[WARNING: Warning ahead!]

[WARNING: Gazing at his magnificence may cause blindness. In the event of blindness, scream and run in circles.]

Chapter Fifteen: Goodbye, Moon Man

"So Lucy stole everyone's things?" Mister Grouse asked, and Lincoln nodded.

"And hid them in the basement, who knows why, and when she was down there, the water heater exploded, and released a bunch of noxious gas, which knocked out everyone in the house?" Lincoln nodded more.

"That's what the official report said," he said, recalling the police document which had managed the most 'reasonable' explanation of the events, and had essentially satisfied everyone involved, although he remembered it very, very differently. The flash of light which had suddenly blinded him and caused unconsciousness had not been anything related to a water heater, and their passing out had nothing to do with gas released by the piping system, though they later found that that had happened and everything had needed to be repaired.

Of course, this caused a financial decline for their parents, as replacing the piping of an entire house's water system was expensive. They'd managed to save money by having Lana install it all, save the water heater itself, which was too heavy for one little girl to handle. Luna had recruited her roadie to assist with that, though, and they'd saved a pretty penny on labor.

But the issue the family faced was far more severe than their plumbing. Two of their members were in the hospital, one with a completely shattered shoulder and broken arm, which had been caused when Lucy had struck the back wall of the basement hard enough to chip the concrete, the other with a head wound that was far less severe. The problem, as Lincoln recalled it, was that both of them had entered a comatose state, and had been in the hospital and unconscious for quite some time.

"I'm sorry, Mister and Misses Loud, but both of your children are in a coma," the doctor told Rita and Lynn, Sr. The couple clung to each other in tears when they heard the news, and behind them, Luan pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth, trying to hold back her own tears. She hated seeing their parents cry. Luna had to console her with a hug. Even Leni understood the gravity of the situation, and had put her glasses over her eyes, mostly to conceal her tearing up. Lisa was sitting next to her, running calculations about the blast which had caused everything on her tablet, fingers flying. She had no time for sadness.

Lynn, upon hearing the news, ran. Lana and Lola tried to go after her, but nobody in the family was as light on their feet, and they gave up after only a single turn in the hallway, and made their way back down the corridor to their family.

Breaching the back doors into the loading dock of the facility, Lynn had to grab onto the railing, knuckles white, in order to steady herself. Both her roommate and her brother and lover were in a coma, and she'd been worried about her stupid baseball glove? How could she let this happen? Her tears, as much as she tried to fight them, finally flowed, and she sobbed, her shoulders heaving. She didn't know why she was blaming herself, and she certainly didn't understand why Lucy had stolen her and everyone else's things, but she somehow felt responsible for the entire situation.

Her grief did not go unnoticed. Just to her left, a strange bird approached her, tilting it's head as it looked upon the bereaved female. The way it walked was strange, it's neck moving back and forth with each step it took, a cluster of red feathers behind it's head adding stark contrast to the rest of the black, it's long, curved beak pointing upward at her as it blinked, and stared at her.

She didn't know why, but for some reason, she didn't feel sad anymore. It was as if she had somehow arrived at the opposite conclusion, that she knew that she was not the responsible party, that she should save her tears, that her siblings would be okay. She blinked her tears away, and wiped at her cheeks, and the bird flew away. She watched it go, and heaved a heavy sigh. Even if they were going to be okay, she was still incredibly upset about the current turn of events.

Back inside, the family had been allowed to visit with their inert family members. They hovered around the beds, Rita was stroking Lucy's hair gently, Luan was frowning over Lincoln, Lana and Lola were noting the swollen appearance of Lucy's arm, which was slung up and set so it could heal properly while she rested.

"I wonder what they're dreaming about?" Luna commented, gazing over her siblings, longing for their return.

"I'm sure Lucy's dreaming of pouring rain, and the moonlight, as she watches from a dank crypt," Rita said fondly, though her voice was plagued by her recent attempt to stave off her crying.

"And I'll bet Linc's dancing those zombies away, helping Ace Savvy take down the evil necro-dancer..." Lynn, Senior sighed as he regarded his unconscious son.

However, both of these assumptions were incorrect. Neither of their children were dreaming of anything of the sort, in fact... They were dreaming the same thing, if one could consider what they experienced a dream.

Lincoln's eyes opened, the first thing he saw, in the center of his vision, was the collapsed form of Lucy, lying on the ground, her hair splayed around her head. He crawled to her, and shook her shoulder gently.

"Lucy...? Wake up!" he said, and he noticed as he rolled her that the lines of her form blurred, giving her an almost surreal appearance until she sat still again. She stirred, and as he pulled back his hand, it seemed to trail in the air. He held it in front of his face, and waved it back and forth, watching as it's ethereal appearance shifted before him.

The girl awoke with a groan, which he noticed had a strange, echoing quality to it. She propped herself up, and looked up at him. Her hair hadn't settled, and instead wafted lazily about her face, which exposed her beautiful blue eyes. She blinked a couple times, and looked around. When she did so, her face suddenly lit up, and he swore later up and down that that was the happiest he'd ever seen her. She was giddy. Her teeth were showing, her lips quivering, she looked like maybe she was about to laugh, but instead she looked back at him, and grabbed his face with both hands.

"I did it!" she exclaimed, and he gave her a puzzled look.

"I DID IT!" she repeated, as loudly as she possibly could, her words vibrating about him in a strange way. She leapt to her feet, leaving him kneeling and confused, before he too, stood up.

"Did what?" he asked, and took a look around for himself. On either side of them were large pillars, which he recognized from his school studies as Egyptian obelisks, coated from base to tetrahedron tip with dozens of scripted runes and hieroglyphs, which between them scattered patches of light, illuminating some of the glyphs at random, all down the line, shimmering like stars, and constantly shifting. He almost had to do a double-take when he noticed Lucy walking away, between the pillars. He followed her closely.

"Where are we?" he asked, his last word, 'we', echoing several times from around him. It creeped him out. Lucy, however, was absolutely delighted, practically skipping as she went, reading various texts on the obelisks or fawning over some piece of architecture high above them.

"Isn't it grand?" she said, twirling, "Isn't it magnificent?"

"It sure is, but, Lucy, where are we?" he asked again, and she stopped and again cupped his cheeks in her hands, shaking his head back and forth.

"We're in the palace of the Moon God!" she said, voice quivering with her excitement, as though she couldn't even believe she were saying such a thing. Her mind was completely occupied by taking it all in, so she left it at that, returning to her roaming and adulation.

"Well I'm glad you're so excited," Lincoln mentioned. The Moon God, huh? He wondered who that might be. He didn't know much about this sort of thing, it really wasn't his realm at all. Lucy stopped to read a tapestry along the stone... Was it stone? The walls of this hall, which seemed to extend forever in both directions, seemed to have shapes like bricks layed intersecting one another, so he assumed maybe it was stone.

"It's talking about how he brought back Tefnut!" she said with a squeal of delight, and grabbed his hand, dragging him onward. At least maybe he wouldn't get lost, she seemed to know where they were, after all. As they walked, he noticed that inside many of the 'bricks' were stacks of scrolls, all rolled up, their translucent cages shifting color almost constantly. It hurt his head. Everything seemed so real, even though he felt as he were dreaming, like all of this was happening inside of his own head. Maybe he was dreaming? What had even happened, anyway? All he could remember was a bright flash, and then... This.

One minute Ronnie Anne, the next minute, the Moon God's palace.

"Do you know what this means, Lincoln?" Lucy questioned him, and he threw up his arms in complete surrender of his logic. He had absolutely no idea!

"It means... It means... We're where Djehuty LIVES!" she shouted, but gasped immediately as the second she spoke that, the entire hallway started moving, and it flew passed them, endless miles passing in mere seconds.

Then suddenly, they were at the end.

Before them sat a massive throne, and on it, a huge, shimmering entity, silver one moment, then colored normally the next, then shining bright again, alternating this pattern steadily but at random.

Lucy lost it, sucking in air so hard he was sure she was going to scream it all right back out. But instead, she shoved him down, dragging him to his knees and pushing his face into the ground. She bowed too, groveling at the feet of her magnificent patron.

"Praised be thee, Lord of the great gods,
Possessor of secrets of the heavens and earth,
Good god of eternity of old,
He whom gave us written word,
Lord of inheritance,
Who founds the temples,
Who limits all to remain in their competence,
Whom defines the countries, and the fields!"

Lucy was praying to the being, he figured was what this was, and it was only after she finished that the Moon God spoke, his voice booming straight into his head, rather than through his ears, surprising him.

"RISE!"

He commanded them simply, and they did so, standing back up. As Lincoln got a good look at Djehuty, he figured his name was, he started noting his appearance. He definitely looked like something out of a history book.

The body of a man, and the face of an incredibly long-beaked bird, he wore a ceremonial headdress that looked like something he'd seen depictions of pharaohs wearing, only there was a large, round disk above his head, and a staff in his hand, tall, with a strange hooked bauble at the end.

"Oh great Thoth," Lucy began, "I've been dying to meet you, and you are every bit as magnificent as I imagined." Her fawning was silenced by a raise of a giant hand, and he stared to her. As he spoke, his beak didn't open, his face unchanging.

"I am impressed," Thoth said, "that one so young such as yourself has come to this place. My commendations, your wisdom precedes you, to find the Book of Thoth at such a tender age. How old are you, dearest Lucy?" Lincoln was surprised to learn he knew her name, and Lucy's hands found her own cheeks as she tried not to squeal in joy again. Thoth was COMPLIMENTING HER!

"I-I'm ten," she wavered, "but you already know that..." The giant ibis-man's laughter rang through Lincoln's skull, and he shook slightly, though his face again did not change. It was very unsettling, to him.

"And what of you, child?" he asked, turning his gaze to Lincoln, and leaning forward, the tip of his long, curved beak coming near enough that he took a step away from it, not wanting to offend but also incredibly uncomfortable.

"Excuse me, sir, um, Djehuty, but I... How did I get here? What happened to me?" he asked, and Thoth sat back in his throne, turning his head back to Lucy.

"Why don't you ask her that?" he questioned, and Lincoln turned to Lucy expectantly. She smiled at him.

"I cast the Grand Divination," she said, but then faltered.

"But... Yeah, why are you here? Shouldn't it only have been me?" she wondered, and looked to Thoth with her face twisted in confusion. He merely tipped his staff slightly toward her.

"You used the Tarot with an object of deep connection to your mortal brother. He was included in the transportation," he mentioned, "and you should know that. Think, my child. What do you remember?"

She thought back to the ritual, and how everything had gone according to plan. She'd seen his shirt, and the Tarot divination above it, but then she'd rose in the air and...

As she remembered, she suddenly saw the resulting explosion, and, distanced suddenly from her own body in her own memory, watched herself get flung across the room, shoulder-first into the wall, objects scattering on top of her. She could see the room, destroyed, and watched as her siblings found her, watched as they collected her broken body. She saw Ronnie Anne, she saw the hospital, she saw where they were now, unconscious in their beds.

She saw everything.

For a moment, she stood, staring up at Thoth, her face drooping into one of amazement as her mind whirled. She knew truths unexplained by even modern science, she could see Lincoln, sitting alone, older, in a room with Mister Grouse, so old he looked as fragile as fine china. She saw him on his death bed, and his thoughts, his memories of a war. The entirety of the Vietnam conflict flashed before her mind's eye, and she suddenly knelt, and vomited.

"Careful, my child," Thoth commented, "you shouldn't do that to yourself. The Book of Thoth has been known to drive some mad when they see the truth." Lucy was shaking when she stood back up. Oddly enough, Lincoln noted, she'd vomited nothing, but she'd definitely made the sounds. Of course, he didn't understand why she had done so in the first place.

"Are you okay, Lucy?" he asked, as she wiped her mouth.

"Your sister is fine," Thoth boomed, with a wave of his hand.

"She is merely finding out for the first time that she has done something so great, that many mortal men might call her insane for even attempting such a feat. She has found the Book of Thoth." He laughed again, then, his shoulders rumbling with the sound.

"I-It's not a book at all," Lucy said, as though she were complaining about that fact, and Thoth gave a massive shrug of his huge shoulders.

"It doesn't need to be a physical book if it does the same thing. The Book of Thoth is the information of the Gods, and you, my child, are the youngest person to come here by far. And so excited. The witches are always excited, fawning, adulating, what is it you humans say? 'Freaking out'? Ahh, how I long for a sorcerer to show the same gratitude, just once, but always so motivated by darker impulses, those ones..." The God placed his elbow on the arm rest of his throne, and leaned his cheek on his hand. Lincoln's mind reeled as he considered the possibility of the existence of sorcery. If he hadn't seen Lucy's witchcraft first-hand, he was sure it wouldn't be true.

"Am I dreaming?" Lincoln asked, and Thoth sighed.

"No, my son, unfortunately, you are not. Your motionless body lies currently in an apothecarion you know as 'Royal Oak Emergency Room.' Your family misses you," he commented, and Lincoln suddenly grew sad at that fact. So he'd been put in a coma by the spell, as, he assumed, had Lucy.

"When will I wake up?" he questioned, and Thoth pointed to his sister again.

"Whenever she figures out how to will such a thing to happen," he boomed, and Lucy was staring off into space again, but snapped briefly out of it.

"I can do that?" she asked, and the Moon God sighed.

"You can do a great many things, now, including answer your own silly questions." He sounded like he was growing bored at the prospect of his visitors, evidently the surprise of having a little girl show up was short-lived.

"Of course, I could send you back, but... Well, that's not as fun for me as it is watching you 'freak out' about it." His pointing finger slid back to Lincoln. His thoughts, which had wandered to his family, were making him do just that, and he clutched his chest as he tried not to breathe too hard.

"Lucy, we're in the hospital!" he shouted, "you know what that's probably doing to mom?!"

She nodded at him.

"Yes, I know that one. I also know what she had for breakfast," she marveled, and for a second spaced out on him once more, her mind wheeling through her own mother's history, until it hit a point when she was naked, and she shook the thought out of her brain.

"This is wicked," Lucy said, staring off in a different direction as her thoughts wandered her sibling's histories, that glowing eye he'd seen before present on her forehead, having been present since she'd started using her ability to glimpse truth.

"Lucy, this is serious, you need to wake us up," he tried again, and grabbed her by the shoulder, giving her a shake. She shook her head to clear it, and blinked, looking back at him like she'd been temporarily blinded.

"You're right, I'm sorry," she said, and turned to Thoth. She bowed before him again.

"I will never forget you, my dear Lord. May your infinite wisdom continue to guide the Universe," she prayed, and he straightened back up into his original position.

"Return to your family, Lucy Loud, and I will watch over them. May your journey find you happiness. Oh, and don't worry about Geo, he's safe here with me," he said in what Lincoln could only describe as a much more official manner, and Geo scampered up his throne and into his lap. Lucy looked back at her brother.

She took both of his hands in hers, and smiled up to him, her wafting hair waving in front of one eye. He smiled back at her.

"Let's go home, Lucy," he said to her, and her eye reappeared, as she searched for the answer she needed, how to get them back. Sure enough the wisdom eventually came to her, and her eye brightened, a blinding flash of blue filling Lincoln's vision.

Then, they both woke up. Lucy, of course, was smart about it, letting Lincoln go first, not wanting to raise suspicions of her family by waking up literally at the exact same time as they had. Instead, she just enjoyed the feeling of the cool sheets, noting that her arm was aching badly. It wasn't too hard for her to ignore the pain though.

Lincoln's eyes opened, and above him hovered his father, Luna, and Luan.

"Honey, he's awake!" Lynn, Sr. shouted to his wife, and his family flocked about him, showering him with hugs.

"How's the head, son?" he asked, and he groaned. His mouth was dry, and his skull was pounding.

"It hurts, but I think I'm okay," he said, and felt his wound, it had stitches. He had a bald spot in his hair, great.

"Can I have some water?" he asked, and his mother hit the button on the bed to prop the back up so he could see them all. Lana handed him a cup of water from the nearby sink, and he took a sip, marveling in the cool feel on his dry tongue.

"How long was I out for?" he asked, his mother tearing up at the question.

"Three days," she said, and he stared for a moment at her. In Thoth's realm, it had only seemed to take maybe an hour, but he didn't mention that. In fact, if he hadn't been told so by Thoth himself that he hadn't been dreaming, he would've sworn that's what that vision had been.

He decided not to think about the implications of his laying in a bed for a whole week, and was glad to find he didn't have tubes inserted into any strange places at the time being. He did, however, have sticky pads with wires coating his chest.

"We missed you, Lincoln," Lola said in a much sweeter tone than he was used to, and he smiled down at her.

"I missed you guys too." He sighed softly, wishing he could get up and stretch, but there was an IV drip stuck in his arm.

Lynn sat on his bed at his side, which he found highly comforting, and she looked him over.

"I was so worried about you, I thought... Well, I thought you'd never wake up," she said, her eyes sincere and he wanted to hug her, but the equipment stopped him from trying.

"I thought I wouldn't, either," Lucy said suddenly, prompting Lisa to jump at the unexpected voice behind her. Of course, Lucy didn't mean that, but it was a good way to make them think she hadn't expected all of this to happen.

As eager as she was to test out her newfound divinations, she knew that wouldn't be such a good idea with everyone surrounding them. Somebody fetched a nurse, and it wasn't long before they were stripped of medical gear, their family urged back into the waiting room as the siblings went through the usual practices of tests being ran, notes being taken, and they were finally wheeled out on wheelchairs. Lincoln would've prefered to walk, but they insisted they weren't allowed to let him do that.

When he was finally brought to the waiting room, though, he was allowed to stand again, and together with Lucy, who now sported a sling, a cast, and a metal brace on her shoulder, they all were given a group hug. At Lincoln's urging that he wanted to go home so he could find a suitable hat to wear and cover up his bald spot, everyone piled in the van, and off they went.

It would be a week before Lincoln's head looked suitable again, just enough hair growing back to cover the patch so it didn't stand out as much. That entire time, neither he nor Lucy spoke about their encounter with Djehuty, God of Knowledge, or her ability. Lucy, in fact, didn't even use it, as the moment they got home she'd felt so drained of her energy that she'd spent the week mostly sleeping. The cast made it difficult.

Every so often, throughout this period, she would get a little smile on her face, though, when somebody mentioned they'd spotted a strange bird following them, especially when Luan mentioned she'd had an encounter with a baboon when she'd gone to perform a clown act for the circus that was passing through town. Although she had come out with a severe wound that would take quite awhile to heal, she was surprised with her success. Her siblings had the protection of Thoth, God of Secrets, Keeper of Magic... Protection, she knew, they would need.

It was her great-grandmother's spirit whom had told her to keep them safe from the evil that would eventually come and find her. Apparently, that was how she'd died; the "Devil" as she'd called it, had found her, and ended her life accordingly to feast upon her mortal vessel's energies. They hunted witches, the invisible ones, and when they found you, staying alive was difficult at best. But now, at least, the others would be warded.

Lincoln and Lucy were both given the week off school, and one afternoon, as he sat in his bed, reading, Lynn came by with his homework. But when she arrived in his room, she closed the door behind her, and went to sit next to him.

"How's it holding up?" she asked him, and he sighed.

"On and off headaches..."

She frowned, and leaned against him in a hug. He was glad to have her touch back in his life after that ordeal. Ronnie Anne had decided that she was done coming to their place after that, claiming she 'didn't need that shit in her life' and opted to meet him elsewhere instead. He'd figured that was probably for the best with Lucy around.

"I'm sorry, bro." She cuddled up next to him, and he stroked her hair, which made him smile.

"Lynn?" he asked, and she looked at him expectantly, not saying a word.

"I love you."

She beamed back at him, and gave him a little kiss on the cheek.

"Let me know if you need anything," she said, and then got up and left, leaving his homework by his feet. He sighed as his door closed, placing his hands behind his head and leaning back.

He wondered, to himself, what Thoth thought of him.

Mister Grouse scratched his chin as he tried to think of what to make with this bit of the story.

"So, Lucy ruined her whole right side, you both fell in a coma, n' had a shared dream, 'bout a guy with a bird-face? Now that's just crazy talk." He chuckled to himself, and Lincoln smiled.

"Yep, that's what happened. Lucy and I both remember the dream, and that baboon at the circus just wouldn't leave Luan alone. She swore he was trying to maul him, but I think he just wanted a hug. Or maybe to try and find bugs in her hair." He joined Grouse in chuckling, and then sighed. He'd watered that story down so it sounded mundane to the old man, but the way he remembered it, he'd met a God, woke up in a hospital, and had to sit there and deliberate on it for ages. He supposed it was fitting, considering the God of Thought ended up his patron. He often prayed to Thoth when his writers block ensued for his comic strip, and he always found it helped. It was kind of hard not to worship him, as it didn't even feel like religion when you knew the God was real, you only accept it as a fact of life.

He didn't stay as long this time, after he'd recounted getting out of the hospital, Grouse told him one more war story, which he'd been saving the best for last, and then he left. There was someone he wanted to see, and for now, it wasn't Lynn.

[AN: Huzzah, it is done! And yes, Rick and Morty title. I had this song stuck in my head the whole time after I made the joke to myself.

Here's a deleted scene:

Lucy: Thoth, have tea with me!

Thoth: -_- No.

Lucy: Pweeeeeeez?

Thoth: I've got a fucking bird for a head, what makes you think I can drink tea?

Wahaha. What shenanigans will these Louds get into next? Found out next time on Loud House Z! Oh, wait, I'm being told the fic is actually called Loud Like Love!

PS: I made a forum to discuss this fic! Check it out if you didn't catch the edit on the AN last chapter]