Author's Note:

Yes a quick update and a short chapter, and some angst but at least this time we get to take a peek at what's going on with Edward now =)

Next chapter will most likely be cutting to when they're both older (Conqueror of Shamballa age) so enjoy their youth now while it lasts.

Enjoy the chapter and please review! :D

- LOSGAP =D

It's obvious you understand

The blood that's on my hands

Where are you now?

I'm paralyzed, I can't escape

Until I see your face

Don't leave me all alone

You're all I know.

(RED, "Mystery of You")

Edward

A knock at the door jerked Edward from his reveries and he raised his head off of his crossed arms, looking towards the door.

Alphonse poked his head in, looking worried.

"You OK Edward? You've been in here all day." He said, his tone concerned. Edward shrugged. "Yeah I'm fine. Probably just getting sick or something." He lied, plopping his head back on the pillow.

"Oh. Well, hope you get better soon- if you feel better by tonight, come down to the workshop, we've got this great test model we want you to look at." He said, then disappeared.

Edward watched him go then sighed to himself, blinking up at the ceiling.

London was such a strange place; it was so unlike Amestris. Though there were certain aspects of it that were achingly familiar, like Alphonse.

So that's what Al would look like if he had his body back. Edward thought. His mind betrayed him then, reminding him of another person probably trapped in this same world.

The nightmare had come back again, the one where he watched her dragged away again; he hadn't even left bed today, too disturbed by his own thoughts.

Flashback.

As the massive doors of the Gate swung shut, sealing Memarie inside, Edward swallowed an unexpected stab of grief, but quickly shook it off.

"What, not playing the hero this time?" Envy asked, sauntering over to him. "Never would have pegged you as the heartless type, Elric." He mused. "You must really have hated that girl."

End flashback.

The fact that Envy had seemed pleased, almost proud of his actions, sickened him. Did watching Memarie go, almost glad to be rid of her, make him just as bad as the ones he had fought so hard to kill?

He shuddered all over. He was not heartless, he told himself time and time again. Envy was wrong.

But was he, really? What kind of person watched a former comrade be dragged off by the cruel arms of the Gate, to be cast into a world that Edward knew would probably kill her?

This world was ravaged by a seemingly unending war, full of strange killing machines unlike anything he had ever seen before. How could he have let Memarie, probably still weak from her coma, be tossed here?

He should have tried to bring her back; he should have at least tried. Besides, how did he even know if she had been taken here? What if the Gate had killed her?

It couldn't have, He decided finally. I would have seen her in it, like I saw Al. A sudden twang of heartbreak jerked at him and he groaned, burying his face into his pillow, clawing for the safety of sleep.

OOO

Memarie

"So Memarie," Heather says one day at lunch. "You're almost old enough to go to work; what do you plan on doing?" She asks and I blink, having never thought about it before.

Back home, alchemy itself was a job that had funded me pretty well; here though, without it I realized I was lacking in rudimentary skills.

"Uh…" I blink, my mind running with possibilities.

"You like helping people," Tara points out. "Maybe you could be a nurse?" She gives me a knowing look, remembering what I had told her about my medical alchemy. I bite my lip and shrug. "Maybe." I say.

"Well, that's a lovely idea." Heather replies. "You'll have to go to college though," Her brows furrow. "I'm not sure how we'll afford that." She murmurs, her eyes growing distant.

"We'll think of something." Tara says while I stare at the table, shocked at the thought of these strangers paying my way through a college.

OOO

I was old enough to get a job already, I discovered, and I applied for an internship at the local hospital, working under one of the nurses staffed there.

She wasn't that much older then me, only about twenty. I asked her about how she had become a nurse, and she laughed.

"You don't need any education to work nowadays," She grins, shaking her head, her dark red bob bouncing. "They're desperate for workers, what with all the wounded soldiers and all. I bet if you applied right now you'd get in, no questions asked."

So I did, and to my shock, I did get hired as a nurse, no background check required. Being around sick and injured people was oddly comforting; I was in my niche, I knew what was wrong, and I could fix it.

Not being able to heal in the blink of an eye was frustrating of course; I hated watching soldiers and civilians wasting away when I knew that back in Amestris I could have prevented it.

The other nurses couldn't understand how I was so unaffected when people died under my care; when my first patient died, I was consoled by almost every nurse, even offered the day off, but I was fine with it, used to death.

The fact I was so used to death disturbed me slightly; I could calmly rip off my bloody gloves, pronounce the man dead, and then go and drink coffee without batting an eye.

But maybe it was a good thing though, as most of the patients I cared for died within the week. Not because I was inept at caring for them, but because most of the ones who came in were so far gone no one could do anything but make them comfortable.

Being a nurse instead of a doctor had plenty of disadvantages though; I was not authorized to give medication even when I knew exactly what would help most; I was not permitted to do even minor surgery, such as removing a bullet from a non-threatening area.

The extent of what I could do was treat burns, bandage wounds, and clean out bedpans, considering I was the rookie.

I didn't mind, since I received a fair salary for my efforts; I put away my paychecks in the hopes that one day I would have enough for college so I could become a certified doctor here.

OOO

I sit up bolt upright in bed, panting and sweating.

Raising a trembling hand to my face, I rubbed at my eyes, blinking away sleep and the nightmare that still clung to my mind.

The Gate still haunted my dreams from time to time, and I sometimes re-watched the stream of information that had been forced into my head just a few weeks ago.

Some things stuck out of the chaos; a painting, an image of the sun, and the site of a huge explosion unlike any I had ever seen.

That explosion haunted me, making me wonder how many lives were claimed by it. Trembling, I force myself to lie back down, though the images still danced before my eyes as I slid into a fitful sleep.