Disclaimer: I don't own Kotor

The cave was dark and cold, the exact opposite of the hot desert outside. From its end a dim light was coming, casting long shadows of several persons who were standing around its source. I stopped; the steps of my two followers fell quiet too.

"Something wrong, Bandon?" one of them whispered.

"She's not here," I answered and frowned.

"She is. The Jedi's over there, apparently looking for something on the ground," the other responded too. They didn't know. I was the only one Lord Malak entrusted with the truth.

Slow, cruel smirk spread over my face as I headed towards the group.

"Bandon…"

I woke up to a familiar, unpleasant feeling spreading through my body. A disturbance in the Force, and that never was a good sign.

I felt a soft touch on my stomach. I smiled and snuggled up to Carth, taking a slow breath to savour his scent, before opening my eyes slowly. The air in the canvas was warm and I could see shadows of people casted on the fabric walls. The village was already up and from the sound of it it seemed to be in a hurry.

Carth stirred beside me. I sent him a sad smile, watching his calm face for awhile, before I put his hand carefully on the ground and stood up. I dressed quickly and headed out of the canvas.

Whatever the dream was supposed to mean, I better discussed it with Bastila as soon as possible. Especially when she was the one searching the cave. The cave where the star map was by the way.

The sun was burning even now in the morning. I crossed the narrow aisle between our tent and the one Mission and Zaalbar were sleeping in. It was just few steps, but last night it was enough for the storm to blow a lot of sand in my hair. I desperately needed a shower.

Even before I entered their tent, I could hear Zaalbar's loud snoring. But Mission was already up. She was pouring sand out of her shoes when I got in. She smiled at me broadly. "Hey," she whispered. "You look messy. Have you been sleeping badly?"

"Nope, just…shortly," I shrugged and tried to smooth out my dishevelled hair. "I was up for most of the night."

She nodded. "I know. The storm kept waking me up too," she said and put her now empty shoes on her slender legs.

"Yeah, definitely the storm. Anyway, how are you?" I asked, remembering how upset she was last night.

She sighed and shrugged, then shook her head. "I just want to talk to Griff again. Now I'm even surer about it than I was yesterday," she said after a silence. "Despite everything he's a family. And he will need my help. He can't keep living like that."

I smiled. "You're a noble soul, Mission. If I were you, I'd sent him to hell."

"You wouldn't. I know you," she said, sending me the brightest of smiles.

I dropped my eyes. No, you don't… I thought sadly and turned my face away from her so that she wouldn't see my expression, pretending I was looking around the tent. It was small, empty, and looked the same as ours.

"And what about you and Carth?" Mission added.

My eyes darted to her again. "What do you mean?"

She looked at me as if I'd gone mad. "Few days ago you were at each other's throats and now you managed to be in one small tent without killing each other. Have you two made up?" she asked with a sweet, innocent smile.

"We have," I nodded slowly, not really sure what to expect from her. Did she know what happened between us or was she simply curious?

"You don't sound all thrilled," Mission noticed. "Was he peevish again?"

"No, he was…" I broke off, "he was...it was great," I said finally, grinning stupidly.

For a second she kept looking at me with suspicion, but that melt away soon and was replaced by a broad smile. "It's good to see you two together. You're a fine couple."

"Thank you," I said softly. "That's…nice of you to say."

"Is he sleeping yet?" she suddenly changed her tone and raised her voice. "I want to get out of here. It's like an hour to the city and I'm hungry already," she stated and turned to Zaalbar. Unscrupulously she started shaking him gently to wake him.

Wordlessly I left their tent, hearing Zaalbar's unhappy growling, and headed back to wake Carth. He was already up when I entered. I smiled when I saw him putting on his T-shirt. "Morning."

"Morning, beautiful," he answered and before I knew it I was in his arms again. I caught myself with a genuine smile, which shouldn't be on my face. I enjoyed the light kisses he planted on my neck, just as I loved the way his hands were caressing the small of my back.

I didn't even realize I'd closed my eyes until he put his hands on my cheeks to make me open them and look at him. "Raven, last night was..."

"…amazing," I whispered instead of him. "And here I thought I could never be so happy again. Thank you for proving me wrong," I smiled. I tried to suppress the little prick of my conscience telling me I didn't deserve to be happy.

"Anytime, beautiful," he said, smirking. His hands slid down my body as he did.

I laughed and gently smacked his shoulder. "As much as I enjoy this, we need to go. There's something I...I mean...it's urgent we get back to the city."

He frowned slightly. "Another Jedi thing?" he asked, sounding serious again.

I nodded. "Sort of. Maybe. I don't know," I shrugged. He turned his face away at that, but I captured his cheek and kissed his lips softly. He used the opportunity and immediately deepened the kiss, pressing me against him tightly. And it wasn't until we heard Mission's voice when we broke apart. "Upsie! Sorry! I should have knocked," she gave us an apologetic smile. "I'll do it next time, I promise. Can we go now? I'm starving."

...

Both of the twin suns were already high up in the sky, burning intensively, when we finally had the city gate on sight. But that wasn't the only thing we saw. "What the…?" I murmured when I spotted two men standing not far from the gate.

"What is Canderous doing out here?" Mission asked in confusion. "How he got out of the city?" she added.

"The question is, why are they aiming at each other…" I said and quickened my pace. I was almost running when I reached the two men.

"…of this talk, Jagi!" Canderous was saying at the moment, lifting his own weapon. "Let us do what we came here to…"

"Canderous!" I screamed at him and literally jumped in front of the barrel of his gun. "What are you doing? Who is this guy?" I asked.

"Raven, that's not your business. Get out of my way," he said simply and made a step aside.

And so did I. "No, it is my business, when someone wants to duel my comrade." I turned to look at the other man. Tall, well-built with a stance of a warrior, he was looking at me gloweringly. "What is it, Canderous?" this Jagi growled. "Now woman must come in your defence?" he taunted.

"Shut up," I snapped at him before I turned to Canderous again. "So who is it?"

His eyes turned away, focused on others when they arrived, led by HK, who wanted to rush in, but I stopped him with a single move of my hand. His attention turned back to me. Slowly he let his weapon drop alongside his leg. "He was a warrior under my command up to the battle of Althir. But I thought…"

"You thought I was dead, didn't you!" Jagi screamed, taking a step towards me. "You thought all of us that you had sent on that attack had perished. You sent us to die in a foolish attack while you directed your focus elsewhere. You broke from the battle plan and let us die for it. So that you could have the honour of being the first to the enemy commander!" he was yelling frantically, still coming closer to me and Canderous.

I frowned and was ready to put him in the stasis if he dared to do anything stupid.

"Statement: One more step to Master and lose a limb or two, meatbag."

Despite myself, I had to smile, but I couldn't bring myself to tell HK to back off this time. "Is this true?" I asked Canderous when I managed to put serious face again, while still keeping an eye on Jagi.

Canderous hesitated. "I…I did what was prudent at the time. If I had not done it, the battle would have…"

"The battle would have been won anyway!" Jagi exclaimed, cutting him off. "I am tired of your excuses, Canderous. I have spent years tracking you down since the clans were banished, and I will not rest until I have had my vengeance! I challenge you, Canderous. I challenge you to fight the fight you fled that day above Althir." After his speech he lifted his gun again. Canderous did the same, but I simply put my hand on its barrel and lowered it slightly. "You need to calm down first."

"No," Jagi shook his head. "I need to do this. It has to be done. This can end only in death."

"You can't understand this, Raven," Canderous said. "This is a matter of honour. I cannot stand by this insult. I must do this. Step away."

"Can I?" I lifted my eyebrow. "I know more of your people than you presume. He slandered your honour, which is intolerable among the Mandalore. It's the same with the Sith. They kill for less actually."

"Sith?" Carth echoed silently.

"She knows a lot about them. She told us some of it on Manaan," Mission whispered to him.

Canderous nodded. "I'm impressed."

"Honour?" Jagi hissed. "When you saw prospects of glory, you abandoned the plan you were part of and left us to die surrounded by enemies. The death of my comrades, your warriors, is a debt in blood that can be only paid by you!"

"If I had not attacked when I did, the battle would not have been won so easily!" Canderous defended himself.

"It would still have been won! You sent your own men to die there, Canderous. I cannot forgive you for what you did to us! You will pay!"

"That's not the way it happened!"

"Than how?" I shouted loudly to make them stop arguing. "Why did you abandon them?"

"The Althiri were fighting hard. I saw a break in their defences that left their centre exposed. I had to take the chance. If I had not done what I did, many more warriors would have died and the battle would have taken much longer. I stand by my decision," he added and paid Jagi a scornful look.

"You coward! You glory hunter! You were given direct orders and were part of a plan! You had a responsibility to us!" Jagi was apparently losing his temper.

"You know, Jagi," I said. "What he did sounds like smart tactical move. I did…eh...I think Revan did it several times during the war too to defeat your people."

"Exclamation: And I will be forever proud of my Master."

"Shut up, HK," I said without even actually thinking about it. I spotted Mission turned to the droid. "You're pretty twisted, you know that?"

I didn't hear what HK responded, because I focused my attention back on Jagi. He still stood his ground, but not so firmly as before; he hesitated for a second. "He left us to die when his responsibility was to us. Instead he went hunting more glory for himself." He wasn't screaming anymore.

"He may have saved other lives by doing what he did," I opposed him.

Finally, he bent his head in defeat, looking at the weapon at his hands. "He cost us ours," he said quietly. "But…but I do see your point…but…" he looked up again, eyes focused on Canderous. "Why did you have to leave us there to die while you chased the glory somewhere else?

Seeing no imminent threat Canderous put the barrel of his repeater against his shoulder. "I saw a chance and had to take it. It ended the battle quicker than we would have otherwise, and many our warriors may have died. Mandalore taught us that opportunism and flexibility in battle were to be admired. You may contradict me, but do you contradict him as well?"

Jagi closed his eyes. "No! I…I…I see that I have been wrong. I have not been true to the teachings of Mandalore." I frowned as he was talking. I noticed his grip on his gun tightened. "You were right. I was wrong to question your honour. But I must now cleanse mine with my life.

"No!" I screamed, but before I could do anything, a loud shot rang through the air.

"And so it shall be," Canderous said as his limp, lifeless body crumpled on the sand, colouring it with blood.

"Observation: What a nice start of the day, Master. Query: What else do you have planned?"

"I didn't plan that," I said weakly, looking at the body.

"He killed himself," Mission whispered. "I've never seen anyone commit a suicide before."

Zaalbar put his large hands around her shoulders from behind, turning her away from the sight. /Let's get inside the city./

"You're right, let's go. I left the ramp open and the ship's empty," Canderous said behind me in a tone as if the whole scene never occurred.

I frowned. As soon as the words left his mouth a dark foretelling shot through my mind, but I couldn't point my finger at it.

"You left the ship open?" Mission asked. "Great, haven't you been listening to Carth? What about Jawas?"

"There's nothing valuable on that ship."

"How does it come the ship's empty? Where have they gone?" Carth asked the very question which was echoing through my mind.

I was talking in the head of our little "formation" so I only saw Canderous's large shadow shrug. "Somewhere in the desert. Bastila was talking about some cave."

I closed my eyes for a moment. "When did they leave?"

"About two hours ago."

"Hm…" I mused and bent my head. I was listening to my friends as they were chatting behind me. About nothing in particular, but it seemed important to them.

To me, however, was important to get to the ship.

...

Canderous did really leave the ramp down, but luckily everything in the ship seemed at its place. At least T3 was onboard.

"Where are you going?" Carth asked when I – after quick inspection of the ship – headed to the swoop bike hangar. He was apparently on his way from his quarters to the 'fresher, when he met me in the corridor. "During our way here you were complaining about the sand in your hair. The 'fresher is the other way," he smiled.

"I know, I'm just checking if there's still Davik's swoop bike in Hawk's hangar," I said, my voice hollow. "And once I'm done with what I need to do, how about we take a shower together…if you're interested?" I asked. My tone must have betrayed some of my restless thoughts. Carth frowned and turned his head slightly. "Are you alright?" he asked with a concern.

I smiled. "Yes, I am."

"You're not a good liar, have I told you that?"

"I believe you have."

"So what's wrong with you?"

What's wrong with me?, I asked myself, while looking at him wordlessly.

"Raven?"

"Adrianne," I corrected him. I sighed and bent my head, pressing my fingers to my eyes tiredly. "I know I must seem...I have a bad feeling, Carth. I need to...I need to make sure they're okay," I said silently.

"You want to go after them? Nonsense, you don't even know where they are. Besides, they're all Jedi, they can take care of themselves."

"The Force is whispering to me, Carth, and all I have to do is listen to it," I almost pleaded. I was surprised when his hand caressed my cheek lightly. "Don't you want to at least arm yourself?"

"I'll be safe, don't worry," I smiled. I took his hand and kissed it lightly. "I'll be right back," I promised, before heading to the hangar. Canderous, who was here taking care about his repeater at the workbench, looked at me curiously. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to take another trip into the desert. Could you help me with this beauty?" I pointed to the swoop bike.

Canderous shrugged. "Yeah," he nodded and went to open the hangar door for me. And before I knew it I was on my way to the Dune Sea.

It was amazing how I remembered the way. In no time I was there, on the place I had never thought I would see again. But now the cave felt different. Or maybe I had been different back then. Maybe it had been the dark side in me which had made me blind to the darkness I felt now.

My eyes fell on the three landspeeders standing near the entrance of the cave, probably belonging to Bandon and his two acolytes. I passed them by, walking more and more into the cave's shadow.

Here they are... I thought when I saw three persons, dressed in black light armour, standing not far from me. Bandon was at their head and now he started walking deeper inside.

"Bandon…" I said calmly. I watched him stop and tense a little when my words reached him. His two "friends" turned to look at me with confusion, but Bandon remained with his back to me. His palm was fisting and flexing again near the hilt of his double-bladed lightsaber. It seemed like he was bracing himself before he finally turned around.

"So this is the infamous Revan's real appearance," he said, barely moving his lips as they were twisted into a sick smile.

"Revan?" one of the two Sith whispered, taking a step back, but I ignored him. My eyes focused for a moment on the end of the cave. My friends were still studying the star map, completely oblivious to us being there. But somehow I couldn't decide whether it was a good thing or not. "Not what you expected?" I said eventually.

In slow strides he made his way to me. "How's your hand?" he asked when he stood just inches away from me, his cruel eyes boring into me, examining every part of my face.

I gave an empty laugh. "Oh! You remember our encounter back on the Endire Spire," I stated, lifting the mentioned hand in the air. "It's fine as you can see."

"She's unarmed…" one of the other Sith noticed.

Bandon frowned, his eyes flicked to my belt. "What game are you playing?" he asked and for a second he seemed to lose his hauteur. Was I making him nervous?

"None," I said simply. "I've lost my lightsabers. See? It's simple. And because of that, I will now need a new one," I added and waved the hand in the air. The two Sith standing by my side froze in mid-motion.

Bandon's own hand moved to his belt.

"Shit!" I hissed and dodged his lunge; the blade of his lightsaber missed my stomach by just few inches.

I whirled around one of Bandon's minions. I grasped his shoulder while using the other hand to steal his lightsaber before I shoved him in Bandon's way. The Sith only gasped as he ran up against the laser sword. Bandon kicked him away, but when he attacked me again I managed to parry his thrust easily.

"You know who I am!" I shouted at him when he made another futile attempt to strike me. "Aren't you afraid to fight me?"

"You're a mere shadow of the person you were!" he responded. "Which wasn't much even back then," he added and jumped out of my reach. He let his hand fall to his sides, but didn't deactivate his double-bladed lightsaber.

"What makes you think so?"

He smirked again; his yellow eyes were giving me an intense look. "Do you remember Telos? You showed Malak mercy that day. Any other would have killed him without hesitation."

"Being a Sith doesn't mean to be unnecessarily cruel, violent and blood-thirsty, Bandon. I was trying to teach you that."

"And that's exactly why you were so weak in my Master's eyes."

I shook my head, smiling despite myself. "No, Bandon. It wasn't about my weaknesses why he chose to kill me. He hated me, for when I showed him mercy I humiliated him. I let him bleed at my feet in everyone's plain sight. And when I let him live, I did everything in my power to make him wish I had killed him that day," I explained in a hollow voice.

Bandon didn't say anything at that. He was looking at me, gripping the hilt more tightly, but doing nothing.

"Why do you think Malak never had the courage to face me directly? Why he chose the simple way to get rid of me? He knew he would have never stood a chance against me in combat. Do you think you will? If you do, I'm going to prove you wrong. The dark side is never stronger," I added.

...

I was standing there, my head hung between my shoulders allowing the sun to burn my neck. My empty hands was fisted firmly to finally stop the shaking. The lightsaber was lying forgotten in the sand after it had fallen from my palm with his last words.

"You may hide behind fancy words, but you can't change who you are. The dark side is flowing in your veins. I don't know what happened out there, but it changed you."

"Raven?" Bastila whispered softly. They had exited the cave during my duel with Bandon. They saw it all, but fortunately were too far away to hear him.

"You can't be a Jedi. You never will be. You're a Sith, through and through. Sooner or later, it will consume you, Revan. It had already started the day you spared my Master. I thought you were weak, but now I see I was mistaken…"

"Lass, are you alright?" Jolee spoke up too.

"I'm not a Sith," I whispered.

I watched his arrogant smirk, the mockery in his eyes. I felt my hands shake in sudden desire to punch him, to wipe that sneer from his face.

"Of course you're not," Juhani joined the conversation too. "You're one of the best people I know."

"...my…dark…Lady…Re..." His head slowly lowered into the sand and the gleam in his eyes extinguished. He was dead.

"He was lying," I said silently.

"He was," Jolee agreed. I heard the sand creak under someone's step and two dark-skinned hands took me by my arms gently. "The Sith lie, lass. You know it. Whatever it was he said, its aim was to hurt you, nothing more."

I nodded. "How about you? Are you alright?" I asked loudly.

"Yes," Juhani answered. "We've encountered no troubles on our way here."

"Are you alright?" I repeated my questions and turned around, looking over Jolee's shoulder at Bastila. I noticed she held a small square object, a holocron, in her hand.

"I am," she replied, sounding surprised. She didn't miss the direction of my look and hid her hand behind her back.

Jolee touched my arm again. "Then let's return to the ship. I don't know what about you, but I have enough of sun to last a lifetime."

I nodded and reached out with my hand, calling upon the Force to pull Bandon's lightsaber into my palm. I grasped it tightly and looked at it with a frown. I've never used saberstaff before. They say it's difficult to master this weapon.

"Do you know how to ride this one?" Juhani asked Jolee and put her hand on one of the landspeeders.

"I know I spent twenty years on Kashyyyk, but that doesn't mean I'm primitive," he objected.

I fastened the lightsaber at my belt and went to Davik's swoop bike.

...

"So? What's the problem?" I asked and sat down on the cold floor beside Bastila.

She wasn't even trying to hide the holocron from me, like she did in the desert. "There is no problem, Adrianne."

"And I'm Darth Malak," I said. Slowly I reached out and tried to take the holocron from her hands, watching her face. It was completely emotionless hinting at the storm of feelings inside her which I felt through our bond.

"Can I look what's inside?" I asked and she simply nodded.

I turned the device in my hands few times before I switched it on. A hologram of young dark-haired girl was projected into the air. Her grey eyes were half-closed and she was smiling broadly, which showed that her two front teeth were missing. The green pyjamas she was wearing was far too large for her, but she didn't seem to mind.

I smiled. "That's you," I said silently. "How old were you?" I looked at her.

My smile soon froze on my lips at the look of her face. She looked sad and sorrowful. "I don't even remember," she said so quietly I had troubles understanding her.

I turned my eyes back to the holocron. I roamed through other holograms in it. Bastila was on each of them. The pictures were showing her doing completely ordinary things. When she was drawing she managed to get the paint all over her face. She liked snooping around the kitchen, looking for some sweets. And she apparently liked the bantha plushie, which was on most of the holograms and which looked older and older as she was growing up.

And there was another hologram. Bastila could be six, which was shortly before she was given to the Temple. But she wasn't alone in the picture. She was sitting on one young man's shoulders, who was smiling broadly too, looking up at his girl. Bastila's father was sunbathed and stubble on his chin. His eyes were of the same grey colour as Bastila's.

"That's your father?" I asked. "He's very…nice. And handsome," I added and tilted my head to one side, looking at the hologram.

"He was indeed," Bastila nodded.

I looked at her and realized this was the first time I ever saw her cry. Her eyes were closed, but she had traces of tears running down her cheeks. I put the device on the floor and moved to her, taking her in my arms gently, giving her time and space to push me away. But she didn't do it. She clung to me, her face buried in my shoulder. Her body was trembling and she was sobbing silently.

Honestly, I didn't know what to do. Bastila had always been calm and even-tempered. And now she was in my arms, weeping like a little girl we saw on those pictures.

"How did you find the holocron?" I asked after a while.

For a second or two she was still, but then she pushed away from me and used her sleeves to dry her eyes. "My mother told me," she said, her voice shaking.

I looked at her with wide eyes. "Helena? She's here?"

Bastila nodded. "She is. I talked to her in a cantina not far from here. She…" she took a slow breath," she claimed to be sick. And she wanted my father's holocron before she dies."

I didn't know what to say. I was staring at her wordlessly.

"But I won't give it to her," she added in such a cold tone it scared me. I'd never heard her use it before. "She doesn't deserve it. Father's dead because of her. Because she always wanted him to hunt those stupid treasures. That's why went to the den of the kryat dragon." What was scaring me now more than her voice, was her face; the hatred in her eyes.

"How can you know what she's coming through? Maybe she is dying and that's the only solace she seeks. Would you deny her it?"

She looked at me incredulously. "How can you say that? You of all people?"

"Me?" I wondered. "What do you mean?"

"If you were in my position and my mother was your father…" she didn't finish.

I frowned. "That's different, Bastila. You mother has never neglected you when you were a kid. She has never called you names, never threw away anything you gave her, never ignored you, and - most of all - never tried to kill you."

"But she gave me away. She gave me to the Order and cared nothing about what I wanted," she stood her ground.

I let my shoulder drop. "You know, Bastila, for a long time I used to hate Buddy. I can't even remember how many times I was screaming at Arren that I hated her, I hated Buddy, I hated the Order and everything they were trying to teach me. But after some time I realized they all had been right. If I hadn't gone to the Order, I would have ended in some orphanage. And would have become of me then?" I asked her. "Think about it. You told me you used to travel from system to system, hunting whatever legend your father heard. That's no life for a small child, Bastila."

When she didn't say anything, I continued. "She wanted the best for you. Just like Buddy wanted the best for me. It hurt, I know, and it still hurts. But you have to see they were right."

She dropped her eyes. They focused on the small device lying on the floor. "I've never thought about it this way."

I stood up slowly. "I can't tell you what to do. Just reconsider what I said." I headed to the door, but her soft voice stopped me. "Would you…would you come with me? I…I'm not sure if I…"

"But of course."

...

Bastila took me to the same cantina where I'd seen her the previous day. It appeared it was Helena's favourite. And just as other cantinas, this one was dark, crowded and one couldn't hear their own words over the loud music.

When we entered Bastila immediately headed through the crowd, making her way to a dark corner. Behind a small rounded table an old woman was sitting alone, drinking. She startled when Bastila put the holocron on the table with slightly more force than strictly necessary. "I want the truth," the young Jedi said, frowning. She kept the hand on the holocron however. "Why was my father out there hunting the dragon?" she asked.

Helena slowly rose to her feet, looking at her daughter and then at me, standing behind Bastila. Her weary eyes were focused on me for some time, looking me from head to toe, lingering for a moment on Bandon's lightsaber. "I see you brought another friend with you," she said weakly.

I studied her face when she took another sip of her drink. Her cheeks were hollow, eyes dark and her skin full of wrinkles. She was pale, just as Bastila was, and unhealthy skinny under her loose clothes. Her hands, which she put on the table in front of her, were shaking.

"Your father...he wanted to..."

"What?" Bastila hissed impatiently. I laid a hand on her shoulder.

"He wanted to pay for my treatments. He spent all his last year trying to get enough money and that's why he went for the pearls. I begged him not to, but..."

"Treatments," Bastila whispered.

"I'm dying, Bastila," Helena said and looked at her hands on the table. "I didn't lie about that. It's been a long time in the coming, and there's really nothing that can be done anymore.."

I leaned closer to Bastila. "She's speaking the truth. Just look at her."

But Helena didn't seem to hear me. With her eyes focused on her hands she went on: "I told your father to let me go, but you know how he was. Stubborn. Like you." Only then she looked up to her daughter.

Bastila looked back at me for a moment. "So now you claim you loved him?" she asked in emotionless voice. Yes, that emotionless voice. "After all you put him through? Don't think I don't remember the fights. You were the one pushing him into hunting. You were the one who wanted to live in luxury and wealth."

She only shook her head. "If you truly remembered the fights, you'd know they were mostly about you."

"Me?" she asked, straightening, unintentionally letting go of the holocron finally.

"Your father loved you so much. He wanted you to be just like him. To take you on his hunts. But I said they were too dangerous," Helena explained.

I took a breath. "Treasure hunting is a dangerous occupation. Isn't is, Bastila?" I asked her and gave her the I-told-you-so look.

Helena nodded, completely oblivious to what I was hinting at. "I always tried to keep him from the dangerous ones, but he would have none of it. We led a reckless life, Bastila, always moving. I didn't want that for you. You didn't deserve to live like that."

"So that's why you gave me to the Order?" the young Padawan asked, her voice trembling.

Helena nodded slowly. "It wasn't easy to let you go, but it was the best I and your father could do for you," she said and smiled sadly. "You were so gifted, Bastila."

"I...I'm…" Bastila hung her head. "I'm so sorry, mother. I...don't know what to say..."

With anticipation I watched the old woman come around the table and stop in front of her daughter. Slowly she took the holocron Bastila had left on the table and put it into her hands.

Bastila looked at the holocron in her palm with wide eyes, before she looked in her mother's face.

"Keep the holocron," Helena whispered, lifting her hand to touch Bastila's cheek lightly. "It would do me good to know you have it. This...talking to you...this is what I really needed before I..."

"I know..." Bastila didn't let her finish. "Thank you. I'm...I'm glad we talked, too."

"I know you told me yesterday you had an important business to take care of, but before you go, I'd like to know something. Yesterday you were cold and refused to let me explain anything. What has changed?"

Bastila simply looked at me and Helena followed her gaze. "You talked to my daughter?"

A ghost of a smile appeared on my face. "Sometimes all a person needs is being offered a different point of view."

"Thank you for that. It's good to know there's someone to watch Bastila. "

"And what about you?" Bastila asked, looking at Helena. "Where are you going?"

She smiled a sad smile and shook her head. "It doesn't matter, dear. Don't you worry about me."

Bastila took a step back and started searching her pockets. Finally she showed her mother several credit chips. "Here, take these credits. It's not much, but it's all I have. Go to Coruscant and find a doctor. I'll meet you there after... " she broke off, looking at me, "after what I have to do."

"But I already told you there's nothing that can..." Helena started, but Bastila cut her off. "Please, just take it. I...I want to see you again. When we can talk properly. There's so much we need to talk about."

Helena's forehead wrinkled slightly and she looked my way.

"She's stubborn. She won't let you go until you take the credits," I said simply, smiling.

That made the corners of her mouth perk up a little. "Just like her father," she whispered and sighed. "Alright, I will. Now...do what you have to do, Bastila. You go make you father and I proud. But, please, take care."

"I'll try. Farewell, mother."

My eyebrow quirked when Bastila closed the distance between her and Helena and embraced her warmly, resting her chin on her mother's shoulder. And this was the high time for me to get lost.

I waited for Bastila outside the cantina. "So do you feel better now?" I asked when she appeared by my side again.

Slowly, she smiled. "Yes. That brought me a lot of peace. More than I thought it would have," she added. "And I wouldn't manage it without you. Thank you for urging me towards it. After all my training, I would have thought it would have been easier. Apparently I still have much to learn."

I smiled and put a hand around her shoulder, leading her back to the hangar. "Lesson number one, the first line in the Jedi code is bullshit as you should know by now."

"I wouldn't use such strong word, Adrianne."

"The code is a lie. Does it sound better?"

She shook her head, smiling. "You're hopeless."

End of chapter. I know, I know, took me ages to write it, sorry, no time :) Thanks for your patience (and it will be yet needed) and for reading this chapter. Reviews are always welcomed and appretiated.