CHAPTER 21

20 minutes later I wandered into the kitchen, surprised to find Clint and the others already there.

He grinned when he saw me, "Your up?".

I nodded slowly, walking over to the coffee machine. Coffee. Coffee was good. Kept me awake.

"Well, you look like shit" Natasha said bluntly.

I remained silent.

"What? No comeback?" She asked.

I still didn't talk.

"Ok, come on, what's up? Nothing makes you this quiet" she said sighing.

I paused for a minute before smirking and turning back to face them, "I just can't believe I got your boyfriend into bed without even having to kiss him".

They all stared at me, shocked and confused.

"What?" Natasha asked and I shot a quick glance at Clint. He was grinning. Guess he was going to go along with it.

"Yea. Legolas over there. He didn't tell you? Oh, well, we slept together" I said shrugging and Clint smirked, walking over and kissing me on the cheek, "Awesome night".

The other four just stared at us.

"I... I... I did not see this coming" Nat finally replied, "You two... Are... Like... Going out? Ok, Stark I expect it from, being the playboy he is... but Clint? Seriously? When did you suddenly decide you loved Tony? How long exactly has this been happening?".

"Oh, you know, a while" Clint said casually as I went back to my coffee.

"And ye were telling us when?" Nat asked again and he shrugged, "Whenever it came up".

"... I really did not see this coming" she muttered and I put down my coffee cup, turning back to Clint, "Should we tell them?".

He grinned, "I don't know. Should we?".

"I'm asking you" I replied smirking.

"Tell us what?" Bruce asked warily and we both grinned even wider, "WE'RE ENGAGED!".

The look on their faces was priceless.

I couldn't take anymore, I burst out laughing, and barely a second later Clint did the same. I actually got tears in my eyes, and had to grip onto the counter for support.

"Aw man, see this is why your my best buddy" Clint said, holding onto my shoulder for support.

I grinned, "Same here man, same here".

"... I'm lost" Steve finally said and I smirked, turning back to them, "We're not going out. We're not engaged. We don't even love each other. We don't even LIKE each other. But the look on your faces was GOLDEN. Absolutely hilarious. It was all a joke Capcicle, just a joke... We did sleep together though".

"WHAT?" Natasha shouted and I grinned, "Yea. We slept together. Not like that though. That's just plain creepy. No, I mean we fell asleep together... Well... I fell asleep... In the lab... Legolas was there... So him and Capcicle brought me up to my room, and Barton fell asleep on the bed next to me. Or something like that".

"So ye don't love each other?" Natasha asked and we shook our heads, "Nope".

"And ye didn't actually sleep together?" She asked again.

"Not in any possible romantic interest kind of way no" Clint replied.

"... So your not even remotely together?".

"Not a chance" I replied.

"Wait a minute, you fell asleep in the lab?" Bruce asked suddenly, "As in... You actually slept?".

I tensed up slightly, turning back to my coffee, "Yea. I slept".

"And Clint was there?" He asked again and I nodded, "He was".

"Why was he there?".

"No idea" I replied, "But it doesn't matter".

"Tony" Clint warned and I glared at him, "No".

"Tell them" he said again.

"No way".

"Why not?".

"Because I said so" I growled and he rolled his eyes, "Great one Stark. You should become a lawyer".

"News flash genius, I'm already a billionaire" I shot back.

"Tell them Tony".

"No".

"Yes".

"No".

"Yes".

"No".

Clint glared at me before turning back to the others, "He had a panic attack".

"I'm going to fucking murder you" I muttered, "How does next Tuesday sound? I got to kill Rhodey on Monday. Speaking of Rhodey, where is he?".

"Your not changing the subject Stark" Natasha said firmly and I sighed, spinning around to face them, "Fine. Yea. I had a panic attack. Not the first. And not the last. I didn't hear Barton come in. Got a fright when he grabbed me. Hence the start of the panic attack. End of story... Now leave me alone".

My words were slightly harsher than I intended, but hey, I didn't ask for this. I didn't want to talk about it. And I certainly wasn't going to if I could help it. Where was a Manhattan attack when you needed one.

"He doesn't mean it" someone said and we all turned to the door as Rhodey strode in.

"What?" Bruce asked and he smirked, "What Stark really means when he politely tells you to fuck off, is that he secretly doesn't want you to leave, but he's too stubborn to ask for your help".

I glared at him, "Iv spent way to much time with you".

He just grinned, "I know you have. But that's what happens when your in love".

"I cheated on you. With Legolas. Sorry" I replied shrugging and he glared at me, crossing his arms, "You did WHAT?".

I grinned, "I cheated on you. With feathers over there. He's way better in bed".

Rhodey turned his glare to Clint who couldn't stop laughing, "Your the reason my boyfriend cheated?".

"We're engaged" I continued, "And your not invited to the wedding. Bruce, your a bridesmaid".

"It'd be my honour" Banner replied smiling and I grinned, turning back to Rhodey, "See. We even got bridesmaids. Its going to be awesome".

He glared at me for another minute before grinning, "Fine. But it's your loss".

"I'm sure it is" I replied smirking, "You staying?".

"Course. Unlucky 13th and all that" he replied, suddenly serious again.

"14th" I corrected and he shrugged, "You still did it. I'm not leaving till your fixed again".

"Rhodey, we've been over this" I said sighing, "I can't-".

"Be fixed" he finished, "I know. That's what you always say. But I'M saying you can. You can and you will. And you can start by telling the others bout your panic attack".

"Rhodey I am NOT-Wait. You know about that? How do you... Ah. Your the one who came in" I said and he nodded, "Barton had been gone for a worryingly-long amount of time, and I'd heard nothing of you. So I went to find ye. And your fiancée kicked me out".

"Yea, sorry bout that" Clint muttered and Rhodey shrugged, "I would have done the same".

"... What's happening here?" Steve asked slowly and Clint glanced over at me. I nodded slightly and he gave me a quick grin before turning back to the others, "Stark broke down".

All eyes were immediately on me and I turned back to my, now-cold, coffee in order to escape their worrying looks. I didn't want to do this. But Rhodey was right, I had to come clean.

"What do you mean he broke down exactly?" Natasha asked slowly and Clint sighed, "I... Um... Kind of... Maybe...".

Ok, deep breaths, I can do this. I'm not confessing murder, just remember that. I can do this. I will do this.

I spun around to face them, "What Clint's trying to say is he came in to check on me, and I didn't hear him with the music. So when I randomly heard someone next to me, I panicked. And as stupid and dumb and fucked up as it was, I thought it was father. So my mind kind of went blank and the kid/teenager side of me took over and all I knew was I had to get away. So I did. I put as much space between us as possible. Then everything from there is kind of a blur. And then I broke down and poured my heart out and cried and cried and cried, and then I somehow managed to fall asleep. The next thing I know, I'm waking up in my room with Legolas next to me saying him and Capcicle had brought me there, and then I came down to the kitchen and you know the rest. I'm sorry I snapped earlier on. I'm sorry for not listening and shoving ye away. And I'm sorry for repeatedly trying to kill myself. I don't want to die. I never did. I just wanted to get away from my problems. Permanently. And suicide was the result. I can't tell ye how fucked up I am. I can't tell ye how much I managed to fuck myself up. I can't tell ye how much I'm hurting. I can't tell ye how much I need ye. I can't tell ye how much I hate the thought of making ye sad. I can't tell ye who I really am. I can't tell ye what's really going on. I can't tell ye how much I'm addicted to destroying myself. And I can't tell ye I'm sorry because I don't mean it. But I can't cope by myself".

I even surprised myself at how steady my voice was. But I think I surprised them even more. They just stared at me, half worried, half amazed and completely shocked.

Sighing, I pushed myself from the counter, "Im gonna find Pepper".

I was at the door before they managed to re-act.

"Stark" Natasha said suddenly and I stopped, my hand on the door knob. But I didn't turn around.

She paused, "... Thank you".