A/N:
Sorry… not sorry.
Grad school and work are stealing all my free time, but hopefully I've got a rhythm down now, so I should be able to finish this one in the next couple of weeks! The next story will be going up sometime in the next couple of days. Enjoy!
"You didn't!" Rebecca squealed like a teenager, leaning forward and hitting Jane's shoulder.
"It's about fucking time!" Ashley laughed as the three of them sat around the island in the guest house.
Jane smiled but felt conflicted. She knew she had never wanted anything more but she also knew Laryssa was a good person and she couldn't help the pure guilt she felt in the part she played in their marriage deteriorating.
Rebecca paused and looked at Jane. "What...", her hand making a circling motion around Jane's face, "...is all this about?"
Jane shook her head, "nothing."
"Wanna try that answer again?" Rebecca asked as she leaned back slightly.
Jane rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms and leaned forward against the counter. Becca recognized the detectives 'Fuck off' look but decided to match it with her own, 'I'm just as stubborn' look.
"We can play this game all night, or you can just tell me what is wrong." Rebecca countered as she leaned forward, mimicking Janes pose. Ashley took this as a sign to leave the two friends to their power struggle. She quickly kissed her detective on the check and smiled as she said goodnight to Jane and retreated to Becca's room.
Jane smiled as the door closed and Ashley disappeared behind it. "You two seem to be getting very close."
"Nice try Rizzoli, You can't get off that easy!"
"With how long it's been, it would be that easy." Jane retorted with a laugh.
Rebecca laughed and pushed the detective in the arm. "Thanks for that over share!"
The two fell into a comfortable silence until Becca reached forward and placed her hand on Janes arm, her eyes echoing the question she'd asked earlier.
Jane sighed and shook her head, 'You know, sometimes I really hate you."
"You can tell me all about how much you hate me after you tell me what is the matter. I thought you'd be over the moon after what has happened this evening, but instead you look like shit."
Jane rolled her eyes and looked at Rebecca. She knew she wasn't going to get out of not telling her and she also knew she wanted to talk to her about the developments between Maura and herself. Jane stood and walked to the fridge and got a beer. Without saying a word she held it up and watched for a nod. Grabbing a second beer Jane returned to the island and sat down. She took a long drag off of her beer and then turned to her partner. Jane started at the beginning of the evening and walked Becca through to her arrival home. When Jane finished she took another long drink and waited for the other detective to respond. Rebecca had listened intently and when Jane had started to talk about how close they were to sleeping together, Becca took notice of Jane's glossed over look and her crooked smile.
"So why didn't you two… Ya know," Becca asked as she made a hand gesture.
"Really?"
"yes really! You two have had it bad for each other for how long? And now you're playing coy? What's the real reason Riz?"
"I hate when you call me that" Jane stated as she tried to move the direction of the conversation.
"I know, why do you think I still do it?"
Jane rolled her eyes and made a face at her partner. "so….?" Rebecca drawled.
Jane signed and realized she had no choice but to explain.
"Her marriage fell apart because of me. I came back and their happy little world fell apart. I've inadvertently hurt Maura, again. She's too twitter pated to even notice though and all its doing is eating me inside. All I can think about is how torn up my Ma was when pop cheated and then left her for another woman. She was devastated, and Laryssa is a good person who didn't ask for any of this. She was happy and I ruined her life as well. I just.." Jane left her sentence trail off as she put her head in her hands and rubbed her face.
Rebecca sat watching the detective let her feeling play out, wondering what were the rights words to be said at this time and how she could make her friend feel less guilt over what she felt was an inevitability. "Jane, the thing you have to remember is, you kept your feelings to yourself. When Maura practically threw herself at you in the elevator that day, you didn't reciprocate the sentiment. You were her friend and her relationship still managed to implode on its own. I honestly don't know how else you could have played this out. Someone was bound to get hurt. What if you'd have returned and she was happily married and didn't return your feelings. Instead we'd be dealing with your broken heart. Either way, someone was going to feel the sting."
Jane dragged her fingers down her face slowly as she turned to look at the detective. "I could have stayed dead."
Rebecca rolled her eyes and leaned forward to place a hand on the detectives arm. "You very well could have, but you would have doomed Maura to a sham of a marriage. She thought she was happy, but Laryssa is not you. And you would have doomed yourself to lonely life as well as me. Don't forget that us coming back hasn't just affected your life, but mine as well."
Jane stared off into the kitchen deep in thought for a few minutes. Rebecca squeezed her arm and stood. "It's getting late, but before I leave you to brood over this, don't forget to ask yourself what was/is best for Maura. Have you even stopped to think or even ask her how happy she is to have you back? And not only to have you back, but to have you in the way she'd always wanted. Sure, take it slow if that's the way you roll, but Jane, maybe you should ask her how she's feeling about it all before you let yourself be the martyr."
Jane softly nodded and smiled as Becca retreated to her room. Jane looked down at her phone and knew it was too late to call so she opted for a text instead.
J: Maur, brunch tomorrow before Sunday dinner? I'll pick you up at 10
Jane stood and moved towards her room, slowly peeling off her clothes as she moved into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She climbed back into bed and heard the faint vibration of her phone. Swinging her legs off the bed in record time she grabbed her pants and retried her phone.
M: I'm having breakfast with my mother tomorrow, but I'll come by after so we can talk before dinner.
Jane smiled and hit reply as another texted popped up.
M: Why are you still awake?
J: I could ask you the same thing.
M: I can't seem to fall asleep in this house anymore
Jane fiddled with her phone, tempted to offer the safety of her bed to Maura, but knowing it could be too tempting and too soon.
J: Maur, you can always come stay here. The couch pulls out, you can sleep in my bed.
M: Without you in it? Tempting, but it'd be missing the thing I want most.
J:
J: I could be persuaded to stay in the bed if you promised to keep your hands to yourself.
M: I couldn't make such a promise.
Jane rolled her eyes and bit her lip. She'd give almost anything to see Maura right now but she worried they'd do less talking and lot more of something else. She laughed and thought about her conversation with Rebecca only a short time earlier. She knew she wasn't going to sleep anyways, so she smiled and typed a quick reply.
J: I'll be good for the both of us, but that doesn't mean I would love to have you in my arms.
M: I'm on my way
J: I'll keep the bed warm for you
Maura grabbed her outfit and a few other necessities for her brunch with her mother and headed out the door. She drove faster then she normally liked to as she couldn't wait to see Jane. Her text about needing to talk had Maura on edge and she had let her mind wonder with the numerous things Jane Rizzoli was known to over think and Maura knew from the past that a relationship between the two of them was one of them. Maura wondered if this was what love was, the constant state of euphoria and nerves. She'd felt the worry ebb slightly as they'd exchanged light, flirty texts and she knew she hadn't lost Jane to her own self-doubt yet. Maura quickly parked her car in front of her old home and smiled as she walked to the side gate and entered the back yard. She sent a text to Jane that she was here and waited for the door to open. When Jane opened the door in her soft, white v neck t-shirt and cut off sweatpants Maura was caught off guard at how much she felt foe this woman standing in front of her. Jane smiled as Maura continued to stare.
"Maur, I think you might be drooling a little," Jane said grinning as she stepped forward to wipe away the pretend drool. Maura gave Jane a coy smile and swatted her hand away. Maura took a step closer to Jane and they were now face to face, Jane's hand coming to rest on Maura's shoulder. Maura took notice of Jane's breath as it caught in her throat as she pushed her body closer, Jane's other arm coming around Maura's waist and the detective's cheeks flushed a shade of pink. Maura grinned as she realized she had the upper hand and moved to pass Jane and enter the house. She didn't turn around as she walked straight towards the open bedroom door. Maura removed her shoes and deposited her bag into the closet before heading towards the bed. She sat down as Jane entered and closed the door. Jane stood awkwardly by the door for a minute too long and Maura realized she was nervous.
"Jane..." Maura spoke softly as she stood and walked towards Jane, her hands finding Janes as she looked into dark eyes. "...Jane, what's wrong?"
Jane looked up and smiled before exhaling heavily. "Maur, it's not that I don't want things to go further, I just want them to happen in a natural progression. You just signed divorce papers for god's sake. I don't want this to go too quickly and have us forget or miss a step. You deserve it all and we have already waited this long."
Maura listened as Jane told her how she felt and what she wanted. Maura nodded and stepped closer to Jane. "So we are taking things slowly, I can get on board with that. But Jane you have to realize that I've wanted this years. It's going to be hard for me to keep myself in check while you're wrapping your head around it all."
Maura let go of Jane's hands and they smiled at one another before heading towards the bed. They each assumed the sides of the bed they had always slept on when they'd shared a bed before but as Maura pulled back the covers, it felt different. They were taking a step towards something as more then friends. She wouldn't have to be worried that if she migrated towards Jane throughout the night she would have to explain it away as she was a cuddlier and sometimes it just happened. Maura looked over to see jane standing next to the bed, covers in hands, lost in thought.
"Jane?"
Jane shook her head and smiled at Maura, who was already in bed, leaning up on one arm curiously staring at her. "Sorry, I was thinking about something you said."
"And what was it I said?"
'You said I had to get use to all this, that I needed to wrap my head around it. Maura, this isn't something that's new to me. I meant it when I said it killed me leaving you. And then coming back to find you happy and married, it almost destroyed me. I wanted to tell you for years, but there was always someone else coming in or out of one of our lives. You always seemed happy, so I told myself I could be happy if you were happy." Jane climbed into the bed and rolled on her side to face Maura. She placed a hand on the side of Maura's face, stroking her cheek and speaking softly as she continued. "Maura, I knew the first time I met you that there was something different about you. Something that first day drew me towards you and ever since then I have been convincing myself that I could be happy if only you were in my life. Had I known you felt the same way, we would have been married years ago." Jane paused and watched as Maura's eyes got watery. "Another reason I want to take this slowly is to prove to you that this is it for me, that you're it for me. I've waited too long to mess it all up and fly past all the fun parts of a new relationship. I don't want us to miss out on anymore Maura. I've loved you for so long Maura." As Jane finished, Maura moved forward and placed a soft kiss on Jane's lips. Maura's hands came up to grip Jane's face, as she pushed Jane onto her back. Maura hovered over Jane's torso and as her hair fell forward she leaned back to look into Jane's eyes.
"I love you Jane." She whispered. Jane smiled a toothy grin and leaned up to capture the ME's lips. The kiss turned passionate as Maura moved her body completely on top of Jane's. Jane grabbed a handful of the doctor's hair as Maura nipped at Jane's bottom lip with her teeth, her tongue swiping across immediately after, possessively asking for entrance. Jane concede and the two let the kiss deepen as their tongues danced, a moan escaping the detectives mouth as she let the fog clear and she took notice of the rest of their bodies. Jane could feel Maura's nipples pressed against her own and Jane realized she needed to feel more of the ME. As Jane let her hands wander down the ME's back and then softly trace up her sides, she felt Maura shiver as she lightly grazed the soft swell of the side of Maura's breast. Maura broke their lips apart as she inhaled sharply, the combination of their passionate kiss and the still searing traces of where Jane had touched her, causing her to forget to breath.
Jane smiled like she had a secret and leaned up to gently kiss Maura. "It's getting late and you have an early morning." Jane watched as Maura's lips pulled into a pout and she laughed softly. "There will be more than enough time for this in the morning, I promise." Jane replied as she smiled and again leaned up to kiss the corner of the ME's mouth. Maura grumbled softly while smiling, and moved her body to Jane's side, placing her head on the detective's shoulder. She wrapped her arm around the Italians torso and closed her eyes as Jane leaned over to kiss her forehead.
Maura slowly closed the bedroom door and turned to head to the door when she was greeted by two sets of familiar eyes.
"Good Mooorning Dr. Isle," Rebecca drawled out excitedly as she picked up her coffee mug trying to hide her grin behind her cup. Ashley turned and scolded Rebecca with her eyes before turning and smiling at the ME.
"Morning." Maura nodded and smiled at the couple as her cheeks warmed at being caught sneaking out of her detective's bedroom.
"You know, if you were trying to sneak out, we already knew you were here. We heard you come in last night." Rebecca stated as she lowered her mug, openly smiling at Maura as she did so.
"I apologize I didn't mean to wake you." Maura apologized, moving to the cupboard to get a cup. She could feel the heat in her cheeks increase and she knew she had guilt written all over her face.
"stop it Becks," Ashley stated as she lightly swatted the detective's arm. "You'll have to forgive her Dr. Isles she's can act like a five-year-old at times." Maura smiled watching the two bicker with one another and she couldn't help but laugh as she watched Rebecca make a face at the FBI agent. A face she had no doubt picked up from Jane. As if sensing her thoughts were on her, Jane's bedroom door opened and Maura had to stifle a giggle as she noticed the detective's hair. 'now this looks ten times worse!'
"Wow Rizzoli... that is some awesome sex hair." Rebecca pointed out laughing as she did so. As all eyes turned towards Jane, everyone laughed and Jane ceremoniously flipped them all off. She walked towards the ME and let her body brush up against Maura's as she reached past her to get a coffee mug. Their eyes meet and Jane smiled wickedly as she caught Maura looked down the V-neck of her shirt to see the tops of her breasts. Jane watched as Maura looked up, catching Jane's eyes, her pupils dilated and her cheeks a soft pink.
"Good morning," Jane whispered close to Maura's ear before placing a soft kiss directly below her ear.
"Morning," Maura said in a husky voice, clearing it when it almost cracked. Jane turned and smiled at Becca as she watched the two and their exchange. Jane made eye contact and Rebecca raised her eye brow in question and Jane just smiled. Jane felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and a shiver down her spine as she felt Maura's hand brush across her ass and land on the small of her back. Jane instinctively turned towards Maura, "I have to run. I'm already running late." Maura said as she leaned in and lightly kissed Jane's cheek. "I'll see all of you later." And with that, three sets of eyes watched the ME walk out the door.
A low whistle came from Becca's lips as the detectives and FBI agents landed on Jane. "SO... how did last night go?" Jane smiled and turned to top off her mug before starting towards her bedroom.
"Jane? JANE? Oh come on... Jane!" Rebecca followed Jane's retreating form towards her bedroom.
"Becks! I don't kiss and tell!" Jane said before winking and closing the door.
As Maura snuck back out the gate to her car she didn't notice the car parked down the street that had been there for the last 3 hours, nor did she notice her soon to be ex-wife and her sister sitting there watching her cross the street. One sat with a smug smile on her face as the other buried her head into her hands and silently let a tear fall. She couldn't stop the train headed straight towards Maura and she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to stop the one heading towards Jane. She felt betrayed and angry. 'Who have I become?' She thought as she let another tear escape. Laryssa felt lost and alone, tired and frightened. She knew things were escalating and she knew she had to do something but what she wasn't sure anymore.