs and also from relief.

Ikuto sat there and held her, pressing his cheek into her hair.

They were two tragedies that had somehow found each other. Maybe it was on purpose that they came into each other's lives at the time they did. Any sooner would be pointless and later might've been too late.

Whether it was God, fate, or time that brought them together, they knew that when they were together, nothing else seemed to matter, because they were happy. And before meeting one another, happiness seemed out of reach.

They were imperfectly perfect for each other.