A/N: just a warning for this chapter-not too much graphic stuff because i find it hard to write, but it can be hard for some people to read
The flight back took almost seven hours, even with the fastest jet they had taking them directly home from the South American coast. The second it landed, Alex jumped off and left the other agents behind, desperate to find her sister. She headed straight for the med bay, ignoring the looks from everyone at the DEO; they all knew what had happened by then and no one wanted to get in her way. She was still covered in Kara's blood and no doubt looked ghoulish as she ran through the halls, her heart contracting painfully with every step.
She's fine. She's fine. She's fine. The mantra ran through her head as she neared the med bay. "Kara!" She burst into the room with her hair flying.
The sight that greeted her filled her with equal parts relief and dread. Her sister was lying under industrial-strength sun lamps, various electrodes attached to several parts of her body. She was still wearing the suit she'd been shot in and from farther away Alex saw how much of it had been soaked through with blood. J'onn stood at her shoulder, gently wiping the blood off her face around the oxygen mask strapped around her head.
"Is she..." Alex approached the bed and took Kara's hand; it lay limply between her shaking hands but felt warm and alive, and Alex could see the rise and fall of her sister's chest.
"She hasn't woken up yet," J'onn said quietly. "The kryptonite has been flushed out of her system, but so has all the sun's energy. She solar-flared on the way here; her body kept trying to heal itself but it was too weak."
"But she'll be okay? She'll wake up soon?"
"I hope so. Where's Lena Luthor?"
"They're coming up the hall with her." Winn and Maggie walked up to them. Alex tried to look at anything but Maggie and failed miserably. She was wearing Alex's favorite outfit on her, which she hoped wasn't a coincidence. Dark blue jeans, black boots with a small heel and one of Alex's leather jackets paired with whatever tee she had slept in. Alex could tell she'd spent the night in that shirt because it was all wrinkled and had a small bit of toothpaste by the collar.
Maggie was also looking Alex up and down, not meeting her eyes. She took in Alex's blood-stained hands and suit and stepped forward, licking her finger. "You have some..." she rubbed at Alex's forehead, trying to get the blood off her skin. When she finished, she stepped back awkwardly, her hand falling to her side. It wasn't her job anymore to make sure Alex was alright, or clean, or presentable or even moderately okay. She watched Alex's throat move as she swallowed and opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Maggie turned as the noise of several peoples' boots came through the doors.
"Multiple fractures and broken bones, assumed internal injuries, possible concussion." One of the agents held out a tablet for Alex to take. "We gave her some morphine on the way up here and ten of Valium because she started to move around too much."
Alex was still staring at Maggie, who was looking at her expectantly. Her mouth had gone dry and she could feel her heart throbbing deep in her chest.
"Alex?" J'onn stepped in front of her.
Alex's concentration broke and she blinked a few times. "Morphine?" She took the tablet and scanned the numbers. "Her heartbeat is too low for that—" She broke off as the monitor emitted a sharp, constant tone. "Get me paddles and adrenaline!" She passed the tablet to Winn and reached for a scalpel off the tray of medical instruments by Kara's bedside. Slicing open Lena's dirty, tattered shirt, she winced when she saw the bruises and gashes littering her skin but didn't hesitate to grab the paddles an agent held out to her. "One hundred, and...clear!" Alex waited for everyone to step back then made sure to avoid the tubes and wires around Lena before shocking her heart. As the electricity went through her, Lena's body jerked up off the bed and the tendons in her neck stood out. A few beats stuttered across the monitor then she flatlined again, her body falling back. "Two hundred! Where's that adrenaline?" Alex rubbed the paddles together and waited for someone to inject the adrenaline into one of Lena's IVs before shocking her again. She could feel Maggie's eyes on her and refused to acknowledge her. "Dammit, Lena. Don't give my sister another reason to hate me," she growled. "Three hundred!"
"I don't think her body can handle—"
"Do it!" Alex barked at the nervous-looking agent and he turned the knob. "Clear!" Alex hit Lena with the paddles a little more forcefully than she needed to; Lena's body surged up and she sucked in a breath. Her left arm thrashed around and two of the agents had to jump back to avoid being hit. "Get out!" Alex said angrily. "You're in the way. Lena, can you hear me?" She grabbed a flashlight that J'onn held out to her and leaned over the bed to check her pupil reaction as the agents filed out of the room. "Lena, it's Alex Danvers. Can you hear me?" Lena's pupils were constricted to pinpoints and she groaned as the light hit her eyes, trying to turn away. "You're okay. Calm down, you're home. You're okay." She pressed a stethoscope to Lena's chest and listened to her breathing pattern.
"Um," Maggie spoke up, "It looks like you have your hands full here so...I'm going to go update Sam. She would've been here, but she's watching Ruby downstairs and didn't want her to see this."
"Isn't that your job? Watching Ruby?" Alex said bitterly with a sideways glance at Maggie.
Maggie inhaled deeply and held the breath in for a couple heartbeats before blowing the air loudly out of her mouth. Don't say anything stupid. "I'm just gonna go," she said calmly. "I'll come by later." She followed the agents out and closed the door behind her.
Alex made a non-committal noise but didn't look up from her examination; Lena had started to wake up and was moving around. "Lena, calm down. You're safe. You're at the—" J'onn cleared his throat and Alex caught herself. "You're safe." Alex placed an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. "Calm down. It's Alex. You're okay." Alex's voice dropped when Lena tried to fight her off. "Can you hear me? Say something if you understand." Lena let out a weak mumble and Alex leaned in closer. "Can you say that again?"
"Alex?"
Alex exhaled in relief. "Yes. Yes, it's Alex. That's me. You're safe now, do you hear me? We're going to get a few x-rays and fix you up. You'll be fine in no time," she said in a falsely enthusiastic voice. Even without seeing the extent of Lena's injuries, Alex knew there would be some lasting damage.
"No, you're dead. This isn't real," Lena whispered hoarsely. "This isn't real."
"It's real, I promise. I'm here," Alex said softly.
"'Not real. I'm dreaming. You're dead, my mother is alive." Lena lapsed into incoherent muttering.
Alex swallowed and put a hand on Lena's forehead to feel her temperature. "This is real. I'm sorry." She turned away and crossed the room quickly, heading for the portable x-ray machine.
"No!" Lena's cry cut through the room and Alex whipped around to see J'onn standing over her, his eyes glowing. At the sound, he lost his concentration and his eyes went dark.
"What are you doing to her? Calm down, you're safe. You're safe, it's Alex." Alex rushed to Lena's side with an accusing look at J'onn.
He held his hands up and looked at Lena with concern. "I was just—"
"Get away from me, Martian." Lena's voice was muffled by the oxygen mask but the panic in it was unmistakable as she struggled to sit up; Alex carefully pushed her back down into the bed.
"What did you do!?"
"I was trying to calm her mind. I thought I would send her into a dream state," J'onn explained.
"You tried to do the exact thing her mother tortured her with?" Alex said angrily. "What made you think that was a good idea?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't think of it that way. Her mother used it—not the way it was meant. I was trying to help her." J'onn closed his eyes.
"It feels the same, J'onn. Forcing your way into someone's mind like that? It strips you to the bone, it leaves you exposed in a way you never thought possible," Alex shuddered.
"I'm sorry," he said again. "But I did find something strange."
"She's been through hell. I wouldn't expect her brain activity to be anywhere near normal." Alex looked over at his expression and narrowed her eyes. "What was it?"
"Morphine. That's what she's thinking about."
"Morphine?" Alex smacked her forehead. "Of course. For the pain." She filled a needle with the drug and slid it into the IV. "Lena, you'll feel better in a minute." She started to press the plunger down but Lena moved to stop her.
"No." Her voice was weaker than before and Alex noticed that she wouldn't move her right arm. "Hurts." Her breaths came faster and faster and she shut her eyes.
"I know it hurts, but the pain will go away soon. You'll be fine—don't try to get up." Alex finished injecting the morphine and used her arm to stop Lena from sitting up. "Breathe, Lena. Slow down."
"Ms. Arias." J'onn's voice made her look up to see Sam standing in the doorway, her hands over her mouth. "I didn't know when you were coming up here, I can move Ms. Luthor to another—"
"Don't be stupid, J'onn. She's here to see her." Alex eyed him strangely. "Why else would she be here?"
J'onn closed his mouth. He had heard Sam's thoughts when trying to calm Lena down, and they had surprised him. She had been thinking of her friend and her daughter, of course, but a large portion of her thoughts had been focused on Alex; whether or not the agent was alright, if she could handle the situation, if Alex needed her help. He knew Alex and Maggie were having some trouble and didn't want to say anything, so he just shook his head. "No reason. I'll give you two a moment. Tell me if Supergirl wakes up when I'm gone." He brushed past Sam on his way out.
"Oh my god," Sam whispered as she took in Lena's disheveled appearance. "Can she hear me?" She looked at Alex nervously, not sure of the answer. She reached out and pulled the blanket over Lena's legs in a protective gesture, her eyes going to the marks covering her chest and torso.
"She can. She's sedated right now, for the pain. I'm about to take some x-rays so you might want to stand back." Alex handed Sam a heavy, lead vest and put one over her own head. She took several shots, making sure to get every angle. Remembering specific moments that she had seen on the grainy video feed, she x-rayed her ribs then her right arm and shoulder, twice, before moving on to the rest of her body. "These will develop soon, give me a second." Alex pulled the vest over her head and set it down, motioning for Sam to do the same. She hurried off to the corner of the room with a glance at her sister; Kara still hadn't woken up and Alex was worried she had lost too much blood.
"Lena?" Sam whispered, putting her hand against Lena's cheek. "Lena, I'm here." Lena's eyes opened fractionally and she saw the woman standing over her.
"Sam?" Her whisper was barely audible and it brought tears to Sam's eyes.
"Yeah, it's me. How do you feel?" She sniffled then laughed. "That's a dumb question. Don't answer that."
"What are you doing here?" Lena blinked slowly and Sam watched the oxygen mask fog up as she breathed.
"What do you mean? I came to see you." Sam wiped away a tear.
"This isn't real," Lena mumbled. "Alex is dead. She's not really here, which means neither are you." Her head lolled back on the pillow and she closed her eyes. "You're not real."
Sam looked over at Alex who bit her lip. "She must think I'm—that I'm the alien. That she's still there. I don't know what to say to her."
"Lena, it's really me." Sam looked back at her friend and pulled the blanket higher. "I can prove it, ask me something only I would know."
Lena opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling with a dazed expression. She could feel the drugs circulating through her system and was getting lost in the stream of opiates flowing through her veins; the pain was gone and she just wanted to be left alone. "I don't...you aren't real." Her eyes closed and she listened to her own heart beat slowly.
"I am, I'm real. I'm real and I'm alive and so are you. Never leave, remember? That's what you said to me all those nights when I would wake up on your floor; you said that you would never leave me. So don't leave. I know you're strong enough for this."
"Never...leave. I say that to Sam." Lena opened her eyes. "Sam. She must be worried..." Her voice trailed off and she settled further into the bed, her body relaxing. "Maybe she forgot me."
"No, I didn't forget you." Sam looked over at Alex again but she was busy studying the x-rays up on a light box. Desperate to keep Lena talking, she started to ramble. "Remember when we met, at that party with Rob? We'd started talking and you told me not to go over to him but I did, I went over and talked to him and he gave me my first—that was the first time I'd ever tried drugs. And you watched me the whole night, even though you were drunk, and you made sure I got back to my room and stayed with me." Sam smiled sadly at the memory and waited for Lena's reaction, but nothing happened. "And that time during winter term first year, when you found me sitting in the snow on the campus quad? You brought me to your apartment and I said it was funny how you were richer than I was and you were still helping me, and maybe you were richer because you weren't blowing your money on drugs. And you said, 'Even if I blew a million dollars on drugs I'd still be richer than you.'" Sam took a deep breath. "That was the first time I realized you weren't as cold as everyone thought. You were funny and kind and charming, and smart, so fucking smart. You were everything I wanted to be. You still are." Sam was crying hard and she saw Lena slowly raise a hand up to wipe away her tears.
"Don't cry. You're worth more than this." Lena said the words with ease, her mind dredging up the memory from years ago. In her mind she saw a younger version of herself pulling Sam off the floor of her apartment; Sam had fallen off her couch and passed out and a four-year-old Ruby had been trying to wake her mother. When Sam had opened her eyes to see her daughter standing over her, she had started to cry and Lena had to herd Ruby into another room before coming back for her. She had said the same words to her then and they had convinced Sam to try to get clean. It hadn't been overnight, and Sam had relapsed plenty of times—but when Lena used her pull as a Luthor to visit her in the psych ward, she'd said the same thing then, too.
"Jesus," Alex said quietly, walking up behind them. "She's been...I'm surprised she isn't in more pain," she finished.
"Show me," Sam said forcefully as Lena's hand dropped back onto the bed, her eyes closing.
"I don't think I should," Alex said carefully. She held the x-rays off to the side and glanced at Lena, who had fallen asleep. "I'm going to give her another dose of morphine, she'll be out of it until I can figure out how I want to proceed."
"Proceed with what? I want to know," Sam said vehemently. Alex hesitated and Sam stood up, crossing her arms. "You got drunk at my house and skipped your meeting on Friday and that's fine, whatever, you were busy saving her life," Sam said with a look at Lena. "But that doesn't mean you get to write me off. I want to know what happened. I've known her for over a decade, and I'll be damned if you think bringing her home gives you some sort of power here."
"Alright, alright." Alex surrendered. "I'll put them up." She gave Lena another dose of morphine then clipped the first few x-rays back onto the light box, pointing out Lena's various injuries. "See the hairline fracture here, in her skull? And there's another here, on her cheekbone."
Sam's face scrunched up as she looked at the pictures. The black-and-white depictions of Lena's time at the hands of her mother was harder to look at than she'd thought. She wanted to turn away but her eyes were glued to the images.
"Her shoulder is dislocated," Alex told her in a calm, informative voice, pointing to the next film. "And there's a clean break here...and here." She pointed to Lena's collar bone and forearm respectively. "It looks like there's another smaller fracture in her right scapula, likely caused by blunt force to the back of her shoulder." Alex kept her tone neutral. She knew it would be hard for Sam to hear this, and if she let any emotion enter her voice she didn't know if Sam could take it. She'd listened to Sam's stories with an impassive expression on her face in case the older woman ever looked her way, but she was secretly shocked that Sam could speak of her past drug problems with such ease. Alex didn't think anything could make her tell Kara she had started drinking again. You might not get the chance to tell her, she thought unhappily. "Her ribs are...they aren't pretty," Alex continued, switching the films. Even with her negligent medical training, Sam could tell that it was bad. As Alex pointed to different ribs and rattled off numbers and names of fractures; 'transverse', 'oblique', 'comminuted'; Sam tuned her voice out and her eyes wandered over the pictures. Every time she spotted another line of black where the image should have been solid white bone, she winced. There were too many to count, and she started to feel sick.
"Stop it," she said quietly and Alex immediately fell silent. "I want you to fix her. Now."
"We should get a doctor, I wouldn't know where to start—"
"You had medical training, right?" Sam turned away from the films and closed her eyes but the images of Lena's broken body were seared onto the insides of her eyelids. "You can reset the bones."
"Sam, I don't feel comfortable doing that." Alex flipped the switch and the box went dark.
"And I'm sure Lena isn't comfortable with fifty broken bones! I said fix her, now!" Sam felt all the pent-up emotions from the past few days whirling together and she let her anger take over, turning on Alex. "If you have to pay some doctor to keep quiet about this little secret operation you're running here, fine. But you will fix the damage you've done or I swear I will ruin your life."
Alex leaned back, hurt. "I know it's my fault, I just need to—"
"Enough with the self-pity, Alex. You'll never get anywhere with it."
Alex clenched her jaw. "Fine. Then I suggest you get out of my way if you want me to help her." She ripped the x-rays down and shoved past Sam. Pausing at Kara's bedside, she checked on her sister, who hadn't moved, and her expression darkened. Taking a deep breath, she turned back to Sam with a sad look on her face. "I know you love her like a sister and I know it's not really me you're angry at." Sam huffed but didn't object and Alex continued. "I'll take good care of her. I promise. But you should get back to Ruby."
"Ruby is staying with Maggie, since you're still staying with me."
"I don't want to be the reason your daughter doesn't see you, especially not now, not with all this going on." Alex shook her head. "I'll be fine. I'll stay with my sister."
"Alex, I don't think that's a good idea." Sam crossed her arms again.
"I can't leave her." Alex adjusted Kara's position and sighed. "Go be with your daughter. I'll call you when I'm done here."
"No way. I'm helping you."
"Sam, I don't think that's a good idea," Alex said in a mocking tone. "I really don't, though," she added. "It's not going to be pretty. The same way you don't want Ruby here, I don't want you to stay for this."
"Are you saying you're trying to protect me? I'm older than you. I've seen enough of the shit this world has to offer." Sam's expression darkened. "I'm not a child, Alex." She stepped up to the bed and set her jaw.
"I told you I wanted a doctor—"
"And I told you to get it done. Now." Alex was taken aback by Sam's steely tone but she looked down at Lena.
"God dammit. Fine, pass me that syringe." Alex held her hand out.
"What's that for?" Sam looked at her skeptically as she placed the needle in her palm.
"Another dose of morphine. Do you want her to feel every single break in her bones?" Alex sent it through the IV and waited for a few minutes. When she heard Lena sigh, she eyed Sam. "Okay. Now we start. I want to pop her shoulder back in before we do anything else, so put your hand here—and here." Alex directed Sam to the right spot then took up her own position; one hand on Lena's elbow, the other on her shoulder. "Lena, you're shoulder is dislocated, we're going to put it back in. It's going to hurt, but it will only take a second." Lena mumbled something in response and Alex looked at Sam, taking it as confirmation to keep going. "Whatever you do, don't let go," she said to Sam in a warning tone. Sam nodded nervously and Alex counted it off. "One, two...three!"
Crack.
Lena let out a strangled cry and slammed her head back into her pillow. Alex had twisted the shoulder and applied just the right amount of pressure to pop it back into the socket, her unrelenting grip forcing the joint into place. Despite being ready, Sam had jumped as Lena cried out, a factor that Alex had counted on. She'd repositioned herself in time to keep Lena from jerking away and ruining her shoulder further, but it still would've hurt. Lena let out a groan and shied away from Alex's side of the bed, pressing her face into the pillow.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I know it hurts. Just a few more," Alex tried to console her. "Almost done." She looked at the monitor where Lena's heart rate had momentarily spiked, then knitted her brow. "Why isn't it...lower? The amount of morphine—that's double the dosage recommended. Her heart rate should be lower and that shouldn't have hurt as much as—"
"What are you talking about? Of course it hurt, you just wrenched her fucking shoulder apart!" Sam had curled her hands into fists and was staring at Alex like she was the devil incarnate. "I can't believe you, why didn't you stop?"
"If I had stopped, the joint wouldn't have gone into place and we'd be right where we started. I got it done, and I bet it hurts less now. In fact I know it does, having dislocated my own shoulder a few times." Alex took a deep breath. "Look, it sucks. I know. But—"
"I'm not doing that again. I'm not." Sam shook her head vigorously. "I don't know how you can just—how you can hurt the people you care about. And don't give me some bullshit about needing to bend a little before you break or whatever you're thinking."
"I wasn't thinking that at all." Alex pulled the x-rays up and looked at Lena's broken arm. "I was thinking about which one to move to next and how to set her broken arm."
"I'm not doing it." Sam backed away and sat on the edge of the empty bed behind her. "But I'm not leaving. You better do a damn good job, Alex Danvers."
Glancing between the film and Lena's arm, Alex made up her mind and met Sam's teary glare. "I will, I promise. Scout's honor."
Alex poured a scotch down her throat and set the glass down with a sigh. Darla walked over and filled her glass up for the sixth time with a skeptical look. She had been sitting at the bar for almost two hours and every time Darla refilled her glass she would stare at it for almost twenty minutes before slamming it. The one time she hadn't refilled it, Alex had given her such a threatening look that she'd considered throwing her out of the bar.
Way to go, Alex, she chastised herself. Can't handle anything so here you are, drinking alone at noon on a Saturday. What a fucking loser. Desperate to drown out the voices in her head, she picked up the glass and tilted her head back. So much for self-control. Might as well have one more. She checked her watch; 12:18 pm. After the nightmare of resetting all of Lena's broken bones, she and Sam had agreed on a shift system. Ruby had gone back to Maggie's apartment with her and according to Sam, Alex was still staying at her house, leaving Alex's apartment empty for yet another night. Lena's pained screams echoed in her mind; she'd dosed her with more morphine but Lena seemed resistant to it and any more would have neared a fatal dose, so she'd had to straighten the bones while Lena dipped in and out of consciousness. She'd tried to time the resetting with moments when Lena was out of it but she hadn't always been able to, and they all paid the price when that happened. Sam hadn't been able to look her in the eyes since she'd set the first bone and Lena had finally passed out, getting some much-needed rest.
Her phone rang, startling her. "Maggie?" she said hesitantly. One more thing you let slip between your fingers.
"Hey babe," Maggie said cheerfully. "Are you coming over soon?"
"Coming...over?" Alex narrowed her eyes in confusion and Darla hurried to top off her glass, thinking it was her Alex was making a face at.
"Yeah. Ruby said you wanted to talk to me," Maggie said with a slight slur. "About us not breaking up."
"She did? What—are you drunk?" Alex let out a snort. Look at the pair of us.
"So what if I am? When are you getting here?" A dog barked in the background and Maggie called out to someone she couldn't see. "Who is it? Wait, I don't think I invited anyone over. Are you already here?" she asked Alex.
"No, I'm at—I'm not there. Don't answer it Maggie," Alex said, paranoia surging in her. "Do you have your gun? Who is it?" Alex stood up from the bar, already reaching for her wallet.
Maggie opened the door, her hands clumsily undoing the locks. "Oh, it's you. What do you want?"
"Boss wants to know why you aren't coming into work lately." Alex strained her ears to hear the male voice over the phone.
"I told him I was sick," Maggie slurred. "And I don't know why he sent you. Frankly, it's none of your damn business, Collins." She sneered his name.
"Looks like you've been punching your way through your problems, Margarita," he said snidely.
"Don't call me that." Maggie's voice hardened. Alex knew Maggie's father called her by that name, but Maggie had already called him Collins so it couldn't be her dad.
Where do I know that name? Alex sipped her drink and tuned out Maggie's conversation. Collins, Collins...Not...Roger Collins? She suddenly remembered going to Maggie's precinct to pick her up back when they'd first started dating. Everyone had welcomed her warmly except one of the men; he'd made an distasteful joke about how they would both end up with a man, which no one had laughed at. Turning her attention back to the conversation, she heard Maggie's angry voice, the voice she used when Alex had forgotten to wash the dishes for the fifth time or the last time Alex had suggested starting a family.
"Good timing, Collins. I'm in the mood for a fight and I've always wanted to beat the shit out of you. I'll call you back, Alex."
"Maggie, wait!" Alex said quickly but Maggie had already hung up without answering any of her questions. Sighing, she slid her phone back in her pocket and took another swallow of scotch, relishing the burn of the alcohol in her throat. She felt useless sitting at the bar and wondered if she should go back to the DEO, but her memory of Sam's expression when she'd stepped back from Lena's hospital bed was seared in her brain. Tossing back the dregs of her drink, she waited for Darla to fill her glass up again then pushed the stool back with the intention of heading to the bathroom, but the back legs caught on something and she felt herself tip backwards. "Shit," she cursed, then she was jolted forwards and the legs of the stool rested firmly on the ground. Looking around to see who had saved her from falling on her ass in front of a full bar, her jaw dropped. "Kara!?"
"Hey sis. Fancy seeing you here." Kara had a strange expression on her face that Alex couldn't read.
"When did you wake up? Are you—are you alright?" Alex struggled to compose herself and tried to think if Sam had sent her a text that she'd ignored. "Why are you here?" she added with a look at Kara's outfit. She was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt that Alex recognized as Maggie's Barenaked Ladies concert shirt. "And where'd you get that shirt?" she said as an afterthought.
"I—it was in your locker at the DEO. I know it's Maggie, but I figured—"
"Maggie and I broke up," Alex said abruptly. "I don't want to talk about it," she said as Kara opened her mouth.
Kara closed her eyes. "So you decided to come drink and forget about it?"
"Leave me alone, Kara." Alex let the slur slip into her voice and reached for her drink. Kara seized it off the counter and held it behind her back.
"Darla, let's hold off on serving my sister any more drinks for now," she called to the waitress.
"Fine by me. I only served her cause your sister likes shooting aliens and I'm not trying to die today," Darla said apologetically.
Kara forgot herself for a moment as her mind flashed back to the rescue mission; the shine of Lillian's gun and the words she'd whispered in her ear as she died, the feeling of kryptonite flooding her body and splitting her otherwise invincible skin. Alex took advantage of her lapse in concentration to reach around Kara's side and grab her drink, spilling some of it. Kara instinctively turned to block her and Alex pushed her shoulder away, her hands closing over the glass.
Kara winced and relinquished her hold on the cup, pressing her hand to her chest a few inches in from her shoulder. Alex immediately sobered up.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I forgot." Alex set her drink down and bit her lip. "I ruin everything," she said miserably, her hands hovering awkwardly in the space between them halfway to helping Kara.
"It's fine," Kara waved her off with a grimace. "It's just sore. Sam told me to get some rest but—"
"Sam knew you were awake and didn't tell me?"
"I told her not to. I wanted to see for myself if you really were...here," Kara finished lamely with a look at the bar around them. She dropped her hand and looked Alex in the eye. "I hoped—I thought that maybe you didn't—I believed in you, Alex."
Something inside Alex shut down at Kara's words. "You know what," she started angrily, "I'm really tired of everyone expecting me to be perfect all the time. I had to turn my life around to raise you; I had to give up my friends, my family, my whole world just to make sure the alien freak that dropped from the sky felt comfortable on her new planet. And then," her voice cracked, "I break up with the love of my life and people are mad at me for wanting to forget about everything. And it's not just what's going on with Maggie, it's everything. I thought you were dead, dead, for every minute of that flight, Kara. Seven hours is a fucking long time to think your sister's dead. Sam probably hates me and Lena—she—" Alex broke off and reached for the drink she'd wrestled away from Kara, but one look at her sister's stormy expression stopped her. "You have no idea what a long day it's been," she said tiredly, "so just leave me alone."
Kara had listened patiently and as Alex finished, she crossed her arms. "Are you done?"
Alex closed her eyes. "Sure."
Kara took a deep breath then started, her voice getting faster as she spoke. "You want to talk about being perfect? Not meeting expectations? I failed to save Lena for over a week and every time I turn on the news I'm reminded of it. Every time I think of what happened to her, I want to kick myself. I heard her, Alex. I was asleep, but I could hear her screaming and every time you said 'almost there', or 'this is the last one', I prayed to Rao that maybe this time you really meant it. I could hear her broken bones moving in her body, scraping against each other. But I didn't need super hearing to let her screams filter into my nightmares. And that's what woke me up, Alex. You weren't there, but Sam was. Lena was crying and shaking and thrashing back and forth and in pain, so much pain, and where were you? Downing your fourth? Fifth? Ninth?" Kara's chest heaved as she paused; her sister opened her mouth but Kara steamrolled on before she could say anything. "Maybe you should stop thinking about yourself for a second, Alex," she said bitterly, tears shining in her eyes. "If you want to be alone, fine, I'll leave you alone. I'm going back to sit with Lena." Kara shot her sister a disgusted look but Alex was at a loss for words, so she turned on her heel and walked away. She knew Alex was always hard on herself, but this was ridiculous. Taking the blame for everything, using it as an excuse to drink—it broke Kara's heart to see the look in her sister's eyes when she'd turned away, but after years of coddling Alex's drinking, she didn't know what else would work. With a sigh, she headed back to the DEO, pressing a hand to the healed wound. Just because it's gone doesn't mean you can't feel it.
"What do you think you're doing?" Maggie slurred. Roger Collins was trying to push past her and into her apartment.
"Where's your little girlfriend?" He stuck his head inside.
"Alex isn't little," she said indignantly. "And she's not my girlfriend. Anymore. Maybe. It's complicated." She squinted at him and saw with annoyance that he was smiling.
"I knew it," he said triumphantly. He stood up straighter and Maggie took a step back; he was taller than she expected and he used her hesitation as an opening, forcing his way across the threshold.
"Dude, get out." Maggie shoved on his chest but was met with a hard wall of muscle that didn't budge. "Are you seriously flexing right now? Douche." She gave him another push and his hands came up, trapping her forearms in a steel grip.
Maggie tried to pull away but he wouldn't release her. "Let me go." She met his gaze and her heart started to race with anxiety; he had a predatory gleam in his eyes that sent her back to her days as a child, watching animal television programs on her father's crappy cable TV.
"See, mija? That look the lion has? That's the look of a hunter about to strike."
"How can you tell?" Young Maggie looked at her father in wonder; he always knew everything about the animals they watched on TV.
"The way he holds his body. He's ready to pounce, ready to kill."
"But papa, what if the antelope gets away?" She looked at him curiously. "What if he doesn't catch it?"
"He won't get away. That look says 'you're mine'. It may take some hard work and effort, but that lion will fight for what is his. Fight to the death. This is the way of the animals, Margarita, and therefore the way of men."
Prey. That's how Collins was looking at her right now; he was the massive predator and she was his chosen meal. "Get out." She swallowed nervously. He ignored her and stepped forward, his hands still wrapped around her forearms. She stumbled back and tried to pull her arms away again, unsuccessfully. "Collins, get out." Her voice shook and she wondered where Ruby had gone. As she opened her mouth to tell him to leave for a third time, she heard Gertrude running down the hall, her claws scrabbling against the hardwood floors. Seeing the awkward, standoffish position Maggie was in, she started to bark; high-pitched yelps that startled Collins for a moment before he regained his bearings and kicked her, sending her flailing out the door. He closed it with his foot, locking the puppy outside and them inside, and Maggie felt her heart rise into her throat.
"Do you know why we've always been...intertwined? Why I've always been there for every step of your career?" His icy blue eyes searched her face for an answer she didn't have.
"Because you're crazy. I don't know, we were in the same class." Maggie tried yanking her arms back but he stepped forward and she lost her balance. Keeping one hand around her wrists, he wrapped the other around her waist and pulled her close. Her breath caught in panic and she turned her head away from his penetrating gaze.
"We were in the same class," he agreed, "but I had to specifically request a transfer from another precinct."
"What are you talking about?" Maggie squirmed in his arms but he grabbed her jaw and forced her to look him in the eye.
"I wasn't supposed to work in National City, but I came here for you. Are you really telling me you don't feel the same way?"
"You're delusional," she said with difficulty; his hand was clamped around her mouth painfully and it made it hard for her to speak.
"I'm not delusional, Margarita." Gertrude started to bark from the outside hall and Collins shoved Maggie down the hall away from the doorway; she stumbled backwards, tripping over her own feet, and only his arm around her waist kept her from falling over. "I'm not delusional," he said again. "I'm in love with you."
Despite her anxiety, Maggie snorted. "In love with me? You know I'm gay, right?"
"No you aren't," he said in a low voice. "You shot me so many looks during training and we were always paired up together."
"We were paired up together because we were the top two students, and I always looked over to make sure I was scoring higher than you." They were slowly inching into Maggie's bedroom and she prayed that Ruby wasn't there. She had no idea what to say to Collins to make him leave, and she wasn't sober enough to try to talk him down, but as the bed got closer and closer she decided to give it a shot. "Roger, let's talk about this for a second. What are you planning to do?"
"I don't know yet." He tangled his hand in her hair and yanked her head back and she gasped more in surprise than pain. He pushed her down onto the bed and she fought back the rising panic, trying to keep her voice steady.
"You don't want to do this. You should just walk away before you do something you regret." Maggie twisted around and tried to force him away but he had lowered himself onto her legs and she felt trapped. "Roger," she said breathlessly, "I can't—what are you doing!?"
"Shut up," he said menacingly then crashed his face into hers. She tried to pull away in disgust but there was nowhere to go but the bed, and he followed her down, pressing into her. She could feel him through her pants and every cell in her body screamed at her to fight her way out, but she didn't have any leverage. "You know you want me," he hissed, ripping her pants off. "God you smell amazing."
"Stop—Collins, stop! Wait, please!" Her heart was pounding and she couldn't catch her breath. He's going to rape me, she realized with horror. He isn't going to stop. This can't be happening. This can't be happening to me. "Stop," she choked out but her plea fell on deaf ears. She felt him lift her body up and turn it over but to her it seemed like it was happening to someone else, someone a million miles away. Goosebumps raised along her leg as he pulled her pants off and she closed her eyes, giving in.
"Fuck, yes," Roger groaned as he moved back and forth. "Oh my god."
Maggie's head fell sideways and her eyes roamed the walls. She counted the flowers on her wallpaper as the bed shook under her and prayed for it to end.