Chapter 21

Tw: rape? Sexual assault. Lex is an asshole in this story… so… yeah. He is gonna be a creep.

Also I'm glad to be back to this story! Admittedly it's kinda dark right now. But it will get better! Also how would everybody feel about one speedy crimson crusader(or should i say speedster?) popping in to this story sometime?

"Kara!? " Lena turned in bed to see the woman thrashing.

"Ahhhh! " Kara screamed clearly having a nightmare.

"Kara! " Lena screamed worriedly grabbing Kara, shaking her awake.

"Keep your hands off of me Luthor! " Kara screamed crying as she awoke.

"Ka… Kara… "Lena had grown accustomed to this… but that didn't mean it was pleasant.

"I… " Kara realized who she was next to, whose hands had been on her in reality and not her nightmare. "Lena! I.. You.. I didn't mean you! " Kara hugged her girlfriend apologetic.

"I know baby. I'm sorry. " Lena held Kara, allowing herself to cry softly. While Kara was distracted and wouldn't notice.

Kara held tight to the woman crying herself, exhausted with the nightmares of her maker defiling her, grabbing at her, forcing himself inside her…. And worst of all… each dream became more deeply enjoyable than the last, and Kara hated it. She despised waking scared and wet, furrious, but needy.

"It's gonna be ok baby." Lena assured, holding Kara, sensing her fear and conflict.

"How Lena!? " Kara sobbed.

"I don't know baby. " Lena worried. "But it will be. Ok. "

"No it won't! It's been months and it's only getting worse! " Kara yelled.

"Kara. " Lena whispered.

"Lena! We aren't even sleeping together because we enjoy being together anymore! "

"Kara! That's not true! " Lena argued.

"Yes it is! Are you telling me that you enjoy me waking you up three times a night!? The only reason I moved in was because if I sleep alone I won't wake from his nightmares! "

"Kara! You moved in because I told you I loved you! " Lena reminded hurting.

"Really!? Because neither of us have said that to each other in weeks!"

"Kara you know I love you! "

"Lena! We aren't even making love anymore! "

"Well that's just not true. " Lena rolled her eyes.

"Yes it is! You fuck me every night because otherwise his night terrors get even worse! And half the time I call you your brothers name! " Kara yelled.

"Kara! I have told you that it was ok. I understand he is in your head. "

"It isn't ok! I don't even enjoy when you touch me anymore! I'm just in more pain when you don't! " Kara admitted.

"Then we stop having sex. " Lena decided resolute.

"what!? So that I can go back to even worse nightmares!? " Kara began to sob.

"Kara… " Lena sighed, hugging her girlfriend. "I can't do this anymore. " Kara sobbed.

"Kara… I love you. I do. I'm sorry I haven't said it much recently. " Lena comforted the best she could.

"I love you too.. But… I… I can't do this anymore. " Kara whimpered.

"I… go back to sleep baby. I will call Alex and see if she has anything." Lena suggested. "Promise you will wake me the second it starts. " Kara requested, hating that she could never get more than two hours of sleep before his nightmares began and that the longer she went without being woken the worse it got.

"I did this time didn't I? " Lena assured.

"Y.. Yeah.. He.. He had barely started to touch me. " Kara sniffed.

"Rest baby. I love you. " Lena pushed, standing from the bed and making a call to alex as she headed out of the room.

"Yeah!? What is it!" An exhausted and irritable Alex growled into the phone.

"I… its Lena. "

"Fuck. How is she?" Alex sighed.

"Do I really only ever call when its bad? " Lena chuckled sober.

"Yes. " Alex answered easily.

"Well… I'm sorry. " Lena sighed.

"Don't be. I know you watch over my sister. You… help in ways I cant." Alex hated admitting it.

"Well… she isn't a huge fan of me helping right now. " Lena sighed.

"What happened? " Alex braced herself.

"More nightmares. "

"More!? " Alex yelled.

"She is taking them harder and harder Alex. This is killing her. " Lena was terrified by her own words.

"We are doing everything we can at the DEO working on a solution. " Alex answered.

"Alex… I don't know how much more she can take. "

"We don't have anything conclusive yet. " Alex shook her head.

"Well what do you have Alex! " Lena yelled.

"Lena! " Alex snapped back.

"im sorry! But.. You're Not the one who wakes to her screams every other hour. " Lena defended.

"We have found that her blood samples react less when we add in human blood. So.. Keep her fed? " Alex guessed unsure.

"Wait.. Just fucking feed her!? " Lena yelled.

"Well.. How much has she been feeding? " Alex asked.

"I… " Lena sighed.

"Well!?" Alex pressured impatient, the stress getting to her.

"I… haven't seen her feed since Vienna." Lena answered.

"Fucking feed her!" Alex yelled into the phone hanging up only feeling a little guilt for being so short with Lena, dismiss missing it as fine because she was so stressed, working with J'onn, winn, and even clark to try to find a solution.

"Kara? " Lena slipped back into their room.

"I.. N.. No.. S.. Stop! " Kara whispered tossing. "Kara! " Lena zipped to Kara's side, shaking her softly.

"I.. I.. " Kara stirred quickly, waking.

"Kara. Its me baby. " Lena whispered.

"Lena.. " Kara sighed, weak, tired, remembering what she had said. "Oh god.. Lena… " Kara whimpered feeling terrible.

"I'm here love. " Lena offered.

"I was such a bitch! " Kara groaned, grabbing a pillow and covering her face and screaming into it frustrated.

"Shhh. Baby. I'm here. I love you. " Lena offered, stroking Kara's side.

"Im such a fucking bitch! " Kara cried into the pillow.

"No you aren't baby. You are tired, and enduring abuse through the blood of my brother. " Lena assured.

"Lena! " Kara tossed the pillow aside. "I hate who I am! I hate what this has made me become! I am not me anymore! I don't see sun anymore, my powers are almost completely gone, I can't work at cat co anymore, I don't see my sister anymore, and I can't even be kind to my girlfriend who I do love and who takes care of me everyday. I'm not me anymore! "

"Kara… " Lena sighed worried for her lover. "This isn't your fault. "

"I am not me anymore Lena. " Kara shook her head.

"Alex will figure something out. " Lena assured.

"I love my sister. But what if there isn't anything to figure out? What if I'm stuck like this? " Kara pressed.

"How much have you been eating? " Lena glared.

"What does that matter!? " Kara glared back.

"Answer. " Lena demanded.

"What does it matter! " Kara yelled.

"It matters because the better fed you are the less Alex suspects Lex's pull will affect you! " Lena yelled back.

"I.. " Kara growled, her fangs slipping out.

"You aren't feeding are you. " Lena's fears were confirmed.

"Y.. Yes! Yes I am! " Kara countered quick, hating herself as the lie left her lips, immediately certain that this was again the vampire in her causing her to be a worse and worse person.

"Baby… " Lena worried, seeing through the lie.

Kara growled knowing she was found out.

"You need to feed. "

"No I don't! It's been A month! And I'm still alive, so I clearly don't need to feed! " Kara yelled.

"Kara… was that your plan? " Lena's heart broke.

"There was no plan. I'm just done. I once saved people and now I feed from them!? No! No more! I might not be able to be Supergirl anymore, but I certainly won't feed from humans bagged or not! " Kara gave the half truth.

"But you hoped to die… didn't you.. " Lena knew the truth crying.

"It didn't work so what does it matter!? " Kara dismissed.

"Kara…" Lena whispered broken at the proof; Kara wished to die.

"It doesn't matter! "Kara growled.

"Yes it does Kara! " Lena yelled.

"No it doesn't. "

"Kara! I love you! You can't just go and let yourself die on me! I've lost too many lovers as it is! " Lena began to cry harder.

"I am not me anymore! The Kara you fell in love with died moments before Vienna! "

"NO, NO! You don't get to decide that! You don't get to decide who I love! I love you Kara! And I have laid beside you each night through this! I know this is hard but you don't get to leave me like that! Please! " Lena pleaded.

"Lena… I… " Kara tried to speak.

"If you can really just leave me… your sister! Who is searching every day and night for something to help you… if you can really just leave us like that.. Then maybe you are right. Maybe you're not the Kara I fell in love with." Lena stood from the bed, frustrated and furious.

"Lena.. " Kara grabbed her hand.

"What. " Lena snapped.

"I will feed. " Kara sighed.

"Good. " Lena ran to the fridge grabbing seven bags of blood, and reappearing in the room in under a second.

"I'm sorry. " Kara apologized.

"Drink. Drink and I will forgive you. " Lena offered. "On the bright side with you that starved, this will probably taste like feeding live. " Lena encouraged.

"I do love you. " Kara assured worried for Lena as she took a bag.

"I love you too. Drink. " Lena pressured.

"Yes yes. " Kara sipped at the drinking tube slowly at first until the first drop hit her tongue, her whole body reacting immediately, sucking the blood down, downing one after another after another until all seven were gone in a matter of moments.

"Better? " Lena smiled.

"I.. Fuck! " Kara moaned, drenched, aching, craving to be fucked, to take and to drink.

"Yeah. That happens when you starve yourself! " Lena nodded.

"Please! " Kara begged as she began to claw at her clothing, ripping the tight fabric from her hot skin, panting aching to feel Lena against her.

"Though we weren't supposed to be fucking anymore cause we weren't making love." Lena raised an eyebrow, still hurt.

"Lena! This is the first time I want to fuck in two months that wasn't caused by a murderous maniac's blood pumping through my veins! " Kara growled. "Please. I… this is the first time my arousal is even close to my own! "

"Ok my love. " Lena nodded, slipping on top of Kara on the bed.

"Fuck… my pussy hurts." Kara whimpered.

"I know baby. I'm here. " Lena assured with a kiss as her fingers made there way down to Kara's soaked core, dancing along the lace panties that rested there.

"Lena! " Kara cried, her body trembling at the slightest touch.

"Just relax and let the releases come. I'm here. I will help you release baby. " Lexa instructed, slipping Kara's panties to the side, and dragging her fingers along Kara's slit.

"Lena! " Kara moaned.

"That's a girl. Remembering my name! " Lena teased.

The words hit Kara harder than either of them expected, reminding her how not herself she was anymore.

"Kara… " Lena checked worried.

"I.. J… just get it over with… ok. " Kara sighed looking away, hating her body and how it had turned on her, become something she loathed.

"Ok baby. " Lena nodded full of guilt for hurting Kara. "I'm sorry. " Lena whispered, taking her fingers to Kara's clit, rubbing the sensitive flesh as quickly as she could, wishing to make it easy and quick, simply allowing Kara to release.

"Uugh.. " Kara groaned frustrated and aching, her cote almost painfully tense.

"Relax baby. It's gonna be ok. " Lena attempted to comfort as she worked faster.

"I.. " Kara painted, her body finally growing to release.

"Thats it." Lena praised.

"F… f… f… fuck! " Kara screamed, the tension finally leaving her body as unwanted pleasures filled her and her mind.

"Better? " Lena asked.

"I.. " Kara sighed frustrated.

"I'm sorry. I hope the blood helps. " Lena ordered.

"I know. me too. " Kara dismissed cold as she rolled over in bed.

"Kara…. " Lena asked hesitantly.

"What? " Kara groaned, uninterested in any interpersonal interaction.

"Do you want to cuddle as we go back to sleep? " Lena knew the answer as did Kara. She had no interest in physical contact, but she wanted Lena to hold her incase she had another night terror so that Lena would wake faster, and end it sooner.

"I.. You.. " Kara began. The mutual knowledge overwriting a need for communication.

"I know. I'm sorry. " Lena wrapped her arms around Kara watching her lover's skin crawl at the contact.

"I'm sorry too. " Kara found a modicum of her humanity as she took Lena's hand in her own. "I know this is hard on you too. And I'm sorry I act like it isn't. " Kara whispered, hating herself slightly for taking it out on lena, but also finding herself able to enjoy her embrace for the first time in a long time.

"I love you. I'm sorry you have to go through this. " Lena whispered back, holding Kara lovingly. "It's gonna be ok. We will fix this. " Lena offered the words a promise she had no clue if she could follow up on.

"I hope so. You deserve better than this. Than me." Kara lamented.

"I don't care what I deserve. You are who I love. "

End of Chapter 21