Chapter 21
Disclaimer- I own nothing!
René ran around the new apartment trying to unpack as much as he could. Tamaki was thrilled to see René excited to move in. Knowing he was much closer to Michael was probably helping a lot but it did work in his favor so whatever the reason was he accepted. Watching René try to move the dresser Tamaki put down the box of clothes he was holding and went to help him before he hurt himself. He was excited too about this move, it seemed like a fresh start for him, now he could completely rid himself of his horrible past. While he would not or could not forgive himself for what he had done he was able to get on with life. Never again would he sell himself, no private clients, no houses, no being treated like an object. He would never enter into a relationship, not out of fear over what happened but he knew in his heart he still loved Kyouya. And so long as he loved him he could never truly love another.
Tamaki got home from work and from picking up René at Sara's and crashed on the loveseat to put his feet up. For some reason he was tired from working both jobs and while he usually always was he was never this bad.
"Are you okay daddy?" René came from putting his backpack down in the bedroom to see Tamaki resting. This was rare, usually he changed and cooked them dinner first before stretching out.
"Yes, just had a long day. Give me a minute to rest and I'll start dinner."
"We can order in. So you don't have to cook." Going to the kitchen he started to open one of the drawers with the take out menus.
"It's okay René, don't worry about it."
"Oh, okay daddy." Closing the drawer he went into the living room to watch him relax and help him if he asked for it. Tamaki didn't mind the thought of take out but he didn't have the money. He never realized how much the money Brandon gave him when they got together helped. Between gas, electric, phone, water, food, rent, and soon heat as the weather outside dropped his pay checks were just making it. If anything increased even a little he would be in an even tighter spot. Maybe that's why he was so tired today, he was worrying about the finances again. With how things looked right now they wouldn't be able to have a Christmas. He still had a few months to see if he couldn't make it work somehow but still just the thought made him want to cry. René was still young, he was six, six years old loved Christmas and Santa, and he couldn't ruin that for him.
"Daddy, are you okay?" Seeing his eyes start to tear up René moved closer to him from his spot on the floor. Hearing him Tamaki came back to reality and dried his eyes seeing they were misty.
"What? Yea I'm fine, how about some dinner? I'm getting really hungry." Sitting up he stood up to go into the kitchen and start dinner, René got up to help him somehow.
Tamaki sat at the kitchen table trying not to cry over how crappy things looked right now. He thought he was passed this, this barely getting by way of living. When was it going to end? Bills were scattered across the table with late notices and money neatly stacked near them so he could see what he could pay and how much he would have left if he did. René came out of the bedroom dressed for bed and stopped in the kitchen doorway as he saw Tamaki drop his head on the table. Seeing his dad like this made him worry and become sad that he didn't know what was wrong or how to help him.
"Daddy, I'm ready for bed." At René's voice he snapped up and turned to him hoping he didn't see how frayed his nerves were over everything.
"That was fast, okay; let's get you to bed then. We want you fully rested for school tomorrow." Standing, he followed René into the bedroom to tuck him in for the night. Sitting beside him he watched as his son shut his eyes only to have them reopen a second later and he sat up.
"Everything alright? Want me to read you a story?"
"Daddy, where's mommy? How come she isn't here to help you?" Tamaki was frozen where he was. He knew this day was coming, that it was only a matter of time but he still wasn't ready for it.
"I have a mommy right? So then how come she is never here?"
"Of course you have a mom, everybody does." He wanted to tell him the truth, that he was really his mom and he left his father to protect them both but deep down he couldn't. The words were last before they even came close to escaping. "You have a mom and they love you, they love you so much. But, due to certain things we are all prevented from being together."
"What things?"
"Things you are too young to know and understand. I promise I'll tell you everything once you're older. Now come on lie down so you can get some sleep. Do you want a story?"
"No daddy it's okay."
"Alright then, good night, see you in the morning."
"Good night daddy. I love you."
"I love you too." Kissing him goodnight he stood up to turn the light out and leave the room. He still had much to do before he went to bed. He couldn't let René see how worried he was or how tough things would be. Something told him the only reason he asked about Kyouya was because he personally was so stressed out. God, if only René knew the truth, how he would hate him. He would hate him knowing his mother worked three jobs just to make ends meet while his father worked one probably and lived in mansions with maids and cooks. That's really what René deserved, to be taken care of properly and not watch him struggle to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. That reminded him; he really needed to go food shopping he had been putting it off for weeks now. Collapsing into the kitchen chair he cried into his hands.
Once René was dropped off at school Tamaki talked to Sara for a quick second before he ran to work. Keeping his hands in his pockets he tried to not let her see how much he hated asking her this.
"Would it be alright if René stayed a little later? I was asked to stay at the store an extra couple of hours since my replacement called out. If you can't that's fine.'
"Sure, I don't mind. I can hold dinner until you're out of work then we can all eat together. That is something we haven't done in months."
"Thank you but I couldn't. That would be so late and that's not fair to your family."
"Then whatever I make I'll have René bring home for you how about that?"
"You don't have to." There was no talking her out of it and he had to leave for work. The last thing he needed right now was to get fired. But he did what he had to; René would be able to eat. The house was practically empty and he really didn't have the money to buy groceries. He was skipping breakfast so René could eat and knowing the restaurant provided him with lunch he wouldn't starve like when René was a baby. Still, he would have to come up with something because he couldn't let René stay over for dinner every night and he hated coming up with lies for Sara.
A few days later Tamaki was dragged into Sara's house by René when he went to pick him up. This was strange he had never done this before.
"Hello Tamaki sit, relax, eat and enjoy." He was led into the kitchen where Sara was setting food down for all of them. He could tell this was planned since there was a place set for him. Sitting at the table he tried to figure out what he was going on, it wasn't a holiday and it wasn't someone's birthday. There was no way she knew his place had no food was it, René was too young to really know the truth, well at least he hoped so.
"I realized that's it's been months since we all got together like this so I decided to change that. I think the last time was when you were staying with us."
"Has it been that long already?" He figured René had something to do with this since he noticed she looked at him when she said it. Overall though it was nice to all eat together. It had been awhile and everyone was so close that they all enjoyed the time together.
Before they headed out for the night Tamaki was pulled aside. He knew she thought something was up and him staying over for dinner wasn't just because they hadn't done that in awhile.
"You're probably going to say I'm wrong or it's nothing but I just wanted to let you know that René is worried about you. He told me you've been worried about something. That's why he wanted you to stay for dinner, in hopes that you could relax for a little while. Is everything alright?"
"That boy is too smart for his own good it makes me crazy. Everything is fine, just a little bumpy while I transition from not having the extra money that I did before. I'll talk to him before he thinks something is seriously wrong."
"Alright Tamaki. Let me know if money is tight for you okay. I'm sure we can work something out so you boys don't starve."
"Trust me it's not that bad." Close but they weren't there yet. With that settled though he grabbed René and headed home. He would have to be careful though so René didn't worry about him too much.
Back home he helped him finish his homework before getting him washed up and ready for bed. It was too early for him to go to bed but then it was done for the night. Sitting on the couch he flipped through the TV channels looking for something they could watch together. René joined him a few minutes later all dressed in his pajamas and sat beside him. Muting the TV he turned to face René who looked confused by what his dad just did.
"I'm sorry if I have been worrying you. You should have told me. But, I want you to know that everything is fine."
"But, then how come you sit at the table every night with all that paper? And you say things in your sleep?"
"Have I? I'm sorry; I guess I've been dreaming. As for all the paper. I'm paying bills, something you don't have to worry about for many years. But bills are horrible and a pain but nothing is wrong."
"Okay, are you mad that Aunt Sara had us stay? You work so hard I wanted you to take it easy for a night and not cook."
"Of course I'm not mad. And thank you for thinking of me."
"It's just you and me right daddy, we have to take care of each other."
"You're right and I'll take it easy I promise. No need to worry." Wrapping his arms around him he pulled him closer. When they separated René snuggled close while they watched TV before he had to go to bed.
René could tell something was wrong and that his father was lying about everything being okay. He didn't know what was wrong though and how he could help him. He didn't want to upset him or bother him though knowing he worked hard all day every day. He was smart he could do things to stay out of his way and let him relax.
"Daddy, aren't you going to eat too?"
"No, I had a big lunch so I'm not that hungry. Hey René do you mind playing by yourself for a little bit? I had a long day and need to lie down for a few minutes. Give me an hour or so and we can do something before you get ready for bed. Just put your dishes in the sink, I'll take care of them later."
"Sure daddy."
"Thanks kiddo." Leaving him to eat he went into their bedroom to lie down. He didn't have much of an appetite all day knowing how strapped for cash they were. Besides even if he was hungry he couldn't eat since there wasn't enough for both of them. René finished eating and put his plate in the sink as he was told before he went into the living room to watch TV. Lying in front he reached over to turn it on before he moved back so he wasn't so close. Seeing the screen was dark he moved closer and hit the button again. Noticing the little power light didn't go on he checked behind it to see if it somehow got unplugged. Not having that be the problem he stood up and went to tell his father. Opening the bedroom door he stopped in a little, "Daddy the T…" His voice trailed off hearing something odd coming from inside the room. Listening closer he noticed it sounded like crying, he had never seen his dad cry before. Tamaki didn't even know he was there as he was face first in his pillow crying. Not sure what to do he slowly backed up and closed the door to let his dad be. Tamaki clutched his pillow tighter in his hands as tears poured from his eyes.
"Kyouya, what do I do? How do I make this work?"
René, wanting to help his dad out as much as possible did all he could to make sure he had less to do. Pushing a kitchen chair to the sink he climbed on top to wash the few dishes in it. He watched his dad do them a bunch of times so they didn't seem too hard to do. He scrubbed as hard as he could until they looked clean before rinsing them off. Putting them on the rack next to the sink he stepped off the chair and slipped on the floor. Crying out in pain he stood up to see a puddle from where the water splashed. Grabbing a towel from the bathroom he wiped it up and tried to hang it up as best as he could so it could dry on the oven next to the one they used for their hands. Going into his backpack he pulled out the book they were reading in class. He liked to read and though the sun was setting he knew they had flash lights so he could read without the light on. He wasn't sure why but they didn't seem to be working either.
René didn't want to bother his dad but he really hoped he would come out of the bedroom soon. He didn't like being alone in the dark. Every little sound scared him and made him jump. He had checked the door already into the apartment to make sure it was locked. Moving to the loveseat he wrapped the blanket his dad always kept there around him. He didn't want to be alone in the dark anymore but he wanted to give his dad as much space as he needed. Hearing something in the apartment he tightened the blanket around him.
"René? Hey where are you? Why is it so dark?"
"Daddy? I'm in the living room, none of the lights work."
"What?...Oh yea…that's right, I knew that." Going into the living room René heard his dad hit something before making it too him. Moving closer to him he allowed his body to relax again now knowing he was safe. "René, I'm sorry, have you been like this long? You should have gotten me. I know you hate being in the dark."
"Its okay, you needed rest. Do you feel better?"
"Yea…" Tightening his grip around René he pulled him closer. He felt terrible that they had no power and he left René in the dark. He had been so wrapped up in himself that he forgot he was afraid of it. "Don't we have flashlights? You could have used one and that will help for now."
"I found one but the batteries don't work."
"Of course they don't. Why should they. I'll try to pick some up tomorrow."
"Will we have no power for awhile?"
"I think so. At least until I get paid again."
"Okay." Moving closer he hoped his dad knew that they would be okay. He didn't want him to worry about him, or overworking himself to fix whatever the problem was with their power.
Since it was too dark to really do anything they turned in early for the night and Tamaki was grateful his alarm clock had battery backup that thankfully worked. It was early though when it went off, earlier then they usually got up which helped since he wanted to shower and to have René take a bath while the apartment had sun shining in.
"Want to take a Japanese bath?" Tamaki also needed something before he wallowed in despair over his inability to properly provide for his son. Seeing they had no hot water since apparently that was attached to the electric he tried to figure out how they would live until he could pay the bill.
"Sure! And daddy why do I know both French and Japanese?"
"Because you're French and Japanese. I speak both fluently and it's good to know both I feel. Plus, its' something we have that ours. I can talk to you in Japanese and most people won't know what we are saying. But, that doesn't mean you talk behind other peoples back with it or insult people with it. Language is a very powerful tool and I want you to have that to use. I am also a very firm believer in culture and knowing your heritage so I wanted to pass that on to you."
"Okay. So how does this bath work?" He watched Tamaki find matches to light the stove so he could fill their pots with water. After getting the tub filled Tamaki show René what to do only to stop as he noticed a nasty bruise on his arm.
"Hold on, René where did you get this?" Taking a closer look he tried not to hurt him but he wanted to make sure was alright. He didn't remember him saying anything about it yesterday and he didn't think he hit anything last night while they tried to navigate in the dark.
"Oh…I did the dishes for you, so you could rest longer last night. I made a small mess with the water and when I went to get off the chair to clean it up I slipped and fell on it and hit my arm. I'm okay daddy don't worry."
"You should have told me last night that you fell. I am glad you're alright but please try to be careful okay. I don't want to see you seriously hurt yourself."
"I'm sorry daddy. Are you mad that I did them and not tell you, did I do something wrong?"
Looking at the worry in his son's eyes that he was upset with him he could feel his eyes becoming misty again. Wrapping his arms around René he hugged him tight. No words were strong enough to fully explain what he felt towards his son.
"Of course I am not mad at you. Thank you for trying to help me last night it means a lot to me. I am just glad you didn't get seriously hurt. Slipping on water, especially on these floors can really hurt."
"I will daddy. Can you let me go, you're hurting my arm." Pulling away they both looked at each other and smiled before Tamaki went back to helping him.
Tamaki excitingly opened the door to his apartment knowing they had power again. They had been without for over a week since he had to pay a late fee that he forgot about when he went to pay the bill the other day. It was a good thing the fridge was empty, nothing could spoil from it not running.
"Daddy, why is it so cold in here?" René walked in behind him from the cold and snowy weather to realize he didn't feel heat.
"I may have turned it off when we left for the day. Hold on." Going to the thermostat he saw it was lit but wouldn't turn on.
"Give me a break. I know I paid this to avoid something like this happening."
"Daddy? Is it broken?"
"Maybe. Keep your coat on. I don't want you to get cold while I try to see what's up." Grabbing the phone from the kitchen he dug out the paid bill and called the heating company. René sat at the table with him to see what was wrong while he pulled out his school books to finish some homework.
"What do you mean I didn't pay? I gave you the money two weeks before it was due. Yes, thank you." Rubbing his forehead he tried to get René to see that everything was fine. "Yes, okay, around when? I'll inform my landlord then. Thank you." Hanging up he slouched back in his chair. Knowing René was curious as to what was going on he sat back up.
"Our control panel may be faulty. Someone can come tomorrow at the earliest."
"What does faulty mean?"
"It means broken. In other words we have no heat until they come to fix it. Sorry."
"Can I put another sweater on then so I don't have to stay in my coat?"
"Yea go ahead. I'll make us some hot dinner while you do that."
The apartment freezing was terrible, it seemed that no matter how many blankets they wrapped around each other or cups of hot chocolate they had they couldn't warm up. A hot bath worked but only until they left the room and Tamaki had them stay in there awhile so their wet hair wouldn't give them a cold from all of this.
"René, I want you to sleep with me tonight to help keep you warm." He dug out all the blankets he could find to put them on the bed for the night. Why did he have to have the world's shittest luck?
"Okay Daddy. Give me one." Taking a blanket from him he brought it into the bedroom, at least having power helped with finding things to stay warm. Climbing into bed first he had René join him and helped keep him wrapped up while he kept him close to his body.
"The covers are cold."
"I know, give it a minute." Pulling him closer he made sure he wasn't shivering. The last thing he needed was for René to get sick from the cold and walking home in this weather.
"If I had known we wouldn't have heat I would have told Aunt Sara and seen if you couldn't spend the night with them."
"Its okay Daddy and I like being home. So you wouldn't have been cold with no one to warm you and keep you company."
"Thanks René."
Hearing it was the box made Tamaki happy; the box wouldn't cost him anything since he paid for any repairs as part of his heating plan. But, hearing it would take two days for a new one because of the major snowstorm and terrible road conditions made him upset. Since school had been closed due to the weather René was spending the days with Michael since Tamaki still had to go into work. From this though he did mention about not having heat and Sara had them stay as many nights until they did. He knew he should have asked her that first night but he had just come from here and it was only for the one day or so he thought at the time so they were fine. Arriving at her place after work already checking and knowing they had no heat he was let in and changed out of his uniform. He felt bad that she would hold dinner for him but it was nice to eat and eat with everyone. Heading towards Michael's room a little later to get René and get him ready for bed he felt someone grab his arm. Looking over his shoulder he saw Sara. This couldn't be good. He loved her to death but when she wanted to talk privately that meant she was worried about something involving him.
"I know it's still a month away but I wanted to know what your plans for Christmas are. You know you're more than welcome to come here for dinner as you have in the past."
"Thanks, I'm sure I'll accept the invite. I haven't given much thought to it yet. Things have been a little crazy."
"Well let me know whenever." With that she walked away to see Abby come walking down the hall with Sean behind her. Christmas, he really didn't want to think about it. But he needed to decide soon if he could do it or not so he could tell René. That, was something he wasn't looking forward to at all.
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I need to type faster this should have been up yesterday. I want to start the next chapter but all hell kinda broke loose here today so I am not sure. Happy 4th to everyone though and talk to you all soon.
~Femalefighter~