Crystal Nothings II: My Wings Angle Down – Fallen Lithium
I've been chasing this kid around the house for after two hours, and my breath is starting to hitch. All those teenage years I spent smoking are starting to catch up with me. I'm almost thirty, damn it. I don't need this now.
If the higher power really does exist, why did He or She give pre-pubescent fourteen year old boys such energy? It's not fair. He's been giggling wildly the entire time and throwing snide remarks over his tiny shoulders.
It's been so long, I don't remember what game we were supposed to be playing, nor do I know how I let him talk me into it.
Our chase has taken us into the living room, where Fox and Falco are chatting amiably about something over at the coffee table, with steaming mugs of said beverage sitting in front of them. It reminds me of all of those times I spent with this little whelp on the balcony, and it brings I smile to my exhaustion-flushed face. The happy couple both whirl their heads around at the sight of me, and their mouths (...err, beaks - whatever) snap shut and their eyes widen in surprise.
I decide to ignore it for now, as I have a more pressing issue at hand. I bend my legs in preparation for my oh-so-dazzling Wolf Flash move, still running to try and keep up. I'm planning a tackle on the kid from behind.
After it's already too late, I can feel one of my boots bang into that disgusting pink chesterfield that Peach insisted on having put into the living room. Seriously, I wish people would do a commentary on this thing. It's hot pink, has daisies all over it, and... I think there's mold growing on its underside. It doesn't even match the deep brown leather couches. Can you picture that? Brown leather couches with a random pink, daisy-covered chesterfield sitting between the recliner and the TV?
At any rate, I trip over this damn thing and fall face-first into the plush rug.
I could have gotten up instantly if I wanted to, but an evil idea enters my mind and I just lay there, immediately blocking off my air circulation, so I am completely still.
"...Wolf?"
Not moving, I'm sniggering into the carpet. I'm going to make this kid jump right out of his little green tunic... wait, was that weird?
"Wolf?!"
I open my good eye carefully, if only for an instant, and sneak a peek at Fox and Falco. The bird is grinning at me, and I attempt my best keep-your-mouth-shut look before going back to playing dead.
"Wolf?! Wolf, come on, wake up!"
He's shaking me now, and screaming in my ears. Instinct tells me to fold them back, but I restrain the urge. His voice is beginning to shake, and I can already tell he's about to cry.
"Wolf... please goddesses, I'm so sorry..."
I took my moment then. A strangled cry escapes both of our throats as I suddenly leap into the air with the kid in my arms. With the force of an atomic bomb, we hit the loveseat with a soft boom! Damn two-seater couches...
Mumbling, Toony struggles out of my vice grip and gasps dramatically as he resurfaces, sucking air into his young, untainted lungs.
I'm laughing uncontrollably now, hugging my stomach and kicking my legs like a child, tears of hilarity trailing down my face and making those highly unattractive lines in my fur.
"Don't do that, Wolf!?" Toony screams, dusting off his tunic. "You scared me so bad I almost peed myself!"
Still laughing, I wipe a stray tear away and sit up straight. "I know! That's why it was s-so f-funny!"
"It was not!"
A blinding flash of light strangles both my laughter and Toony's cries, as it nearly renders us both sightless. Toony, in particular, what with those massive cat eyes of his.
"Awwww," Fox coos from behind his digital camera. "Look at this adorable little couple having their first spat!"
Toon Link immediately goes red as one of Kirby's Maxim Tomatoes and I'm glaring daggers at my vulpine friend.
"Shut it, Fox. Or I'll give you a new hole for your bird-toy over there to shove his dick into."
Falco, who's munching away at a Pop Tart innocently, just gives me a little wave, a sign of acknowledgment that my insult was accepted.
Things have been... different since the three of us came back and Pit was... defeated, I suppose you could say. Link's at the infirmary every day. Just today he came back red-eyed, as though he was crying. I figure it isn't my business to interfere.
Fox and Falco have been more into each other than ever. Those two are always dashing off for their little private rendezvous, and they haven't had a single argument. Not to mention the fact that they are just, in overall terms, more pleasant to people. It's sickly-sweet. They shove food into the other's mouth at mealtimes. They cuddle up close together when they watch TV, and yes, they even have pet names for each other. Lucas has relayed to me the horror stories. I don't want to hear those names spoken aloud.
As for Toony and me... I don't really know what to say. I like the kid, hell, I even love the kid, but... damn, I just don't know. We hang out together all the time, weird as that might seem. Were you new here, you might think that I was some creeper who was just waiting for the right time to leap on him.
Well, I've leaped on him on more than one occasion. Not sexually though. I couldn't bring myself to do that.
But he wants me to, I know he does. The idea of being with someone thirteen years his senior must sound very appealing to someone who is just beginning to sexually mature.
I won't lie. Creepy it may be, were he at least nineteen... man... I can't even say it, but I'm pretty sure you know where I'm going with this confession.
Fox snaps me out of my reverie, still using that teasing voice that makes me want to punch him in the face and then stick a rectal thermometer in both of his eyes. Ah... he would probably enjoy that, the sadist.
"So, Wolf... have you two touched second base yet?"
Toony's blushing even harder now, and I can see that he's upset. That pisses me off. That really pisses me off.
"Fuck you, Fox. Get out of here," I hiss, not even bothering to tether down my middle finger.
Raising his hands in a defensive posture, Fox finally backs off, and rejoins his lover in whispered discussion at the coffee table. I try to push away the fact that they point at me every few seconds.
Trying to be comforting, I reach for my young friend's shoulder. "Toony, are you...?"
"'M sorry, Wolf... Uhm... we should... meet for coffee on the balcony in the morning... gottagobye!" he mumbles to me, and then dashes off. Poor kid must be really embarrassed.
With him out of the way, I focus my attention on Fox. "I hope you're happy, asshole. He's really embarrassed by your stupid little comments." I'm getting up to leave, yet somehow, Falco is latched to my arm before I can even move two steps towards the exit.
"Hey, hey, hey," Falco says gently, pulling me towards the table. "No need to be so hostile. Come and sit, and chat with us for a little while. Relax, take a load off."
I raise an eyebrow suspiciously. This birdbrain is acting a bit more eccentric then usual. Does it bother me? Yes, yes it does.
"Falco? Has Kirby been cooking for you again? Because if he has, the number for Poison Control is on the fridge..."
Falco shook his head, and smiled, though I caught the shudder that ran down his spine at the memory of Kirby's lack of culinary skills.
"No, don't be stupid. Just come sit and quit asking questions."
I finally recede my inquires and join them at the table. Fox is flipping through a little green notebook, frowning occasionally as he flips pages. Falco reaches down in front of him and grabs that damn piece of breakfast sugar and begins eating away at it in almost microscopic bites. Damn birds, there is such a thing as a chunk, rather than a nibble, you know?
If he had those beady little glasses that look like peas, Fox would almost look like a shrink as he sets his book on the table, folds his arms, leans back in his chair, and stares at me. Falco is doing likewise, except still eating the Pop Tart.
"Sooo... Wolf?" he asks politely. "How open-minded would you say you are?"
I'm surprised by both his abruptness and the oddity of the question. What kind of interrogation is this?
"Uhhh..." I murmur, searching for words. "I guess I'm pretty out there. Who gives a shit?"
Fox's eyes are beginning to cloud over strangely, and he makes no show of being subtle as his chair scrapes across the linoleum flooring, a little closer to me.
"Let me rephrase for my idiot boyfriend," Fox says, shooting Falco a disdainful look that makes the poor bird stare into his Pop Tart. "What he wanted to say was: How sexually open minded are you?"
Okay, if I had alarm bells literally built into my head, they would be ringing off of the hook right now. Something is definitely amiss here. If I didn't know any better... I'd say my vulpine friend was flirting with me.
My naiveté gets the best of me, unfortunately, and I say, "Err... that depends, I guess." I resist the temptation to raise my hackles in defense. Most modern animals of the Lylat System don't really have any of their ancestors' feral instincts, but I still do, hence my Grade A sense of smell.
Fox is staring at me again with those half-lidded eyes and that lazy smile...
Oh God, I'm already half-hard. Somebody needs to save me from this situation now.
...
Nobody?
Shit.
"Come with us," Fox says, pushing back his seat and beckoning me with an oh-so-tempting finger. Taking Falco's hand, he starts to walk away.
I stay rooted to my chair. There's no moving allowed. Not right now. They'll see how fucking turned on I am. Where's a Playboy when you need it? Half-naked women would be a massive help right about this instant.
As if on cue, Falcon saunters into the room, nose buried in said magazine. My ears perk up hopefully, but he's spotted us, and he's blushing insanely.
"P-please don't tell Gandrayda! I'm sexually repressed, okay?!" As soon as my savior shows up, he's gone.
I swear, if my life had a physical existence, I would crap all over it.
"Oh, Wolf," Fox scolds me as though I am a little schoolchild. "You didn't listen."
Without warning, both grinning Star Fox pilots are dragging me out of the room, my soldier standing straight up at attention. I don't even struggle, because it's obvious there's no point in trying. I don't know what they're going to do to me, but I'm scared witless...
...and really fucking horny.
I blink, and suddenly Fox has released one of my arms and is pushing the door open to his room. I want to run, but curiosity kills the wolf, as they say.
"I think its about time we had some fun," Falco smirks nastily. "Don't you think so Fox Apple?"
Fox Apple. There's one horrid pet name down, and I sincerely don't want to know what that means.
I'm standing up straight now, literally shaking in my boots. Fox is swaggering up to me, and his breath is at my ears.
"You know what the best part is?" he whispers to me. I don't respond, just stand stock-still and stare straight ahead.
The bastard, he'll answer his own question for me. "Falco and I haven't even had our make-up sex yet."
That does it, my shields have been destroyed, and I'm kissing him as hard as I can before I even half-realize what I'm doing. For the uninitiated, I've basically just been invited for a make-up sex three-way.
Good God, is there anything more arousing?
Falco's on me too, now, attacking my neck, and I'm trembling, even though I'm still locking lips with his boyfriend.
One of them is pawing my arousal… holy shit, where did my pants go? This is not good, this is not good…
Suddenly, I can feel myself being consumed by Fox's warm mouth, and it occurs to me that this is so damn good.
Fully dressed, I shut the door behind me as quietly as I can, putting in the effort to not alert anyone else to my presence in the hallway.
As I creep to my room, I can only think about how wrong that was, that I shouldn't have done it. But god damn, while it was on, did I ever enjoy it. What else does a guy say when his biggest fantasy as just been fulfilled.
I honestly don't know where that came from. I've had sex with Fox before. I've almost had sex with Falco, and now I just had sex with both of them at the same time.
I never thought that Fox McCloud was so adventurous, and it has got me confused as all hell.
This whole thing makes me think about Toony. I like the kid. I like him so much, and I am completely, one-hundred percent aware of how creepy, weird, or gross that is. No one has to tell me twice.
But he's so young. I just need the time to think things through and decide an appropriate course of action. Besides, I'm fairly sure my little threesome was a one-time deal. I decide that I should go to my favourite thinking place, the balcony.
And fuck my luck he's already here, green cap hovering slightly in the evening breeze. His short legs are dangling over the railing, and he's staring at that ball of fire we call the 'sun.'
"Hi, Wolf," he says, not even turning to look at me.
"…Hi," I reply nervously, unsure of what to say. Wordlessly, I opt for climbing up on the railing next to Toony, and join him in watching the sunset.
"Wolf…" he speaks up after a while, "… do you like me? And don't say, 'of course I do,' because you know what I mean."
I sigh quietly. I knew this would have to come up sometime. There would be no avoiding it forever. My sexual adventures of the previous two hours have completely left my mind. This needs dealing with.
"Link… I like you, a lot. You know that as well as I do, but…"
"I'm too young, right?"
I just nod, refusing to look at his very expressive, sad face.
"But…" he's shifted on the balcony, and his big eyes are set right on me. "I can be more mature, Wolf! I really can! I can be the kind of grown-up guy that you like! Just like Fox!"
Without the courage to look him in the eye, I turn the other way.
"Link, listen to me. You're fourteen years old, and I'm twenty-eight. That's not right, no matter how much I wish it were. You're just a kid. You have so much about life that you don't understand yet. There must be someone around here who's your age that you like, huh? What about Popo, or Ness? Lucas? Even Red, I'm pretty sure that guy walks on both sides of the street!"
Toony just shakes his head. "No, Lucas is totally into Tetra. Ness is a horn-dog. Popo is just… Popo. You're the only one I like, Wolf!"
With a lack of anything better to say, I can only ask, "Why?"
"Because you're amazing!" He's raising his voice now. "You're smart, funny, and you've been so nice to me ever since you got here! You always stick up for me… and, Wolf… you gave me my first kiss! No one would ever do that for me, Wolf! I won't even bring up how hot you are… well, I guess I just did, but you get it, don't you?"
Finally, I turn on the railing to face him. Toony's eyes are sparkling with tears.
"Everyone here just treats me like a kid, or even like a freak! Even Link does that! You talk to me like I'm a person, not just some little child with a magic conductor's baton…"
"You don't mean all of that…" I attempt, feeling my own voice choking up. Damn it, I can't do this now.
"Yes, I do!" Toony screams. "I wouldn't be saying any of it if I didn't!"
Unable to resist anymore, I grab him by the shoulders and pull him close. Instantly, he buries his face into my jacket and starts to cry. "Wolf, it just isn't fair…" he sobs gently. "Why does everything have to be so fucked up?!"
I'm taken aback by his swearing, but I hold him anyway and breathe in his strong scent through his hat.
"Link, can I tell you a secret?"
"Yeah…?"
"If you were at least nineteen, I swear that you and I would be rocking each other's worlds," I say honestly, still hugging him. "But I'm pushing you away right now because I care about you that much. You're still so young; I don't want to miss out on things because of me, okay? I don't want you to have to deal with the torture you would get from the others because of me…"
For a long time, he doesn't answer me, just continues to cry into my jacket, and before that long time, I'm crying too.
That's what we do. We just sit there and cry until the sun goes down.
I don't think I've ever been this emotional in my whole life.
Everything's working out wonderfully for Fox and Falco… Toony's right, it isn't fair. Why can't shit work for me, too?
Finally, he pulls his face away from my crushing embrace and he smiles weakly at me. "I-I… I understand, now, Wolf… thank you."
I pull him close again, and he says, "Thanks for being the best friend I've ever had."
Nodding, I hug him tighter, and I reply, "You don't ever have to worry about that. I'm always around to be your friend."