Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with the HSM franchise in any way, shape or form. Nor do I hold any rights to Willow by Julia Hoban.
A/N: It's after midnight and I had two and a half hours of color guard practice today so I'm kind of tired and actually feel a bit sick at the moment. I apologize for not being able to reply to the reviews this time around. Just know that I really appreciate each and every one of them. Full explanation of why this chapter took so long on the bottom. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
This is dedicated to the lovely reviewers of the last chapter: writingnut2010, sillymeggo, xZANESSA4LIFEx, kellyharper, Lia, EP, anoddapple, AerisTifaYuffie, Bridget1297, DuHSPaZZiNGFeL, xMexWithoutxYoux, MissIndependentlyPerfect, inkisexpen, pumpkinking5, zan lil, and OlympicBeliever.. I'm really glad that you guys enjoyed the writing and everything of the last chapter! Hope you guys like this just as much!
April 30, 2010
Much to Gabriella's dismay, the days had passed rather quickly since visiting her old house. The books she brought with her were already shelved. The clothes were washed and hung up in her closet. Her cigar box of makeup was dusted off and placed on her vanity. She subtly displayed the few photos that she had the courage to bring back, mostly ones of her sister and her best friend. The infamous crib was still nestled in its box and hidden under her bed with the eccentric notebook beside it.
She'd like to blame an impending essay for not having the time to talk to her sister but that's not true. In fact, light conversation was frequent and on more than one occasion this week, she had come in early with Genevieve to help prepare the day's lesson. She just couldn't get herself to bring it up. How could she talk about their mother's passing without bringing up how she dealt with it? Was her sister ready to hear that truth?
"You're quiet today," Troy muses, jostling her out of her thoughts as he shuts his locker.
Gabriella inwardly curses herself for allowing her mind to drift back to that moment in her mother's bathroom. She just couldn't help but think about it whenever she was alone. It didn't freak her out or send her over the edge but she still obsessed about whether or not she made the right choice about walking away. Then she chastised herself for thinking twice about her decision.
"I've be meaning to ask, are you busy tonight?"
"Not really. Do you have a basketball game?"
"Nope. We have districts in a couple of days though. But anyway, do you think that you and your sister and Adam want to have dinner at my house?"
"Tonight?"
"I know that it's short notice but I was hoping prolonging it would increase the chances of it happening." His expression turns panicked when he catches sight of her arched eyebrow. "That's not what I meant," he explains hastily. "It's just that this has the potential of being really awkward. Not because you're there but because you're sister is."
She straightens up, pushing herself off the locker she was leaning against and folds her arm in front of her. "You're digging yourself into a hole," she says, her voice void of emotion.
Troy groans, cautiously placing his hands on either sides of his girlfriend's hips. "This isn't coming out right. What I mean is that having my old English teacher over for dinner is not exactly the most ideal situation for me."
"Do you hear yourself when you talk? Because you do realize that you're over at your old teacher's house like every other day, right?"
"Yeah but I never have to talk to her."
"If you're that uncomfortable with it, then you can tell your mom that we were busy tonight." She was far from being mad at him but she kept her tone indifferent. It was somewhat amusing to watch him squirm.
"No, I'm being stupid. Please come tonight, babe. All three of you. "
"It's fine. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in your own house," she says, removing his hands from her waist and walking away. Counting backwards from three in her head, she suppresses a laugh at her boyfriend's stunned expression. Before she gets to one, he comes to a stop in front of her, the panicked expression painted on his face quickly turning into a glare as he takes in her gorgeous smile.
"That was really mean," he mutters before turning away.
Gabriella rolls her eyes and chases after him. When she slips her arms around him from behind, he stops but makes no effort turn around. She rises onto the balls of her feet to place her chin on his shoulder and mumbles an apology in his ear before placing a sweet kiss on the skin just below it. Before she can even begin to comprehend how it happened, she finds herself pressed against Troy's front and his lips fused to hers.
"I guess I can forgive you," he mumbles against her lips.
She laughs and shakes her head as she slightly pushes him back. "You and your hormones," she teases as she slips her hand into his and practically pulls him down the hallway. "Give me a minute. I just need to go wash my hands," she says, nodding in the direction of the girl's bathroom.
"Alright, I'll wait here."
Gabriella watches as he leans agains a row of lockers on the opposite wall before walking into the bathroom and making beeline for one of the sinks. As she washes her hands, she can't help but notice that all the bathroom stalls were vacant except one. She doesn't give it another thought as she wipes her hands and stares at her reflection. She barely recognizes the girl starring back at her.
It's the eyeliner and bronzer.
Deep down, she knew that wasn't completely true. Whether she was ready for it not, she could feel herself changing. It wasn't a conscious effort by any means, just little things she noticed herself doing. Whether it was helping out with dinner or cleaning up a bit around the house or even waking up a bit earlier to make herself up, these were the tasks that she didn't have the energy to do previously.
She reaches into her bag, pulling out a small makeup bag that contained everything she needed to touch up her face. Frowning, she fishes for her eyeliner with the intentions of evening out her liner. How did she go half the day with having one eyeliner thicker than the other? Maybe she wasn't a hundred precent together after all.
The occupied stall suddenly opens, nearly making the brunette to draw a crooked line on her closed eyelid. She freezes as she catches sight of a familiar blonde in the mirror. The girl doesn't seem to be aware of another presence as she keeps her head low and stares at her hands. Just like the first time she laid eyes on her, Gabriella found it hard to look away. There was something about Claire Smith that made her so intriguing.
"Staring's rude."
Gabriella blinks several times as she realizes that Claire had caught her starring through the mirror. She lowers her timidly and returns the eyeliner to her makeup bad. Letting out a deep breath, she adjust her bag on her shoulder before spinning around to come face to face with the blonde."I wasn't sta-" she begins but stops short when Claire arches an eyebrow, "okay, so maybe I was. I'm really sorry."
"It's okay, I guess. I mean, I'm used to the starring and the whispering by now."
"But it doesn't make it right," she says quickly. "I'm-"
"Gabriella Montez. I know who you are. Everyone knows who Troy Bolton's girlfriend is." She rolls her blue eyes as she added an emphasis on 'everyone'.
Gabriella frowns and says, "I keep forgetting that gossip is what keeps this school running."
"So, I'm sure that you already know who I am. Hence the staring," Claire mutters, her thin fingers gently rubbing her thin wrist. "You know, not everything you heard about me is true."
She hears the tinge of sadness in her voice and she knows that their conversation will be anything but pleasant. She could walk away now, explaining nonchalantly that said boyfriend was waiting for her. But she seemed to be nailed to her spot as the blonde sizes her up.
"I'm not anorexic."
Claire's sudden admission catches her off guard but not nearly as much as what she actually admitted. "You're not?" She doesn't bother to hold back her surprise as she subconsciously gives the thin body a once over. All she sees is a girl in jeans and a light cotton long sleeve- just like her. Her eyebrows furrow as she tries to figure out why Sharpay had labeled her 'emo' when she most definitely wasn't.
"I know that's hard to believe with how I look and the fact that you caught me walking out a bathroom stall that was clearly not being used for its obvious intention."
"You don't have to explain anything to me," Gabriella says, shaking her head slightly. "But just so you know, you aren't the only one that has wandered off into the bathroom to hide out." She chose her words carefully, hoping to provide comfort in even the slightest way. Perhaps this was what she appeared to be by others in her days before Troy. Lonely.
"I know I don't," Claire says finally. "But here's the thing: since I came back to East High, you are the only person who hasn't looked at me like they're disgusted or like I'm some porcelain doll that's going to break at any moment.
So I'm going to be straight with you because when I tried to keep it a secret, it always held me back. It sometimes felt like I was living a double life because I was hiding a whole part of me. And this whole damn school thinks they know but they don't."
She nods slowly, deciding to take her new acquaintance's openness with arms spread out. "Okay, so what do you want me to know?"
"Well, what do you want to know?"
"Why does the rumor that you're anorexic exist?"
"Because people only saw that I was dropping dress sizes, not the reason behind it."
"Which would be?" Gabriella prompts when she makes no indication of continuing.
"I'm sorry," she blurts out. "This was stupid and I'm probably going to scare you off anyway."
Before Claire has the chance to walk away, Gabriella blurts out, "I won't judge you." She offers a warm smile when the blonde turns to look at her. "I'm the last person on this earth that would judge you. We've all got our own stories. I'll tell you mine sometime."
Shuffling her feet, Claire looks down at her wrist as she pinches the thin rubber band resting there and pulls it a good two inches from her skin before releasing it. The rubber makes a smack sound as it hits her tender skin. She repeats the motion several times before finally looking up to meet the eyes of a patient Gabriella and speaking. "Are you sure that you want to hear this?"
"I'm still here, aren't I?"
"Right. So this is basically what happened. The reason I look anorexic is because I'd go for a run whenever I felt the urge to hurt myself. I was 13 when I started and I was trying to figure out who the hell I'm suppose to be. Am I the preppy cheerleader or the emo in the corner? Then there were my parents who wanted me to be the perfect, all-American girl. It's just so much to live up to and it's not like I could tell them that I couldn't be want they wanted. I barely remember how I started hurting myself but before I knew it, three months had turned into three years of harboring that secret."
"That's a long time," she muses.
"It is but I've heard stories about people who've been doing it for more than 10 years."
"Stories?"
"Yeah," she says with a slight nod. "Like on the web and stuff. Before I actually got help, I looked at all of these self-injury websites that talked about how to stop and help yourself. I tried but it's just so addicting. And it's like, how can something that makes you feel better be so bad for you?"
I know what you mean.
"But then I read testimonials of other people like me and I just felt so much. I didn't want to be that girl who has to put special foundation on her arms just so that she can wear her uniform at work and not have to spill her life's story to everyone she comes in contact with. So I decided that every time I wanted to hurt myself, I'd go for a run till I was too exhausted to do anything else but shower and sleep. For the most part, it helped. The funny thing is that self-injury isn't want sent me to hospital. It was dehydration from one of my runs. They saw my scars and before I could explain any of it, my parents had me sent to an out of state rehabilitation center to be someone else's problem."
Gabriella hears the bitterness in the last sentence and she can't help but think about her conversation with Chad and the rest of the gang the other day. They ridiculed her for assuming that she was anorexic when she was fighting a whole other addiction. She applauds the girl in front of her for facing all of the rumors at East High.
"So, yeah," Claire concludes. "That's my story. I have my good days and I have my bad days but I really just have to take life one step at a time. If my best friend still went here, it would be easier. But she isn't so I get to deal with all this shit by myself."
"What happened to your best friend?"
"Her mom her about what happened, or what they thought happened, and she had her transferred to a private school downtown. Mrs. Mills blames high school for apparently making me crazy. "
Gabriella simply nods sympathetically. It's hard not to feel compassion for Claire after hearing her story but what hurts her most of all is that she's seemingly alone. The thought of not having Kelsi there for her if she were in Claire's shoes sends chills done her back. Who knows and understands you better than your best friend?
"Thank you for hearing me out," Claire says with a small smile. "I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I could trust you."
"No problem and I'm glad that you feel that you can trust me. I'm a strong believer that we all need someone that can just listen," she says with a warm smile, her mind briefly drifting to a particular guy waiting for her in the hall.
"I appreciate that."
From the tone of her voice, Gabriella knows that she's sincere. She can't help but imagine if everyone knew her secret. After all this time and the progress they made, could her sister deal with the knowledge of her cutting? She wrings her hands and asks timidly, "Does it help having people know? Does it make it any easier?"
"Yes and no," she says after some thought and let's out a sigh as she searches for the right words. "Sometimes it feels like I'm constantly being watched, like everyone's waiting for me to fuck up again. Especially my parents. But it also feels a bit amazing. I felt like cutting was such a big part of me and I had to hide it for so long. So when I did come out, even if people don't know the whole truth, I didn't have to pretend that I was okay when I really wasn't."
Gabriella nods, finding the explanation to be completely reasonable. Her dark eyes sweep over Claire's thin from head to toe. She doesn't see the loner that first caught her attention in the cafeteria, but rather a fighter. She sees someone that hasn't had it easy but is still sanding here today. Could that be her someday? Blinking back some unwanted tears, she asks, "Did you ever figure out who you're suppose to be?"
"Yeah, me. If that's not good enough for my workaholic parents or this shallow school, then that sucks for them. Because I'm just me- scars and all."
"That's really great," she pauses, thinking about Troy once again. She feels bad for making him wait but she really doesn't want to stop talking to Claire. "What would you say to continuing this conversation, or perhaps one lighter, over lunch?"
"Gabriella, you don't have to eat lunch with me just because you feel sorry for me."
"I'm offended that you would even think that. You seem really nice and honestly, the only friends I have hear are because of Troy. It'd be a nice to have someone on my side, should we ever breakup."
Claire scoffs and shakes her head. "You two breakup? Is that even possible? From what I've heard, you're already knocked up and you're living with him," she says, eliciting a laugh from the brunette. "Rumor has it that the boy is whipped."
"I'm not really sure that I can deny that rumor," she says, feeling the heat rise to her face.
"So there is a bundle of joy on the way," she teases, making Gabriella blush deeper. "I'm looking forward to hearing the whole story at lunch. But first, I think you should fix your eyeliner. Your left eye looks a bit off."
Gabriella laughs, finally remembering what she had been doing before Claire walked out from one of the bathroom stalls. She whirls back around and tends to her makeup as Claire washes her hands in the sink beside. Gabriella looks at both of their reflections in the mirror.
We're just like everyone else.
"Damn, Brie. That was the longest minute in history," Troy teases as she steps out of the bathroom. His eyes widen slightly when he catches sight of the blonde that walks out behind her. "Hey Claire," he's says in what he hopes is a normal tone. "I didn't know you two knew each other."
"We technically just met," Gabriella says as she approaches her boyfriend. She smiles at him warmly in hopes to assure him that he had nothing to worry about.
"I see," he says, his eyes still looking curiously at Claire, who has yet to do anything besides giving a small wave and smile.
Looking over his broad shoulder, Gabriella notices the one of a kind head of curls. "Hey Chad," she says with as much enthusiasm as she can muster. It wasn't that she didn't like Chad. After all, he is her boyfriend's best friend and for the most part, is really nice. But she couldn't look at him without thinking about what he said about self-injurers. She offers him a small smile before turning back to Troy. "Why do you look so nervous?"
Troy lifts a hand to scratch the back of his neck. "My girlfriend apparently befriended my ex-girlfriend. Who wouldn't be nervous?"
"We went out for three months," Claire says finally, her tone light, "and it was 8th grade. I don't think I'm harboring any of your deep, dark secrets."
He chuckles and smoothly slips his hand into his girlfriend's, who instantly gives him a comforting squeeze. "Yeah, but you might tell her how dorky I looked back then."
"He had a gap between his teeth and a mop for hair," Chad teases as he joins the group of three.
Gabriella feels her stomach churn as she watches Chad and Claire exchange a friendly. How could he be so friendly when he said such vile things about her. "Claire and I are going to eat lunch together," she announces as she sets her sights on Troy.
"Not to be rude, but I think Sharpay's waiting for you because she keeps rambling on about English class."
"Oh yeah, I forgot that I was going to go over that analysis with her before next period."
"Gabriella, you seem to already have plans for lunch so how about we do this another day?"
"No!"
"Sharpay isn't exactly my best friend so..."
"Well, maybe we can change that?"
"No, I don' think so," Claire says with a regretful shake of her head. "During my preppy phase during freshman year, I got the one spot on the cheerleading squad. I gave it up before the year was even over but by then, she was already committed to the dance team."
"I'm sure that Sharpay's over it by now."
Chad scoffs. "I don't know about that. Blondie was really crush-Ow! Dude, what'd ya elbow me for?"
"Just shut up, Chad," Troy says thru gritted teeth as he shoots his girlfriend and ex-girlfriend an apologetic look. "I'm sure that Shar's gotten over it by now."
Gabriella thinks about the disdain Sharpay presented when talking about Claire. If it annoyed her that Chad was acting all fake, it would be ten times worse if a certain blonde did it. She doesn't know if she'd be able to bite her tongue, should the moment present itself. She shakes her head softly and says, "No, I think that I should just apologize to Sharpay and tell her that I'll just explain it before class. It's not all that difficult anyway."
"Why don't you go do that while I stop by my locker. Just meet me in the quad," Claire says as she begins walking in the other direction. "But I'll understand if you decide not to come."
"No, no. I'll see you there," Gabriella says with a reassuring smile. She turns back to the two boys waiting for her. She sighs. "I guess I should go break the news to Sharpay now."
"As much as I'd love to watch Shar freakout," Troy begins as he inches away from her, "I need to go talk to Coach. That's why Chad came looking for us in the first place."
She simply nods and leans up to peck him on the lips. "I guess I'll see you in sixth then."
"Bye," he mutters against her lips, "and actually eat your lunch."
"You woke up a bit earlier than normal to make it, of course I'll eat it," she says, leaning up to kiss him sweetly on the lips. "I'll see you later, Troy." She watches him as he goes off in the opposite direction, glancing back every so often to smile at her before finally disappearing around the corner.
Chad coughs awkwardly as he begins to lead the way to the cafeteria. They walk in silence and every so often she'll feel Chad glance sideways at her. She doesn't mean to seem rude but she really just doesn't have anything to say to him.
"I'm sorry if I said anything at lunch the other day that may have upset you."
She stops mid-step at his sudden apology and turns to look at him. "It's fine, Chad. It just that I have some experience with cutting." She regrets her choice of words as soon as they leave her lips and she watches as Chad's face falls. They were by no means best friends, but the sight of him looking at her with so much concern, will forever be burned into her mind.
"Do you cut yourself?" he asks, his voice just slightly above a whisper.
Gabriella's heart breaks a bit when she hears his worried tone, completely forgetting about her prior annoyance with him. It takes her a moment to gather her thoughts but eventually, she forces a smile on her face and shakes her head softly. "I know someone who does," she offers, hoping that he would just leave it at that.
Chad looks relieved in an instant and returns her smile. "Good. I'm glad," he says then adds rather quickly, "I mean, I'm glad it isn't you."
She nods and sets their pace for walking towards the cafeteria. Replaying their brief conversation in her head, she can't but help wonder if he was worried that he offended her in her presence or if he was seriously worried about her. But then she remembers the look on his face, so distraught and serious. Perhaps if he heard Claire's real story, some guilt would wash over him.
But Gabriella knows that it isn't her story to tell and she can only hope that as her friendship with Claire blossoms, Chad would grow more openminded. She smiles a bit to herself at the chances of Claire literally walking into her life the same day Chad apologized for his crude words about self-injurers. Her smile widens as she thinks about how Troy had popped back into her life when she just may of needed him most.
Life just has a funny way of working out and throwing people together.
A/N:True story: I said the last line to one of my guy friends tonight when we were talking about this coincidence that happened to him. Love how things work out sometimes. But anywho, I know that this chapter took awhile but things aren't going too well for my family right now and it's making it hard for me to focus on writing. I'm not looking for sympathy with what I'm about to say, just understanding. My little sister, who turned 10 last Thursday and couldn't eat her own cake because a breathing tube is down her throat, has been in the ICU for the past month, if not longer. I have bits and pieces of the next chapter and epilogue written but considering that my sister is really sick and seems to be getting worse, I can't promise you when I'll next update. Throw in the fact that school is starting Monday and I have other commitments and you get one big question mark. I know, it sucks for me too. Regardless, I hope you guys still stick around for theses final updates.
Thank you for reading and please review!
Much Love,
Kae xx
p.s. If you're religious in any sense, please pray for my sister. It wouldn't hurt to have a few more prayers.