a/n: hey people! I'm back with the latest installment of stuck in ME! Thanks to all the lovely people who reviewed!
Chapter 20: Dunharrow, Dimholt, and PMS should not mix….
-Sam-
Ah, lunch with the boys.
Always an enjoyable occasion, especially if you're eating with Gimli.
Have I mentioned how much I love that dwarf?
I really do, he's guaranteed to have you incapacitated with laughter ten minutes into the meal. He has amazing stories.
However, it's not guaranteed to work on Elves. You know them; they're too stoical for their own good.
Ok, fine so Hal's always been that way, being the psycho that he is, and Legolas does have a bit of a sense of humor so sue me.
Aragorn? Well, the kingly-ranger-dude doesn't always join us for lunch.
I'm cool with that though.
"I should have gone with Mithrandir to Minas Tirith." Boromir mumbled darkly as he sat down.
He threw me a glare.
"What?"
"I have no idea how you managed to convince me to stay here." He said shaking his head. "you are perfectly fine, that imbecile who attacked you is highly unlikely to come after you again after what we did to him yet you pleaded with me to stay with you instead of going to Gondor where I am needed."
This is followed by a childish pout.
I laugh and plant a kiss on his cheek. "Does the baby miss his toys?"
He stares, not getting it.
I roll my eyes. "You have to let it play out Boromir." I tell him as I pick at my bacon. "You're needed in Gondor, but not in the way you might think."
"What do you mean by that?" he asks confused.
I would just like to point out now that my brother is a loud mouth and has just captured the attention of two elves, a dwarf and a hobbit thus making me want to smack him one.
"Your place is here, with your King, no matter how reluctant he is. You have a bigger part to play here with us than in Gondor which in the end," I added quickly, seeing his look. "Will benefit it more. Believe me."
Suddenly the doors open and Aragorn rushes in looking out of breath.
"The beacons of Minas Tirith!" he proclaimed. "The beacons are lit! Gondor calls for aid."
Ok Théoden bas—er I mean King, time to show the world you're not a chauvinistic, useless sack of—
I'll just stop while I'm ahead eh?
"And Rohan will answer." He says firmly.
Hooray!
There is a brain somewhere in there!
It's not full of air and ideals about honor as is the popular belief.
He turns to Eomer, "Muster the Rohirrim. Gather the army at Dunharrow. You have two days, on the third we ride for Gondor, and war."
Great, I have to say goodbye to my warm fluffy pillows.
Joy!
OoO
Ah the journey to Dunharrow.
Boring, uneventful and pretty much everything in between.
I had to give Merry a hand with his pony or he was going to be left behind.
Stupid thing wouldn't move so I had to give it an apple and pull it along for an hour or two before it got the idea and galloped off.
I miss my pillow already.
OoO
Camping, how I would love thee to bits if only I knew how to camp!
No, I don't know how to camp.
I've been to the great outdoors of course, but those were just the excursions my family used to take when I was a kid to watch the stars; and it was always one of the boys who set up the tents while we were traveling.
Not really any camping involved there, just a little picnic.
Eowyn and Merry step out of a tent.
"To the smithy with you! Go." She says, laughing at a warrior-clad Merry who's taking practice swipes at the air.
I grin from my place in a corner with Haldir and Legolas under a tree.
"You should not encourage him." Eomer said from the fireside.
"And you should not doubt him." Eowyn retorts.
"I do not doubt his heart." Eomer answers. "Just the reach of his arm."
His companion, Gamling, I think his name is, snorts.
"Why should Merry be left behind?" she asks the two men. "He has as much cause to go to war as you."
I made a disparaging noise that made both elves dig their elbows into my side.
"Ouch!" I complained. "That hurt!"
Eomer stands up and turns to face his sister.
"You know as little of war as that hobbit." Eomer muttered a bit harshly. "When the fear takes him, and the blood and the screams and the horror of battle take hold, do you think he would stand and fight? He would flee, and he would be right to do so. War is the province of men Eowyn."
"That is where you're wrong buster." I said standing up.
I've just about had enough of him.
He turns to me and glares. "I beg your pardon?"
"Beg all you like." I answer crossing my arms and pulling a face.
"How am I wrong?" he asked stepping close to me and baring his teeth.
Ugh.
"Underestimating someone you don't even know? That does nothing but prove you don't know anything about war either. You underestimate the skills of hobbit-folk. True they're not as big as you; true they're not as strong as you but he would not run. Merry would stand and fight!" I snap back at him. "And you know what? I am so sick of all of this bullshit against women! Just because we're shaped differently does not mean we can't take down an Orc!"
"Hear, Hear!" a pair of voices behind me cheers.
I turn, ready to glare darkly at whomever it was.
Men, lots of them atop horses had just ridden into the camp.
"Oi!" I shouted at the two identical doofs in front of the bunch. "Get your own bloody campsite, this is ours!"
They clambered off their horses.
Aside from being identical, the two doofs stepped into the light and I saw that they bore a resemblance to Elrond.
Heh, it's the eyebrows. But hey, I could be wrong.
I turn in time and saw Legolas pull a face and Haldir give a slight bow.
"I was hoping you would forget." Legolas told the twins.
"We are quite pleased to see you too your Highness." One of them said grinning in a flippant way.
Dribble, dribble.
Buzz, buzz.
Boring.
"We rode in with about twenty rangers from the north to fight alongside Aragorn." Said the one on the left.
"Father came with us." the other said in a conspiratorial tone. "Arwen is dying; he has brought the sword of Elendil. The blade that was broken must return to Minas Tirith."
I snapped out of my reverie and turned to look at them. "So you're saying the sword that was broken has been remade?"
They nod.
I feel my face breaking into a grin.
Huzzah!
"And who is this fiery maiden?" one of them asks Legolas.
Beats me which is which really.
"This is Samantha." This from Legolas. "Sam, these are the twin sons of Elrond: Elladan and Elrohir.
I extended my hand to shake theirs and then tapped Legolas on the shoulder.
"Yes?"
I leaned over to whisper into his ear. "How can you tell which is which?"
"Elladan is the one wearing the mischievous expression; Elrohir is the serious one." He answered.
Oh, that makes perfect sense.
Unfortunately, I am not a monkey, I just train them.
OoO
Apparently the twin doofs of Elrond aren't such doofs after all.
Hmm…
Learn something new everyday.
Turns out they are both extremely fun to hang out with.
I now know quite a lot about the future queen of Gondor.
Yay!
And, apparently they're here with the rangers of the north to fight alongside his reluctant highness.
I think it's a good thing they came. Elrond, who had ridden with them in all his elven glory, might be enough to knock some sense into him. As much as I love Aragorn, he can be a major blockhead sometimes.
I voiced this opinion and got whacked by my brother for 'speaking ill words against the king'; and got laughed at by uber-supremo elves.
Humph.
Of course, being the woman I am, I threw them all a scathing look and stalked off.
Be proud!
On a lighter note: Eomer got his just desserts!
Thanks to the impressive abilities of the twins and myself, Eomer won't be dissing any female person from now on.
Or at least, not in front of me, Eowyn and elves.
Oh, you're wondering what happened to him?
Heh.
Let's just say that it involved intricate planning on mine and Elladan's part, fine-tuning on Elrohir's part and lots of goop, rope and make-up on Eomer's part.
The smug smirk is quite firmly in place and I highly doubt it's going away anytime soon.
Price of goop: 25, make-up: 60, the look on Eomer's face: priceless!
Heh, I know it's too early to say it because things can and will possibly go horribly wrong later on, but yeah, life is good.
OoO
"Sam?" came a voice from somewhere.
I look up from my bowl of soup to see Boromir.
"Hey," I greeted sleepily.
God throw a lightning bolt at me now, I'm craving for pillows and chocolate.
He plops down next to me.
Hmm, he's particularly fidgety today.
He runs his hand through his hair for the fifth time in two minutes.
"Whassamatter?" I ask.
Gah, I am incoherent at the moment.
Then again, if you ask around most of them might say I've been incoherent to begin with.
Ah well, no harm no foul.
"It is a stupid thing to worry about," he began. "But I cannot seem to find my horn. Have you seen it little sister?"
I blinked.
Er—
This is bad.
Very, very bad.
Oh dear…
"Sam?" Boromir asks
"Yesh?"
"Are you alright?" he asks.
"Yeah," I answer digging into my now empty bowl. Maybe he'll take a hint.
"Have you seen my horn?"
"Umm… no?" I answer.
"Samantha…" his voice goes low and dangerous.
Uh-oh.
I am in deep doo-doo.
"What have you done to my horn?" he asks giving me such an evil glare I am forced to abandon my seat in front of the fire.
I hold up my hands.
"I didn't do anything!" I protest.
"Oh yes you did!" he shot back. "I know that look Samantha! Now what did you do to my horn!"
Am I scared?
Yes, I am. I am very scared.
So I did what any nineteen year-old-girl in my shoes would have done: I ran.
Of course he was right behind me, these people have superpowers.
I saw Haldir, Legolas and the twins up ahead and sped up to hide behind one of them.
"Sam?" Legolas asked, looking at me from over his shoulder.
Yes, I am hiding behind him, why do you ask?
"Hide me." I answered.
"Whatever for?" Haldir asks, amused.
"Boromir's going to break me." I answered squeakily.
"Is he now?" this from one of the twins.
I nod. I feel very much like a child hiding from her brother after breaking his prized drum or something.
"Why, pray tell would he do that?"
"Causehethinksididsomethingtohisprizedhorn." I mumbled.
"Pardon?" they asked simultaneously.
"He thinks I did something to his prized horn!" I shouted. "There, happy?"
"Very." Elladan, I think, answered.
"SAM!" Boromir bellowed.
I squeaked and clutched Legolas' from behind.
"Now Boromir," Legolas said diplomatically. "What is this about?"
"'Tis a family matter my lords," Boromir answered looking murderous. "I need to discuss something with my dear sister."
"Certainly you can discuss this matter with us my friend." Haldir said haughtily.
"Samantha," Boromir said. "Come out from behind Legolas."
"I don't wanna," I answered childishly. "You're gonna break me."
"I will do no such thing!" he cried indignantly.
"Oh yes you will!" I shot back, my voice sounding muffled because I had my face buried in the elf's back. "I didn't do anything to your horn for your information. That horrible Uruk who nearly killed you broke it, so I threw it down the river before we left Amon Hen."
I let go of Legolas and peeked around him to look at my brother.
"I'm sorry. I know that horn was important to you and I shouldn't have thrown it into the river, broken or not. Can you forgive me?"
He ponders this for a moment and then approaches me.
He puts his arm around me and says, "Why would I break you?"
"I'm sorry." I repeated.
"All is forgiven." He answered, letting go and ruffling my hair.
OoO
"Samantha…"
I hear my voice whispered and looked up.
"Lord Elrond?" I ask, confused.
Why is he talking to me? I mean, he doesn't even know me, does he?
The elf-lord sits down next to me and fingers the hilt of one of my daggers.
"These are dark times you have fallen into my child." he said, his voice low.
"I know that." I answer.
"Do not let the horrors you face strip you of your zeal for life," he counseled. "Perhaps one day you and I might speak again. I and my adviser, Erestor would dearly love to learn about your world."
Caught off guard, I stared.
"What?"
The elf-lord smiled, that all-knowing smile elves love to use to befuddle us mortals, and left leaving me confused as hell.
OoO
"Have you learned nothing of the stubbornness of dwarves?" came the voice of Legolas, leading his horse forward.
I, who had been luxuriously lounging on top of the last decent pillow and eating a bowl of soup, was forced to sit up and evacuate the contents of my mouth.
I jumped onto my feet and hurriedly grabbed my belongings and Charcoal before quickly stalking towards the boys.
"No. Way. In. Hell. Are. You. Going. To. Leave. Without. Me." I snarled through gritted teeth, which is quite an achievement if I may say so.
Seriously, do you know how hard it is to snarl when your teeth are clamped together?
Anyway…
"Sam, as brave as you are," one of the twins began. "This journey is not for you."
I glared.
"Don't you dare start with that kind of crap with me!" I shot at him.
I saw Boromir fidget from somewhere on my left.
I turned my gaze on Aragorn.
It's not likely to happen, but I could intimidate him.
Hey, a girl can dream can't she?
The soon-to-be-king looks at me for a long moment and then sighs.
That is a very resigned sigh.
Hopefully that means I'll be allowed to come along.
"Do you truly wish to come?" he asked.
I nod.
"Will you fight for the safety of Middle earth and its inhabitants?"
Another affirmative.
"Do you truly wish to come?" he asks again.
"For the sake of sanity, coke and doughnuts Aragorn!" I exclaimed. "I said yes didn't I? Besides, you and I both know that if you don't let me come, one way or another, I still will."
Another resigned sigh escapes His Reluctant Highness's lips.
He turns around to face the Dunedain and the others.
"She shall come with us."
Huzzah!
Grinning madly, I climb onto charcoal and we ride out.
Some may think me psychotic, and maybe I am, but yep, life is good.
Of course, my chipper mood was dampened somewhat when I saw the men's stricken faces as we rode out of Dunharrow and into the Dimholt Road.
Man, I feel bad.
I feel really bad.
"It is not yet too late to turn back." a voice whispered in my ear. I turned around, expecting to see Boromir.
Instead, I see Legolas.
"Bug off." I tell him. There is something in his eyes that I can't quite place.
I hear Gimli muttering something about leaving me be and sigh gratefully.
To be quite honest, I think I'm PMSing.
With one last look towards the camp at Dunharrow, I heave a sigh akin to Aragorn's.
If this whole trek is going to be nothing but a sexist festival, I'm going home.
This is gonna be a loooong ride.
a/n: whoo, wasn't that a totally crappy chapter? Seriously, I apologize if this isn't really up to par. Anyways, tell me watcha think eh?
Review responses:
ColdPlayGirl: yeah, I agree. Sam is definitely dense. However, they didn't really know that Haldir was going to die so there's no reason for anyone besides Sam to be over the moon. Thanks for the review!
Silver sliver: hey Alex! How go the poems? Yeah, I really don't like Denethor either…he's an old pillock; imagine how horrible he was to Faramir! Hope you liked the way I played out your request…even though I think it kinda sucked…
Aisling Jace: stop it, you're making me blush! Haha, just kidding. Anyways, hope you liked this one!
Chaco: thank you. I hope you like this one!
Aya013: yeh, I love the twins too. They're awesome aren't they? So..did your head stop bleeding yet? Heh, kidding. You don't wanna stop your story; I don't want you to stop your story so it's agreed! You won't stop your story! As for ideas..how bout you put in some sort of new adversary for them to face, and I dunno…have Lita kidnapped or something. It'll be horrible for john I expect…
Just me: hey! Glad you liked the previous chapter. Heh, I love the muffin man song.hope you like this one too.
Purplechick101: glad you like my story!
BlackRosePoison-Orchid: I found your review funny. hehe, anyways, yeah I do like the word peachy. Hope you liked this chapter.
Eimly2508: here you go love!
Scarlet-reBELLE: I sympathize with thee. Although I don't have a short attention span, I am extremely inobservant. Glad you liked this story, I appreciate it.
SocksAreYummy: heh, yeah. There shall be a sequel. Anyway, i totally agree with you. LOTR extended versions are cool to the point of infinity! Btw, got any requests? Like for special scenes or something? Let me know in your review!
Yourbestnightmare: here you go!
Kanefire: I agree. He never will, and yes, some is clueless.
ArwenEvenstar83: gah! You're back! I missed thee! Heh, yeah...you'll find out exactly what they did to him in the next few chapters. So glad you liked it!
I'm out! Don't forget to click the nifty button before you go!