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Dedicated to all the girls who are still waiting for a Michiru/Haruka to appear in their lives

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21. Confession

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She wished for this night to end and while she counted the seconds left until everything will turn into an ugly, but harmless dream, she raised her eyes to the infinite night above her.

'Such a clear sky…' she thought.

It's been a while since she had the courage to look up at the beautiful colors of the sunset or at the glittering diamonds hanging from the crepuscular cloak. It was because after she left, her sky own became dull and misty. Tonight though, driven by a strange impulse, she stole a glimpse of the twinkling stars and noticed that all of them got their flickering colors back. More than that, the moonlight was no longer cold and distant, but once again brimming over with warmth and magic. The beauty of it was so inviting that for a second she even considered to take her head out of the deep ocean and reach out for the moon. It was all mesmerizing, but just before she could feel the chill breeze of the wind on her chicks, she withdrawn and hid in the deepest trench of her ocean. After all, the sky's wuthering heights were not a safe place for a mermaid. She heard stories of others who died after they fell in love with humans and left the waters. She wanted to believe that she was wise enough to learn from others failures. But there was no human she fell in love with. It was the sky itself. Then did she stand a chance?

'Don't we all yearn for what we cannot have? And don't we all fall for what we could never be?'

She got out the car and stood by its door with her neck stretched out to the stars. Just like Haruka they all seemed close and equally unreachable. Suddenly, a chill breeze turned her skin to goose bumps and made her lower her gaze. That is when she saw Haruka approaching from the club's entrance. Her face was covered by thoughts she couldn't reach, but somehow each and every step of her seemed to follow a music suitable for the ending of a sad and exhausting movie. That thought made Michiru feel like drowning.

'Is this the end?'

She feared it for there was nothing beyond it, besides silence and the depth of the ocean.

'Are you leaving me again?'

She tried to avoid the confrontation, ready to do anything in order to postpone the final act, but Haruka was heading towards her like a tsunami she knew she couldn't escape. Now it was too late! Heavy and trembling from head to toes, Haruka just threw herself at her, drowning her face in her bosom. For a couple of seconds she said nothing and just stood there enfolding her with all her strength. Her embrace was tight and firm, but she looked weaker than ever.

Seconds turned into minutes and her hands continued to desperately wander all over the mermaid, making it as if she was looking for ways to get inside her, ready to dive into the ocean deep enough to get herself drowned.

"I'm sorry." she finally confessed.

She held her tighter and for a while she kept repeating those words as if they were her only connection with reason and reality all together.

"I'm sorry!" she said once more. "I thought I could do this, but it's impossible! I thought he was a stupid nobody and that he wouldn't even count as a person! That he was a meaningless character and that you were getting married only to pretend to have a normal life. And children! I was so wrong! I should have known that you hate superficiality and if you were to get married you would choose the best man there is out there."

She raised her head from her cleavage and grabbed her by her shoulders.

"But the best man?! I can't compete with that! Myself, I'm not a man! I'm not even a woman."

And she stepped back, taking her forehead into her palms as if a strong headache took over her.

"Not even a woman…" she repeated. "You were the gentle and feminine half of my universe, Michiru. You encompassed all the dressed I couldn't wear, all the sweet perfumes, all the tempting cleavages and the high hills to delineate the most daring long legs. I loved everything that made you elegant and only my heart knows how much I loved the little games you played with it. You played it as if it were a man's heart, so meanwhile, I must have stopped caring about gender boundaries and think of myself as a man…"

She let her hands fell inertly aside her body and faced Michiru with a tormented expression:

"But was I ever man, Michiru?"

"Haruka…" she whispered and took the step that closed the gap between them. "For me you always were Haruka. You could have been born a man or a woman, maybe even both and that wouldn't have made less of what you truly are. You toughed me not to care about gender, then why are you all torn by it?"

"Because the same way you played with my heart and let out the man in It, so your husband struggled to bring out the woman in me!" she snapped desperately and grabbed her wrists, holding them close to her chest. "He did it in order to weaken me, because he knew it's easier to conquer a woman then to compete with a man! He knew that wearing a tuxedo I was dangerous, but in a summer dress he could turn me into his muse. Is this making any sense for you?"

Michiru's eyes widened. She understood every single word.

"He is sly, Michiru! I know nothing about him and yet he played with my mind the entire night. He found out that I can't live without you the same way I can't live without my wings. He took advantage of my weaknesses in order find his way in. He's the devil, Michiru! I swear! He toyed with you inside of my mind, just as if you were some ball he mercilessly hit with all my frailties. My brains are about to explode! I swear to you that I was that little from killing him!"

Michiru frowned worried:

"Where is he now?"

"Forgive me." Haruka said again, ignoring her question. "But I can't do this. I can't be nor your neither his friend… and especially I cannot watch you getting married with him."

"Haruka what happened while I was waiting by the car? Where is Damien?" Michiru insisted.

"Listen to me!" Haruka raised her voice and shook her shoulders. "I can't do this anymore! Do you understand me? I can't stay and watch you getting married with someone that you actually love, someone who is capable of understanding you. SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ME!"

Michiru startled and before she could say something, Haruka embraced her with all her body.

"I thought I could…but the truth is that I am still in love with you and I can't accept the fact that someone else had taken my place in your heart…and in your bed. Therefore…"

"You are leaving me!" Michiru hissed.

Her voice was broke, desperate and suddenly Haruka felt her body trembling as if she was about to cry. She held her tight and strong because she knew that if she will let her go she will fall apart. She could almost hear her heart breaking in to little pieces, just like a mirror dropped at the sight of a horrible, unexpected, reflection. Once again, Haruka knew that Damien was right. The scar she let in Michiru's heart was so deep and ugly that no matter what she will do, she will always be doubted. For someone who left and returned, there is no guarantee of not leaving again.

"Michiru, I am not leaving you… but I can't stay here either."

She felt her trying to raise her forehead and have their eyes met, but Haruka kept her still. Then she touched the edge of her ear with her lips and whispered:

"Come with me…"

Michiru froze, but her heart went mad, hitting with despair its ice like body.

"We could be together just like we used to…or morelike just like we never had the chance to. I promise I will make things right this time and keep you just for myself. I'll be jealous like crazy and won't let any man approaches you. I swear I will go to all you concerts and even play the piano again for you. I promise that I will marry you and we will together pick your dress. We'll have a honey moon on a wild island, in the middle of the ocean and I'll make sure that you will not have to bother about wearing clothes. We could even have children! We can adopt or you can give birth. Nowadays everything is possible, but please let it be a girl because I wouldn't know how to handle boys…Michiru, we could grow old together and before we die we could transform for the last time and then I will take to Miranda where we will be forever young and in love … so please, Michiru, please come with me."

But from Michiru no answer came and in the silence of that night, only her heartbeats could be heard.

"You don't trust me anymore…" Haruka said. "It's too late, isn't it?"

Still she received nothing but silence.

"I can't blame you… the truth is that after all, I am not to be trusted, right?" she added sourly. "I was the one who left you, haven't i? I was the one who flirt with all those girls back in hightschool and the one who almost fell in love with Usagi, wasn't I, Michiru?"

She heard a little gasp from her, painful and tired. Soon after that, her crazy heartbeats began to calm down.

"So selfish of you, Haruka" Michiru finally spoke. "To transform me in the side character of my own story."

"Michiru…I didn't…i…"

"Back then I let you shine and gave you the freedom you needed in order to fly." Michiru talked over her. "Because of that, I was that close of loosing you to Usagi and I don't even want to think of what would have happened if she didn't have Mamoru already. The first time you met her, you asked if I was jealous. I laughed at you, but today I cry for all you did this time was to make me jealous. And it's not about Usagi only, but also about you, as a person. There is nothing in you to guarantee me that this time you will stay. How long will it be until one of your tournaments will start? And how long will it be until you break my heart again? Haruka, I gave my life for you before, but I was always afraid to ask myself if you would have done the same for me! Be honest and admit to yourself, how many times did you come to my rescue when we fought together? Was it that time when I fell in the waterfall? Was it the time when I had my talisman extracted in Marine Cathedral?

Haruka's confidence suddenly disappeared.

"Wasn't I always second?" Michiru continued. "Wasn't I the one to watch your back, to put up and temper with all your cocky moods?"

Haruka knew she had nothing to say in her defense. Michiru was right,yet she couldn't let her go.

"So selfish of you, Haruka to be the one to make the decisions for both of us. Back then, I gave you the choice of becoming Uranus. I didn't force you in a mission you were already assigned for…. But you, what choice did you give me when you left me? And what choice do you give me now when ask me to leave behind the life I've build myself for the past six years, the very one you asked me to live? How selfish can you be Haruka?… and how fool can I be to wish for this selfishness?

"Forgive me…" she whispered.

"If I forgive you, how will Damien forgive me?"

"I… I don't care about him. You don't need his forgiveness."

"See? You are selfish indeed."

"Choose me…"

"It's not a matter of choice, Haruka. I've chose you a long time ago… but how can the wind stay in one place?"

The silence fell again for a couple of moments during which Haruka raised her chin, upon Michiru's forehead and kissed it.

"I never wanted to tell you, but back there, at the Marine Cathedral, I did come after you. I found you unconscious and tied up. I tried to get to you. I got shut and couldn't move… the same went with you if I remember it right, but you almost reached me. It's because you were stronger. You've always been and that is why you were the one to save me. But I did come after you… and ever since I met you, at the end of the day all my thoughts were turning to you… not to the world, not to Usagi, not to my sports cars, but to you…"

"Then why? Why did you leave me?" she cried back at her.

The agony put in that question she kept repeating ever since she came back and the mistrust she received with all her answers, pushed Haruka to her limits. She suddenly broke her embrace and stepped back. As she did so, the sound of a metallic object hitting the ground pierced the silence. Nobody seemed to pay attention to that.

"Ok, you won Michiru!" Haruka snapped. "I was selfish and that is the truth! Of course I wanted you to get to know the world, but I also freaked out that night, ok? It was too much and all of the sudden… living together, going to the same college, moving at the same time and in the same direction! I was eighteen and I was already married. Don't get me wrong. I loved you, but I freaked out! By the next morning I wanted already missed you and to come back …but I was ashamed and scared."

Michiru looked at her and she wasn't surprised, not even in the slightest. It was as if she had always known.

"But I've changed since then…I'm no longer scared." Haruka added.

Michiru didn't say anything, but she wasn't angry or tormented either. She just gasped and bent to pick up the little object Haruka dropped earlier.

"Can I take it that we will together from now on?" Haruka asked.

In reply, Michiru gasped again and lift the little object:

"Look, Haruka. It's your pen…you were about to lose it."

Haruka reached her hand to take it back, but Michiru immediately withdrawn.

"It has blood stains on it." She said worried. "Are you hurt, Haruka?"

Haruka's face suddenly darkened.

"It's not my blood, Michiru…"

On those words, Michiru's heart skipped a beat and her eyes fired up with a mad sparkle.

"What have you done, Haruka?"

She didn't answer.

"Haruka, where is Damien?" she snapped angrily.

Again, just silence. Michiru then threw the pen on backseat of the car and rushed back in the club. As she did so, Haruka noticed on her face a desperate expression that she only wore when she, as her partner, was in danger. It was the expression she faced her with every time she came to her rescue. Did that mean Michiru have already made up her mind?

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