Chapter 21:

The proposal:

A week after Janie's first day of school Maura finally got used to the idea of leaving her baby in a stranger's hands. After her discussion with Jane she came to realize that she needed to go back to work. Even if she found herself extremely happy being a housewife and taking care of her woman and her daughter, Jane was right she needed to see other people and to get out of their apartment.

That friday morning Maura while shopping at the market met an old friend who made her an offer that she couldn't possibly refuse and she couldn't wait to tell Jane.

Lucky for her friday was the day when Angela usually took Janie for a sleep over so she knew they would have the entire evening and night to talk about it and celebrate.

When Jane arrived home that night a bit later than usual she found Maura in their bedroom signing , visibly happy.

"Someone is happy." Jane said standing in the door way .

"How long have been spying on me?" Maura replied a bit embarrassed.

"Long enough, would you mind telling me what makes you so happy?"

"No,please have a won't believe what happened today." Maura said inviting Jane to sit on their beds.

"I will if you tell me."

"I was at the market today when I ran into an old friend of mine whom I know from medical school. He's a trauma surgeon here in Boston and when he father died last year he used his inheritance to start a foundation and he opened several free clinics ."

"Let me guess he offered you a job?"

"Yes. It's a great opportunity for me to go back to practice medicine, not to mention the hours are flexible so I can accommodate my schedule around Janie's needs. It's perfect."

"You certainly seem enthusiastic."

"I am, you know after years of being surrounded by death I want to go back to practice medicine with the livings."

"I understand, being a medical examiner can be depressing, but I always thought you liked it, speaking for the dead, giving them justice."

"I did, but I can't be surrounded by death anymore, maybe I became more sensitive since I became a mother I don't know, all I know is that I haven't practiced medicine since my time with Medecins sans frontieres and that I'm excited by the challenge it represents."

"Fair enough, I just always thought you would come back to work with me." Jane said her head down her hands on both her legs.

"Please don't take it personally. You know how much I enjoyed working with you in the past, but I thought we talked about this and decided that it was best for our family that found a position with more flexible hours."

"I know, but we can work on that, as the Chief Medical Examiner it's your prerogative to delegate your work right?"

"Jane..." Maura sighed reaching out for Jane's hand.

Seeing Jane's reaction, Maura understood that Jane was expecting her to go back to the Medical Examiner office, that she really wanted things to go back the way they used to be. Unfortunately for Maura this wasn't a possibility that she wanted to considered, not that she didn't miss working with Jane but her life and desires were different now and it was up to her to make Jane understand it without hurting her feelings

"I'm sorry, I just thought you needed time to get back on your feel and to work on your relationship with the guys but that you would eventually come back."

"Oh Jane, I'm sorry. I just think that it's better that we separate our professional and personal lives."

"Why?You didn't seem to have a problem with us working together before."

"I know but things are different now. We're still working on our relationship and you said it yourself : we need our own space and avoid being on each others' back."

"I know what I said, well I guess if you prefer to work with your "Friend" there's nothing I can do to make you change your mind right?" Jane grunted she stood up and started walking towards the door.

"Is this what this about?You're jealous?" Maura said as she grabbed her girlfriend's arm not willing to let her turn her back on her without proper explanation.

"No, I'm not. I'm just...you know what forget about it. Go work at his clinic, as long as you're happy, I'm happy."

"You're obviously not happy, please talk to me." Maura insisted pulling Jane against her not releasing her grip on her arms.

"How am I supposed to be happy when you choose some guy over me?"

"I'm not choosing him, I'm considering accepting the position he offered me, it's nothing personal . Are you doubting my loyalty?"

"No, I'm questioning your desire to be with me. I feel...I feel that all you see in me is a mother for your daughter, not a girlfriend or a lover…And the fact that you don't even want to work with me comforts me in that feeling. " Jane replied standing in the middle of their bedroom her arms crossed on her chest protecting her.

"I'm sorry that I have been focusing on our daughter so much. You know I love you and that I see you as the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. If it's so important for you, I'll go back to the Medical examiner's office."Maura said snaking her arms around the taller's woman waist.

"No, I'm sorry. Ever since you came back I couldn't help but noticing that you lost that flame you had your eyes that made you such a happy and over enthusiastic woman. I'm happy to see you so excited about something again, I just wished it was because of me not because of some guy who offered you a job…"

"Oh Jane, please don't think for one second that my current happiness isn't exclusively caused by you. For the past 3 months you literally brought me back to life. I'm smiling because of you,and because of the wonderful family we built together, not because of some job offer, offer that I will not accept if it makes you doubt me or yourself."

"I'm just still scared of loosing you again. I wasn't there when you decided to leave me and I couldn't stop you. I just … I just thought that by working with you again and by being with you 24/7 I will be more likely to be there if you ever doubt us again you know."

"Even if we worked together again, you wouldn't be able to be with me constantly. You have to trust me when I say that I don't want to leave you ever again and that if I ever have doubts I will talk to you about it."

"I know, I just need time to let my guard down. Just tell me you never slept with him."

"I never slept with him and before you asked he knows that I'm with you and that we have a daughter. You have nothing to worry about." Maura said pressing her warm lips against Jane's forehead pulling her back in bed.

"I know, just give me some time to get used to the way things are now. In the mean time tell me more about this job."

"Okay."

As Jane was listening to Maura she realized that things have been easy for the past few months. Maura stayed home all day, so she knew she wasn't going to meet someone else. Now it was time to stop living in a bubble and go back to real life. A life where Maura would go back to work, meet people and might be tempted. Jane knew that she would have to trust Maura , her love and commitment to her . Even if she was scared to death to see Maura being more independent Jane knew that she had no choice but to trust her. She knew that she needed to give her a chance, that doubting her would only make Maura doubt herself and after spending the past 3 months trying to make Maura forgive herself and of helping her regain her self confidence, that was something Jane wasn't willing to risk.

On the other hand Maura realized that even if they lived together with their daughter Jane was still scared. At first Maura didn't understand why Jane was still doubting her, she had moved in with her, she had practically made her adopt her daughter...After considering it Maura realized that as supportive Jane was with her, she was still hurt and that she would probably carry a small doubt with her for a long time. Maura knew that she needed to be patient and that she would need to reaffirm her commitment to Jane constantly until she finally trusts her completely. She knew it would take time, especially considering Jane's jealous temper, but she didn't care, after all she put Jane through that least she could do was to be patient with her.

As the two women had dinner and celebrated Maura's new job Jane felt that things were finally coming into place, that they were finally starting to have a normal life again. Maura had found a new job that she was very excited about, Janie had just started school and after an adaptation period, they finally found their marks and were living in perfect harmony in Jane's apartment. Unfortunately there was something that was still missing in their relationship, something that Jane never dared to bring up: Sex. Yes, after almost 3 months of dating Maura and Jane still hadn't had sex. Obviously Jane was burning of desire for Maura, who could blame her?After 4 years of not seeing Maura and fantasizing about holding her she needed to kiss her, to hold her, to feel her skin under her tongue. Unfortunately Maura wasn't ready yet. Jane knew that it was because of her scars, that she wasn't comfortable with her own body anymore. That was something Jane wasn't accustomed to because as far as she could remember Maura had always been so comfortable in her body, walking around the house naked, or changing on front of her when they were only friends. Jane knew that it would take time for Maura to accept her body with the scars and she was willing to give her that time and to prove to her that she still found her attractive. Unfortunately as patient, loving and understanding as Jane was willing to be it was hard for her to see Maura reject her every time she tried to touch her. Jane knew that was something they would definitely need to talk about, but right now things were good, Maura was happy and after all the drama they went through, she didn't want to ruin that happiness.

So guys, I feel that ever since I revealed the identity of Janie's father you lost interest...A lot of secrets and dramas are yet to be revealed!So show me some support and interest!

Also go read my story " Broken"

I don't think I say it enough: you guys are the best!