PREVIOUSLY IN MYSTIC FALLS: A very cross Rebekah stabbed Klaus (oh noooooo). Valentina met Kol, who tried to win her over but was unsuccessful because Elijah walked in and he is so damn handsome that Kol never had a chance. Elena comforted Damon. Valentina finds out that she is in D.C. and Elijah was her insanely gorgeous knight in shining armor. They swap saliva until Rebekah ruins the moment with her phone call. What a bitch. I do not own Vampire Diaries. If I did own Vampire Diaries, me and my love Jayme would be on the set of the new episode right now.

"I think we need to have a little family meeting."

Elijah released Valentina and rubbed his forehead slowly.

"You took care of him, I take it?"

"Indeed, I did." Rebekah sounded slightly smug.

Valentina frowned.

"Took care of who?" she mouthed. Elijah shook his head slightly, and Valentina narrowed her eyes.

"I will be back in Virginia in a little while." He sighed.

"Well, hurry up, will you?" Rebekah snapped. "I really want to drive a few more knives through that prat."

Elijah rolled his eyes. "Do not fret, love. You will have your chance." He was about to hang up when a thought struck him.

"Rebekah, dear?"

"Brother, dear?"

"Don't kill Elena."

"Why not?" Rebekah said. Elijah could almost hear her pouting. "That doppelganger bitch stabbed me in the back, literally!"

"No killing any doppelgangers, Rebekah." Elijah said firmly. She huffed, and hung up on him.

Valentina stared at him for a moment, puzzled.

"Why did you ask her not to kill Elena?" she asked.

Elijah attempted to walk away from her, hoping to avoid the question. Valentina, however, was not to be deterred so easily.

"Elijah." She said quietly. Her determined brown eyes held his gaze.

"I asked her not to kill Elena because it would hurt Stefan and Damon, which in turn would hurt you. I do not wish for you to become collateral damage, Valentina."

Valentina tried to think of something to say to that, but came up empty. He studied her face for a moment.

"I must go retrieve Kol. Will you be okay by yourself?" he said.

She nodded absentmindedly. After a moment, he tenderly kissed her cheek, and left the room. Valentina put a hand to where his lips had been moments before.

I am so screwed.

Kol was sitting at the hotel bar, sulking. It always displeased him when he failed to get a woman into a bed. Any bed, he didn't really care which.

Elijah slid onto the stool next to him. He reached over and grabbed his brother's drink and downed it in one gulp.

Kol raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"You are not one for heavy drinking, brother." He snickered. Elijah lightly smacked him on the back of the head.

"I have not felt this confused in so many years." The elder sibling grumbled, refilling his stolen glass.

Kol swiveled in place, fully interested in Elijah's predicament.

"Care to elaborate?" he said.

Elijah groaned. "Klaus is in love with her. I do not wish to have a Tatia situation all over again, but Valentina intrigues me."

Kol grinned. "I could take her off your hands for you."

Elijah glared at him silently.

"What?" Kol said, miffed. "Just offering to be of assistance. No need to be standoff-ish."

Elijah rolled his eyes.

"Rebekah has dealt with Klaus. She wants a 'family meeting.'" Elijah finally said.

It was Kol's turn to roll his eyes. "Well, we mustn't keep her highness waiting. Not that it would hurt her at all." He said sarcastically.

Elijah frowned, and glanced over his shoulder.

"Problem, brother?" Kol said, scanning the room for any threats.

"No." Elijah said after a moment. He did not say that he had felt burning eyes on the back of his head a minute before.

Valentina watched them from behind a large palm tree. Her hands were shaking in anger. Elijah had deceived her. And she thought that they had something!

"Mother…!"

"Elena?"

Elena jumped. Stefan hadn't said a word all afternoon.

"What day is it?" he wondered.

"March 8th. Why?"

Stefan closed his eyes. Elena saw his jaw tighten.

"Today is Valentina's birthday." He said quietly. She could hear the pain in his voice. He was never very good at masking his feelings.

Elena bit her lip, and laid a hand on top of Stefan's clenched fist.

"We will find her." She said firmly. In her heart, though, she was not convinced. Valentina's trail had gone completely cold.

"Stefan?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah." He said, staring angrily at the table.

"We could use with more help." She said, treading cautiously.

Stefan snorted. "Yeah? And who do you have in mind?"

Elena raised her eyebrows.

"No." he snarled, jumping out of his chair. "We are definitely not asking Klaus for his help."

"Why not?" Elena said in a frustrated voice. "He wants to find her just as much as we want to. We could even use this to our advantage."

"Out of the question, Elena!" Stefan said, his voice rising. He stormed out of the room.

Elena stared at his retreating back for a few seconds, and then snatched her keys off the table.

If he wasn't going to help, then she would go alone.

Klaus groaned. That had hurt like a son of a bitch. He lifted his head. He was surprised to discover that he could not move his hands. He peered behind him and discovered that he was tied to his favorite chair.

"Damn." He muttered. He struggled for moment, but the ropes were tighter than a fat guy in spandex.

"Rebekah, darling." He sighed. "Is this really necessary?"

"Extremely necessary." She said coldly. She appeared from around the corner. Her arms were crossed and her pretty face was an ugly mix of loathing and disgust.

"Please, love," Klaus said gently, "I'm sure we can talk this out like civilized adults."

"Civilized adults?" she scoffed. "Civilized adults do not dagger each other because they are too much of a pansy to deal with the consequences."

"Oy!" Klaus protested. "I am not a pansy!"

"You kind of are." His sister spat. She turned her back on him to gaze at the roaring fire.

Klaus opened his mouth to attempt yet another lame and pleading argument when he heard a knock on the door.

"Are we expecting visitors?" he said icily, his reasonable demeanor vanishing quickly.

"No." Rebekah said sharply. She blurred to the door and ripped it open violently.

Elena stood there with her fist in the air, as if she was about to knock again. Her jaw fell to the ground when she saw the Original Barbie.

"Rebekah." She breathed. She had not calculated this variable.

"Elena Gilbert. How nice to see you again. Not." Rebekah snarled.

Elena flinched, fearing that Rebekah would rip her to pieces.

Rebekah took a step forward so that they were nose to nose.

"You should be thrilled to hear that Elijah has forbidden me from tearing you apart. And since he is the only one I truly like at the moment, I shall obey his wishes. But try anything, and I might accidentally forget his orders."

Elena nodded, her throat dry. She fought to keep her trembling under control. After a moment, Rebekah stepped to the side to allow Elena access to the house.

"Klaus?" Elena gasped when she saw the hybrid. "What the hell…"

Klaus shrugged. "Just a little misunderstanding."

Rebekah laughed once. It was a cold and harsh sound.

"What's going on?" Elena said, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"We are preparing for a very long overdue heart-to-heart." Rebekah snipped.

"What can I help you with, dear Elena?" Klaus said, cutting Rebekah's rant off.

"It seems rather irrelevant at the moment." Elena said, raising an eyebrow.

"Go ahead anyway."

"We need help finding Valentina."

Rebekah noticed her brother's reaction.

"Valentina? That little fling from the 1800s?" she asked.

"It was not a fling!" Klaus growled.

Rebekah's eyebrows travelled farther up north.

Elena ignored Barbie Vamp.

"Do you want to help us or not?"

"Elena, sweetheart, I would love to. But I am a bit tied up at the moment. Pardon the pun."

Elena exhaled slowly.

"Fine." She said curtly. She turned to leave the house.

She had almost reached the door when Rebekah called after her.

"Elena?"

Elena closed her eyes for a moment, and then turned around to face her nemesis.

"Yes, Rebekah."

Rebekah slowly sauntered forward.

"I know where Valentina is." She said. Elena frowned.

Did I hear her right? She thought.

"I know where Valentina is." Rebekah repeated.

Klaus's eyes widened. "No. Rebekah, please. Just stay out of this one."

Rebekah turned to smirk at the hybrid.

"I would love to meet her. I can have Elijah bring her with him."

"Elijah?" Klaus and Elena said simultaneously.

"Elijah." Rebekah confirmed. "I assume that they were kissing or something when I called him, because he sounded quite grumpy."

Klaus snarled loudly.

Rebekah pouted in Klaus's direction.

"Sorry, brother." She said mockingly. "I guess you lost this girl to him too."

Okay, really Rebekah. Cool it before you win the Bitch-Of-The-Year Award. Who will Valentina choose, Klaus or Elijah? Stay tuned! REVIEW!