Based on characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I own the smutty bits . . . well, actually, since it's a parody, I own all of it. The monster says it owns…
Chapter 21
"What?" I shouted idiotically. Wait, what had she said?
Bella repeated it more emphatically. "I'm on the pill." She smiled serenely.
My brain digested this piece of information while I tried to calm my features, not to mention my pounding heart. The monster, still hiccupping with amusement, produced its embroidered hanky and wiped tears from its eyes.
"How long have you been on the pill?" I asked incredulously. I realized this was pretty much irrelevant, but I was stalling for time now.
Bella colored a bit. "A couple of months," she mumbled.
I automatically did the math. "Wasn't that about the time we started dating?" Had she actually been planning this since the beginning?
"I suppose it was, now that I think back," Bella replied, her voice deliberately casual. "But birth control wasn't my primary motivation—at least not then."
I stopped myself asking what that reason was, realizing I'd be completely at sea in a minute here. Instead, I turned away and ran a hand through my hair. My strategy was in shambles. The best laid plans had somehow turned into the best plans for getting laid.
"Are you angry with me?" Bella asked in a small voice.
"No, of course not, Bella. I could never be angry with you." Just because you've completely undermined the last fragile thread of the BSR Plan?
"Then will you tell me what's wrong?" she asked quietly.
As I hemmed and hawed, Bella's eyes got wider and began to glisten. Oh shit! The monster looked even more forlorn.
Bella turned away from me and faced the window. "I'm sorry, Edward. I thought you'd feel the same way I did—that you would want to make love. I didn't mean to push you. I feel like an idiot."
"Oh dear God," I exhaled in despair. "Of course, I want to make love to you. There's nothing I desire more in the whole world, I assure you."
"Then I don't understand," she responded in confusion, speaking to our reflections in the plate glass.
There was no way around it—the discussion was going to occur here and now. I took a deep breath to calm myself and help organize my thoughts. The monster screamed, this better be good asshole!
I put my hands on Bella's shoulders and turned her to face me. I searched her eyes before beginning. "I need to be certain, that is, to make sure that this is really what you want. Making love—losing your virginity—that's forever. It's not something that can be undone. I'm afraid that you'll regret it—that someday you will come to believe that you gave something precious to someone who was…unworthy. I won't do that to you."
"How can you say that? That you're unworthy?" She sounded shocked. Bella hesitated for a moment, and then continued when I didn't speak. "Edward, you say that you're sure you want me, is that right?"
"Yes, of course it is.
"You have no doubts about your own feelings?" Bella pushed.
"No. None," I admitted truthfully.
"Then why do you think I might come to regret it?"
"I…um…" I faltered. I had no good answer.
"Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?"
"I don't know. Perhaps," I finished lamely.
"Edward!" The shock was apparent in Bella's voice. "How can you say that?"
The hurt in her face made me feel terrible. I was screwing this up royally. So once again, my thoughts came out in a rush.
I grabbed her by the arms and blurted out, "Because, Bella, I want to marry you. I think about it all the time—being able to be with you—with no one having the power to separate us ever again. I know you'll think I'm insane for feeling this way—we're way too young to get married. But it doesn't stop me from wanting it—from fantasizing about it constantly. I die a little bit every time I have to take you home—every time we part." I realized I was breathing hard and shaking her lightly I spoke. I dropped my hands and turned away before continuing in an unsteady voice. "I know it's crazy. I didn't want to tell you this. I didn't want to…scare you."
The silence was palpable. My heart thudded with dread at how she would react to my confession. The monster held its breath. Bella's response shocked me enough so that my eyes flew around to meet hers.
"Silly Edward," Bella crooned. She was glowing with happiness, her eyes shining now for an entirely different reason. "Don't you know I feel exactly the same way?"
"You—you do?" I asked, incredulity animating my voice.
"Of course I do. I think about us being together all the time too, and a time when we never have to say good night again. I hate it when we're apart, believe me. You have no idea how many times I've lain in bed at night wishing you were there holding me. Or how many times I've woke up in the morning after dreaming of you, disappointed to discover you're not with me. "
Well, perhaps I had some idea about that whole dreaming part.
"Since almost the moment we met, my life seems to have only two dimensions—the times I'm with you and the times I'm waiting and wanting to be with you," she finished.
Was it possible Bella felt as strongly as I did? I searched her face, looking for confirmation of her words. The monster, its glass always half full, began sprinkling a trail of rose petals towards the bed.
"As for the future, I think about that too." She dropped her eyes and colored a bit before continuing. "I've wondered whether we might…apply to the same colleges so we could go away together after high school. I haven't said anything about it because, like you I suppose, I was afraid you might think I was moving too fast. And…although I agree that we're far too young for marriage, I may have…written the name 'Isabella Cullen' down once or twice, just to, you know…see how it looks." Her eyes met mine and she smiled tentatively.
"Bella," I breathed, before crushing her to me. "I love you so much." I held her closely, fiercely. I could feel her body trembling, with emotion this time. My heart was soaring. It hadn't seemed possible that Bella could feel about me as I did her, but the evidence was plain in her words. I was emboldened and took the next step. "I'd like…to give you something…if you'll accept it."
I released Bella, and she looked up at me wonderingly. I reached in my jacket pocket and removed the slim black velvet box inside. I hadn't been sure I would offer it to her tonight, but some inclination had told me to bring it anyway. Taking one of her hands and placing the box on her palm, I continued to hold it there as I explained.
"I do realize we're too young to get married, as much as I may want it now. So an engagement ring was out of the question. Even a promise ring seemed likely to raise…unwelcome concern. So I had this made for you, and…if you want, I'd love for you to wear it."
Bella's hands shook slightly as she raised the lid of the box. She gasped when she saw the contents. It was a miniature diamond ring, hanging from a fine gold chain. Bella lifted it out of the box and admired it, the small jewel glittering brightly.
"It's a little ring," she said, amazed. "It looks just like a small engagement ring."
"Well, that was the general idea," I admitted. "I wanted to give you a ring, but I was afraid it would evoke a storm of questions and comments. So I had this one made—a sort of scaled down version of an engagement ring. And I had them put it on a long chain, so unless you choose otherwise, no one but us need know it's there. It's meant to be representative of both my love for you and my commitment to our future. So do you…will you…accept it?"
"Oh yes—Edward, put it on me," Bella exclaimed, turning around quickly so I could fasten it around her neck. My hands trembled as I fumbled to close the clasp. I gave the nape of her neck a quick kiss and put my arms on her shoulders to turn her around so I could see it. The little ring lay nestled in her cleavage, which was also somewhat representative of our relationship. Lucky fucking necklace.
The monster, pretending to admire the ring, stared blatantly at Bella's breasts, flexing its fingers in reaction. I did the same. Then I did what I'd been dying to do all night and planted my face between them, nuzzling her soft flesh and inhaling deeply. I gave the ring a quick kiss. Really. I mean, I was aiming for the ring, not the soft, fragrant skin of her breasts.
Comforted by both our conversation and that close contact, I realized the moment of decision was now at hand. I had wrestled for so long with the…ins and outs of the matter, so to speak, but now was having trouble marshalling my thoughts. Just exactly why had I been so reluctant to…consummate our love? It seemed like a wonderful idea at the moment.
As if to instinctively allay any further doubts, Bella put her arms around me and whispered into my neck, "I love you, Edward."
Both her nearness and the sentiment she expressed made me shudder with desire. A low moan escaped me, and my arms tightened around her. But still, my doubts fought for dominance.
How could she want to give me such a precious gift? She was wonderful, beautiful, kind, a goddess on earth! She could have any guy she wanted.
She only wants you…
And what if she found someone she loves more? It would be too late! If we did this, I could never give her up—ever!
You couldn't give her up, even now…
I'm just not good enough. I'm not worthy of her love.
Try telling her that—she loves you with all her heart…
I've been lusting after her for months. I'm a monster.
No, you're not, you're an idiot…. Don't you see? We only lusted after her—no one else—because she's the only one we love…
And suddenly, I paused. I stopped all the doubts and all the questions. I embraced the monster and gave myself over to the moment. She loves me and I love her, and that was all there was to it. I mean, what the fuck was I thinking?
That's what I say—let's fuck…er, make love!
Something snapped. Whether it was my mind, or the last pitiful strand of the BSR Plan, I didn't know. Before my lips came crashing down on hers, I heard myself murmur, "I'm breaking all the rules now."
Released from the confines of that stupid fucking BSR Plan, my hormone fueled brain started forging ahead with visions of what was to…come while I ravished Bella's mouth with my tongue. We had all night though, so I slowed my movements and concentrated on making this the most memorable of our lives.
I released Bella and moved behind her. While my lips caressed the soft skin of her neck, my fingertips glided over her shoulders and down her arms, returning slowly upward to unfasten the hook on her dress before unzipping it. I dropped it, letting it pool in a blue cloud at her feet. Bella automatically stepped out of the circle of her dress, and when she slowly bent over to pick it up, invitingly arching her back, a low groan escaped me.
Perhaps a persevering Alice had managed to dye Bella's underwear to match her dress, for her strapless bra and panties appeared to be an identical shade of deep blue. Her pale skin contrasted alluringly with the dark satiny fabric, embellished with provocative bits of lace here and there. As she walked over to a nearby chair to carefully lay her dress over the back, I fixated on her appallingly luscious ass, and my cock eagerly jerked with anticipation. Fuck me. Twice. Thrice even.
With her silken hair still piled beguilingly atop her head, and wearing only her high heels and those indecently tiny pieces of satin and lace, I gasped when Bella turned to face me. I was pitching a tent—a circus tent—a three ring circus tent—and couldn't have cared less how ridiculous I appeared, my eyes undoubtedly glazed over with…love and my hands reaching blindingly towards the object of my desire. The monster, drooling like a rabid dog, extended its arms forward too.
Bella approached and stopped in front of me, waiting expectantly. My fingers lightly traced the swell of her breasts, still enticingly proffered up in spite of the miniscule amount of support the bra could provide. My hands traced the delectable curves of her body. I felt like the proverbial kid in the candy shop. What did I want to taste first?
I placed my hands on either side of her face and bent forward to steal a soft kiss. I teased her lips—her incomparable sexy full lips—with soft kisses and gentle nibbles. As our mouths joined and I began exploring hers with my tongue, one hand slipped around to support the back of her neck while the other stroked the length of her back, pressing her towards my body and desperately urgent erection.
My next miscalculation of the evening was attempting the deadly "bra unclasping maneuver" one-handed. Apparently I wasn't quite ready for it, fumbling awkwardly for a moment or two even after shaking off the monster's "helpful" assistance. Eventually I achieved success without causing any permanent damage, slipping the aggrieved article between our bodies and letting it fall to the floor. My hand continued to travel up and down the smooth skin of Bella's back while my kisses grew more demanding.
My fingers slipped lower, inside her panties, and I groaned into Bella's mouth. I wanted to rip them off her, but controlling my urge I instead broke our kiss and lowered them to her ankles. I helped to extricate her shoe clad feet before rising to admire her perfect body.
"Exquisite," escaped me unthinkingly as I gazed at Bella. She slipped the jacket from my shoulders, and I shrugged it off, my eyes glued to her glorious form. The monster began whimpering and pointing towards the bedroom, but I wasn't quite ready.
"Bella," I whispered hoarsely, "take your hair down."
She smiled seductively and raised her hands to her head. The sight of her standing there, wearing only her necklace and shoes and lifting her arms over her head, was so compelling, so fucking erotic, that I had to take a step backwards in order to appreciate the view all the more. The monster fell to its knees and foamed at the mouth. Or perhaps that was me…
Bella slowly plucked the pins from her hair and tossed them, one by one, on the floor, a sort of coif strip tease. Her hair began to relax, falling in waves to her shoulders. Bella shook her head, her curls lengthening and spilling forward as she ran her hands through her hair.
"Dear God," I breathed. I wanted to commit this picture to memory—absorb every detail and brand it on my brain—so I could savor it forever.
I knocked the camera out of the monster's hand before slowly approaching Bella. So I didn't succumb to the temptation to ravish her right then and there, I picked her up and carried her into the next room, placing her gently on the center of the bed. Her shoes had served their purpose, so I removed and tossed them away, kicking my own off as well. Then I laid on my side next to her, propping my head up and continuing to gaze at her exposed body in a leisurely manner.
"That's not fair, you know," Bella observed in a soft voice.
"What's that?" I asked, full knowing where this was leading. My fingers began to glide across her abdomen.
"You're still entirely clothed," she pouted, looking adorably sexy and enticing me to take her mouth with mine.
"Yes, I know. I'm enjoying the…inequality immensely." I didn't even try to hide my delight at her increasing sense of vulnerability.
She raised her fingers to my tie, but I closed her hand within mine and stilled her efforts. I bent down and kissed her, tracing those delicious lips with my tongue, at the same time moving her arm upwards, bringing her hand to rest on the pillow by her head. I lifted her other wrist and did the same, stopping to relish the sight of her offered up before me, utterly defenseless, like a sacrificial lamb.
"Please," I whispered against her lips, and she understood that I wanted complete and unimpeded access to her body. My hand grew bolder, as did my desire.
I kissed her slowly, passionately, while stroking her smooth skin. I cupped her breasts, each in turn, fondling and squeezing the supple flesh. But I wanted to look as much as I wanted to taste, so I propped my head up again to watch Bella's reactions with growing fascination.
"Spread your legs for me, sweetheart. I want to see all of you," I pleaded in a guttural whisper.
She closed her eyes and turned her face slightly away from me, before parting her legs a bit.
Not good enough.
I put my hand under her knee and slowly hitched her leg upward, letting it come to rest leaning against my body. Now I had what I wanted.
I returned to one breast, loving the weight of it in my hand. I gently pinched and twisted the sensitive tip, relishing the low moan that escaped Bella, gazing with fascination at the expressions of pleasure that flew across her face. I lazily tormented both of her nipples, loving her reactions and the evidence of the obvious delight I brought her. My fingers teasingly stroked the delicate skin of her inner thigh while my eyes feasted upon my ultimate goal. I considered it a small victory when one hand reached further upward, and her fingers curled convulsively around a slat in the wooden headboard.
I was in no hurry. I took my time, exploring her body, gauging her responses. When my fingers slipped downward, finding her warm feminine flesh, discovering the true extent of her readiness, I groaned aloud. She was so wet.
"Oh God, oh God," I chanted softly, before leaning down to urgently meet her lips. I enclosed her tightly in my arms, pressing her body to mine. Bella's arms curled around my neck, her fingers momentarily threading into my hair, before she snaked her hands between us to remove my tie. There were no objections this time, and I loosened my grip so she could unbutton my shirt, loving the feel of her warm hands on my skin. There were a couple of moments of consternation when I tried to get the damn thing off of me, forgetting about the cufflinks and struggling like I was being attacked. Luckily, Bella took charge, laughingly unfastening them so I could extricate myself. I quickly threw off the rest of my clothes and resettled myself on the bed.
I rolled her on top of me, tracing the lines of her body with my hands, squeezing her sweet curves, gasping with need as her involuntary movements caressed my erection. I let my fingers explore between her legs once more until Bella became frantic, her breaths becoming moans, her body wordlessly pleading for more. I was determined that she find her pleasure before we were joined, worried her first time would be uncomfortable and although I hoped not, possibly painful. In fact, that unwelcome thought was weighing on my mind more and more as matters progressed.
I pulled Bella's legs up so she was straddling me, lifted her slightly, and scooted down the bed. I positioned myself…strategically and lowered her body to…appease my hunger. As my mouth went to work with enthusiasm, Bella threw her head back with a sharp groan and grabbed onto the headboard for support. This allowed me unrestricted contact with her breasts, which I reached upward to tease and caress in harmony with the movements of my tongue. In view of the prolonged…warm-up, more quickly than I thought possible Bella's body arched and stiffened and she sobbed in surrender, gasping my name aloud. Well, that was pretty fucking stimulating…
Although more than willing, eager in fact, to continue the…ride, Bella dismounted and collapsed into my arms with a powerful shudder. I held her shivering body close to me, pulling the tangled sheet over her, although I knew that coldness had nothing to do with her reaction. I planted soft kisses on her hair, her forehead, her face. As always, I was struck with the inexplicable force of emotions that overtook me when I brought her such visible pleasure.
After a few moments of recovery, Bella tilted her head and looked into my eyes. As if to make sure she had my full attention, her hand went to my cheek, and she whispered, "Now, Edward."
"You're ready now then," I repeated profoundly, searching her eyes for any sign of hesitation. "Right now?"
Bella nodded, and I took a deep breath. While I was nervous, I didn't think my cock was twitching for that reason. One of us had no reservations whatsoever about this next step. Neither did the monster, which produced a set of pom poms and started waving them about energetically.
"If it gets to be…too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to stop," I advised her.
I settled myself between Bella's legs and her vagina disappeared. I mean, it seemed to, as my cock fruitlessly sought entrance somewhere. I reached my hand down to assist in…traversing the territory, locating a seemingly appropriate entrance. I maneuvered myself inward just a bit. Christ now what do I do?
I mean, I knew what to do, but how to do it? Fast, like ripping off a band-aid? Slow and gentle, easing my way in but possibly prolonging any discomfort? Why hadn't I gone over this with Emmett? I was already perspiring and I'd hardly moved yet.
Bella shifted slightly, probably trying to encourage me as I struggled with my doubts. Opting for a middle of the road approach, I slowly thrust forward with determination, still holding back considerably. And I was in. And it felt…wonderful. Warm. Wet. Tighter than I could have possibly imagined.
If it hadn't been for Bella's gasp and a bracing of her entire body, it would have been utter bliss. But seeing that she was in obvious pain, I struggled to stay still, shaking all over with the effort that entailed. The urge to thrust, and to thrust hard, was overwhelming. Propped on my elbows, I looked down at Bella, wishing with all my might that this not be too terrible for her.
"Are you all right? Does it hurt?" I felt like a beast.
"No," she replied softly. "It's…tolerable. Keep going."
Slowly, I began moving inside her. I mean, as slowly as I could. Why did it have to feel so fucking great? I hated the fact that she was at best uncomfortable, and at worst in real pain, while I was having the time of my life. On the other hand, with a growing sense of mortification, I also realized that the time of my life was not going to last too terribly long.
It was just too, um…fucking wonderful—felt too utterly amazing. Here I thought our previous encounters had been entirely satisfying. But this was beyond any of my expectations. And far beyond my ability to…prolong.
Much to my dismay, I was going to come—quickly—and I was powerless to prevent it. Perhaps it was for the best, I consoled myself. Bella had relaxed some, but I couldn't say with any certainly that she was enjoying it. Mr. Fucking Sex God my ass…
The force of my orgasm shook me as my spunk pumped into Bella. I cried out as if I'd just been released from the rack. It was my turn to collapse, panting uncontrollably, although I made sure to withdraw from her first. And Bella, in her turn, lovingly stroked my hair as I recovered.
I rolled onto my back, turning Bella with me so she could settle into my side. I didn't know what to say. My thoughts kept alternating between how unbelievably great sex really was and how much I must have disappointed Bella. I had to say something.
"I—I'm sorry, that wasn't very good for you, was it? I hope…well…that I didn't hurt you too much."
"Please don't feel bad. I don't think that first time sex, for most girls anyway, is all rainbows and choirs of angels. Let's just say, we got that out of the way and now it will get better."
"Yeah, I got that out of the way—quickly." I snorted derisively.
"So we'll both get better at it. Learning together—remember?"
"I just…want to please you, Bella. It doesn't seem fair that I was the only one having fun," I lamented.
"Okay, so next time I'll have all the fun and you promise not to enjoy it. All better?" she teased. "Besides, I seem to recall having a lot of fun just moments beforehand. You always please me."
I sighed. I felt like a failure, although I wasn't so depressed that I didn't drool at the sight of Bella's ass as she walked to the bathroom a little while later. Well, I suppose it was a bit unrealistic to think I would perform like a porn star my first time. I'd just have to swallow my humiliation and speak with Emmett about it—get his advice. The next time would be better.
Bella emerged from the bathroom clad in one of the hotel's robes. I didn't like that and looked at her enquiringly.
"I'm hungry now. Let's go see what there is to eat," she suggested.
I gave her a quick kiss. "I'll grab a robe." I headed to the bathroom.
She caught my hand. "Oh, no you don't. It's your turn to be…on display for me," she explained with an unfamiliar and predatory leer.
I hesitated, strangely embarrassed now that the shoe was on the other foot.
"I'll just drag you back," Bella threatened when my eyes darted towards the bathroom.
I followed her into the sitting room and poured us each a glass of non-alcoholic wine. Bella sat and looked over the available food. And me. I sat down next to her feeling extremely exposed.
"You have the cutest ass," she announced.
I blushed like a schoolgirl and turned my attention to the food. I wasn't hungry anymore, but it presented a convenient distraction. "If you'd like something else, I'd be happy to order it," I offered.
"I'm pretty sure I've got everything I want right here," she responded suggestively.
I nodded, confused by her tone. I watched Bella delicately nibble at the food for a time. Eventually, she noticed I wasn't eating. She picked up a grape and raised it to my lips.
"I think you should eat something, Cullen. You're going to need your strength."
Wait, what did that mean? Did she want to…were we going to…could she possibly mean that… Does she really want me again? Both my spirits and my cock were revitalized by the unspoken possibility.
Bella popped a strawberry into her exquisite mouth and surprised me by straddling my lap. "It's definitely resurfacing," she joked, looking down at my lap.
"You are observant, aren't you," I laughed, my morale, and er…other things, increasing by the second.
The monster circled the room, carrying over its head a large sign reading, "Round Two."
I untied Bella's bathrobe, spread it open and groaned in delight. Her exquisite nipples were exactly level with my eyes, and suddenly I was…very hungry. I teased each with my mouth and tongue, feeling particularly pleased when the bathrobe slid off of her limp arms and equal nudity for all was restored.
I rose from the sofa, picking Bella up with me, and strode back into the bedroom. We fell onto the bed, and the…festivities began immediately. My tongue roamed Bella's mouth while my hands did the same on her body. Apparently though, Bella wasn't looking for extensive…pre-game activities this time.
"Edward, I want you inside of me. Please," she breathed.
Well, since you asked me so politely….
I aligned myself, correctly I hoped, and entered her, slower this time. Not being as concerned about inflicting pain, I was able to enjoy the initial sensation much more thoroughly. I couldn't suppress a moan of satisfaction—being inside Bella was heaven on earth.
I waited a moment before beginning. All seemed well though, so I began lunging slowly into her, overcome with the sensations of warmth and wet, her tight walls gripping my cock. After only a few strokes Bella gasped, and I abruptly ceased my movements.
"What's wrong?" I croaked.
"Nothing. Please keep going," she panted.
I resumed my pace, still not completely convinced that something wasn't amiss. When Bella gasped again and then moaned, I panicked. "Am I hurting you? Should I stop?"
"No, no. It feels…wonderful. And if you stop again, I'm going to hurt you," she joked breathlessly.
I could scarcely believe it. But when Bella's hips began moving forward to meet my thrusts, I had to accept her words. For the first time, I relaxed and was able to fully appreciate the stunning intimacy of our joining.
I let myself go. I mean, not like that—the only thing that would prevent me from accomplishing my goal this time was heart failure. For perhaps the first time in my life, I stopped thinking and immersed myself in sensation. I enjoyed each stroke to the…hilt, relished the nuances of every movement, and more especially, reveled in Bella's increasingly vocal and enthusiastic response.
Her gasps and moans continued unabated. Her hips thrust in regular rhythm to meet mine. At one point I felt Bella lick my neck, an appropriate action considering the inhuman whimpers escaping her. It was incredibly…encouraging. She wrapped her legs around me, eliciting another loud groan on my part.
I captured her with my full weight and began forcefully spearing my cock inside her. "Bella, oh God, Bella," I intoned, and my name escaped her lips just as often. I buried myself inside her, reveling in the primal connection, exciting unfamiliar passions I had only previously suspected I possessed. And in my head, I seemed to hear a rhythmic chorus of "mine, mine." She was mine now—I had made it so. My love for her knew no bounds, but at that moment delight in my possession of her rang just as strong. To see her, so delicate, so helpless, her fragile body writhing, trapped beneath mine, sent a savage thrill through me. And her shattering vulnerability only emphasized the knowledge of my own. I was powerless before her…and would be for all time.
I perceived that Bella was close. She seemed to almost withdraw into herself, becoming insensible to all but the pleasure she felt. It was electrifying and thoroughly erotic to see, no, to be, the cause of her rapture. A moment later her arms and legs tightened around me; all of her tightened around me, in fact. Her eyes flew open and she returned to me, looking into my eyes and crying my name aloud. And in a moment of glorious triumph, of shocking ecstasy, I violently released inside her with a long, guttural moan.
I disintegrated against her, sure I'd never have the strength to move again. That changed a moment later. I suddenly felt something wet on my face and lifted my head. There were tears leaking out of the corners of Bella's closed eyes. Oh fuck. What have I done?
"Bella?" I whispered, my heart in my throat. "Are you crying?"
"Oh Edward," she sobbed, throwing her arm around my neck with such force we rolled to our sides. "It was just so…wonderful to be that close to you, to really…belong to you. Making love with you is everything I hoped it would be. You've made me so happy. Don't ever let me go…" she concluded with a whisper, leaving me unsure whether I was meant to hear her last words or not. She rubbed her forehead against my chest like a kitten, and then relaxed, sighing contentedly.
Oh my God. OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod. This woman was going to be the death of me. Her sentiments almost made me feel like sobbing. Instead, I clutched her to me convulsively, trying to contain the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm me. The restoration of my sex God status took a far distant second to the euphoria, the adoration, the devotion bordering on idolatry that now welled up inside me. A sense of perfect happiness pervaded me. And I knew I could never let her go.
As sleep took me, I saw the monster, lounging on the sofa, light a cigarette and inhale deeply.
Thank you to my beta, psymom, whom I love. Thank you for your continued reviews. The monster gets such a kick out of them!
Several reviewers have inquired about Edward's reluctance to consummate his relationship with Bella. Well, I'm afraid you just have to read the bits that come between the sex scenes in order to understand this. Okay, just kidding. This is definitely worth exploring. Ultimately, as some of those same reviewers have realized, this simply parallels Twilight, where Edward refuses to change Bella. And I have adopted pretty much the same themes here—Edward doesn't deem himself worthy and doesn't want Bella to make the "sacrifice" for him. Losing her virginity will, of course, "change" her forever. Now, you might argue that losing your virginity and humanity are hardly comparable; nevertheless, I maintain that the entire Twilight story line about his refusal to change her is simply symbolic of him not having sex with her. In fact, in Twilight Edward believes the best option is for them to be together in a chaste relationship while Bella stays human. So, I rest my case…