Chapter 21: Poker Face

Brian

Why am I so far away?! I thought. I slid down the railing of the escalator and jumped off. I landed on my face, but I was quick to get back up again. I wasn't far from Cambria and the alien. I felt the magical energy surge into my arms and I was ready to attack, but a beam came down on the two. I gasped and stood back.

"No! No! I don't want to be taken again! I won't be taken again!" I heard Cambria frantically screaming. "Get... off of me!" I saw her struggling as the beam began to bring them up. "Brian!"

"Cambria!" I called out. There had to be something I could do. Anything! I put my hands up toward her and I felt energy pulse through me as I made a force field of energy stop the two from ascending further. I then jumped into the beam and reached for Cambria. The alien was making noises, obviously not happy to be hindered in its mission. "Take my hand!" Her hand struggled toward mine and I was just able to grab her before my force field broke.

"Pesky earth mutt!" said the alien. I growled at it before it attached a tentacle to my arm. It then began pushing me down, making me try to loose my grip.

"Hang on, Cambria!" I said.

"Brian, let go," she replied.

"What? I'm not letting you get kidnapped!"

"We'll figure something out, Brian, just please, let go! You'll only get hurt if you don't." The alien's tentacle was strong. I wouldn't be able to hold on for much longer.

"I will save you." I let go then and the alien flung me out of the way of the beam. Gravity took over then as I headed steadily toward the ground. I braced myself for the impact that was no doubt coming my way. I was stopped in mid-air though. I looked around myself and noticed I was surrounded by a blue light. I was safely lowered onto the ground and I looked over to the one who had saved me.

"Cambria calls it a catching gun. She gifted it to me as an early Christmas present. She said I would need it," said Mark, Cambria's brother. "Come on, we can't help her from here, but I know where to start."

"What were you doing at the mall?" I asked Mark once we got home.

He shrugged. "Cambria said I ought to get some Christmas shopping done. She said we would probably meet up there. I had no idea she meant for me to be there for an emergency situation."

"So, she knew this was going to happen?"

"She didn't know what, but she sensed a great danger heading her way. She told me to get the DVD from storage and to be prepared." Mark took a CD case from his inner coat pocket. "Here, Cambria made this some weeks back. She updates it every so often so that we can always know what to do in a given situation. It contains her will and every eventuality she could think of concerning herself, you, and your family."

"What for?"

"Cambria comes from a family who harbors secrets. We all carry these on our shoulders. I don't know what Cambria's secret is yet, but I'm sure we're soon to find out."

We went to the TV and put the DVD in the player. Cambria appeared on the screen. "Hey, if you are watching this, then I have put my trust in you to help me. I have prepared this DVD with detailed scenarios of what should be done in given situations. If any of the ones on this DVD match the crisis, then watch it and follow the instructions. If not, then when you find me, please tell me I need to update this... unless, of course, I am far past being able to update this, if you understand my meaning.

"The scenarios on this DVD include: what to do if I am kidnapped, what to do if one of my ex's return, what to do if one of my... eh, lover's ex's return, what to do if my lover is kidnapped, what to do in the case of a family crisis (by way of my lover's family or mine), what to do in the case of a spiritual crisis, and finally, what to do in the event of my death. Please select from one of the options and we'll get started."

"Why didn't she say husband?" I asked.

Mark shrugged. "She was never really open on when she was in a relationship," he said.

"Okay..." I selected "What to do if Cambria gets kidnapped."

"Oh, goodness, where do I begin?" asked Cambria on the screen. "All right, you know what? Let's just narrow this down: what species did I get kidnapped by? Animal, Man, or Alien?" I selected alien. "Ah, well... let me see..." Cambria reached for a folder beside her and opened it. She flipped through it and went on: "Well, the Orbs are spiritual and, as far as I know, of good intentions. The Spikes are aggressive, but I feel like they'd rather kill me than kidnap me. Then, there's the Squidlings (my name for them, not their's). They are probably most likely to kidnap me either as revenge for their princess or their princess has regained her memory somehow. I find that unlikely though since, smart as their race is, they are not very intelligent in the department of neurology. So, what is it then?"

"I- I don't know who that was supposed to be," I said to Mark.

"It's a good bet that it was the Squidling princess. They are more focused on trying to convince people of their intelligence and superiority. Revenge is not a good key for that and they know that. Besides, the Squidling princess was one of Cambria's ex's," said Mark.

"Cambria dated an alien?"

"It was actually part of a discovery mission. She wanted to know if there was life beyond us. When she found it, she wanted to make peace with them. She got peace, but in return, she had to give herself to the princess. Their species is near extinction, so the princess thought that if she could get one of Cambria's eggs, she might be able to fertilize it and keep their race from becoming extinct."

"Aren't there any men?"

"Sure there are men, but the problem isn't with the men. Cambria pointed out to them that it was the eggs of their women that was to blame. You see, the species operates on asexual reproduction, for the most part. A woman of their species can absorb the semen from any male and make it her own. This makes it so that the woman can produce her own children whenever, without any companionship for the rest of her life. It's actually healthy that way for them. If they get too much semen, their bodies can overload and they can become either gravely sick or instantly pregnant. I have seen both cases and neither are pretty."

"So, you've seen these things?"

"Oh, yeah. Cambria invited me along a few times. She wanted help, but I got caught up in other things. My foolishness then... I regret it still."

"So, what do we do?"

"Cambria is desperately afraid of the princess because the princess forced sex on her in the desperate craving for the activity and the hope of saving the race."

"And... why does the race need saving again?"

"The women of their species, for some reason, can't make any children from the eggs that they have... or so Cambria told me. I don't know what science is behind it, exactly."

"Do you know how we can get her back?"

"I could direct you to the ship, but, having betrayed the richer side of my family and being forced to live in an apartment with my sister, I haven't the means to get up there."

"That shouldn't be a problem. I know someone who just might be able to."

"No, absolutely not!" said Stewie after I had asked him.

"Come on, Stewie, she's my wife. I need to save her," I said.

"Not after what I have seen!" Stewie was on the verge of tears.

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind that. You just cannot save her. It would be a terrible mistake against your kind if you did."

"Look, little man, we know you can get us there. Your bulbous head is filled with intelligence, is it not?" asked Mark, pointing at Stewie.

"Get your grubby fingers away from me!" said Stewie. I sighed. There had to be some way to get him to do this. Then, I had an idea.

"Hey, Stewie..." I said.

"What?" he asked.

"We haven't had any adventures in a while where it was the two of us. We could have another one..."

"I... well, all right, but I'm doing this because I enjoy your company. I'm not doing this for Cambria."

In a matter of hours, Stewie and I had hijacked a rocket and were on our way to space. Mark was going to act as ground control for us as well as security since... no one was really happy that we had burst in like we did. Space... this was the second time I would get to go there. Perhaps now that I could see in color, my experience would be only better. There's just something about the beauty and majesty of space that-

"Brian! Stop thinking philosophically and help me out here!" exclaimed Stewie. I jolted back to reality and, after a few switch flips, the rocket was soon pushing us down like an assaulter, all the while defying gravity and flying ever upward. I knew it only lasted a minute or two, but the suffocating effects of the g-forces made it seem to last longer.

"You guys are good," said Mark from the headset. I'll try to direct the ship from here for as long as I can, but this is a drama story, so expect to lose that advantage.

"Will I get to drive then?" asked Stewie.

"No, the story is more in favor of Brian," replied Mark.

"Ha!" I said.

"Shut up!" said Stewie.

Space was just as I remembered it only more beautiful than last time because of the radiant colors. There was still the difficulty of simple motor functions working in space (bathroom necessities and eating being the bigger problems). Still, it was a great experience that I knew only came to few people, so I decided to bask in the moment.

"You're nearly there. Unfortunately, this ship isn't as technologically advanced as the one back at the Dogg mansion..." said Mark.

"We broke into NASA, but we somehow couldn't break into a house with two people?" asked Stewie. I shrugged.

"Anyway, I'm going to have to do something a little drastic, so hang on to your lunches, guys," said Mark.

"Why, what are you gonna- AH!" I only managed a few words before the ship's jerking made me jolt in surprise. The ship spun and jerked about before shutting down. The lights went out and the only light we could see came from the sun and other celestial bodies.

"What the-" said Stewie.

"Holy crap!" I said. I tried calling Mark. "Mark! Mark, are you there?! Comms are dead!"

"Oh, great. So, I suppose next the aliens are gonna wanna fire on us."

Suddenly, a jolt hit the ship. I looked out the window and said, "They are firing at us!"

"What? What did we do?!"

"Don't just sit there! Do something!"

"Me?! I'm just a baby! I don't know how to get this rocket back up and running! Who do I look like to you?! You're the magic man here, you do something!"

"All right, just calm down-" We were blasted again, followed by another blast. Then, we were boarded. They were Squidlings. "Uh oh." We both screamed in terror as the two aliens seized us and took us to their ship. I don't know what happened, but I was soon out.

When I woke up, I woke up in a big room. Cambria was in some really nice clothes that I would have rather seen her wear at home than here. The entire room was red and gold. "Oh, good, you're up!" said Cambria.

"Cambria, are you all right?" I asked.

"I'm fine, really. 'Tis strange you know my name, but I am glad you care about my welfare."

"Cambria, it's me, Brian! Your husband?"

Cambria laughed a forced-sounding laugh. "My, that knock-out stuff really did a number on you, didn't it?" she laughed that laugh again. "Tea?" she brought a platter over, then leaned into me. She quickly whispered, "The room's wired." When she pulled away, she tilted my head up and poured "tea" down my throat. "You are not tied, you know. You may get up."

"Look, Cambria, I don't know what has gotten into you, but we're gonna get you out of here." I did my best to act as if she hadn't whispered to me.

"You and who, uh... Brian?"

"Stewie came here with me." She had a good poker face. It was only from being married to her that I noticed the small shift in her personality before she went back to obliviousness. She was worried, but was doing good not to show it.

"Is that a pet name?"

"I would suppose so, him being a baby and all."

"A baby?! They've kidnapped a baby?! Those mean old guards!" Cambria snapped her fingers and two guards came in.

"Your majesty?" asked one of the guards.

"I wish for you to bring the other captive here to my chambers. They should not be treated so poorly. They are from my planet!" said Cambria.

"Yes, your majesty," said the guard. They went out. Cambria didn't speak again until the guards had returned with Stewie and left the room once more.

"Well, it is splendid to have company! My wife was expressing deep love to me before you came here. In my haste, I grabbed one of her robes instead of mine. It's quite silly of me, I think." She sighed. "Well, it is getting quite late. I shall arrange for the two of you to have quarters for the evening so that tomorrow, you may leave here to return to your home world well rested. Oh, and don't bother to try to bring me with you. I am a married man with quarters in the purple suite, guarded from here to there by many guards who are capable of stripping the flesh from your bones, and that's only if they want to have forced relations with you!" Cambria made another feigned laugh, only this one sounded more frightened. "Plus, my wife is very possessive of me and I love her for it. I do often like to take walks in the evening to play piano in the library, but chances of retrieving me then are only equal, if not far worse, than they would be if I were in my quarters. So, do you understand me when I ask you not to try to retrieve the AURYN gun?" Cambria's left eye twitched slightly and she snapped her fingers again. Stewie and I were forced from the room and heard not another word from Cambria. I knew then what we had to do.

I love The Neverending Story by Michael Ende. This isn't random if you got the reference. I also love breaking the fourth wall :P So, what is Cambria's secret? What makes Stewie not like her? Who knows? (Me! I know!) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the humor and drama I put into this chapter and I hope you keep reading and reviewing 'cause we're not done yet!