Scott, I'll love you forever.

Chapter 18

Everything's better in the Sun

The sun baked down on the mansion graduation was in a matter of days and there was an air in the mansion of overwhelming enthusiasm. Lazy days past with final exam reviews and shortened classes. One hot day when the air was stagnant around the mansion Logan strode into Scott's room leaning lazily on the door frame, "Hey Slim, do you still want to learn how to ride a motorcycle?"

Scott's face lit up. The two men walked down the stairs and out into the garage. Logan yanked a large tarp off a bike and grinned toothily, "This is your graduation gift." Scott gasped running his hands down the bikes sleek body, "did you make this Logan?"

Logan nodded and opened the garage door, "two things first pay attention to the road people don't notice a biker as much as another car and second, lean with the bike in the turns. I know it sounds like bullshit but believe me, it's the only way to make a turn."

Scott nodded and looked at the bike again, "you're going to show me how to ride right?"

They sped down the country roads surrounding the mansion kicking up a dust cloud. Scott sat nestled safely against Logan's chest his hands wrapped around the handlebars engulfed by Logan's. They came to a stop in a wide field and they sat as the engine cooled looking out over the long grass, Scott laid his head against Logan's shoulders and sighed contentedly, "What are you doing for the summer Logan?"

Logan shrugged kissing Scott lightly on the cheek and closing his eyes, "Nothing really… some work I guess, I might take this really fine young thing out on a few dates."

Scott laughed under his breath, "fine young thing?"

Logan shrugged slightly and kissed Scott again, the heat of the day was in full swing now and it beat down on the two. Scott felt like he was melting and his eyelids became increasingly heavy. Logan murmured something in Scott's ear and Scott nodded not really knowing what he was agreeing too and not really caring. Logan wrapped a strong arm around Scott's waist and held him securely to his chest as the engine came back to life.

The chill of the mansion's air conditioning washed over the men as they walked back in from the garage. Scott was glistening from the sweat that had not yet cooled on his arms and face. Ororo stood in the front hall and smiled at Logan, "Hi big guy."

Logan looked at her and smiled, "What can I do for you Ro?"

"I was hoping you might bring up some stuff from the freezer for me so that I can make supper."

"Sure thing." Logan turned around and headed back into the garage. Scott blinked and looked at Ororo, "we have a freezer?"

"Sure we do Scott, it's in the basement."

"We have a basement?"

Ororo laughed loudly and patted Scott on the back, "there's more down there than jets and hologram rooms."

Scott fallowed Logan into the garage and past a back door and down a flight of dark stairs. Scott put out his hand and felt Logan's back he gripped the thick fabric to steady himself on the stairs. Logan finally stopped walking and flipped on a switch. They stood in a room the walls were lined with spare parts and boxes of medical supplies. Logan walked across the room and opened the freezer. Cold air rushed over both of them. Scott ran a hand down Logan back and kissed Logan on the jaw. Logan looked up from his rummaging in the freezer and caught Scott's lips with his own kissing him lightly and lovingly. Scott tugged gently at Logan's shirt trying to undo the buttons on it, only to be pushed against the freezer kissed passionately. Scott pulled Logan closer to him and murmured in his ear, "I want you to make love to me."

Logan looked at Scott the fire of passion still fresh in his eyes, "you want me to make love to you?" A short nod of affirmation came from Scott. "Do you really want me to bend you over the freezer and fuck you in the basement?" Logan murmured in Scott's ear, "Graduation's only two days away, just wait a little longer Slim."

Scott sighed and nibbled on his own lip for a second and then dropped his arms to his sides. Logan pulled a large slab of something or other wrapped in paper and then plastic and took Scott's hand leading him back up the dark stairs and releasing him in the garage.

Ororo was in the kitchen, her face buried in a suspicious looking pink book when Logan entered the frozen slab tucked safely under his arm.

"Did you get a new Romance novel today Ro?"

Ororo nodded eagerly setting the book down and setting her face on her fists, "this one is about Vikings." She took the slab from Logan and unwrapped it coyly, "See this girl gets transported back in time into the middle of a Viking raid on an Irish monastery," she looked up briefly to see that Logan hadn't lost interest yet, "and because of her 20th century technologies she pretends to be Goddess, but she falls in love a young Viking."

"How does it end?" Logan asked picking up the book with a slightly befuddled look.

"I haven't finished it yet" Ororo said hauling the newly wrapped slab over to the sink and dumping it unceremoniously into the warm water to thaw. She turned back to look at Logan smiling softly snatching the pink book back from him, "So are you going to be hear for the graduation?"

Logan shrugged, in truth he had already resolved to be at the sweltering ceremony regardless of any sort of mission the Professor had intended him to go on, "I hope so… if Chuck doesn't send me off on some errand."

Ororo's smile faltered, "You sound bitter."

With a heavy sigh Logan shrugged his shoulders, "Not bitter… just tired." Ororo puckered her lips and knitted her brow thinking intently and then opened a high cabinet brining down a brightly colored tin, "have some tea" she said softly putting a kettle on to boil. Logan laughed under his breath and looked at the ceiling, "I don't know what it is with women and tea."

"What?" Ororo asked looking up from making a salad.

"Jeannie used to swear by the stuff."

A wide smiled spread across Ororo's face and she nodded, "I remember that, she used to drink it everyday like Hank takes vitamins."

Logan smiled easily taking the cup of tea Ororo offered to him and sipped on its hot liquid, "I think I'm going to go to bed," he murmured setting the empty cup down and rubbing the back of his neck. Ororo took his cup and tossed the tea bag into the trash, "Do you want me to save some supper for you?"

Logan shrugged and looked at the half thawed slab in the sink, "Only if there are leftovers." Logan trudged up the stairs, his legs feeling heavy. Logan sighed laying his head on his pillow letting his eyes drift close.

The air was cool against Logan's face and he was straining to move, he was yelling, then he saw her; he long red hair flying in the wind, her silky skin prickling in the cold as her death rushed to meet her. Logan was helpless to stop what he had started. Jean was swept away, but as her body was crushed and contorted her face turned and her blind dead eyes gazed wide at Logan. As if in slow motion she was dragged past Logan's eyes, then she was rebuffed and twisted once again her limp arms and legs flailing like a marionette and as she turned once more to face Logan with her wide eyes it wasn't Jean any more, it was Scott's limp, young form dead before him.

Logan sat up soaked in sweat gasping for air, his breath was ragged and wild he jumped out of bed and pulled his bedside table's draws open and rummaging in them desperately. He yanked on the last one ripping it out of the stand and finally finding a lighter he snatched up a cigar case and ran down the stairs. He burst through the front door and tried to light his cigar with shaking hands. Flicking the metal wheel once, twice, three times and finally getting a flame he held it to his cigar taking a long drag. His hands still shook furiously and in a fit of anger and frustration he chucked his lighter across the wide lawn. After a long while his hands stopped shaking and he breathed deeply, looking at the sky. His cigar burned low and he closed his eyes trying to push the image of Scott's contorted form from his mind. It had been a long time sense he had had that dream, the day Jean died still haunted him, still twisted and hugged at his heart still brought tears of hopelessness to his eyes. The hot tears splashed down his cheeks on to the concrete steps. His eyes burned and Logan lifted his free hand to wipe them clear of the offending tears. Logan regretted, now, tossing his lighter away and as he took the last few drags of his Cigar he stood and walked to the grass where it had landed. It was too dark now to see the small object and Logan went to his hands and knees clenching his burnt out Cigar between his teeth rummaging gingerly in the grass.

It was no use, Logan didn't even know if he was searching in the right place and as he sat back and growled at the sky he caught a glimpse of Hank in his peripheral vision.

"It's a little late too smoke isn't it Logan?"

Logan turned his head half cock to look over his shoulder at the man, "it's never too late."

Hank sighed and walked to Logan side scanning the grass and picked up the lighter from a spot merely inches from Logan's reach, "had another nightmare?"

Logan knitted his eyebrows and took the lighter looking at the ground again swallowing hard, "how did you-?"

Hank sank into the grass and nodded to the lighter, "you're out of sorts Logan you couldn't find something that was right under your nose, that's how."

Logan sighed heavily and flicked the lighter to start a flame and held it up to his cigar, "I miss her, Hank."

"I do to Logan. Jean was the first person I went to when the accident happened; she'd always been there for me." A long deep breath to steady his nerves and then Hank continued, "She made me feel like I was the only person in the world when we were together."

"Yeah… I remember that." Logan supporting his head his face on the heals of his hands, "it's been four years Hank. Four God-dammed years and I still miss her."

"You've met somebody new-?" it was less a question but a statement of fact, Hank could hear the guilt in Logan's voice, "Logan I can't tell you what to do. I've never really lost anything like you have, you built your entire life around Jean and when she died you were left to pick up the pieces. However," Hank murmured steepling his fingers and letting his lips brush against them as he spoke, "I have never lost like you have because I have never aloud my self to love like you did. I always, sense my earliest years, have sabotaged my relationships to protect myself from the uncertainty." A heavy sigh fallowed this remark, "I can tell you that while I have never been hurt, I also have never been loved, I have never been happy… I can also tell you that it is very lonely."

Logan took another long drag on his cigar considering Hank's words, "When does the Graduation start tomorrow?"

"Two O'clock."

Logan nodded, his stomach growled loudly and Hank laughed under his breath. Logan tossed his head towards the mansion, "what was for dinner?"

"A surprisingly good 'mystery meat'," Hank said standing and putting his hands in the pockets of his pants and heading towards the darkened front door.

Logan walked up rows of head stones neatly groomed, the grass respectfully short and the head stones themselves glossy with the attention they received from their caretakers. He stopped in front of one and sighed sitting heavily looking at the flowers he had brought, "I brought you flowers, sun flowers, your favorite… there in season now you know." There was a silents and Logan felt a little silly having this almost schizophrenic discourse with a headstone that read the name of his lost lover. He lay the flowers on the grave and licked his lips, "A lot's changed sense you've been gone Jeanie-girl. Ro got her masters last month; and all the kids are graduating today, Mari, Bobby, and Warren I can remember when they were just kids… now… well any way like I said a lot's changed… Chuck said we could get a dog as long as we train it well. I think we'll get a beagle… Truth is Jeanie… I'm here 'cause I finally met someone; well I mean you know I was messing around with Remy but this is different, ya know?" Logan sighed heavily and touched the petals of one of the sunflowers tenderly, "It's not that I don't love you anymore Jeanie-girl… it's just that, well its been god-dammed lonely without you babe; and then he came along and it was like, having you back, even just a little… ya know? – And I just had to get it off my chest." Logan fell silent and looked up at the sky, it was a clear blue and the sun shone down backing his skin and drawing from it a pink hue as he began to burn. He opened his mouth to speak again but shut it once more and smiled wistfully, "I've got to go Jean." He finally murmured standing and running a hand across the top of the head stone. Logan turned slowly and headed back to his bike.

***

Author's note:

Hey guys…. Remember me? LOL yeah so I had real trouble writing this chapter I knew what I wanted but I wasn't quite sure how to say it… any way, so it's finally done. There's more to come. But I promise there's a happy ending. XD