Do you really want to be me?

Gwen's POV

Will there ever be a day or night
When I don't have to worry
About hurting those I love with a single touch

At arm's length is where I am
I remain untouched by love

I am touched by violence
I am in contact with hate and greed
I feel and absorb the darkness in their hearts

It hurts when I remember
I have their memories, their anger, and their hate

They have my touch
And now they lay there, drained of life
And those I care for stay away

I cannot have their happiness, their joy
I cannot drain the ones I love of their life

So when he looks at me
When he reaches for that kiss, that touch
I pull away in despair, my skin still covered

"It is the human touch that matters"
And I cannot have it

Would you really want to be me? I ask you as Gwen, the untouchable girl. I have their memories, the awful times of my friends and lovers always in my head. Tearing me apart. Do you want to be me?

*

I'm in the Jason.

The blackness is overwhelming, like I'm being buried, alive.

"Help!" I scream. "Where am I?"

"Nowhere" a voice says, echoing around the black Jason. "Everywhere....depends"

I turn around, feeling my hair slap my face. "Why am I here?"

"Isn't it obvious" I shook my head "You're dreaming"

"Why am I dreaming this?" I yelled, trying to walk out of the blackness but nothing happened. I kept walking, turning around as I walked "Is this a message from the beyond or something?" I yelled as a joke.

The voice chucked "No. But this is something you must remember when you wake up" I paused. What are they talking about, was this my imagination acting in overdrive, or is this a real message from 'the beyond' "You are the one"

"The one what?"

"The one who will save the others"

"How?" I asked, yelling out again, "How am I supposed to save everyone?"

"That is for you to figure it out"

"Why me?" I yelled. "Why not someone else"

"Because you are the one Gwen....there is no denying it"

*

I gasped as I woke up. I patted down my legs, my chest, my face.

Yeah I was all here, I exhaled, I'm safe, and I wasn't trapped in a stupid little black hole with no one and nothing helping me out and some stupid voice telling me I'm 'the one'.

I am here now, with my friends, freed prisoners and Heather. We saved a whole bunch of people yesterday and we were just resting now after we busted everyone out, since we are going to attack the school tomorrow and we need all powers at their fullest when we beat Watson's ass.

I looked down and saw that I was still in my suit, minus the necklace, jacket and boots. God I love those boots. Bridgette mumbled in her sleep next to me and I noticed how sweet and innocent she looked. Her long blue hair was taken out and lay all over her face, covering her cheeks and most of her torso and the girl next to her.

Next to her Courtney had taken off her outfit and dressed in her bra and boy shorts and was cuddled up next to Bridgette, almost like sisters. Next to her was Heather who had also taken off her cape and boots, Leshawna was snoring next to Heather, all so sweet and innocent. It was a large tent and we were forced into sharing it since some of the more badly hurt Power people needed it to be protected for the night.

The others convinced me that I wouldn't touch them in my sleep, but I didn't trust them. That's why I wore my gloves and stayed as far as I could from them with my pillow between us. Also because the little Courtney in my head told me if I stole her power she would kill me.

Bridgette mumbled in her sleep, moving closer to Courtney, who started to freeze people in her sleep recently. Her hands started to freeze up and started to ice up Bridgette's hair, touching her cheek.

She shivered as the ice started to spread across her shoulder, making small icy patters on her shoulder. I got up and pushed Courtney, her eyes snapped open and she grabbed my wrist, making it ice up. Then she saw it was me "Gwen!" she hissed "What the hell?"

"You're freezing Bridge in her sleep" I hissed back, shaking my wrist. She threw it back to me and got up from Bridgette, the ice moving back into Courtney's hand and making Bridgette less.....I wanna say blue with cold, but she's already blue.

Courtney huffed, moving her butt so she could slip her a spare leather jacket and her old pants on, then escaping out of the tent. I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep, but the noise of early morning kept me awake. "God damn it" I muttered, pulling my boots and jacket on and opening the flap to the outside world.

No one was really up yet, there were some people who milled around in the mass of people who slept on the ground in hundreds of blankets we stole from 'the prison' down just below the cliffy part we, I mean 'the saviours' (as we were being called now) were up in the higher part so we could check out for danger. Out of the 5 tents we brought all of them were occupied with me and the girls, the boys and the other 3 tents by the people who were almost dead, including this kid with white hair and her parents.

It was a touching story, really, and this is me that is saying this story is sweet. The girl, Aurora was being protected by her parents until her dad was taken then her mom and her were caught. Now they are all together again even though they all thought the others were dead.

Courtney was up (well duh Gwen), watching the dead ashes of the fire turn to ice as she concentrated on something far away. "You know" she started, startling me "You saved us all....and it kills me that I couldn't" the ice started to freeze up to form an iceberg.

I laughed without humour "Would you really want my power?" I asked.

"Yes" she answered

"Wait, what?"

"You can have any power you want Gwen. Anything you ever wanted you can take" she turned, her eyes icy like they were in her room so long ago. She must have seen my freaked out look because she shook her head and the ice from her eyes left but the cold feeling didn't leave. "You could have easily just touched Miss Watson yet you didn't"

I stared, the Duncan in my head told me to burn her shirt...I'm not sure if he is telling me that because he is mad at Courtney or because he is hot for her. I'm thinking option B, "I wouldn't do that"

"Why?" she asked, turning her body around fully "This whole thing would never have happened at all if you tried"

God, what's got her panties in a twist? "So you're telling me even if I touched Miss Watson in the first place you would have rescued all those people in the prison with Bridge and Geoff" she faltered, looking away. "That's what I thought"

"I mean, I would have tried.....do you know how hard it is to see you being the most powerful one there is, and I can't even protect others. Jesus Christ Gwen, my code name is Frostbite like I'm something to be avoided"

"You are something to be avoided" I muttered under my voice.

Her eyes narrowed and turned cold, while her hair started to gain little icy strands "What?" she hissed

I neither denied nor agreed to what I said, I had something more important to tell her than that I didn't like her that much "You wouldn't want to be me. I can't touch another person. Ever. And I have voices in my head"

"And?" she asked, rolling her eyes

"And? That's all you have to say?" I asked her, my voice rising but staying down because of the people sleeping around us "I have voices in my head!"

"Do they tell you to burn thing?" she asked, her eyes ranking over my body and lingering over my gloves

"Well Duncan does" I looked to the tent where the guy in question was probably snoring his little head off "Look, you don't want to be me. How would you feel to never be able to touch another person ever again?"

Courtney glared at me before she sighed, turning back to the ice before her "I guess you're right. I wouldn't want to be you" but I still heard her mummer that I had all the power.

Oh well that makes me feel so much better about my life. The ice queen would rather be in her own little twisted world, pining for a hot headed guy, then be me...who would want to be me?

I don't even want to be me. I can't touch, I can't feel, I can't love. But I've fallen in love with Trent. I just can't ever touch him. Why me world! What did I do in my past life that would ever justify for you to put such a cruel curse on me! But I still love you a voice whispered in my head, the voice echoing and soothing my fears, the voice was harmonic and so familiar. Trent. Gwen I love you.

Even with the touch thing? I asked him, looking at my own hands, the stupid gloves have ruined my life.

Yes the answer was simple, even though the question was hard. That's why I loved Trent's voice the most.

While Courtney and Duncan always asked why I was doing things, Trent always was concerned on how I felt when I was doing something. Duncan wanted me to do it even though I could be killed, Courtney asked me if it was worth it as I could get caught, Trent asked me how I felt and if I needed help from his real self I should just ask.

Okay, that's really weird, saying which one of my voices in my head I liked most. Yeah you are weird Duncan said to me.

But Courtney shut him up shut up you idiot...but yeah Gwen you are weird

Shut up. I told them both. See what I have to deal with? They have to argue in real life and in my head!

"Gwen" Duncan said again.

"Ugh, leave me alone" I muttered out aloud

Oh, but no, the stupid Duncan in my head has to keep going "Gwen! Hello!" then I felt a hot hand on my shoulder, turning me around. Oh, must learn to figure out which voice is in my head and which is real.

"Sorry, what were you asking?" I asked, seeing Courtney roll her eyes and mumble as she stalked off to the girls tent to wake up the others (damn...I love that job...whatever)

"We need to get everyone together to sort out the plan for the Watson attack" I looked down and I noticed for the first time that Duncan wasn't wearing a shirt, although it was really cold out. He must of noticed me staring and he wiggled that eyebrow of his "Like what you see Hun?" he asked.

I snorted "Nah, seen better"

"Really? Where?" he asked, faking a look around. I laughed as he joked around with, I playfully swatted him on the back of the head.

He lifted a hand and scratched the back of his head, exposing his chest even more to me "You idiot, you're going to catch a cold or something" I told him, trying to push him.

Instead he pushed me back, not horribly, just in a fun way, "Oh yeah, what about you! Look what you're wearing!"

"Better than you" I smiled, he pushed me over, but I grabbed onto him hoping that I wouldn't fall over. Unfortunately Duncan wasn't able to stop from falling over. So we tumbled to the ground in a mess, "Ah!" I yelled, but I was laughing.

Duncan was all warm and his hotness came off him in waves and was keeping me warm. But we were close. Too close "Oh, um" he said, the smile falling off his face as it did mine "Wow"

"Awkward" I said, trying to move, but only I moved in the same direction as him and his face came another inch closer to my face.

Suddenly I heard a gasp, Duncan jumped up quickly and I was left dizzy. "Courtney wait!" I heard him cry then he followed her out of the camp and towards the forest.

I looked around and saw that they had already left me and that the others were moving around in their tents "Need help getting up?" I asked myself in a deep tone "No no, I'm okay" I pretended to be me, I pushed myself off the ground and dusted off my pants...or my excuse for pants. They are so frigging short!

This is going to be a constant reminder why Leshawna will never make anything for me again. She's one of those 'flaunt it if you got it' girls. I have legs and boobs (apparently) so she told me to leave it to her to design the best outfit for me. And now I've ended with a one piece with short shorts and off the shoulder top. In black, of course.

While I sat down and tried to figure out what to do about my touch thing Courtney stormed back into the area, her eyes white with rage. She ducked into the tent and yelled at the others to get out and a few seconds later, in semi-dress, they tumbled out of the tent to get away from Courtney who was yelling in rage. "What got her pissed?" Bridgette asked, glancing around just to make sure Courtney didn't hear her.

"Duncan" I told her. Both she and Leshawna nodded in union. The tent started to ice up slightly, but we all knew better than to go into a small confined area with Courtney when she was upset. "Good that you're up any way, Harold wants up to start planning the attack for tonight"

"What's to it" Leshawna said, pulling on her jacket "Go in, take down anyone in our way, then hit Watson upside the head"

And people wonder why I like Leshawna? She is like a big sister, really a loving person and makes you laugh "I like that plan Shaw, simple, easy to remember" I laughed, "But I think we need a back up just in case"

She shrugged then laughed, Bridgette finished braiding her hair and looked up from her work, smiling, but then the smile slid off her face. I turned around and saw Geoff stepping out of the boys' tent. Leshawna glared, she was like an over-protective mom, mess with her babies (me, Bridge, DJ, Harold) and you will get something shoved up your ass.

"Leave it" Bridgette told her, flicking her braid over her shoulder and sitting down on the log.

Harold finally left his tent, wearing his full on 'super outfit' (I add in finger quotes because he was the loser who named them) looking around he noticed all but two were at the meeting. "Where's frostbite and Burn?"

A scream of rage came from inside the tent. "Oh that is it!" Leshawna yelled. But I knew if she went in there Courtney would just freeze her ass, I pulled up Leshawna.

"Here, let me go in" she nodded and I slipped past into the tent, shivering in my jacket. Everything inside was frozen, including the girl who created this winter wonderland. She glanced up at me and glared.

"You!" she snarled, standing up. But I just rolled my eyes, ungloved my hand and touched my index finger to her forehead. I felt her power drain into me, but I only held on long enough so she would be without her power, not her consciousness.

I've trained myself to tone down my power, the first time I touched someone I held on only for a second and he was unconscious for 3 months. Second time Duncan grabbed me, he only fainted (he still denies it) 3rd was Trent and he only became really weak. The fourth time I touched someone (which was Courtney) my powers had come to recognise that I was going to use them so they toned themselves down a bit (as Izzy and Noah had told me) I was no less powerful but it meant I had to hold onto a person for longer to drain them.

I wish I knew that the first time, clearly seen when I thought I knocked Courtney out the first time, she only succeeded in coming back and almost killing everyone, though I'm sure she could do that any time she wanted.

But Courtney knew me. She knew what I was doing. I only touched Courtney's head for a few seconds before she retched herself away. Mad as hell.

Oh shit.

"You think you can take me?" her voice echoed in the icy hollow way. She started to walk in front of me, I forced to back out of the tent. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. She's mad. Oh she's going to kill me! I fell myself fall onto the ground outside of the tent and everyone staring at me.

Some of them came forward to try and stop her, but she sent an icicle towards them, making them back off. Oh this is Karma. This is Karma for sending my lab partner into a coma. I said I was sorry okay! Courtney threw out her hand and was about to send some ice to cover my entire body, tapping me into my own personal coffin.

I threw up a hand in front of my face and in front of me, I closed my eyes and turned away. But I never felt the cold. Wow, death is very nice to people like me. I must have done something good. I opened a crack of my eye and saw Harold and Leshawna staring at me, their mouths open. But they weren't disoriented with ice in my vision.

I looked back to Courtney, her ice wide. And then I saw it.

My hand was alive with fire. Flickering and moving and stopping any coldness. I pulled my hand close to me to inspect the flames. Then it hit me.

"Holy crap!" I screeched, jumping up and seeing the flames move along my hand to my arm "I'm on fire!" the flames spread to my chest and my feet started, it was all moving slowly around my body. "Courtney! Freeze me!" I yelled at her, jumping up and around a little bit because frankly, I'm freaked out! I'm on fire! What the hell is going on!

She tried sending out some ice, but it only succeed in stopping the fire for like 2 seconds, the others all started to panic, but I was too preoccupied with myself on fire to care. "What do I do?" I screamed.

"I know!" Courtney yelled, and before I could stop her she grabbed my face with her bare hands. Immediately I felt her icy power flow into me, her face was gritted in pain as she gave me her power. Let her go! Let her go! Let her go! Two voices in my head screamed at the same time. The fire on my arms and body left me, and I pulled Courtney away.

DJ jumped out from behind me and caught Courtney before she hit the ground, passed out.

Then there was silence as the group stared at me, while I looked at my hands, which had frozen over slightly.

"What the hell was that?" I finally said.

*****

"Duncan!" I yelled.

Yeah, we are looking for Duncan now, since he is the only other person we know with the power of fire we thought it best to ask him some stuff. Like if he set me on fire. We were all searching in the forest, hoping that Courtney didn't toss him over the edge of the cliff.

But she was pretty pissed so I wouldn't be surprised. We hadn't been searching long, before I heard a voice above me.

"I'm up here" I heard the criminal say.

I looked up and saw that Duncan was glued to a tree, not with ice, no with some other sticky substance. Must be that kid who can make webs. I laughed when I saw him and he just frowned. Then I heard the snapping of branches before Heather found me. "What's so funny?" then she saw Duncan trapped in the tree, and she laughed as well.

"Oh hard de har har" Duncan said sarcastically. "Now get me down"

"Well good morning to you too" Heather laughed

"I see the assassins failed again" Duncan smirked, struggling.

She glared at him, but then her gaze lightened "Cute, hey, how does it feel to be beaten up by a girl?"

"She's not a girl, she's Courtney" was his reply. Freeze his ass the little Courtney told me, her voice louder than normal.

No. I told her. "How did you get up there?" I asked him.

"Can we talk about that later? Just get me down?" I rolled my eyes and got my pocket knife out of my boot, climbed up the tree and started to try and cut the stuff binding him. I kind of worked but it was taking me forever.

"Little help?" I asked Heather. She rolled her eyes and used her power to summon up winter air, blowing on the binds so that they would freeze. Then I broke it using my knife handle. I laughed as Duncan hit the ground with a loud thump.

"I guess she's pissed" he hissed as I climbed down from the tree.

"You have no idea" Heather told him, then she stalked off "WE FOUND HIM!" she yelled.

We walked in silence and I was thankful that we were so close to camp, I didn't want to tell him the freaky thing that happened to me. "Why did you all look for me?" he asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, just that I expected maybe just you, Geoff and DJ to try and find me. Not Heather.....Courtney must be really pissed" he laughed but he stopped when he didn't see me laugh. "Oh god, she killed someone, didn't she?"

I looked at him, eyebrow raised. "No....but yeah, she's pissed."

He groaned "Then when did you come and get me?"

"We need you.....for something important" I told him as we stopped over a fallen branch on the outskirts of the camp. The randoms in the tents had left to go find family or something in the large group down in the lower part of the forest, only the very broken hadn't left. I saw the others had already gathered around the empty fire place.

I'm sort of glad Courtney is up again after her mini-nap, she was leaning heavily on Bridgette who was stroking her hair as she stared at the ground. They were both in pain of broken hearts. I sat down across from them next to Harold and Trent on my other side, Duncan found a seat next to Geoff and DJ and then we started the meeting.

Harold stood up next to me and stood in the place where the fire used to be. "Okay, so we all know about the miss-hap this morning involving Gwen and Courtney. Now the question is what was going on?"

"From what I could tell" Izzy said in a rush "Gwen has progressed onto the next stage of her power"

"Which is?" I asked

"Using powers you have collected to protect yourself" she said, she raced around to me, I noticed her usual bun was gone and her hair was all over her face. She picked up my arm and started to poke it "When Courtney tried to freeze you, you used the power collected from Duncan to protect yourself. Only you didn't know how to turn it off"

"What are you guys talking about" Duncan said, jumping from his place in the circle. Courtney glared at him and set an icicle to his chest, which he melted just in time but a small piece of ice still hit him pretty hard. "You're saying that Gwen caught on fire when Princess here tried to freeze her?"

"Yeah" Izzy said, as though it was obvious, when I was still trying to get around the fact that I caught on fire. Shit it was scary. "Anyway, if you train you can properly use these powers better."

"But. But?" I said lamely

"Gwen, you are the final piece of the puzzle" Harold said, feeling closed in a little right now. "With you, you can battle everyone and we can win the fight"

Holy crap, I was the final piece of the what now? "Huh?"

"I have a plan" Harold told us, the glint in his eyes scaring me just a little.

I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out what was going on in his little head. "It's completely safe" Izzy told me, grabbing onto my hand. Oh crap, oh what are they going to tell me?

"How do you know?" I asked them.

"Uhhhh....." Izzy finished. Okay, if she thinks it's safe then it's most likely not. And when she doesn't know for sure, then you better believe that it's no where near safe, most likely life-threatening.

"Oh god" I looked at everyone, they avoided my gaze as though they all knew what was going on "What's the plan Harold?"

He stood up, in full leader mode "My plan is for you to gain powers from everyone in this group that way you can protect yourself as you try and take Miss Watson's power"

"WHAT!" I yelled at him, moving off my log, but tripping over it. Izzy ran around to try and help me up but I moved away from her, she tried to help me "Are you all crazy! I can't do that!" I moved away from Trent who was trying to pick me up from the ground.

Harold, with his stupid cool calm over his stupid face and while Izzy and Trent tried to calm me down he just made it worse "Gwen, you've already got 3 powers, you only have 10 more to take on but we will do it slowly and we will train you along the way"

"No way!" I yelled at him "There is no fucking way!"

My anger took control, and I knew that my eyes had turned white, my body was cool with power and I felt the air freeze around me. "Gwen! You got to calm down!" Trent begged me. I started to cry, I didn't want to but I just knew something bad was going to happen to me, I was panicking and the tears started falling down my face. "Please Gwen. You have to control this"

Then he hugged me, I wanted so much more but a hug is what I needed. I wanted him to hold me closer, I wanted to feel safe and loved, but this is all my body would allow. Stupid power. "Fine" I sniffed, holding Trent closer to me "I'll try"

My stupid dream came true! I was going to save everyone but was I going to risk my life doing it?

I mean, I was going to in the first place, but this is so much different than I ever imagined.

***

This is insane. There is no way this plan is going to work. "Again" Duncan commanded, his usual hot confident ego gone with the flames that put out on the ground. What a dick. Just because his 'girlfriend' saw us together she over reacted and then she stuck his ass into a tree that doesn't call for her....oh no, wait it does.

Okay back to the main story. Harold came up with this crazy plan. I, Gwen, was going to be the one who stopped Watson. How well-okay, Duncan just hit me in the head with a flame ball. "Again!" he told me.

I summoned up Courtney's power and threw an icicle at him, he dodged it just in time. Damn it. "Leave it Duncan!" I screamed at him "I can't do it anymore!"

"Whatever" he muttered as he stalked off.

I had already absorbed and learnt ever other power in the group except Trent. But I wanted to sleep, it was hard work. I learnt how to knock over trees with a simple punch, how to gain enough speed to break the sound barrier, I learnt how to make rain, hail storms and tornadoes. To freeze a person till they pass out, to burn a tree till it sets everything else alight, I learnt how to ignore the extra sounds and to make a phone talk to me, how to talk to animals, how to stretch till I covered the ground, and how to be as flexible as Bridgette.

I learnt everything.

Yet I still didn't know how to work Trent's power.

I sighed and started to walk back to camp to find him. I'm so tired, I've been up for the last 8 hours straight. After I learn Trent's power I had maybe an hour to rest up before we attacked in the dead of night. The others right now were preparing the Power people in the camp, making sure they all know how to use their powers to their advantage.

"Argh!" I yelled to the air, making the trees move as Heather's power took over a little bit. Getting tired Gwennie? She asked

Leave her alone Leshawna told her

Come on Gwen! Izzy's hyper voice sounded, talking faster than she ever said out loud Take the real Heather on! She can't do anything! Use Duncan's and my power to fry her butt! Do it! Come on, you know you want to!

"Shut up!" I whispered but all the voice came back to me "Leave me alone!" I yelled at them, trying to hold my head together but the voices were all too much. Why do they insist talking to me!

I felt a hand on my shoulder "Gwen? Are you okay?" Trent asked me. I put my gloved hand on top of his and turned around to look at him. The kindness in his eyes melting me. He kissed the top of my head, the bit covered in my hair.

"Yeah. I'm fine" I took his hand off me and into my hand. "Let's get to work shall we?"

"Sure" he hugged me closer.

We started to walk to some cups and stuff that were placed near the logs, ready for me to bring to life with Trent's magic touch. "Hey, I think I might need a bit of extra power" and then I got up on my toes and kissed him. My absorption was on low, just enough to take his power. The little Trent in my head I think danced for joy as I kissed the real Trent. "Thanks" I muttered against his lips, feeling him go a little weak from me draining him.

"Anything for you" he told me, lifting his chin to lay it on top of my head. "Come on, better get to work before Harold get's pissed"

I hugged him closer, I never felt something like before, and I think it was love.

I think I love Trent.

But. I could never let him love me.

I could never give him what he wants.

Oh wow, this power sucks. My life sucks! I can't even kiss the guy I like without draining his life.

I bet Courtney wishes she wasn't me now. I have to save everyone by draining them and then I'm almost going to kill myself trying to take down the most dangerous woman of all time. All by myself...except for the extra voices in my head.

Most people take it for granted. The simple act of touch. The feel of a hand on a friends shoulder, the caress of a lover, the way two people's fingers can entwine as they walk hand in hand. They don't realise what it is to be without it.

I do.

I will never be able to hold hands with that special someone, never feel their lips on mine. I'll never know what it's like to feel the skin of a lover, to touch and caress as we make love.

Most people will never know how alone this makes me feel.

The war is coming. And god hoping that my power for once in my life will actually be useful in saving a life instead of taking one.

This chapter was inspired by the poem in the beginning, a beautiful poem by BD-Z which I saw fitting for Gwen, it's very sad. Thank you so much for your permission! It's actually about the X-men character Rogue and I love it.

I would once again to thank my readers for waiting so long for me to post, just getting back into the habit!

Thanks for your wonderful reviews, next chapter we are starting the war!

I want to dedicated this chapter to MK, who is doing her bio test today. Hope it went well!

And I got my legal studies test tomorrow! Wish me luck!

And to my other fans who have stuck it out with me.

You are the best!