Turn to Stone
My brother how we must atone
Before we turn to stone
...
Her back collided against the hard wall
His hands enveloped hers, pinning them above her head.
Their lips roamed for each other in the darkness.
Unlatching his hands from hers, she pushed him some inches away, allowing enough space that she could hinge her legs around his torso. He obeyed, lifting her, using the walls as support.
Moving his hands from her exposed legs up towards her petite waist , up the length of her body and finally settling near her neck, he gathered her hair in his fist, his fingers dragging through her mahogany tresses pleasingly. As a response she bit down on his shoulder, folding agonizingly the material of his shirt in her shaky palms. The restriction of access irked her and she tugged at the buttons of his shirt, demanding them to lose. The pitter patter of his small hinges falling to the floor as she ripped his shirt from its joining quickened her senses to his now bare chest. Her claws bared, dragged themselves up his well taunt stomach, into the fleshy depths and then down them with the same effectual pressure. He pushed her further into the wall, eager and wanting, his lips dove into the crevices of her neck, then agonizingly slowly to the intersection, down her jawline and then to her lips once more. His hands meanwhile, searching for the end of her dress, lifted it, cast it somewhere in the void and found itself around her tiny waist. She mimicked his actions, removing the remnants of his now tattered shirt. She was once more on her feet, their bare skin igniting a fire on contact, quickly reaching an altitude of explosive pressure. For a moment, in a heartbeat, their eyes shining, danced in the darkness.
"Toby" her voice came in a hoarse whisper.
"Toby" her small voice came again.
"Toby..?
Toby shot awake, the suddenness of his transition causing him to feel woozy. His clearing vision revealed a fan above spinning in blurred action and his antiquated spotty ceiling.
"Seems like you had quite the dream."
He is startled by the suddenness of this voice. He looks around and comes face to face with the owner of it.
Dark straight tresses curtaining her shoulders and framing her face, Emily sat in a small wooden chair, her face in the direction of the fogged window. The ill- lit room sent off a deceptive image- dark and light cuddling together.
"It's going to rain" she informed him.
Washing his hand over his face, as though to sweep away any remnants of sleepiness, Toby sat up in a sitting position. He then turned his attention to the graying sky, where only small apertures of blue were visible now. A rumble overhead verified her statement if any doubt remained and suddenly as though her words had allowed their permission, the soft pitter -patter of rain against the clouded windows was heard.
Silhouetted against the backdrop of the washed out sky, the girl bowed her head, lost in her thoughts.
"Em, you okay?" Toby asked concerned.
She sent him a halfhearted smile-her face partially hidden under the shadows of her dark locks- then assuming a lighter disposition she says "It's 7 o' clock.I'll get your medication."
And she was off, leaving the chair which she had occupied, rocking from her sudden departure.
He is puzzled by her behavior. His medicated brain attempt to discern her actions.
He knew his best friend and despite all that life had thrown her way, she was a lively person. But he hadn't notice a recent change in her. She seemed sad. As though life had finally gotten the best of her.
He wondered if that would eventually become truth for all of them. That at some point, their souls would no longer be able to bare the weightiness of such a burden. That they all would be face to face, with the sins they had committed. No where to run.
He didn't have much time more for reflection. A small shuffle of feet notified him of Emily's return. Her movements sluggish and thoughtless, she placed the two pills in his hands and watch him swallow before offering him the glass of water.
"Em" he attempted once again. "You don't have to keep doing this- I mean you, taking care of me. I can take care of myself." he urged gently.
She smiled genuinely for the first since she was there "I need this. I need this too."
"A sleeping man isn't much company." Toby mused.
Emily paused before saying, as though to herself ."It's company enough for me." Looking up from behind her dark lashes she redirected her words to him. "The medication going to make you especially drowsy." she smiled limply "You better lay back down."
Determined to stay awake despite the distorted, blurriness that was now becoming his peripheral vision Toby sat, his back against the pillow of his bed.
"It's okay." Emily reassured him.
Covering him with a blanket and making sure he was comfortably placed on the bed, Emily placed a light kiss on his forehead, once more urging him to succumb to his sleep.
"Em" he tried when she was once again in her position in the chair by the window.
She made a slight noise.
"You can talk to me about anything." he proposed, half way between sleep and wakefulness. He saw her smile before he was then off to sleep, under the control of the mind altering pills.
...
It was then that he found himself, returned to the dream. Locked in his unconscious, unfolded a dream of prior acquaintance, one that he had pondered much at its meaning, one that he had endeavored to meet again. Here he was.
His finger edged its way across the engraving with the same newness that it had done the first time, he saw it. "H.E.C, S.J.C', the initials read, jagged and deep.
The room was still the same: The old French version of the Catcher in the Rye remained untouched from his previous visit. The large piano still took center stage to the beautifully antiquated room. The white linen curtain draped ever so softly over the profound instrument and like before he found himself drawn to it .Reaching it, he raised the lid. His fingers knowing what his mind could not fathom at the moment went over the black and ivory key with the same familiarity, and once more the sound echoed through the sturdy, resounding and returning to his ears in a way that made his heart start.
He let the feeling of warmth creep into his soul. He let the moment wash him away. This place felt like home.
Yet again, he was drawn by the laughter. His head turned to the small jabbing rays of sunshine, splashing dim rainbow colors through the window. His heart ignited with the same expectancy, as he followed the jovial outcries.
Out, he saw her again, the little boy he saw again. He saw his own eyes reflected in his. He saw his own soul and spirit meshed with hers beyond those orbs. He found himself running. He felt the elusiveness. He felt the material of his dream, reaching its inevitable end.
Ever running, never reaching.
He watched her hair fall under the sprinkling water as she took her son enveloping him.
He watched with contagious glee as they laughed.
He wanted nothing more but to be there. Right there with them.
But like before, he was snatched away from the dream.
Toby's return to consciousness was heralded by the sight of Emily, a large sweater surrounding her frame, her head propped against the window. Still in a haze of reality and fantasy, he directed his eyes to the clock: 8:00pm. The darkness outside was full blown, the only light being the moon which hid behind its chamber of dark clouds and only peeked its head to offer enough light to support the night's theme of gloominess. Sudden illuminations from the flashing lightning highlighted the internal struggle washed over the face of the ebony haired girl.
A heavy silence befell them.
Moments passed before Emily finally said, her words quiet: "Do you blame me?
A brief pause separated an answer in which she seemed drowned in her thoughts.
As a reflex, he stood and gathering his crutches, he walked over to her, his gait crooked, his movements hampered. She hugged her body close to her.
"For what?" he asked when he was near.
"For Jenna." she responded, looking him pointedly in the eyes.
His response was immediate, rushed by the yearning to comfort his friend "You didn't Em. You wouldn't"
"I could." she responded flatly.
"You don't remember much-
"I wanted to." She heaved, as though saying this had took her strength.
"Em-
"I know its wrong Toby. I didn't hate her. I didn't hate Jenna. I hated myself then. I hated that I had become this person that I didn't recognize. I was ashamed that I had to rely on drugs to-
"Em-"
"No, Toby. I really wanted to feel something and though I can't recall ever hurting Jenna. I can remember wanting to. She was everything I need to rid my life of. I needed someone to blame for my unhappiness. Toby, I-
"Em, there had to be more to this story."
"What if there isn't. What if I did it? What if I killed Jenna?"
Taking Emily by the shoulders, he forced her to look into his eyes "Em, you didn't do it." He said earnestly "I know you. I know you can never take another person's life, no matter how far gone you think you were. We'll figure this out, Em. I promise." He engulfed her in his arms. " I'm here for you"
Emily relaxed momentarily but then tense again when the thunder roaring overhead caused the silence to disperse. The wind picked up its fever, adamant not to be won by the raging sound. There was then the distinct sound of electricity before their surrounding became dark.
The dark hair girl looked fearful before Toby informed her that the line was probably down. "I'll grab a candle" she said, trying to busy herself.
With Emily gone in search of some light, Toby pondered on what she has said, on what he had dreamt and on the whole mess that he had dragged everyone in. His mind replaying in infinite loops : her distinct laugh, the melodious tune on the piano, Emily's panic-stricken words "I wanted to", her desperate sorrowful eyes, was enough to cause him to swirl from it all. Where was the light at the end of the tunnel? Where was the way out? He didn't even know the distinction between truth and lies anymore; their lines had become blurred and grey. There were always circumstances that always made the truth seem like the least appealing passage. He was afraid for Emily, he was afraid for Aria and Hanna, for Spencer and for her father. He was afraid that none of them would make it out of this.
"What's all this?" Emily's voice came suddenly.
Toby swiveled in her direction. His eyes bounced from the puzzled look on her face to the manila folder within her grasp. She opened it up, eyeing its contents with renewed curiosity. "Toby….?"
His unresponsiveness caused her mind to wander "Did the doctor say… Is it your dad…?
Taking the folder from her, he too eyed the words that had become familiar to him over the past few days. Over and over they had replayed on constant replay in his tired mind. The words 'Melanoma' and Cancer jumped out from the pages of his incessant research, causing him to turn back to his concerned friend.
"Spencer's dad- Peter" he begun cautiously "he- he has cancer"
Emily throat went dry as a sand desert "What?" she managed to asked.
Toby informed her of his unfortunate run in with Mrs. Hastings and the urologist after Peter came out of coma. They were saying that he doesn't have much time left"
"But they said-
"They said what Mrs. Hasting wanted them to say. She doesn't want Spencer, Jason or Melissa to know about their father's illness"
"You have to tell her!"
It was Toby's turn to be confused.
"You have to tell her!" she repeated.
"Em, I can't, you don't understand –
"I think I understand perfectly well. Toby, you have to tell her!"
"Em, her mom doesn't want her to know!"
"I don't care what her mom wants her to know. She deserves to know!"
"She just got back her dad Em, -
"And there's a large chance, she lose him again!"
"Exactly! Exactly!" he roved "She'll lose him again! You see what nearly losing him-
Emily circled him "Losing someone is never easy, Toby. At least she'll have the chance to say goodbye"
His eyes caught the heartbreak in hers and she momentarily relived her agony "It's the hardest thing in the world Toby" she paused for a moment, "but I can imagine, it makes it easier when you can say goodbye." Regaining some composure, she grasped unto his free hand "You've been gone for two years." Toby was about to speak when she beat him to it "It's complicated. I know." He shifted.
"Toby, the only one who can make this simple is you. This web, this web that we've found ourselves trapped in. I think the answer is simple. I think the way out of it is the truth. I think if you really love her, then you should tell her. You should tell her the truth Toby"
She removed herself, grabbing her belongings "I'll drive you"
Torrents of rain lashed against his dark coat as he made his way through the lifeless streets near Spencer's house .Emily watched from her car, the shadowed figure, determined in his steps. Her assistance further had been adamantly refused "He needed to go alone" he had let her know.
Toby discarded his dysfunctional umbrella in a nearby trash can, hobbling ahead under the fury of the storm. The dawning evening had metamorphosed into an inky dark night, the only sound beyond his own heavy breathing, the call of the mourning dove.
The truth, he thought. He had to tell her the complete truth.
Finding his way through the mazes of houses that appear identical in his obscured vision, he came at last to her door. He found his courage failing, surging to the bottom of his stomach in a whirlwind of anxiety. He however, defied this feeling, tapping his knuckles against the wooden frame.
A pause ensued. His heartbeat quickened.
He heard her pace fastened to the door, he heard the turn of the knob, and then with a missed breath and skipped heartbeat, he saw her face, lit against the small yellow light coming from her home.
She looked over the sodden man with initial surprised, then deep concerned and curiosity
Unprepared in what to say, he stumble over his own tongue until he finally said what his heart allowed:
"I had to see you."
...
...
Okay peeps! So I hope that you realized that this chapter occurred the same time as Chapter 20. This chapter was just in Toby's POV.
So I hope you had fun reading this sullen chapter and please review.
Tell me how the story is going. It would mean the world to me.
So until next time. Ta!