We need to say a special thanks to the group of great ladies who are helping to keep us readable: Jess2002, AWayWithWords, EdwardsFirstKiss, LaPumckl, Shelley, and Susan. Any mistakes you may find belong to Nikky and I, because sometimes we are stubborn and don't listen to other's advice. Also please note due to stuff going on, not everyone got to make corrections for us this time.
Chimera chapter 21
Edward's POV
I look at the thumb drive she handed me. "What is this?" I ask, knowing it is a thumb drive, but wondering what is on it.
"Just watch it—" She stops talking and I can see her swallowing. "I am not rubbing anything in ... I just ... I thought ..." she closes her eyes and mutters something, but she's too quiet for me to hear her. "Just watch it, later ... when I am not here ... but know that I did this for you, with the best intentions."
"Okay," I say putting it in my pocket.
"Why didn't you contact me after you realized you were—" My voice seems to stop as the words get stuck in my throat. "You could have told me ... how did you come to the conclusion that I could be a chimera ... I mean, when did you figure it out?"
"Shortly after I left Seattle. I was upset, freaking out that everyone thought Ethan was from the ... but Kate calmed me down, telling me he couldn't be. She saw me four days after the rape. Jessica and Lauren deduced from seeing me that I had been raped and took me to see her. She took swabs and photos. She said she questioned me, too. I remember some of the things she asked me, but not everything." Bella shakes her head and then clears her throat looking at me. "She is the one who brought it to my attention. She said it was a possibility, but she couldn't understand why the test results did not show a family connection. She said there is usually a third page of a DNA test that shows any family connections. I told her there was no third page ... and well ... I wrote to you about it."
She wrote to me? When?
"In the letter, I told you how sorry I was, and that I never meant to hurt you. I told you that I was raped and what I could remember. I also explained that I wanted to do one more DNA test – the kind Kate suggested we try. Kate put in a copy from my medical record so you could see when she took blood and how high the HCG level was on that date. She also put information in about Chimera."
"When?" I whisper. "When did you write to me?"
"It was in December when the pieces came together, and I sent it to you right away. I wanted to give you the chance—if you wanted to—to see Ethan on his first Christmas. Mike gave me a burner cell, and I gave you that phone number, too. But I didn't hear anything back, so I thought you didn't care."
"Where did you send the letter to?" I'm not sure why I am asking this, when I know fully well where she sent it.
"To the apartment where we were living," she confirms my previous thoughts.
I have to wipe my face as the tears start to fall. "Alice was being her usual self ... I couldn't stay there without you, so I ... I just let her have the place when she moved in, claiming that it should be used. I—" I stop. "I'm so sorry," I say to her yet again. "I know it's not enough. I know it's not, and I am not asking for your forgiveness because quite frankly, I don't deserve it or forgive myself. I just let her get what she wanted. It's the same with the lawyer she hired to make sure you didn't put my name down. I didn't know, and ..."
"What lawyer?" Bella asks shocked.
"I stopped it before anything could be filed. I told her if she interfered again, I was going to kill her. I never signed any paperwork he had." I run my hand through my hair. "I just wanted to take you back home. When I found you in that apartment—I hated it." I stop and snort. "The lawyer said that I should leave you alone, and that it was your choice. He said it would be unfair to help you, and then pull away. I shouldn't have listened; I should have told you that I was only hurt because I thought you had lied to me. I should have told you how much I still cared about you, and that I loved Ethan—so much. I should've seen and known that you both were worth the risk of my heart being broken." I turn away from her in shame. "But instead, I broke my own heart, hurting both you and him along the way. I wasn't a father to Ethan. I wasn't the father or man I should have been."
"I think this would be a good place to take a short break," I look at Tanya, and nod at her.
I watch Bella carefully as she makes herself a drink. She turns and hands me a cup and I pull my eyebrows together. "I know you don't drink coffee often, but the tea here tastes terrible."
I chuckle taking the cup from her. I taste it and am surprised that she still remembers how I take it.
Bella and I both fall silent, and I remember back in my first apartment when we agreed to start again. I look at her from the corner of my eye and smile. "How are you enjoying the weather?"
Bella looks at me and then smiles. "I'm glad it's getting nicer. It means I can take Ethan to the park and spend a longer time there."
"Does he like the park?" I ask and Bella turns looking at me guiltily. She swallows and I know she feels as if she's kept him from me. "Bella, don't feel guilty. This is not on you; this is all on me," I tell her.
"He loves the park ..." Bella says, but she brings her brows together in thought. "He's not too keen on the swings, though."
I give her a nod and let out a long breath. "I have a few presents for him: one each for his first Christmas, and his birthday as well as one for last Christmas." I look at her. "I would—when you and he are ready—like to give them to him."
Bella nods at me, and know this hurts her as much as it does me. "I also have presents for you," I say quietly.
Bella just looks at me. "They are for your birthdays, Christmas, and Mother's Day."
"I bought you a few presents from Ethan, too." To hear that she—after everything I've done—still clung to such hope makes me both happy and sad at the same time. It's tearing my heart apart about how I have been so cruel to her.
"Edward," I turn looking at her. "We need to finish talking, and draw a line in the sand, and move on. It's what is best for Ethan."
I nod at her. "But you've done nothing wrong, unlike me."
I hear Bella sigh, but I know I am right.
"I guess this means we are ready to continue?" Tanya asks.
I nod at her and look at Bella who also nods.
"We've talked about what happened, but what I didn't hear from you, Edward, is how you felt," Tanya says.
"Tanya, that's unfair," Bella says looking at her.
"Why?" I ask frowning.
"Because it wasn't what you were doing that was hurting me. I was raped, and my mind blocked it out. My mind stopped me from remembering or allowing myself to get the help I needed. It was my mind that put you and that girl there together. It was a photo I was seeing, not real life, like my mind led me to believe. Then there was Alice, who I think may just be the demon spawn from hell, and her sidekick. They both thrived on making my life hell. They did it all the time, and not because I liked you, but because you felt something for me. To top it off, at the same time, I was finding out that my father was nothing but a bully who wanted to control me. When he did not have full control, his idea was to leave me high and dry. Then during my darkest time when I needed him the most, he refused—" Bella seems to stop mid rant and let out a breath. "You only hurt me because you believed what the others said about me. You thought—I thought you thought—I was dirty. In my eyes you thought I was a whore just like my father did. Alice, Angela and Uley all said you felt that way about me. So I pushed you away and kept you on the other side of the wall I built. I didn't question you, and I know I was short with you at times, and that's why you never really questioned me."
"This is not on you; if I had taken my head out of my ass long enough—if I just had taken a step back—I would've seen that you were having so many inner fights. I could have been helping you. I could've been telling you that I was going to keep you safe. I am not angry at you. I don't think I ever was. I thought you moved on, and I was acting like a jilted boyfriend who was cheated on—" I cut myself off from yet again telling her I am sorry. She knows this and my repeating it will not help matters any.
"How do you feel about Angela and Alice allegedly setting you up with Professor Uley?" Tanya asks Bella.
Bella's lip presses into a straight line. "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that. Did they want him to get me drunk enough to not know what I was doing? Isn't that rape, too?" She looks at me when she asks, but then shakes her head. "I ... what can I feel about that other than angry, hurt, and upset. Why did they have to make me go through something like that, just so Edward would think badly of me? I don't get why? Why was Alice so hell bent on Edward being with Angela?"
"No one here can give you that answer, Bella," Tanya says softly. "Edward, how does what they did to Bella make you feel?"
I look at Tanya like she is insane. How does she expect that to make me feel? "To know that my sister set up someone—she knew I cared about— to be victimized by that dick- headed asshole? To find out her best friend—someone I saw grow up—who not only went along with it, but also was the girlfriend of the guy that raped the mother of my child? It seems impossible, not even a mad soap opera would dream this kind of shit up, but yet it happened. I feel disgusted, angry, hurt, broken. I can't imagine how Bella feels. I feel like I am dirty having been in the same room as them—having breathed the same air. I showered at least four times last night and I still don't feel clean. It scares me that I will be a constant reminder to Bella of what she went through. I am scared that she will see me—think my touch is like his—" I have to stop and close my eyes tightly. "I have shed many tears these past two years, but I can't shed anymore for myself. I need this to be about Bella and her healing. I need all of this to be about how my son and his mother can and will have the best of everything. To me, this is all about them; Bella and Ethan are the only ones who are important."
"All three of you matter," Tanya states. "This is about getting healthy and overcoming the past. Now, I think we have made a great start, but for this week, I think we should end it here." I turn to Tanya who's writing things down on a notepad. "Next week, we need to talk more, and listen. I need both of you to write down anything that's been left unsaid, but keep it for the next session. This is where you both will talk about the deep matters."
I give her a nod and look to Bella who's also nodding.
"Okay, so before we go, we need to deal with Ethan, and what you each expect from the other. Bella, you go first, outline what you want, and don't want from Edward."
"You can see him as often as you want, but I would like someone—if you don't want it to be me—but for someone to be there, until you have developed a bond with him. As for your family, besides your grandfather—Pops—I would like them to take a backseat for now. Until you two know each other better, and then we can revisit the idea of involving more than Pops. Alice, Jasper, and Angela are all out of the question. I don't want him anywhere near any of them, ever. If I have my way, he will never know they exist. I know that sounds mean, but I do not trust them to not do or say cruel things to him, nor do I believe they would keep him safe."
"I agree," I say weakly. A part of me wants to argue only because my mom wants to see Ethan badly, but I need to do this her way. "As for the last people you talked about, I want them in jail, and I don't want them anywhere near you, Ethan, me or even Port Angeles."
Bella nods.
"What about money?" Tanya's comments cause Bella to make a face.
"I don't need any of his money."
"Not just money, Bella, child support," Tanya says while keeping her eyes on Bella.
"I'll pay what—"
"No!" Bella yells not only cutting me off, but making me jump. "I don't want your money. I never have wanted your money, and I never will. We get by! I may not have much left, but I can get what he needs and pay for him. I have been doing it all of this time." Bella stops. "You ... he has a bank account when he turns eighteen. If you want to put money into that you can. I'm not saying you can't buy him things because you can. Buy him whatever you want and keep it at your home. But I don't want money from you." The harshness to Bella's voice makes my chest hurt.
"I never thought of you as a gold digger, Bella. I am sorry if I made you feel that way, but I'll agree to what you just said."
Bella nods and turns away from me. "I'm not changing his name either. It will remain as it is known now as Ethan Michael Masen. Once I can afford it, I will legally change his name to that."
I close my eyes. This one hurts me so much, but I understand her point. "Okay," I whisper.
"What do you want, Edward?" Tanya asks.
"I just … to be a part of his life. To help make some of the choices such as where he goes to school. I want to be there for his appointments. I want to be able to see him. Hold him. Read stories to him. When Bella trusts me enough, I would like to have him over for sleepovers."
"Of course you will," Bella states and licks her lips before turning fully to face me. "He has an appointment on Monday for his heart," she says.
I gasp just looking at her. "Heart appointment?"
"He still has a murmur, and the doctor checks it every six months."
I roll my eyes closed and tilt my head. "How have you been paying for that? I mean, I know you're not using the insurance I set up for you both. I checked with the state Medicaid and he's not on that either."
"Jessica and Lauren's parents, Peter and Charlotte, put me on their health insurance as an employee of their company, under the names we use now."
Although I feel happy that she has had people there to help her, I still feel hurt and angry at myself because I was not one of them.
"And what about tomorrow?" I ask hoping she's not changed her mind.
"I have the day off, but Granny, Ethan, and I are having lunch with Pops. Then Granny and Pops are spending the evening together. So what about you meeting me at the apartment at two, and then you can stay for long as you want?"
I let out a shaky breath knowing she's giving me much more than most women would give a guy after said guy turned them away.
"But, Edward, I don't know how he'll react to you," Bella says.
"I know and thank you. I swear I'm not going to let you down."
"I'm not worried about your letting me down; this is not about me, it's about Ethan."
I nod at her, and give her a slight smile. "I won't let him down."
"Okay, then we will see you tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow," I say and watch her walk away. I let out a big breath and sit back down. "We'll get through this, right?" I ask Tanya who tilts her head.
"You need to talk to her about your fears. That was part of the reason things became fucked up," she warns me.
"I know," I look to her. "Did Rose say much about yesterday?" I ask.
Tanya let out a dark chuckle. "Only that she thinks your sister may be in need of serious medical help, both mentally for her own good, and physically if she gets her hands on her."
I snort. "Don't I know it, and join the club," I mutter.
"I can't talk to Alice," I tell her. "The thought of being in the same room with her, makes me think of ways I could kill her painfully, but at the same time, I want to clear the air and ask her what her problem is. Then there is the matter of Jasper—" I stop closing my eyes.
"Rose doesn't think Alice even has the answer to what her problem is, so asking her might be pointless." I look up at Tanya making sure I can pick up on telltale signs when I ask my next question. "Do you think I should talk to Bella about bringing charges against Alice?"
Tanya just sighs. "She is still your sister."
"I know, but she planned to have Uley get Bella drunk so it would be easier for him to sleep with her. That's a form of rape. Then there's the issue of the money. I am almost one-hundred percent positive she took it from Starbucks to frame Bella. Then, there's the money she took for the cell, and the dorm room, too. I am sure she withheld Bella's mail when she was at the dorm, because I sent her a letter I now know she never received. I'm sure if we looked, we would find even more things to charge her for. At this point, I know from the prosecuting side of things, she would be facing around twenty years in the Women's State Penitentiary. To be honest, if it were up to me, I think she deserves life."
Tanya sighs. "That is something we'll need to talk about soon."
I nod at her and let out my own sigh. "Thank you, Tanya. I'll see you next week." I stand up, walk out and head to Pops' house.
"Hey Pops," I say walking in. He looks at me smiling. "How was your day?"
"Good; was yours better?" he asks and I nod at him.
"I have some things to do, but we'll talk at dinner?"
He nods and I walk into the room I am using. I place my laptop on the desk and insert the thumb drive into the port. When the files pop up, I see there are two videos. I click on the one that indicates I should view it first.
I feel my heart take off when Ethan comes on my screen.
"Are you going to give me another smile?" I can hear Bella ask, but I can't see her. Ethan smiles broadly and the date flashes on the screen, along with the words 'Ethan's first smile.' The videos keep coming, one after the other. Ethan: rolling over, sitting up, crawling. She videotaped all his firsts and I am seeing each of them.
"Momma!" Ethan shouts loudly making tears leak out of my eyes. I feel overwhelmed that Momma was his first word, just like it should have been. I watch him take his first shaky steps, and the video fades.
I click on the next one and watch as photos of Ethan at three days old comes on. Each picture flicks by with a day and number on it. I let out a gasp seeing that Bella, true to her word, has taken a photo of him every day. They start when he was three days old, and go until yesterday. I feel disappointed in myself that those first two days of his life, I neglected taking a photo of him for her each day. It's just another way I have let her down.
I copy both files onto my laptop and send them via email to myself, and then set the most recent photo of him as my wallpaper. I pick up my cell and call Bella.
"Edward?" she says sounding confused.
"Thank you," I sob unable to keep my emotions at bay any more. "Thank you, so much. You have no idea what this means to me. What you have just given me." I take a deep breath when I hear a small sob coming from Bella. I know I need to let her go. "Kiss Ethan for me, and I'll see you tomorrow."
"I will," Bella says with a whisper.
I hang up and watch the photos go by on the screen again.
"Edward," Pops says as he knocks on my door. He opens it a little peeking in. "Are we still going out for dinner?"
I look at the time and see that it's close to six. "Yes, sorry," I say closing my laptop.
"Where would you like to go?"
"Newton's Diner is good and they're still open."
I let out a soft breath but nod at him.
I help Pops out of the car and we make our way in. Frank, the owner's eyes flash to me, and he watches me up to the point when I sit down.
No sooner than I sit down, does a woman appear at the table. "Hi Pops," she says, which falters a little as she looks at me.
"Sasha, this is my grandson, Edward," Pops says proudly.
I doubt he'll be proud of me tomorrow when finds out what I've done.
"Where's my Angel at tonight?" he carries on talking and looking around.
"She had a personal problem and is taking some time off, but I know she'll still be here tomorrow for lunch with you."
Pops' face falls and I see the worry in his eyes. It's clear that Bella means something to him, maybe even more than I do. "She was off on Tuesday, but she said she was fine? Tell me that rat bastard hasn't shown up causing problems?"
"Pops, she's a strong girl, she can take care of herself. Besides, we're all here for her. She's not alone in this," Sasha's eyes flash to me, but I simply nod at her. I can't be upset or angry that she—they all—look out for Bella.
"Okay, Pops, do you want your usual?"
"Yeah. Edward?"
"I'll have the same as you," I tell him with a smile. Pops and I have always had pretty similar tastes, anyway. Sasha walks away, and I place my hand on Pops.
"She'll be okay," I'm able to get out.
"I'm not sure, Edward, but I think this guy hurt her. She ..." he shakes his head and everything in me wants to tell him, that I am the rat bastard that he's talking about. And I know I hurt her, and I am desperately trying not to do it again. But I made a promise to her. I told her we'd tell him together on Friday.
Sasha brings our plates and walks away after placing them before us.
"Pops, on Friday I'd like to introduce you to two very special people," I say, picking up my fork.
He just looks at me.
"A girl I knew back in college. Well … she came back and ... just wait until Friday, please?"
He keeps the frown on his face. "This the one you liked when Elizabeth passed away?"
I nod at him.
"Okay," he says and I let out a breath.
"You're not eating?" he says and I look at my plate seeing that I have just been moving food around on it.
"I'm eating," I tell him taking a bite.
"Edward, are you okay?"
I nod at him. "Yeah, Pops, I'm fine, don't worry about me."
"Son, I know you and you're not okay. I'm here if you need me."
"I know, Pops," I tell him.
He only hums and starts to eat again. After we finish dinner, I drive us back home.
When I finally fall asleep, my dreams are filled with Bella screaming for help. She's pleading with Ben and yelling for me to help her. But each time I try to get to her, I am stopped. First, it's her father Charlie, and then Uley, but the last people hit me harder than any of the other two. Standing there is Alice and Angela laughing as they stop me from getting to Bella.
When I finally push them out of the way, I move to Bella's broken body. "Hey, sweetheart, I am here," I whisper to her. But she doesn't say anything; she merely lays there looking at me. I slow down so I don't hurt her and hold her body to mine. "Love, talk to me," I plead with her.
"I'm never going to forgive you; it's all your fault," she tells me.
I want to sob and plead with her for forgiveness, but she's right, it is my fault. I should've refused to go with Garrett. I should have made the time to go to her before leaving town.
I look down at my arms but she has disappeared. I jump up looking around but she's nowhere to be seen. "Bella," I yell, but all I hear are her screams, and yet again, she's being attacked.
I shake my head trying to get to her again.
I wake up panting and feeling sick. I have to run to the bathroom covering my mouth. I empty my stomach and lean on the bathtub.
I take a few deep breaths calming myself. But I'm shaking badly, and I can still hear Bella's cries. I move back to my room and grab my cell.
~Are you okay?~
I text and hit send, but my eyes flash to the time and I close my eyes again. Damn it, I should use some common sense; it's four in the morning – she'll be sleeping.
I jump when my cell vibrates.
~Yes. Ethan is fine and fast asleep. Are you okay?~
I smile feeling relieved she's okay, but I hate that I have woken her up.
~Sorry, I didn't see the time. I didn't mean to wake you~
~You didn't. I still don't sleep very well, but it's better than what it was~
Fuck, she still has nightmares. I cut off my mental thoughts—yet again, belittling myself; of course, she would still be having nightmares.
~I'm sorry, is there anything I can do?~
~No, I don't think so. I'm dealing. You never answered me, are you okay?~
She's been open with me, so I should be open with her, too. ~I had a bad dream~
~Do you want to talk about it?~
I know I can't talk to her about my dream; it could trigger her, and hurt her. I shake my head having no idea how to put that thought into words. I can't talk to her without hurting her, and I don't want her thinking I am cutting her out.
~Thank you for the offer, but I'm not sure that would be wise.~
~Was it about me? The video?~
She is still so responsive to the way I think. She still knows me so well. That alone gives me hope that I have a chance.
~How did you know? I wasn't going to tell you because I don't want to hurt you.~
~You're texting me, asking if I am okay at four in morning. That's sort of a dead giveaway. Besides, I get it, I have done it myself.~
~Do you have any tips about how to overcome it?~
~I don't, but talking helps. I don't mean about the dream, but just talking helps. It takes my mind off of the dream. But you need to talk to someone if you keep having nightmares. I didn't and look at the stress it caused—we almost lost Ethan.~
I shake my head at her text. It wasn't her fault. I should have been asking her questions to help figure out what was wrong. My eyes close thinking that asking her questions and knowing what I know now wouldn't have been the best thing either. But I could have talked to her. I should have been there for her, both physically and mentally, to help her. I let out a breath hoping my next text doesn't scare her off.
~I will, but for now, can we text a little longer?~
~Sure. What would you like to talk about?~
~Can you tell me about your life now?~
~There's not much to say. I work as a waitress. I recently started a small sewing business. I also edit a few columns in the paper.~
I swallow wishing she'd give me more.
~If you could, would you go back to college?~
~No, it wasn't that good for me. Besides, I am happy doing what I am now. I know that's not what most people want, but I get to spend time with Ethan, without bringing home stress from work.~
~So you're happy?~
I cross my fingers looking up, not sure why but I have this need for her to be happy, and feel happy.
~I am happier than I was. I feel stronger, too. I just need the case to be over, you know~
I start to text her back but another text comes in before I can.
~Are you happy?~
~No, but I am happier than I've been in over a year. I know that my happiness depends on me and my actions going forward.~
Bella and I keep texting, but when I see that it's almost six I know I should let her go.
~It's almost morning, so I should let you go. Thank you for talking with me. Do I need to bring anything with me today?~
~It is morning. Ethan is up at seven every morning. As for talking with you, no thanks are needed. You don't need to bring anything, just you today. Have a good morning, Edward, I'll see you later.~
I let out a breath, but frown when by cell beeps again
~I was thinking that we never talked about what we should tell Ethan to call you. I am debating what would be the best and easiest for him.~
I read the text a few times. I want so much for him to call me dad, but I haven't been that, to or for him.
~I'll abide with whatever you choose. Ethan's the most important person to consider right now. As much as it hurts me, and I hate myself, right now you have to be both his mother and father. So I'll suck it up and take whatever name you think is best. You are the one that knows him, has been raising him, and caring for him.~
I let out a whimper as I hit send.
~Then I think we should tell him you are his dad. Truth be told, I have spoken about you to him. I told him you were far away, and that you missed him. He has seen a photo of you as well. It's the one we took when I first held him. I hadn't showed it to him in a while, but I did show it to him last night. If we say your name is Edward and you're his dad, we can let him choose. Our son can be stubborn.~
Her text sends me into a flood of tears. Pops is right, she's has to be an angel, or some higher being. The way she is handling all of this has blown me away. But I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that she is doing this for Ethan, and when it comes to her and me, she may not be so forthcoming.
~Thank you.~
I text back to her.
~Chimera~
I arrive at Bella's building at twelve. I know she and Ethan aren't here yet, but I was feeling too happy and nervous to do anything else. Today is the day I get to see my son. I know I saw him last Monday when he was in the diner, but that was a short amount of time. Today I get to really meet him. I hope that I am able to hold him, and hug him, but that may be expecting too much. From what I've learned from research on the internet, he's at the age where 'stranger danger,' starts to kick in. I know there is no way that he'll remember me from when he was a baby.
I look back at the clock on my dashboard, sighing, I still have over an hour and a half to wait.
"I need to calm down," I mutter to myself as I lean over flicking on my car stereo. I close my eyes and let the music smooth me.
As the music plays, I have to constantly stop my mind from going to the place filled with hope. My biggest hope is that Ethan will have a bond with me right away. I know that this may not happen and I will have to work for it, but I can't help but hope.
I open my eyes just as Bella passes my car. She's laughing and smiling as she talks to Mike who's carrying Ethan.
"Okay, I need to go back to work," Mike says sounding cheerful.
"No, Mikey, play me," Ethan says as he seems to hold on to Mike tightly.
"Remember, baby, Momma's friend is coming over today," Bella say softly.
"No, want Mikey."
I feel my heart sink. Where I am happy to see that Ethan seems attached to a guy, I am having a hard time reconciling that it isn't me. I know that this is my fault, but that doesn't dull the pain, it only intensifies it.
Bella takes Ethan into her arms, and Mike leans in kissing her on the cheek. The pain I am feeling doubles. I know Pops said that she was single, but clearly, there is something between the two of them.
Bella walks into the building, and my eyes watch her until there is a knock on my window. I turn to it see Mike is standing there.
"Hey," he says opening the door and getting in. "You're early?"
"I know. I wanted to be with them as soon as I could."
"Are you going to tell her you are out here watching?"
"I wasn't here to spy; I was just waiting," I protest.
Mike looks at me and hums. "Ethan loves trucks. He will play with them for hours. The red one is his favorite, and he doesn't like people touching it without him saying so. If you play with his toys, he'll more than likely want to join you. Or, if he is already playing join him. He's quite the momma's boy, so make sure you leave space for him next to her. He hates the dark and baths—" Mike stops and chuckles.
The asshole voice inside me is saying that he's rubbing it in—telling me that he knows my son more than I do—but the more logical side knows that he does know my son more than I do. Then there's also the fact he's been there for Bella, and she—as I now know—picks great close friends.
"Bella normally spends part of his bath time chasing after him as he runs around the apartment naked, laughing at her." Mike smiles. "Need any other hints or information on Ethan and Bella, give me a call. Either way, I'm sure you'll do fine." Mike opens the car door and gets out.
I say nothing; I only sit and watch him as the door closes. I know that I am right that he is doing this to help Ethan and Bella, more than me, but what information he has just given me will help me a lot.
"Mike?" I call while rolling down the window.
Mike looks back at me.
"Thank you," I say, "for the information." I let out a resigned sigh. "I am happy that Bella has someone like you, that's been watching out and caring for her."
Mike nods at me. "Just don't waste this second chance, Edward. Oh, and for the record, if your sister comes within sniper distance of Bella or Ethan, I will gladly kill her."
"I'll help and supply the bullets as well as the alibi." I stop and frown, but decide to tell him what I want. "I want Bella to press charges, but I think we should also get a restraining order, immediately."
"It's good to see you're finally making the right choices when it comes to them."
"I knew Alice was bitch, but I honestly thought she saved that mainly for me. I would never have imagined she'd behave this way toward someone else besides me. The worst part is that I believed Jasper, not Alice." I stop sighing no matter how many times I relive it and ask myself why I didn't do this or that; it doesn't change anything. "I am here for the rest of their lives; hopefully I will die before them, and then I won't need to live without them again."
"That's a little morbid, and I don't think you should share that particular nugget of thought with Bella."
I snort shaking my head. "I wasn't planning on it." My eyes go to the clock seeing I have another twenty minutes to go before I can knock on the door. I let out a small groan, over just how slow time is going.
"Edward, just go up and see them now. Twenty minutes will not piss her off, or make her send you away."
I look at Mike.
"Just take a leap of faith. Trust that Bella will put her—your—son first and that means letting you be a part of his life."
I close my eyes and nod. He is right; she wouldn't care if I am a little early. "Thank you, Mike."
"No problem; I'll see you later, Edward."
I close the window and get out of my car. I wave at him and then jog up the steps to Bella's apartment.
"Hi," I say when she opens the door.
"Hi. Come on in," she says.
I walk with her to the living room, and we sit down. Ethan looks at me, his eyes widen and he moves close to Bella.
"Ethan, this is Edward," Bella says but stops as Ethan climbs onto her lap hiding his face from me. "He's your dad, and he came over to spend time with you," Bella carries on softly.
"No," Ethan replies and I gulp.
"Edward, why don't you switch on the Nickelodeon Jr. channel?" Bella gives me a smile and a wink. "He'll be fine … just give him some time."
I let out the breath that I have been holding onto as I do what she asks.
As the learning show for younger children plays, Ethan moves from Bella's lap to sitting next to her. Now and then he would check to see if I was sitting on Bella's other side. Each time he looked at me, I made sure to smile at him.
"Do you want to play for a bit?" Bella asks Ethan, and he looks from her to me. "Edward—" she stops letting out a breath, "Daddy can play, too."
"Tay," he says and gets off the sofa. He takes Bella's hand, and I follow them to his room. I smile as I look around, seeing that Bella has done well with his room. He has everything a small boy needs. I let out a sort of sob-like gasp as I see the rocking chair I bought her is here, too. I move to it touching it softly. I never told her that it was the same one my mom used when she had me. Alice was angry when Mom told her she gave it to me and more so when she found out I gave it to Bella.
I tried to block her bitching out. At that time, Ethan was five weeks old and had just come home from the hospital. I'm not sure then why I needed her and Ethan to have it, but my heart must have known he was mine even then. However, my head, nor Alice, ever shut up long enough to hear my heart.
"You kept it?" I whisper as I turn to see she's on the floor, playing with Ethan, but is looking my way.
"Yes. I know it meant something to you."
I let out a shaky breath and move to sit down with them. I look to see that Ethan has the red truck, so I move to touch a blue one. I look at Bella and she nods at me.
I move the truck around making zooming noises. "Beep, beep, blue truck, coming by," I say in an animated voice before going back to the zooming sounds.
I make a new noise as I move the truck back, and Bella lets out a chuckle shaking her head. I zoom my truck past her. "Make way for blue truck, slow yellow truck," I say in a higher-pitched voice.
A baby laugh makes me freeze and look at Ethan, who is smiling and laughing as he looks at me.
I have to clear my throat before I'm able to say anything else. I keep playing beside Ethan, but he's yet to play with me. I keep up with the silly noises and voices loving that I am making Ethan giggle, and for now that's enough.
"Momma needs to start dinner," Bella says and Ethan jumps up and puts the trucks in a box. He holds out his hand for the blue truck, and I hand it to him.
I watch him pick up the box, and Bella nods and stands up. I follow them as they leave the room and enter the kitchen. I watch with amusement as Bella puts down a play mat just at the side of the kitchen. Ethan plops down and dumps out his trucks. His eyes move to me, and he pushes the blue truck toward me and then drops his eyes.
"That's his way of telling you that you can play with it again," Bella tells me.
I look at her wondering if I should help with dinner instead.
"Just play with him today," she tells me as if she heard my inner thoughts.
"Thank you," I tell her.
"You don't have to keep saying it, Edward."
I chuckle but sit down and start to zoom around the mat again.
I'm completely in awe of Bella; she was able to cut up the vegetables, make the dinner, and set the table all while having her eyes on Ethan. A few times his truck would fly off his mat, but each time he stayed right on the mat until Bella gave it back to him. I knew that must have been a rule Bella made for him, and he also knows that his mom would give them back to him right away.
"It's time to pick up the toys, Ethan and Daddy."
My eyes spring to Bella when she yet again calls me Daddy. I shake off the guilty feeling and help Ethan pick up the toys.
"Up to wash your hands," Bella says and Ethan moves to her. I smile watching him giggle as he splashes Bella. She washes his hands and then sits him in his highchair.
"Daddy, are you going to join us at the table?" Bella asks.
I nod at her and quickly wash my hands before sitting down at the other spot at the table.
I look at the dishes and see that she has made chili. "He eats chili?"
"Yes, but only with the promise of eggs for breakfast."
"Eggs now?" Ethan giggles.
"No, eggs in the morning after you sleep. Now we are having chili."
"Me want eggs."
"Well, you can have eggs tomorrow." Bella moves her eyes from Ethan and looks at me. "Eat, or no ice cream for you."
"I'm eating Mommy," I reply with a smile.
"Me Momma, no you Momma," Ethan says and I look at him, and then to Bella.
"It's fine, he does that to everyone that calls me Mommy." She stops and looks at me. "He does that with Pops, too. He doesn't like sharing the people he cares about."
I nod at what she said, but it has me thinking about how we are going to handle tomorrow. "Do you have a plan for tomorrow?" I ask as I glance over at Ethan, happy he's not paying us much attention.
"No," Bella looks at Ethan, checking him like I did. "Maybe we should wait until he's in bed ... if you're staying that long."
"I am here until you kick me out," I reply with a smile.
The rest of our dinner goes smoothly, and I insist on helping clean up. After we are done, I play with Ethan some more. This time he seems to sit a little closer to me and seems to include me now and again.
Bath time was a sight to behold. Mike was right—Ethan hates them, but I think it is because he's able to get his momma to chase after him. The whole process becomes more of a game to him and he clearly loves it.
"Ethan, can Daddy read you a story tonight?" Bella asks our son.
I feel myself pale and have to take a small breath to stop the hope from building up inside of me.
Ethan looks my way and back to Bella. "Tay," he says and lies down on his bed.
He wants me to read a bedtime story to him. I am going to get to read to him. I take a deep breath. Shit I can't start crying now.
"Daddy?" Bella says bringing me out of my mental thoughts.
I take the book from her and sit down on his bed and start to read.
He is asleep before I get halfway through the book, but I read the whole thing. I place the book down and look at him.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't here for you, or for your momma. I should have been with you both all along. I should have seen that the man I thought was my friend, stopped being my friend when he started being around my sister. I wish I could go back. If I could, I would have asked your momma to come with me to my grandmother's funeral. She would have known then how I felt. She wouldn't have been—" I stop and clear my throat. "I swear, I am always going to be here for you. I love you very much."
I sigh, leaning back on the bed and watch him sleep. I hear the front door close and look up at the time. I see that I have been in Ethan's room watching him for almost two hours. I get up feeling odd that Bella's not in here. When I enter the living room, she's sitting on the sofa with a notepad.
"Edward," the woman I know Bella calls Granny says with a smile, and then she walks past me.
"Sorry, I just ..." I trail off unsure of what I am telling Bella when she looks up.
"I know; I used to watch him sleep all the time," Bella says.
I sit down next to her and my eyes flash to the notepad and then back at her.
"I'm simply sitting here doing what Tanya said and writing down things for our therapy session next week."
I want to know what she wants to talk about, but I also know we have to wait. This needs to be done right, and in a safe way. It's what is best for both Bella and Ethan.
"Now, let's figure out how we are going to handle things tomorrow?" I ask.
"I think maybe it would be best to do it either here or at Pops' apartment. That way we are someplace where we can openly explain everything."
I nod at her, agreeing with what she said. "I can pick you and Ethan up at ten, if that's okay?"
"Sounds good," she says.
I look down at the floor. "Can I tell my Mom, Dad, and Emmett about finding you? They know Ethan is my son, and I know they support me and what I want."
Bella seems to take a deep breath and then let out a slight sigh. "I am not talking to Alice, and I am having nothing to do with her. But I would like them to know, so it's okay."
I look at her. "Are you sure you're okay with that?"
She nods but looks at me. "They can't see him; not just yet. I need to know that I can trust them. I need to believe they will not be like your sister is around him." Bella looks hurt and scared, but there's also guilt, too, when there shouldn't be.
"After the way Alice treated you, I don't blame you. We'll need to talk about her, and before next week. I don't want her near Ethan or you." I stop as my mind reminds me I am a little late in doing this. "I think it would be in everyone's best interest if we as a family—the three of us— obtain a restraining order against her."
Bella simply looks at me, and before I can speak my cell rings. Seeing that it's Garrett, I pick up, knowing that he would only call this late, if it was important.
"Hello, Garrett," I say answering and holding a finger up to Bella, silently telling her this must be important.
"Edward, we have the proof we need to nail his coffin. We can prove that Benjamin tested his own DNA on the first DNA test you and Bella had performed in the hospital. He's going to be formally charged first thing in the morning. He is facing additional charges for tampering with the medical records, in the very least."
I let out a long breath feeling angry that he did that … he—I stop my thoughts knowing it is not getting me anywhere.
"Thank you," I tell him.
"Absolutely, Edward, I'll talk to you soon."
I hang up and look at Bella.
"Sorry, that was Garrett. You were right. The DNA test that was run in the hospital… Benjamin tested his own DNA."
I break down when I see Bella's tears.
"I'm so very sorry," I sob.
She shakes her head.
"Can I hug you?" I ask feeling the need to do something to be closer to her.
A/N: So do you think she will let him hug her? The next chapter is in BPOV, it is not ready to post yet or send to the beta, so I (Kasi) have to scramble to get it there. The plan is to post Tuesday and Friday again next week, but if stuff does not turn around that may have to change. I personally am sorry that we are struggling to post and or keep tot he normal same posting schedule this time. Things are still rocky health wise, but it's more the stress of everything that is causing delays for us. Nikky has been wonderful, even with her own problems, she is supporting me. So a HUGE thank you to her, and you all for dealing with my issues along with me. Any changes to psoting will be announced on the Facebook group page: TeamAllTwilight & AndTAT Fan Fiction. Thank you again for your support, story love, and understanding. xoxo, Kasi (&Nikky)