Author's Note:
Okay, so perhaps there isn't anyone reading anymore. Was the last chapter too offputting?
The next chapter is half done, probably post on the weekend.
Please review if you are reading.
First Lessons
Snape watched as the feast rolled on, only half his mind on the antics of the excited students. The other half was fixed firmly on the woman lying in her chambers, without the energy to rise from her bed.
He was surprised to find himself so concerned for her well being. Of course, she had delivered him a certain amount of peace over the last weeks, and had, if she was to be believed, saved his life. That she had given up her own happiness and security to protect the wild horde before him was difficult for him to understand, but for that too, she deserved a little consideration. The fact that she had been there for him so often made him wonder if he was the reason she had come to Hogwarts, and that only added to his burden of guilt – a burden of guilt he would carry as a manacle around his neck until the day he died. Not that that would be long.
He looked on in silence as children played. They held such potential, such promise and he knew few of them would ever amount to anything. Had he ever held such promise in his miserable life? He certainly didn't remember it if he had. So many had given up so much since those youthful days that it was almost a farce that he was still alive.
Irina leaned against the wall to recover, knowing she probably would have been better off staying in bed. She was in turmoil, torn between the rest she needed and the role she had to play. The Potions Master had seemed genuinely concerned, perhaps there was hope for him yet; perhaps it wasn't too late to redeem the surly, dark haired man.
She placed her hand against the door, not really sure if she was ready to face what lay beyond, but knowing also, that it wouldn't be any easier the next day.
"So, I wonder where she is?" Ron yelled above the din of his housemates.
Harry swallowed his pumpkin pie. "There's an empty seat between Remus and Snape."
"Yeah, and doesn't the Greasy Git look pissed about that."
"Ron! Watch your language." Hermione piped in. "You don't want to loose house points before we have even started classes, do you?" She looked at the empty chair too. "I hope nothing has happened to her."
"Oh, come on Hermione… What do you think could happen here?"
"Gee Ron, I don't know. Last year –," She stopped suddenly, not wanting to upset Harry. "I don't know. It just seems strange to me that she has come all this way just to assist Professor Snape."
"Maybe there's more to it."
"That's what I'm worried about."
The doors to the great hall shuddered then slowly swung open. Students stopped and turned, wondering at the interruption to the feast, then fell silent at the sight of the pale professor in the doorway. She seemed to glow against the dark background. The effect was magical and the students, as a group, gasped.
Dumbledore placed his goblet on the table and stood beaming. "Children, I would like to introduce you to a new professor for the year. My esteemed colleague will be teaching advanced Defence techniques and assisting Professor Snape with his potions classes. Professor Ivanova, please enter."
Irina seemed to hesitate, and Dumbledore realised surprised and a little worried that all was not well with the much revered Tsarina. He was doubly surprised when his Potions Master stood, without encouragement, strode quickly to the end of the hall and offered her his arm.
Snape watched, alert as the doors of the Great Hall opened. He was surprised to find the blonde Russian witch standing, framed in the doorway. The sight almost took his breath away and it was clear the effect was similar on most of the students. To his left, Dumbledore was standing, a smile of pleasure on his face, but Snape had seen the pale witch hesitate, and he doubted it was insecurity. Standing quickly, he moved down the long rows of tables to the woman's side.
"Tsarina, I am surprised to see you here, but I have the feeling that you aren't yet entirely healed." He whispered quietly. "Please allow me to escort you."
Irina dipped her head. "Thank you Professor Snape." She took his offered arm and they made their way slowly, almost regally, down the tables filled with gawking, and now silent, students.
As they passed Harry, Ron and Hermione, Harry leaned over to Ron. "Look, Snape's finally found a friend."
It was loud enough that the passing professors heard, and Snape stiffened. "Mr -."
"Potter," Irina continued, gently increasing pressure on Snape's arm, "I would appreciate it if you would have a little more respect for Professor Snape." She emphasised the word, "And yes, I most certainly do consider myself to be Professor Snape's friend, as I am a friend of all the staff here. Hopefully I will also come to a similar relationship with many of the students."
Harry blushed. "I – I'm sorry Ma'am."
She smiled. "You are forgiven Mr Potter, during times such as these we must all learn to tolerate one another."
The two professors moved onwards. "Insufferable -."
"Quiet Professor Snape, we must all learn tolerance." She repeated, words gentle, not wishing to punish the tormented man any more than was necessary, knowing full well that friendship was one thing that Severus Snape had limited experience of.
As they reached the head table, Remus stood, smiling, and pulled the vacant chair out for the new arrival. Irina paused and then turned to Dumbledore. "Thank you Headmaster, for the opportunity of joining you. I look forward to fulfilling my duties to the utmost of my abilities."
Irina turned to the student body, still sitting, seemingly mesmerised at her appearance. "Please do not let me distract you from the task at hand. I look forward to meeting you all over the course of the next few days."
She released Snape's arm. "Thank you Professor Snape." Then turned to Remus. "Thank you Remus."
The students returned to their meals as Irina sat elegantly. Lupin and Moody returned to their discussion on the finer points of some advanced defence techniques. Dumbledore moved to her. "Tsarina, I was worried at your non-attendance."
"Yes, I must ask for your forgiveness. Professor Snape told me of your concern, but there was no need to worry. I must admit to a moment of nervousness on my part, nothing more."
"Quite alright My Dear." He patted Irina on the shoulder. "Quite alright, and already forgiven. After all, we must all learn tolerance must we not?" His eyes twinkled at her in amusement.
Returning to his place, Dumbledore sat down and gave his attention to desert. Only the Potions Master knew he was still watching Irina out the corner of his eye. For his part, there was nothing discreet in Snape's observation of the pale woman. He watched, as she picked briefly at the food in front of her, but she showed little interest in actually eating any of it. "Are you alright Tsarina?" He asked quietly.
"Perhaps not fully recovered Professor Snape."
She sat for a moment, watching the students before speaking. "Professor Snape, I must ask for your forgiveness too, for what I said earlier… when I spoke of all being lost at your former master's knowledge of my presence here… I am sorry if that inadvertently added to any guilt you may feel for your earlier choices. He would, of course, have known by the end of the week, even if you had not been forced to tell him by circumstances beyond your control."
"You have done nothing requiring forgiveness Tsarina. Any guilt I feel was mine before your arrival."
"If you are sure I haven't added to your burden…"
"My burden is my own, and entirely of my making Tsarina. Thank you for your concern."
She nodded. "Please, call me Irina, I am here only as a professor."
"I don't feel that would be appropriate."
"As you wish Professor Snape."
Irina and Snape continued to observe the activities in the hall, whilst those around them continued to enjoy the festivities. Dumbledore noticed that neither professor showed particular interest in the food in front of them. While his dark haired child rarely ate sufficiently to his mind, the new addition to the teaching staff normally ate adequately. This, combined with the fact that his Potions Master, who had until this point shown little enthusiasm for the Tsarina, now appeared to be particularly attentive, made Dumbledore curious about what they weren't telling him.
At that moment they appeared to be salt and pepper. Both in their looks and personalities, they were like those two condiments, utterly different, but completely complementary, and he wondered what had transpired between them earlier in the evening.
Snape sat in his empty classroom, wondering who would arrive first – his assistant or his students. The door opened and he looked up to see the grey clad witch entering quietly.
"Good morning Professor Snape." She offered cheerfully.
"Tsarina," he acknowledged. "Feeling better then?"
"Much improved. Thank you… for everything." She moved forward and took the seat she had been asked to use when observing him, prior to the arrival of the students.
"It won't be necessary for you to stay there any longer Tsarina, you are not a student. Feel free to move around as you like, but please refrain from disrupting my teaching."
"Thank you." She stood and moved towards his bookcases. They were filled with texts not strictly limited to the art of potion making. The dark haired man's interests were diverse.
"You do realise, of course, that your stated friendship with me will probably be the end of any chance you have of making a positive start with the students."
"They will come around, in time. As I said to Mr Potter, we must all learn to be more tolerant of one another. It is a lack of tolerance that has led to the darkness that dwells in the world at this moment." She turned from her study of the bookshelf contents. "Besides, I do not find the idea of your friendship such an appalling thing to contemplate, nor do I find the reality of that friendship intolerable."
He swung around knowing she was making fun of him, but there was no hint that she was mocking him, and he cocked his head to the side and contemplated his assistant with a look of confusion on his face. "Why is it that you always seem to accept me, even when I am less than acceptable to the world at large, even when I find myself barely tolerable? Apart from our first meeting, even in my worst moments, you seem to accept what I am without judgement."
"As I said last evening, when I am not entirely well, I find it difficult to be everything I should be. I had just healed you, and was at quite a low ebb myself. Seeing the mask under those circumstances caught me off guard. I am sorry for my reaction that day. Terribly sorry."
He looked at her with a smirk on his face. "You aren't the first to react that way, I can assure you, for a moment I actually thought you may have been different."
She nodded. "As for judging you… it is not my place to judge you, only to assist; let he who has not sinned cast the first stone. I am sure enough have judged you that you do not need another."
It was odd that she should choose a Muggle religious platitude to illustrate her point. "You are correct, many have judged me and many will continue to judge me – why should you be any different?"
Irina turned away and he barely heard her answer. "I have done certain things in my life that are less than palatable to me, some I feel are unforgivable. I most certainly shall never forgive myself. My crimes, however, fortunately or not as may be the case, are not well known, nor do they affect anything other than a small number of people, most of whom are long dead. For that reason alone, I am not ostracised for my crimes as you are for yours. I have hidden them deep in my past; you hold yours in your present for all those around you to see. I see it as being quite a brave thing on your part, although I doubt you see it that way."
Snape couldn't imagine the woman doing anything remotely unforgivable. "I don't suppose you would care to enlighten me on your crimes?"
"Not particularly Professor Snape, not particularly."
Her voice, he noticed, seemed to waver. He was about to speak when further conversation was curtailed by the arrival of the students.
"Mr Longbottom, I know you have a good understanding of herbology, so why would you be planning on adding the powder of the elephant plant next?"
Neville looked up. "Professor Snape said-."
"Did he? Are you sure? Think about the interactions between the boiling potion ingredients and that powder. You can do this. If I told you that what you thought Professor Snape said was wrong, when would you add that powder?"
"I…" Neville struggled to think, he knew this, he knew he knew this. He just had to find the information in his mind. It wasn't Snape watching him like a hawk just waiting for him to make a mistake; it was the quietly spoken Russian professor. He just had to calm down and think.
"When Neville?"
"After the nettle Ma'am."
"Precisely."
"But Professor Snape said -."
"Are you really sure? I do not believe Professor Snape would deliberately lie to you about a potion. I think perhaps, nervousness may have made you hear incorrectly. If Professor Snape makes you nervous, that is alright, you will just have to compensate for that with extra care and attention. Also, actually thinking about what you are trying to achieve, and the potion characteristics, may help." Irina paused for a moment. "Do you understand?"
Neville nodded. "Yes Ma'am, I think I do. Thank you." He turned to the cauldron, added his carefully ground nettle, gave three anticlockwise stirs and then added the powdered elephant plant.
The potion turned grey as was expected and Neville smiled slightly.
"They will walk all over you. You are too soft."
"Perhaps, Professor Snape, but if you are frightening the students so badly that they are unable to learn, I think you are being too hard."
"It is my class!" She had gone too far. Given what he went through when he wasn't teaching, teaching potions to disinterested idiots was not a pleasurable experience and it was one he could certainly do without. Unfortunately, it justified his position at Hogwarts, so it was part of his penance for the single childhood mistake that had cost him his life.
"I am well aware of that." She responded, more gently.
Irina realised her mistake, but it was too late to back peddle. While she may have been able to see beyond his anger and overreaction she knew he had no way to deal with those things. Snape's limited patience and almost unlimited self-control were more than strained when serving in his other role, and that affected his ability in this role.
While he may not have been called in the previous few days, the fact that he could be at any time and that when he was, he was expected to participate in any manner of activities he likely found to be personally distasteful, kept him on edge and unable to relax. If he used testiness to hide his anxious nervousness, who was she to question his teaching techniques? Who was anyone to question him? The only problem was that the students needed to be taught, deserved to be taught, and under his sullen glare even she would have found it difficult to learn.
"I will teach them as I see fit."
"Or not teach them? If that is the end result."
"I believe I told you not to interfere with my teaching woman. If you can't do that I will not allow you into my classes in the future."
Irina would forgive him many things, but she would not forgive his disrespect. His use of the term woman irritated her enough to make her bite back. "My understanding is that you have no say in the matter Professor Snape. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong."
Snape glared at the woman as she looked at him defiantly and in that moment he wanted to strike her, again, this time for her damned petulance. Both were saved as the doors slammed open and the first year students arrived for their first potions class.