Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter. That magical world of wonder and excitement all belongs to the amazing and wonderful J.K Rowling. She is a gift and goddess to the literary world. Also I do not own Twilight.

Warnings: AU. Bad Language, I will run from canon and probably occasionally look back to make sure it's not behind me waiting to bite my ass. Kiddy vamp!Harry, Awesome Volturi. Not so awesome Edward and Bella

Shot Through The Prong

The house was empty. Edward knew that Charlie was working, but Harry and Demetri were also gone. He pulled into the driveway, forcing himself to hold back from slamming the steering wheel in frustration. Bella was silent beside him, sending him confused puppy dog looks. That calmed him down a little. Looking around, hoping to see a clue as to where those filthy undead bodies of bad luck disappeared to, Edward caught sight of a piece paper sticking out of the mailbox. Looking closer he used to advanced vampire sight to see his name written neatly on the outside.

Growling, he knew this had to be a trick or something; Edward stalked up the porch steps and ripped the offensive paper from the innocent mailbox. Opening it roughly, Edward growled again as he ripped it in half. He didn't care about though because he barely restrained a bellow of frustration at what he saw. On the paper was a crudely drawn map with directions to the next town over. There was a giant arrow pointing at a building with the message 'We Are Here', and beside that was a smiley face, drawn to mock him.

He contemplated going straight there, just running to see what they had waiting this time but he couldn't just leave his dear heart Bella in the driveway. No, instead he would complete his original mission to retrieve her, drop her off at his house and then go deal with these pests of the Volturi.

Climbing into the car he calmed himself down so he wouldn't frighten his sweet pale Forks angel.

"What's on the paper?" Bella asked.

"A trap," he responded.

"Trap?"

"Yes, they are up to something again…"

He peeled out of the driveway, barely missing the neighbour's mailbox and took his bright-eyed beautiful mate home. He stopped briefly to explain to his family what was going on and Emmett declared he had to tag-along. Edward didn't want him to though… he was still upset with the big vampire for turning his back on the whole Bella situation. His protests didn't matter in the end since Emmett just followed him through the woods. Edward was fast, but Emmett was a hunter and didn't need to be right on his tail to know where to follow. It was annoying.

The got the building and spotted the parking lot full of cars. The voices inside were buzzing but neither of them could make out what was being said since there were so many people in inside.

"Should we go in?" Emmett asked.

Edward grumbled. "Of course, we can't wait for them to come out here."

Together they entered through the front and were greeted by Felix at a registration desk. He had a cash box, some bid cards, and a laptop to input information. Seeing them enter the Volturi guard smiled wide. "Welcome! Would you like to register for the auction?" He asked.

"What auction?" Edward growled.

Emmett didn't seem to share his attitude as the big lumbering idiot eagerly walked forward to register. "Sure!" He cried as he pulled out his wallet. "What do you need? Do you accept credit cards?"

"I just need some photo I.D and we do accept credit," Felix acted all professionally as he filled out Emmett's information in a blink of an eye. "Here's your number if you see something you like just hold it up to bid. All bids are final and you need to pay before you can remove any won items from the property."

Emmett grinned and bounced slightly in excitement but Edward wasn't buying this act. He knew there was more going on.

"You arrived just in time actually, the auction is about to start."

"Sweet!" Emmett cheered and then proceeded to drag Edward towards the show room. The nerve of the idiot!

They entered the room to find it packed full of girls, women, and some men. They were all buzzing in excitement and anxiously staring at the stage where a podium stood with a gavel waiting on top. They were whispering to their neighbours, and a group of teenage girls were giggling uncontrollably near them. Edward looked at them for a fraction longer than he normally would and discovered that they attended his school. Actually, looking around he found that there was a fair amount of Forks High School students there and some of the town's residents too.

Before he could identify more, the side door opened and out walked Harry and Demetri. Harry was dressed in a nice suit, and walked up the stage and climbed up on a box to look over the podium.

He smiled sweetly to the crowd, prompting a few coo's from the women before he started. "Welcome everyone to today's auction. A reminder that all sales are final, you need to pay before you leave, and please no fighting."

Edward saw Demetri duck back to the side entrance before wheeling something out that was covered in a black cloth. He pulled the cloth off and Edward couldn't stop the low growl that escaped. Underneath the cloth were mannequins wearing the Cullen's clothes. He could see his own favourite grey cardigan with a pair of black trousers. He spotted one of Rosalie's dress and matching heels. There was a doctor's coat with Carlisle's name sewn on the breast, a skirt and blouse from Alice, and a t-shirt and pair of boxers that looked like Emmett's.

Emmett the moron actually smiled at the sight. "Hey, those mannaquins are looking good," he whispered.

"They stole our clothes!" Edward hissed.

"First item on the block will be Emmett Cullen's shirt," Harry started. "He wore this shirt last week to school, and even has a smudge of paint on the back from when a student spilled her painting supplies in the hallway when he walked by."

Demetri pushed the Emmett mannequin forward and gestured to the clothing piece to highlight which top they would be selling, like the audience couldn't figure it out.

"Bidding will start at 10 dollars," Harry announced.

"10!" An eager fan yelled out as she flailed her bid card in the air.

"15!" another yelled, and soon the room was filled with several screams from wager teen girls bidding on Emmett's shirt. 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, and 70 dollars were quickly thrown out. Harry managed to keep track and was pointing to each bidder until one girl screeched louder than the rest. "100 dollars!"

The other bidders went silent and collectively glared at the girl.

"100… going once… going twice… and sold!" Harry banged the gavel. "Winning number is 52."

Demetri quickly wrote the winning bid and number on a sticker and stuck it on the shirt.

"That was an exciting first item but please remember that we do have many more pieces to sell today. Next we will be auctioning off Edward Cullen's cardigan. This piece of clothing is one his favourites and he can often been seen wearing it in the cooler months. We'll start the bidding at 10 dollars."

Emmett snickered when there wasn't a flurry of bidding like the one that happened for his shirt.

"10 dollars, I'm looking for 10 dollars…" Harry announced.

A single bid card went up, and Harry smiled. "10, I'm looking for 15, 15 dollars."

Another card went up and the bidding went slow before his cardigan was finally sold for 45 dollars. The whole process inspired Emmett to laugh quietly. "My fans love me more," he whispered.

Edward had enough and stalked out of the hall to confront Felix. "What is the meaning of this?" He hissed.

Felix sat back in his chair in smiled. "It's an auction of course."

"I can see that, but why are you selling our stuff?" Edward took a threatening step towards Felix, hoping to intimidate the other vampire.

"Simple supply and demand," Felix explained.

"Supply and Demand? These people demanded our stuff?" Edward was completely flabbergasted with the whole thing.

Felix nodded. "Of course, what else would Culleners want?"

"Culleners?" What the fuck was that?

"No… Culleners sound wrong… Cullenites? Yes, I think they call themselves Cullenites."

"I don't care what they are called, who are they?" Edward demanded.

"You don't need to be so rude…" Felix lightly reprimanded him, but Edward didn't care. "Cullenmites, or whatever, are a group of people who worship you Cullens. They even have CullenChurch every Sunday, they pray to an altar of Carlisle's Loins and Rosalie's hair. They made up their own prayers, which is basically just the Lord's prayer but with injections of how fabulous Jasper's hair looks and how strong Emmett is. At one point they even believed in one great divine lord called the CullenLord, but I think even they knew that was going too far."

"That doesn't make any sense…" Edward shot back. Surely Felix was just playing with him again.

"It really doesn't, I mean anyone who has heard your story once would know that you all claim to be adopted so there is no reason to worship Carlisle's loins. They don't even work anymore."

"No not that! Why is there a religion dedicated to us?" Edward demanded.

"I couldn't say. Maybe they just like you're pretty smile? Maybe not your smile…. You don't smile a lot. You are very broody…maybe you should wear more yellow? But you know having your own religion really helped with this auction. I just had to approach a few young girls, talk about the auction, ask them not to tell anybody else, and so naturally they told everyone they knew which got back to the Cullenhards, they spread it and I think we're going to have a very profitable day." Felix trailed off.

The fact that Felix refused to act serious about the situation angered Edward more. Here he just found out that the Volturi stole his family's possessions, were selling them, and that there was apparently a cult following his family. This was a very serious in his book and the bastard in front of him just played it off as nothing and made jokes about him wearing yellow.

"Is this fun for you? Destroying lives? Driving people to the brink of insanity so that they want to kill you?" Edward asked.

"Yes," Felix answered simply. "It really is."

"Oh fuc-"

"Tsk tsk tsk," Felix cut him off. "WWECD?"

"What the hell does that mean?" Edward demanded.

"What would Edward Cullen Do? It used to be a very popular saying with the Cullenists, until all those nasty rumours about you abusing your girlfriend started. Poor thing… you looked like such a nice boy until some rude person started spreading those."

Edward was dumbfounded. "You started those rumours. You and Demetri, and Harry. You spread those lies!" Edward accused.

"We did not." Felix protested.

"You did!" Edward responded.

"Hmm… no I don't think we did." Felix countered.

"Yes you did. You lot showed up and ruined my life! People think I abused Bella, people think I'm sleeping with Jacob, people are thinking the worst about me all thanks to you and that demonic duo in there!" Edward stated as he gestured wildly towards the hall doors.

"I think I know what's bothering you," Felix started. Edward let out a groan of frustration. Felix simply refused to actually admit to anything and he knew what he was going to say next would only piss him off more. "I think you're just upset that your fan club isn't as large as Emmett's. It used to be bigger though… then something about you being gay and 110% unavailable and wow… those girls just flocked to Jasper and Emmett."

"I'm not jealous of Emmett!" Edward cried.

"I never said you were jealous… just upset. But I can understand why you would be," Felix tried for a comforting tone, but all it really did was make Edward want to strangle the other vampire.

"I've had enough of this!" Edward declared. Turning around he stalked back inside to reclaim all his family's stuff only to be met with the sight of Emmett posing for pictures and with a now autographed Emmett shirt that just sold.

"You take care of that, alright?" Emmett told the girl who looked about ready to faint. "It's one of my favourites. I got it up north about two years ago. I saw this giant grizzly and I stalked it for a bit and I passed this little town. In the gift shop was this shirt and well it seemed like fate really."

Edward looked at the shirt and sighed. The shirt was in fact a shirt Emmett got two years ago. It was a light grey with a brown bear on the front with the title 'Everything's Better Grizzly'. Rosalie hated it, Emmett loved it, and now it was in the hands of some 15 year old girl with Emmett's signature.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked.

Emmett smiled wide and walked over to slap him on the back. "Brother! You won't believe it but this girl bought my shirt for $250! It's today's record so far. Isn't that great?"

"No! No it's not great, they are selling our stuff!" Edward hissed.

Emmett laughed. "Well they are selling my stuff. So far only your cardigan has gone. Anyways it's fine, I signed a form saying they could do it."

Edward glared at his brother. "You signed a form? When?" Edward demanded.

"When we arrived. Felix had me sign it when I was registering. It's a good thing I did though, register I mean, they tried selling one of Rose's favourite pair of shoes… trust me she wouldn't have liked it for those to go."

"I don't like that any of our stuff is being sold off," Edward protested.

"It's fine Eddy boy. I mean no harm no foul right? Harry is going to attend this super school for special kids in Seattle, so they need to raise money to pay for the tuition. We're doing a good deed here."

"You are so stupid some times. Harry doesn't need money, neither does he need to go to some special school. What Harry needs, is to be torn limb from limb and set on fire!"

A loud gasp off to the side caught their attention. A group of three girls were watching them in the one in the middle was clutching Edward's beloved cardigan. The girl looked devastated for a moment before her face hardened and she stomped her foot. Brandishing the cardigan the girl glared at Edward. "Oh yeah? Well you know what Mr. Edward Cullen. This sweater needs to be torn to pieces and set on fire! How dare you say such a thing about a precious little boy like Harry?" the girl didn't bother waiting for a response, instead she stormed off with her two friends trailing behind.

Emmett whistled. "You screwed up there."

"I did not screw up!" Edward protested. "She just doesn't understand the situation, and why does her opinion matter? I'm done with this… I just can't handle any more shit today. I'm going home," Edward declared.

It was the day from Hell and it wasn't even lunch yet.

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a computer?

A: A know-it-all, that's really a pain in the neck.