Chapter 21: Sonomi XI
At the Edge of the World
Disclaimer: CCS is not mine.
Chapter twenty one - Sonomi
"I'm dreading our history test. Kinomoto-sensei has been in the worst mood, lately."
"Dumped by a girlfriend, probably."
"What a stupid woman. He's so hot! Have you seen how broad his back is?"
"Keep it down, Sumire! Honestly, you go on and on-"
I do my best to block out the voices of Kinomoto-sensei's fan club and try to focus on my history textbook instead. I am sitting in the library and the sun is close to setting and I have no idea where Nadeshiko is. Maybe I should go look for her? But what if she's gone home already? I wasn't very nice to her. Then again she was being so secretive and sneaky that I couldn't help but get angry.
What is she hiding? It hurts that she doesn't trust me.
I put down my pencil, lean back in my chair and contemplate this, my gaze on the clock. The girls at the next table are still offering their expert opinion on Kinomoto-sensei, and just what they'd like to do if he were ever shirtless. I feel my temper flare. There's something odd about Kinomoto-sensei; I don't like the way he looks at Nadeshiko. There's something sleazy about it, like he's lusting after her. And since when have they been close? The last I recall of their relationship was polite small talk; and even then it was nothing more than an occasional, 'hello-goodbye'. But I notice that they've changed. They treat each other differently, though it is hidden behind niceties. It's not even the type of relationship that I had with Kinomoto-sensei, and I thought we were closer than is what is considered normal.
Unfortunately there is no concrete evidence of this. If someone said to me, "prove it", I wouldn't be able to. It's only apparent in the way he looks at her. It's apparent in the way she looks at him, when she thinks no one is looking.
What the hell has been happening while I've not been paying attention?
Will I lose Nadeshiko to him? As this thought materializes itself I feel a jolt in my stomach as if my guts were made of lead and I feel real, cold fear. I don't think I could ever stand to lose her. She is the only thing that grounds me, keeps me sane, makes life worth living. Can I stop it? Nadeshiko has always needed me, and I thrive on it. I need her to need me. I am the one who's lost and unstable. I need her to need me because it makes me useful. I'm not a waste of space to Nadeshiko. I'm her only salvation. I'm the only thing that's kept her going these past few horrible months. She's only her true self with me. Not anyone else. I am the only one who can give her solace.
But what if he steals her away? What if I lose her?
Maybe I'm being silly; there's no concrete evidence that she will ever leave me for him. They are a teacher and a student, after all. There is no danger.
I hope.
I sigh and pack up my things. When I walk out of the library I see Nadeshiko sitting on the entrance steps, looking very lost. She raises her head and our eyes meet and I sigh and hold out my hand and she clasps it in hers. It is warm and real and I love her and for once I push all my selfish thoughts to the back of my mind and wonder how I can help; but we just walk wordlessly through the school gates, and slowly make our way back home.