Hi guys. I want to do a story using Mario Tennis but… there aren't any actual glitches I can find it for it. Or reasonable hacks. You won't mind me deviating (for the second time) will you? I'll still put humour into it! (Thanks YouTube…)
21. Anyone for Tennis?
"Wahoo! Anyone for tennis?" cried Mario excitedly, brandishing his racquet like a weapon.
"Oh for god's sake! Not again!" Luigi said to his over-excitable brother. "We have been playing tennis for years now and you just use it as an excuse to try and whip my backside! Nu-uh! I'm not doing it! No way. I'm sick of beating you anyway; it's got boring, bro."
"Did somebody mention tennis? That would be wonderful!" Peach sighed happily. "It's such a graceful game, a beautiful game…"
"Yeah, until some sore loser tries to shove his racquet up the victor's nose!" snapped Luigi, glaring at Mario who was conveniently feigning deafness.
Closely following Peach was another princess, one who had travelled quite a distance to visit her childhood friend and fellow ruler. She was named Daisy, princess of Sarasaland. "Ooh! We don't often play tennis where we live! I think it is a terrific idea and Luigi could teach me the ropes."
"On second thoughts, Mario, I think it's a wonderful idea! Especially if I can prove myself to Daisy and make you look like a complete idiot."
"You hypocrite," Mario muttered.
So it was decided then that the Mushroom Kingdom would host a Tennis Tournament and of course Mario and Luigi would inevitably face each other in the Final Rounds because their famous rivalry was fierce but it was good-natured. At least, everybody hoped so anyway.
"Mario, I swear to goodness that if you don't stop cheating by making those balls go faster by setting them on fire, I will do something very regrettable."
"Oh, come on!" Mario protested. "Nintendo's gonna give us special Power Moves the next time we have a Tennis Tournament anyway! I had a call from Miyamoto."
"Of course you did. And I had a call from Bowser saying that he wants a delightful teddy bear's picnic with us. Then he actually wants to play tennis for fun."
"Did he?" asked Mario. Luigi slapped himself. He should have slapped Mario.
"Anyway, Luigi," said Mario continuing. "This isn't called cheating. This is called tactics."
"Have you ever heard of the concept of a rules book?"
"No, beats me. What's one of those?"
"Mario! Luigi! The Princesses are arriving now! You must greet them!" said a Toad rushing towards the pair; thankfully averting what may have been a major crisis. "The stadium looks to be in great shape! Peach is very happy with it! And Daisy is very happy with it too! And she also says thank you for the tennis lessons, Luigi! She wants to see you later alone!" The Toad, who had an unfortunate habit of putting exclamation marks at the end of everything sentence he said leered at Luigi at this point, possibly jealous at the fact that the plumber was going to get in with a princess. He scarpered off and left the bros to make their way over to the entrance of the stadium. Mario leered too.
"You're in luuuuuurve with her!" Mario snickered. "And here's me thinking that you would never get a girlfriend, Luigi!"
"Shut up!" said Luigi, his cheeks burning bright pink. "So what if I haven't before? She really likes me, Mario and I don't want you to blow it for me."
Mario grasped his brother's shoulder firmly. "Hey, bro, I would never do that to you. You know how difficult it was for me to get with Peach and you supported me with it. I hope you find happiness with her."
Luigi smiled; brotherly rivalry temporarily forgotten. "Thanks, bro."
They strolled to the intended meeting place where they saw the princesses merrily waving them over. They looked towards the stadium and nodded with approval; it was certainly impressive; an excellent place for playing the fabulous game of tennis. Luigi blushed when he saw Daisy looking at him and she giggled. She was so sweet…
"Hey, Luigi, I've been meaning to ask you," she said. "You know, when Mario saved me from Tatanga?" Luigi nodded; how could he forget when his brother had reminded him every 5 minutes? "How come you weren't with him?"
"Oh, that's easy!" said Mario brightly. "He had diarrho-umph!"
"What are you talking about?" said Luigi with an equally bright voice as he got his brother in a headlock. "I was on an adventure, don't you remember?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Since I was away at the time, I hadn't heard that Mario was gone to help you, Daisy. It's a shame really that I was in the wrong place at the time."
"Alright then," said Daisy looking bemused while Peach looked suspicious and rolled her eyes. "We have to go now; Peach says that Toadsworth wants to see me."
"And he's such a stickler for protocol," said Peach. "Bless him," she added fondly. "We'll see you two later." She looked sweet but her words managed to carry a deeply menacing tone in them. Luigi still held his brother in a headlock as the princesses entered the new stadium and as soon as they were out of sight, he dumped Mario on the ground and set his overalls alight.
"Mamma mia!" Mario cried as he ran about trying to put the fires out. "Watch the merchandise!"
"You bastard!" Luigi shouted as he attempted to set fire to Mario again. "Did you have to say that? It wasn't my fault I was ill! You are so dead as soon as this tournament is over with!"
"Do you mean that metaphorically or literally?" yelled Mario as he ran away from his enraged brother.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK?"
The day of the majestic tournament had finally arrived and the competitors were limbering up ready for their high-octane matches. Yoshi prayed to the Yoshi Gods that he would not end up in a match against Birdo. She, (or was it a he?) was seriously freaking him out. She, er, he, er, it blew him a kiss. Yoshi nearly fainted.
"Luigi!" asked Yoshi urgently. "Is that guy a girl or is that a gay guy hoping that I'm gay too?"
Luigi was too good a friend to laugh. "Well, Birdo's pink and wearing a bow, I'd say she is a girl."
"But you know that there's pink Yoshis out there who are male! And I'm telling you, that is a guy dressing up as a girl in the hope that I will be attracted to him! And I don't swing that way!" Luigi glanced over and saw that Birdo kept stealing looks at Yoshi.
"The less said about it, the better," he said.
"Wow, these are bloody thin tennis racquets," said Mario as he strolled over to them, waving said racquet about. "I'm pretty sure that Peach has way more money in her coffers then this. She should get proper racquets."
"Mario Star Tournament?" said Luigi in disbelief. "You are the biggest glory-hog that ever existed."
Mario shrugged. "Peach approves of it, Luigi. If you don't like it, you can always take it up with her." Luigi sighed and warned him about getting too big-headed. I mean the Mario Party business for example. OK, they had a couple so far, great, but Luigi was concerned that it was going to run near the double-digits and everybody by then was going to be sick of it, surely. But Mario was Peach's knight in shining armour. Or overalls at least.
"LET THE TOURNAMENT BEGIN!" cried the Toad announcer.
The competitors made their way off the court although Luigi thought that he noticed something. Two shadowy figures lurking behind one of the stands, one fat and one tall. Then Luigi shook his head; he didn't need anything else to distract him; Yoshi trying to run away from the love-struck Birdo was distracting and yet entertaining enough.
Much to the delight of everybody there, the crowds loved the spectacle of tennis. Mario trounced DK with a mighty shot that flew over the gorilla's shoulder though he later swore that he had been distracted by an attractive pile of bananas. (Cranky would have disapproved at his grandson's lack of concentration. But then bananas were a great source of energy in such sports like this.) Yoshi was practically sobbing with delight when he found out that he wasn't squaring up against Birdo; he was up against Daisy. Luigi wasn't too sure who he wanted to win the match and watched nervously from the sidelines. Yoshi triumphed in the end though and Daisy took the loss like a good sport. Luigi found himself on the receiving of a thank you kiss from Daisy and could not help himself from blushing like a furnace. Peach found this sweet; Mario later retched and was promptly set on fire again. Birdo unfortunately lost to Peach and while Peach was celebrating this close win, Birdo started searching for Yoshi who hid behind Luigi screaming: "DON'T LET IT NEAR ME! I'M TOO INNOCENT FOR THIS!" Mario beat the Paratroopa who played well but later in the match, started sniggering uncontrollably and Mario wondered why this was the case until he saw that Luigi had burned a hole in his overalls in an embarrassing place. Fortunately for Mario, he had brought along a spare pair. Yoshi and Peach were later knocked out of the competition by the battling bros. Later on, they had to rescue Yoshi from the top of the stadium roof as he had tried to make his escape from the amorous Birdo. ("No, I'm perfectly fine up here! Honest! I SAID I'M PERFECTLY FINE UP HERE!") The last match was between Mario and Luigi; who would win that shiny trophy?
"Lets'a go!" cried Mario, if only so he could make the Mario fans scream with delight at his catchphrase. To Luigi, he said: "You're going down, bro."
"I'm going down in history," Luigi retorted.
While Mario was busily trying to come back with a winning statement, the two shadowy figures that Luigi had spotted earlier suddenly made their unwelcome appearance onto the court. The crowd gasped, the competitors who had been beaten in the earlier matches gasped, Mario and Luigi gasped. By God, were these two ugly.
"WHO ARE THEY?" gasped the Toad, miles behind everybody else.
"Wario, what in the heck are you doing here?" said Mario. "It's a bit late to try and gatecrash now; we're on the last match!"
"Yeah, and who in the hell is that stick figure there? I know that we know you; there are pictures of us in Toad's booth for god's sake but for the purpose of the audience; who the hell are you, stick figure?"
"WHAAAAAT?" exclaimed the stick figure. "I am the great Waluigi who is going to become even more awesome by beating everybody up, especially you as you are supposed to be my rival as fatso here is supposed to be Mario's rival."
"Hey, I'm not fat!" Wario protested. "I'm horizontally challenged!"
"So your debut into the Nintendo World is to basically get owned in a tennis game and acts as Wario's partner in crime?" asked Luigi. "That's great, I love it."
"That's enough talk. Just kick the back of his legs, Luigi," said Mario. "And he'll fall down like a pile of sticks."
"He could never do that!" said Waluigi. "For I am the great Waluigi and I shall become even more famous and awesome than I am now even though nobody has actually seen me before! We'll whup everybody with our superior skills! Waluigi rocks! Let's end this party!" he declared as he lobbed an imaginary tennis ball at Luigi.
Luigi stared at the ugly guy in purple. "Luigi not afraid," he said and lobbed the imaginary ball back and winked. He wondered why he did that then; people could get the wrong message with him winking at Waluigi. Waluigi gaped open-mouthed, he was OWNED!
"Wow! Luigi's trolling Waluigi hard!" snickered Yoshi from the side-lines. "That line was epic!"
"That was badass, bro," said Mario approving.
"WHAAAAAAAAAT?" screeched Waluigi. "Nobody can be more bad-ass than me!" He stormed over to Luigi.
"Bad-ass? You're just a freak!" growled Luigi as he too made his way over to duke it out with Waluigi.
"20 coins that Luigi will beat the purple guy to a pulp?" said DK to Yoshi.
"Oh, come on, there's no contest!" laughed Yoshi. "Luigi could own this guy with both hands tied behind his back, blindfolded. Nobody knows who this guy is apart from being ugly!"
"This is very true, my love," said Birdo puckering up.
"ARRRRRRRRRRGH!"
Mario leapt over the net, ignoring Yoshi's screaming and tried to quell the steaming argument between the pair although without much luck because it was strangely satisfying watching Luigi being bad-ass and with the possibility of setting someone else alight instead of himself. Then Wario magically appeared in front of Mario.
"Holy crap!" he exclaimed.
"WAHAHAHAHA!" Wario laughed. "You're gonna have to get through me first and that ain't gonna happen!"
"Watch it asshole!" snapped Mario. Wario gasped.
"What did you just say?"
"I said watch it buster!"
"OK then, 30 coins that Mario and Luigi beat up the Wario Bros in less than 5 minutes flat."
"Done," said Yoshi to DK.
Before any sort of battle could commence however, everything suddenly went dark and a light lit up the centre of the court. Mario and Luigi dived out of the way and Wario and Waluigi screamed as they were squashed under the weight that was Bowser before being flung out of the way. He was carrying a tennis racquet; why on earth was he carrying a tennis racquet? A Boo followed him also carrying a tennis racquet.
"WHAT'S THAT?" screamed Toad, late as usual.
"My, what big teeth you have," said Mario to the Boo.
"All the better for eating you with!" cackled the Boo.
"Oh dear, so this is the Koopa King that keeps kidnapping you, does he?" said Daisy to Peach.
"I'm afraid so," she replied. "He can't be thinking of that now surely… And Yoshi, stop quivering and pull yourself together."
"What do you suppose he's going to do now?" whispered Luigi.
Mario shrugged. "Kidnap the princess? How the hell should I know?"
"Hey, guys!" said Bowser. He looked menacing at first but then… "Tennis? I love Tennis! Can I play too? Huh! Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Pretty, pretty please?"
Mario stared at Luigi. "You said earlier that Bowser wanted to play some tennis for fun."
"That was a joke!"
"What's going on here?" cried Waluigi as he picked himself up from the ground and kicking Wario.
"Er…" Mario turned to face Bowser and his Boo companion. "Er… sure. Whatever you like, big fella. We're all game."
"Yaaaay!" squealed Bowser and the Boo. "This is going to be epic!"
"No battle!" said Yoshi to DK. "Looks like the bet's off."
"Wow, I've never seen him so happy! Let's all do a random dance as we celebrate Bowser not attacking us!" cried Mario. So they danced. Waluigi had another reason to hate Luigi now: he was jealous of his rival's dance moves.
"WHAT'S THAT?" cried the Toad.
"Oh, for crying out loud, there's nothing to- OHSH**IT'SABOB-OMB!" yelled Luigi.
And indeed, a random Bob-omb walked straight in front of them, everybody screamed.
"What the f-!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Wahahahaha! The Mario Tennis intro is great; just have a look at it though to see the difference in the technology then compared to now.
Hey, I hope you liked it even though it didn't involve glitches. If you really want it though, pretend that Mario setting fire to tennis balls is a hack that could be used in the game. They probably could after all…
P.S Luigi's voice is really deep in this game. O_o