Rubedo: Man, I am so out of it lately.
Wilhelm: Explains why you aren't updating this regularly like you should.
Rubedo: It isn't in the contract…so there. I can do what I want when I want.
Wilhelm: That contract is the abomination from the level below Hell.
Rubedo: What would be left, ash?
Wilhelm: That's what would be left of you if I had my way with this story.
Rubedo: Whatever. You're just jealous that you're not real.
Wilhelm: I am too! Damn elitists!
Rubedo: Psycho.
To…Illusera: Welcome aboard to my story of EPIC EXPLOSIONS! You shall definitely be treated to a lot of laughs…so don't go choking on me, okay? I like everyone who reads.
Good evening reader! Today's Fortunetelling consists of a large array of sushi with an entrée of beef soup and chicken fried steak! You won't enjoy this telling if you don't relax you know! So here we go! A toast to the greatest Fortuneteller in the history of Xenosaga…me!
Why in those commercials do they use "bom chicka wah wah" when it's really "bow chicka wow wow"?
Cuz they ain't black.
Why does Shion like Bunny?
Because she's obsessed with its feet.
What type of things does Miyuki invent?
Everything…from small tin rubber bands to satellites of mass destruction.
What's inside KOS-MOS' "Black Box?"
Her virginity.
Can your Compass also tell direction, like a normal compass?
Of course! It is all knowing…how could you not know that?!
What is Zarathustra made out of?
Gum wrappers.
What was the cookie that Rubedo Kukai Jr. didn't like?
Burnt cookies probably. It's not of my interest of his likes and dislikes.
What cookies DOES he like, then?
The obvious choice: sugar cookies. He loves getting "high."
Can I have the cupcakes the Secret Legion of Angels used to smack Rubedo with? I'm hungry!
No. They are top secret information. Though it is very delicious…
What does Ich werde Sie schrauben REALLY mean? I don't know any words in German but I'm pretty damn sure that doesn't mean screw you.
Well, if you just yell it, I'm pretty sure it means something bad. Those Germans are pretty damn clever with their language…
Could you please explain the chicken and egg answer?
I meant what I said. They both came down at the same time. There is no "first."
Do you watch Grey's Anatomy? If so, who is your favorite character?
I've seen a couple of clips from time to time. But I have to say, Grey must have some unforeseen cojones if she can stay calm like a bomb when she has her hand on one.
Are you related to Willy Wonka?
That man is an impostor. He stole my ideas for just about anything sweet…
Who is the biggest imbecile you have EVER had to work with?
The guy publishing this for me. Though I have to say, working with Heinlein is worse…
Right back at ya, asshole.
Does this person accidentally kill people on his own team, have a crush on a tank's AI, and/or load his gun with crayons? If not, then you have yet to see the pinnacle of idiocy...
Hah, Heinlein just knows how to piss everyone off with his crazy ideas of terrorism.
Do you think the Numa Numa Song can be used as an instrument of torture?
You'd have to do the dance as well for it to be perfect.
What other songs do you think could be used as such?
Hamster Dance. Oh god, why did I listen to that rant for so long…?!
Hahahaha. That's payback for trying to poison my Reese's…
Do you know where I could hire chaos for a party?
Look out in space. He's in the stars.
Why shouldn't we give Reese's to Rubedo?
He loves them. He will seriously run through several brick walls to get one.
If you ruled the world, what would be the first thing that you'd do?
Destroy all forms of binding contracts.
Have you seen the purple spotted giraffe or the flying purple elephants?
Seen them? I make them as plush dolls.
If Shion went one-on-one with Citrine, who'd win?
Probably Citrine…she is manlier than Shion.
What do you usually do to irritate Rubedo?
Not give him cookies.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Well, if you aren't there, then you won't hear it. However, as we all know from Lord of the Rings, trees are alive hence the "Ents." They would hear it.
Why do we buy hot dogs in packs of 10 and hot dog buns in packs of 8?
It's a marketing scam. You have to buy 4 hot dog packs and then 5 hot dug bun packs to even it out. They are clever…but not as clever as I…
What is the meaning of life?
To read this story.
Didn't it hurt when Kevin cut your arm? If so, why didn't you stop it? I mean, you already knew it was going to happen...
The people at Namco paid me to go along with it. The arm was just a prop. Even so, we had to make it as realistic as possible…Kevin almost cut off my real arm! I demand a refund!
If Jr. is technically 28, would it be wrong if he dated women of his actual age and vice versa?
Morally, it'd be sound. But appearance wise, no. Pedophiles! THE FEMALE MICHAEL JACKSON!
Why do people hate Jr./MOMO pairings?
WHAT?! WHO IS HATING ON JR.XMOMO?!?!?!?! I DEMAND JUSTICE! BRING DOWN THUNDER AND LIGHTNING!!!
Calm down. The world doesn't revolve around those two…
LIES!
If KOS-MOS had emotions, who'd you think she'd have the hots for?
The obvious choice…the guy in the gay pants.
What the hell is the U.M.N?
You me now. I am available to all ladies.